Best friend snitched on me!?!

[richard9]

Was wondering if anyone here could give me some advice?

 

Theres a manager at work I dont get along with, the type that loves his position and loves to tell (or should I say order) people around, talk down to them and really just make working there difficult. Anyway to cut a long story short I told him to **** off, i'd just had enough, and he reported me to senior management. Im now suspendef until they decide what to do.

 

But thats not the issue, the issue is my friend was there when I swore, they asked him to make a witness statement and... He agreed!?! He wrote a full page detailing the situation and that I swore at him. I mean wtf he was supposed to be my best friend! Why didnt he say he wasnt paying attention, or didnt hear, or anything?

 

I feel totally stabbed in the back that he would do this, I would NEVER snitch on anyone.

 

He wouldnt have got in trouble at all for sayong nothing, instead he chose to, I just dont get it?!?

 

How should I approach him? It will have to be after the investigation has finished before I talk to him about it.

 

Thanks for any advice!

[baRx]

snitches get stitches.

 

 

 

just kidding. get over it. truth is, he didn't "snitch" on you. do you even know what snitching is? it's not like the two of you were doing something you shouldn't have been doing, and he ran and told the managers on you. you decided to blow up at someone, and he wrote a statement about the incident.

if anyone 'snitched' on you, it was the manager who you told to buzz off.

 

as far as your friend: maybe he thought he was helping you, and in his report mentioned how unbearable the manager was being?

or maybe he just did what he thought was right. this isn't 'da streets' or 'da hood', so stop focusing on your friend 'snitching' and just focus on the fact that you're suspended from work and have possibly lost the value in being an employee.

act like an adult here. you're responsible for your own actions, not your friends. so when it comes down to it, the outcome of this suspension will not be your friends fault, but your own. regardless of what your friend put in his statement.

as far as 'approaching him' goes -- don't even waste the time. like i said, just get over it and that's that.

you're focusing on the wrong part of the equation here.

Edited April 29, 2013 by baRx

[richard9]

snitches get stitches.

 

 

 

just kidding. get over it. truth is, he didn't "snitch" on you. do you even know what snitching is? it's not like the two of you were doing something you shouldn't have been doing, and he ran and told the managers on you. you decided to blow up at someone, and he wrote a statement about the incident.

if anyone 'snitched' on you, it was the manager who you told to buzz off.

 

as far as your friend: maybe he thought he was helping you, and in his report mentioned how unbearable the manager was being?

or maybe he just did what he thought was right. this isn't 'da streets' or 'da hood', so stop focusing on your friend 'snitching' and just focus on the fact that you're suspended from work and have possibly lost the value in being an employee.

act like an adult here. you're responsible for your own actions, not your friends. so when it comes down to it, the outcome of this suspension will not be your friends fault, but your own. regardless of what your friend put in his statement.

as far as 'approaching him' goes -- don't even waste the time. like i said, just get over it and that's that.

you're focusing on the wrong part of the equation here.

 

 

 

To the point I guess. Used the term snitch as im assuming the majority of people here are from the US, the more accurate term here would be grass. I accept I was in the wrong and I need to face up to my actions. However why would he add to the case against me? If a friend of mine beat the **** out of someone and the police asked me to make a statement against him id keep my mouth shut. Shouldnt loyalty to your friends come first (with the exception of family)? I see what you are saying, and I have admitted responsibiloty, and if I lose my job so be it, but I cant understand my frienfs thinking at all.

 

Thanks for the post, gives me a different perspective at least.

[Star Gazer]

He didn't snitch. He was asked as a percipient witness to give sworn testimony. If he lies, his job and livelihood are in jeopardy.

 

I would suggest you take ownership of your actions.

[almond]

You are definitely in the wrong, and I think you should address the fact that you lack the ability to remain professional and resolve conflict appropriately in the workplace. However, I kind of agree with you. Your best mate should have said that he did not see/hear what went on in my opinion. I would be upset too, but then again, I would not place myself in this position in the first place. If you tell your manager to **** off, then be prepared for the consequences. Making such a move and then denying it is pretty childish IMO.

[whichwayisup]

I think first off, your friend was put in a position that wasn't good to begin with. Sure it would have been nice if he had your back, said he didn't hear or he misunderstood what you said. Or maybe he didn't want to risk his own career by protecting you.

 

You did tell a manager to F-off. That was unprofessional. Fact is, you DID say it, so own it! Hoping your friend would lie for you, (and it would have been a lie since he did hear it, he obviously didn't feel comfortable lying so he told the truth)..

 

Don't hold it against him. Allow him the chance to talk to you about this.

 

Just playing devils advocate here to let you see another side to this. It isn't just about you. Others obviously were affected by you telling your manager to F-OFF.

[steveT95]

Would you want your friend to risk his job for your blunder? That's not very fair either is it.

 

Move on. Direct your annoyance towards the manager and respect your friend for doing the right thing.

[richard9]

True, I didnt think about his situation, guess in his mind it was either protect a friend or do the right thing and be honest. I say in his mind because in my mind the right thing to do is protect a friend. And no he wouldnt have lost his job or been given a warning for not saying anything. But I see his predicament and thanks for the posts looking at his point of view.

 

Im not going to hold it against him, the place I work for does operate a witch hunt mentality so perhsps he just didnt want to have it held against him. He isnt very confident and if the managers put pressure on him I think he wpuld find it very difficult. I didnt consider this.

[whichwayisup]

Glad you're seeing this from another angle and have realized your friend not speaking up wasn't him screwing you over.

 

Just tell him you understand him not protecting you.

 

Your a-hole manager.. Has anybody gone upstairs to file a complaint against him with Human Resources? I'm sure you're not the only one who has had issues with him?(though you may have been the first to tell him to f-off)

[richard9]

Glad you're seeing this from another angle and have realized your friend not speaking up wasn't him screwing you over.

 

Just tell him you understand him not protecting you.

 

Your a-hole manager.. Has anybody gone upstairs to file a complaint against him with Human Resources? I'm sure you're not the only one who has had issues with him?(though you may have been the first to tell him to f-off)

 

During the interview with management I told them what he was like an told them of 4 seperate instances of his bullying behaviour (2 towards myself, 2 that ive witnessed in relation to other coworkers). They say they are going to take a look at it after they have sprted out the swearing incident (if I still have a job lol). They also asked why I hadnt mentioned it to them, I said I like to sort out my own problems and im not a grass.

 

Will see what happens.

 

Thanks all.

[Eggplant]

Your friend has a moral obligation to tell the truth. Imagine if every time somebody broke the rules and abused somebody else, the victim could do nothing because the bully's buddies all looked the other way and lied and said they saw nothing.

[Eggplant]

During the interview with management I told them what he was like an told them of 4 seperate instances of his bullying behaviour (2 towards myself, 2 that ive witnessed in relation to other coworkers). They say they are going to take a look at it after they have sprted out the swearing incident (if I still have a job lol). They also asked why I hadnt mentioned it to them, I said I like to sort out my own problems and im not a grass.

 

Will see what happens.

 

Thanks all.

Imagine if this bully manager's friends in high-up positions now look the other way for him and screw you over... This is why everybody has to call out bad behavior, even when their friends are the offenders. It's a good general system to live by.

[Star Gazer]

True, I didnt think about his situation, guess in his mind it was either protect a friend or do the right thing and be honest. I say in his mind because in my mind the right thing to do is protect a friend. And no he wouldnt have lost his job or been given a warning for not saying anything. But I see his predicament and thanks for the posts looking at his point of view.

 

Were there other witnesses or video cameras? If he'd claimed he didn't hear anything when clearly he was in a position to, knowing his relationship with you, he could get in big trouble.

 

I think it's unrealistic for you to expect anyone to LIE for you, even family.

[CompleteFailure]

"loyalty above all else except honor"

[Fugu]

I would suggest you take ownership of your actions.

 

Yeah, this.

 

Sorry, but you can't expect a friend to give up a job for your own stupidity and impulsiveness. If I were your friend, I'd probably give the statement but try to find a way to minimize the impact somehow - heck maybe he thought he was doing you a favor in that respect. You never know, but I know I wouldn't expect a friend to fall on his own sword for my own preventable outbursts.

[CarrieT]

I'm with the others. The friend didn't "snitch." He simply didn't take a bullet for you when you shot yourself in the foot.

 

Sorry - all your fault; not his...

[richard9]

Ok last time, if my friend had decided to not say anything there would have been NO actions taken against him. I mean how can they discipline someone when they are saying they didnt hear anything. And besides my union rep has already said he wouldnt have got in trouble but chose to give the statement.

 

On a side note, as long as it didnt have a negative impact on my family I would stay loyal to my friend and back him up.

 

Interesting point about possible groups of bullies backing each other up though! Yes that would be a bad situation.

[TaraMaiden]

They also asked why I hadnt mentioned it to them, I said I like to sort out my own problems and im not a grass.

 

On a social level, I can see this working.

On a business/professional level, this is stupid thinking.

 

If you find yourself in a potentially damaging situation with a peer colleague or superior, and you see it affecting or impacting your work, it is your duty to consider seriously cataloguing the series of incidents, keeping records and following the appropriate action.

It's not a question of not being a grass....

 

This situation has now escalated to a disciplinary matter because you swore at a superior.

The situation could be him 'in the dock' having to justify his attitude and behaviour, if proper procedures had been followed by those who had cause to complain.

 

If he was accused of serious sexual misconduct and inappropriate behaviour, you wouldn't think of 'sorting your own problems and not being a grass' about it, would you?

 

This is a different level of poor behaviour on his part - and you handled it badly.

[baRx]

Shouldnt loyalty to your friends come first (with the exception of family)?

 

You'll come to realize that when you get older, this imaginary "loyalty" to your friends, and vice versa, does not exist. Loyalty is only good for family and girlfriends/wives/spouses.

 

Friends are friends, and that's it. There is no loyalty.

[whichwayisup]

Ok last time, if my friend had decided to not say anything there would have been NO actions taken against him. I mean how can they discipline someone when they are saying they didnt hear anything. And besides my union rep has already said he wouldnt have got in trouble but chose to give the statement.

 

On a side note, as long as it didnt have a negative impact on my family I would stay loyal to my friend and back him up.

 

Interesting point about possible groups of bullies backing each other up though! Yes that would be a bad situation.

 

Who's to say later on hiding or lying for you, wouldn't have come back and bit him in the ass? Really, if this manager is an ahole and plays games, chances are he would go OUT OF HIS WAY to screw your friend over subtlely and get away with it.

[riverman]

I consider myself loyal to a friend and probably would of just said I heard someone yelling but not the exact context. Something like this happen to me before but it's natural to be afraid for your job and like the other person said the manger is gonna be sneaky to him on the low. It's all about power in numbers but are other willing to complain.

 

It is hard but you need to get a few people to complain at once so not just one employee who looks like a hot head. The guy will still be an ******* but he might be more careful with how he treats people. I had manger like that once and bascailly just went off and I looked like an immature manic.