Propensity towards Addictive behaviors and Affairs

[Praying4Peace]

Hi all,

 

I think its pretty much agreed that when one is in an affair the feelings, due to the nature of the relationship, mimic that of an addiction. Maybe its the chemicals, maybe its the fact that you don't know when you will get your next 'hit' and in the back of your mind you know it might not work out forever. I don't want to debate that. Having been in that situation, I realize its not normal relationship behavior.

 

What I'm wondering about is addictive behaviors in general and if it gives you a propensity to begin or remain in an affair. I also wonder if it makes withdrawal and recovery more difficult.

 

Lets take myself, for example. I am not type A in the normal sense but I do get cranky and out of sorts when things are not tidy. I also expend a ton of energy researching things. If I have to buy an important item I will research it to the ends of the earth and think about it over and over until I'm satisfied. If I am interested in a subject I will look it up, buy a book and read about it until you wouldn't know that I'm not an expert in the area- at least on the surface. People who know me know that I'm always looking for something to analyze, figure out, etc. That's the extent to my addictive behavior.

 

My exAP though- he is like me in his addiction to knowledge and researching something and doing it perfectly. His W told me once that he was the type to be an expert in all he was interested in. However, he has some very OCD behaviors with regards to organization and things done in a certain way. He also keep a journal/diary for every day of his existence for god knows how long. He also makes lists for every day and keeps them all. Finally, he keeps any and all communications from any crush/love interest ever. In our A, he stored texts and emails (not to even read later, just to have). These are things he just *cannot* get rid of- even if keeping them is to his detriment.

 

This may be normal but during our A he told me that he would think about me 95% of the time- only to be interrupted by work projects. He is a supervisor so he manages people and has a lot of free time to sit around.

 

Anyways- I'm just wondering if people who have been in/are in A's display addictive behaviors in general- not just the need for validation. Either drinking or gambling or collecting things or OCD.

 

Would love to hear all your thoughts....what exactly is 'addictive personality'

 

P4P

[Goodbye]

Hi all,

 

I think its pretty much agreed that when one is in an affair the feelings, due to the nature of the relationship, mimic that of an addiction. Maybe its the chemicals, maybe its the fact that you don't know when you will get your next 'hit' and in the back of your mind you know it might not work out forever. I don't want to debate that. Having been in that situation, I realize its not normal relationship behavior.

 

What I'm wondering about is addictive behaviors in general and if it gives you a propensity to begin or remain in an affair. I also wonder if it makes withdrawal and recovery more difficult.

 

Lets take myself, for example. I am not type A in the normal sense but I do get cranky and out of sorts when things are not tidy. I also expend a ton of energy researching things. If I have to buy an important item I will research it to the ends of the earth and think about it over and over until I'm satisfied. If I am interested in a subject I will look it up, buy a book and read about it until you wouldn't know that I'm not an expert in the area- at least on the surface. People who know me know that I'm always looking for something to analyze, figure out, etc. That's the extent to my addictive behavior.

 

My exAP though- he is like me in his addiction to knowledge and researching something and doing it perfectly. His W told me once that he was the type to be an expert in all he was interested in. However, he has some very OCD behaviors with regards to organization and things done in a certain way. He also keep a journal/diary for every day of his existence for god knows how long. He also makes lists for every day and keeps them all. Finally, he keeps any and all communications from any crush/love interest ever. In our A, he stored texts and emails (not to even read later, just to have). These are things he just *cannot* get rid of- even if keeping them is to his detriment.

 

This may be normal but during our A he told me that he would think about me 95% of the time- only to be interrupted by work projects. He is a supervisor so he manages people and has a lot of free time to sit around.

 

Anyways- I'm just wondering if people who have been in/are in A's display addictive behaviors in general- not just the need for validation. Either drinking or gambling or collecting things or OCD.

 

Would love to hear all your thoughts....what exactly is 'addictive personality'

 

P4P

 

 

Absolutely like withdrawal from chemicals. Wild. This I know. I'm sober three years and this phase very much feels like early sobriety...only worse.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

This is kind of interesting. Yes, I have somewhat of an addictive personality and probably a little OCD (nail biting since I was young - now fake nails - lol and a few other little oddities). My xom hugely OCD and probably add as well. Everything very organized and in place. While we were in the affair he kept talking about "untying knots" and after the affair when he went into counseling one email he sent me he said his "hand washing" got much worse,

 

So I would say in my experience, yes - some addictive and definitely some OCD issues.

 

Along with huge amounts of narcissism on his part ( that is another thread I think)

 

Very weird for sure.

 

Also I do believe he probably has some things from the affair hidden somewhere. He is a Virgo - they don't throw much away that means something.

[Decorative]

Since the OCD/Addiction link was raised, this is a good read:

 

http://www.yalemedlaw.com/2009/04/ocd-and-addiction-a-link/

 

 

It discusses the commonality of performing the maladaptive behavior even though the person knows it's not a healthy choice.