Questions on a 3 year relationship, having a break and No Contact

[backspn]

Everyone forgets WHO broke up with WHO. She doesnt get the right to say we're back together now.....only you do. The sooner you realize this the faster to recovery you will be. I am the boss now.....I will get back together with her if I want and when Im ready.

 

The NC is for a limited time, its not to be used for a prolonged period......you will just alienate yourself from her. A month is perfect for NC...if she hasnt called you by then then call her or text her just saying hi and if she asks why you havent called...just say you've been really busy lately. My girl wanted space a week and a half ago and she called me today to wish me a happy birthday. To tell you the truth I thought it would take longer. IT NEVER DOES, if you ended on a good note. I was at school so I couldnt talk long. I asked her if she could call me tonight and I hung up. She was probably irritated with the idea that I hung up first....cause she said "I'll try to call tonight".

 

The point is you can use the NC for the first month but you wont need to. But when she does finally call...talk sparingly at first....seem like you are busy and have things to do.....ALWAYS hang up first.....never let her do this. Don't let her be in control of the situation. Be polite and be kind....but hang up first. Tell her: "It was good talking to you but I have to go right now....can I call you later? Ok....bye". Boom...hang up. She wanted space...give it to her...even when she calls. Then you can ease into longer talks and then seeing her. Soon you guys will be seeing more of each other. Where it goes from there is up to fate. Good Luck

[jamwinswim]

You know the boy is right. You do need to take some control. Man.... so many opinions on what to do - it confuses me too. The I love you thing with the phone calls, Id stop it. She knows you love her, you know you love her, but saying it every phone call - its a) pressure and b) reminds her she has you. Stop saying it - I know its tough, but she'll notice and it'll strike her - am i losing him, does he still love me? Its get her thinking, but then you have to take the risk that she may already be thinking "i dont love him anymore" - but what have you got to lose? You're not together! My ex, alas a couple weeks ago, even said "i havent heard you say I love you in a while" and I told her the same - but it didnt change anything. The bigger question for you now is can you do this over a prolonged period? Its fairly unlikely she'll come back tomorrow, and youre gonna have to take the hits when they come. Chin up buddy. Weird was right about something though - if you have to put on a face, then is it worth it? Be yourself and be a happy "yourself". Just take it from day to day, and be strong.

[backspn]

Im not an overly religious person but I do have the faith. You know God will give you whomever he seems is right for you. I used to think that I had the control who I would fall in love with.....I dont have that power. Notice....when you first started going out, did you say Im going to fall in love with this girl? I sure didnt.....I mean she's 9 yrs younger than me. We dont have the ability to choose who we love....well not real love anyways. My girl tells me that she doesnt love me that way anymore also....does she mean it? Maybe....but I think she still does deep inside. Thats the part that you have to keep nurturing. If you want to be with her in the end....nurture her. What I mean is be there for her when she needs you and give her the love and understanding that only you can give. Someone once told me..."Do you know the things that make a woman fall in love and stay in love?" I had no clue til she told me.....she said: "It's when a man understands and meets her most important emotional needs".

 

I have tried to live by those words for the past 3 weeks to try and be a good friend to her. I know she doesnt want to be with me right now and to tell you the truth....I dont want her back right now. I want her back when she is 100% into me. This will be hard work on my part. She is going to have to date other guys and have her heart broken by college guys who are just out for some nookie...and when they get it they move on. Will I be there for her when that happens? Absolutely. Watch a movie called "Someone like You" starring Ashley Judd and Hugh Grant. I know its a chick flick and sappy but it happens to people ALL the time.....so why cant it be us? It can. Peace.

[t866]

All I can say is that if she does want to be with you nothing will keep her away if she doesn't want to be with you nothing will make her stay. I'm just now starting the no contact, my bf and I broke up 3 days ago. Show her the guy she feel in love with. Make her miss you....when a girl knows where you are and you're always readily available to her....she will take you for granted. Be strong if it's meant to be then it's meant to be, that is the bottom line. Good Luck, we all need it!!!!!

[Urban Rubble01]

Well, she E-mailed me today.

 

Hey baby. Just writing to say hi and that I love you. I felt really bad for leaving on Wednesday after we had our talk, but you know, I had to work. I miss you ! Love, Rochelle

 

Sweet. It's amazing how 2 sentences can make your whole day go good.

[Urban Rubble01]

Update:

 

So, I went against what most people have been telling me. Last night my friend's band was playing a show right by her house so I called her to see what was up. She sounded good, happy, told me to walk over and meet her. I wasn't going to call her for a week or so, but I'd feel weird driving an hour from home, being right near her and not calling. So I walked over there. We sat around for a bit and chatted. She mentioned how much trouble she was having with her upcoming move and finding a place. I let know that if she needed anything, not to be weird and avoid calling me for help. She looked like that made a difference, she said she'd probably need to call me later in the week and get me to help her. After that we walked over to the bar to watch our friend's band. I ended up walking her home about an hour later. I told her that our favorite band was coming to town and asked if she was going, she said she hadn't heard but if I get tickets to pick her up one. After that, I got up to leave, gave her a kiss on the cheek and left.

 

So, things have come out alot different than I had planned. After we talked on Wednesday I was going to be strong and not call for a week and not see her for at least a month. Well, now, I've called 3 days after we last talked, saw her and have made plans to see her in 2 weeks. I was worried about the whole space thing so I made sure to let her know that this is a special situation, I won't be up there every weekend and we won't be seeing each other as much as we're going to be. She seemed fine, perfectly normal. She said she doesn't feel any differently about me and that hanging out was good. We're still on our break or whatever, but if it goes like this I think I can handle it. Seeing her is nice, but a little hard. But not nearly as hard as not seeing her at all.