Worried About A Former Interest And Her Addiction

[ComeUpOutDaWahta]

Long story short, I started hanging out with a girl who resides within me and my friends' loose social circle. I thought we had hit it off, but things more or less fizzled out and nothing really came of it.

 

Fast forward to about six weeks later. Like I said, we know a lot of the same people and we run into each other every other weekend or so. The last time I saw her, she said something about how her lights were out because she didn't pay the bill. I know she doesn't make a whole lot of money, and times can be tough, so I texted her the next day offering to help her out, and she could just pay me back whenever. She declined, saying that she had the money and just didn't pay it on time.

 

That's the last time we've spoken. However, I've come to find out from mutual friends that she tends to do cocaine a lot, like maybe two or three times a week. She's always been a tad flaky and can be a little eratic, so hearing that on top of the light bill thing more or less made sense. She's a really good person, and half of me wants to reach out to her and get her help.

 

Now, I'm certainly not expecting some relationship to blossom out of reaching out, and I won't expect any kind of reciprocation or recompense for anything I do. It may sound like total BS, but that's not my endgame here.

 

That having been said, is it my place to try and do something at all? If so, how should I go about doing it?

[almond]

If you have limited knowledge on the nature of addiction, I would tread very carefully, if at all.

 

You absolutely cannot help this woman unless she is willing to help herself. Also, I'd be cautious in believing what you've heard - she may very well have her use under control (or what you've heard is exaggerated) and telling the truth regarding the bill not being paid.

 

Either way, there is not much you can do. If she is indeed addicted, you can offer her nothing in the way of help that a quick google search for detox/rehab/counselling can't. Do not offer to loan her money.

 

To be honest - I'd suggest staying far away from this one. It is up to her to sort this, and up to her family and friends to support her.

 

If you really feel that you must reach out, I'd just tell her that you've heard some things regarding her use, that you hope she's okay, and if she's in trouble and would like to talk about it, that you're there to listen and help her find some services that can assist. Do not get too involved.

[KraftDinner]

SO not your place.

[ComeUpOutDaWahta]

Do not get too involved.

 

That's pretty much where I was leaning, honestly. I do know a thing or two about substance addiction, as many people in our circle have gone through those types of issues, and some still are. As a matter of fact, being around this particular group probably isn't helpful to an addict...

 

You're right about this maybe just being hearsay though, even though hearing a friend of hers mention it really put a lot of her behaviour into perspective. Then again, I could just be making those false connections myself, so it's hard to say.

 

The girl really doesn't have a lot of family from what I've seen, and the few she does have are even worse off than she. That's really the main reason I felt the urge to step in. But I'll definitely keep my distance. For all intents and purposes, it really isn't any of my business.

[ComeUpOutDaWahta]

SO not your place.

 

Yeah. Certainly feels that way. Getting a second opinion is really helping to validate what I was already thinking, so thank you.