new with long distance...

[map2]

well i'm new to this long distance stuff. first off her and i are just friends but I do have feelings for her and she knows it. I have the gut feeling she likes me also but just putting it off which I understand in this case.

 

anyhow she went to college in late Aug. the first 2 or 3 times I sent her a message by IM she did respond back but it was short convos that she was busy. well those convos she said she's been having a tough time with homework...so days later I felt like saying something to her as a pep talk..that I care about her so much. well I sent her a message saying "GO <her name>GO I know you can do it. I just hate the thought if you're stressing out at all with the homework" after that I said other stuff that was silly like. well she got off 2 or 3 minutes later w/o saying a word. Did I do the right thing by saying that? that it showed that I really care for her.

 

I don't talk to her all the time now that she's busy,but the last 2 or 3 times i've sent her a message she never responded back and she ended up getting off 5-15 minutes later.

 

I'm not jealous or demanding here or anything,I know she's probably just too busy to talk when/if she is on with the homework. I just wonder if it's a common thing with others where your bf/g/f or person you like anyway don't talk to you for a good period of time.

[mighty bop]

Trust me she doesn'e even consider you as a friend if she doesn't have the common courtesy to respond to an IM, even if she WAS busy. Even if you were being annoying to her she should have at least responded to you, otherwise she shouldn't have been on messenger at all. And then signing off without saying anything?? She is not your friend. Pretend you never met her.

 

Chris

[iceprincess]

Hi there, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in your LDR (long distance relationship). I'm not clear about one thing....are you guys in a relationship or not? If she's just a girl that you think you could have a possible relationship with, then it's kind of hard for her and you to commit to each other. It takes a lot of faith and trust to keep a LDR. I live in MT and my BF lives in TX and we on our 3rd year of our LDR. It's tough because the relationship is very real to me but we don't have each other physically...

 

So with the phone stuff, I hate it too when my BF is too busy to talk because he's too busy. You just have to MORE understanding. In the mean time, you have to concentrate on other things, such as your education...etc, because it won't help to have her on your mind. I usually immerse myself in my homework so it won't be so hard. At the end of the night, he calls me and we talk until midnight.....so if you really like her then let her know how you feel, but you have to realize that she may not want a LDR. Girls need guys to be there for them if they're going to have a relationship. It sucks if two people are in a LDR because he can never take her out for dinner or give her flowers or spend time with her. Good luck, I hope things work out.

[map2]

iceprincess,

 

well I bet that's gotta be tough then being in different states. with me I guess I shouldn't say that i'm new with long distance because she's gone off to college before but my feelings have increased even more where it's more harder this time around where I was able to handle it then. I've known her for way over a year. we met at a job site. everything started off just fine,where we talked and joked around with each other. I even asked for her AIM s/n and she gave it to me w/o a problem plus that day she smiled and acted silly.

 

with the AIM talking thru out I pretty much had to start every convo but maybe she's just not that type to start convos. anyhow on the most part she never acted uninterested. alot of topics were when I'd ask a question then she'd answer then done. where I'd have to start something else. she still gave open and honest answers about stuff.responded back right away. nothing in that area of blowing me off.

 

This girl is also on the shy side but has alot of guy friends. after awhile at the job site she acted really differently with me. shy/quiet..nervous acting where with other guys there she acted herself and talked away. that sorta stuff couple of times I noticed where i'd look over at her and catch her looking at me,then she'd end up turning her ahead. after awhile on AIM I just told her that I like her. right there she could've easily given me a not interested responses,responses like that,but it was more like she didn't want to start anything and maybe just keep it as friends because of college. when she went off to college the first time. yeah it was tough even then.

 

well during the summer she came back home and I wanted to see her so bad but it never happened because she was busy with work and other stuff and now I have a different job and I was always busy with that. I did ask her once though over the computer she wanted to do something sometime as friends so no pressure,well she never gave me a response. which got me in a poor mood. later on I just went ahead and got off AIM. later on that night I got back on and her away message said. " oh why do I find these things out now,when it's too late" few nights in a row she had away messages like that,late at night. others were" only blessing left to my name is not knowing what could've been but should've been" wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then" maybe she's that type where it would be hard to see each other just once then have to leave again.

 

I ended up not talking to her for couple of weeks after that,and when I started again. she responded back and everything,just fine. time before she went back to college. while she had her away message on. I said stuff like..I know that she can't wait to get back to college,and soon she'll have a lot going on again. doesn't need anymore pressure added on to then I said,she didn't have to respond back to it,that I don't wanna push it here,but I said that I care about her. hope sometime down the road to see each other again. I have that gut feeling she does like me here but just putting it off. with her not respond back lately the last 2 or 3 messages. I guess I just need to cool it. that she's busy especially said that she's been having a tough time with homework so she doesn't need distractions,plus I know she also has a job over there so going thru classes,then work..studying.times she does get on nowadays she only stays on for 5 min to 10 minutes but there were time she stayed on longer. I guess I should feel lucky that she responded at all the first couple of weeks when she was back over there. those times the convo were short because she was busy with homework but she still talked to me. the first time I sent her a message when she was back over there. it was a split second after I sent it she had a response back.

 

her college is only an hour away,yeah one hour only but it feels like hours which that's what you're going thru,so I know the feeling though about not seeing each other for a good period. when I started this topic it wasn't a does she like me or not,just wondering if it was a common thing where you don't talk with each other for a good period.

[iceprincess]

Okay, so you know that she's into from the way that she acts around you compared to her other guy friends. It's kind of weird how she's shy, yet she has so many guy friends. Hey, but that's cool.

 

Well, you know, when she came back this summer, she shouldn't have been so busy that she couldn't hang out with you for a couple of hours. College students are never that busy during the summer. I know there have been times when I've been so busy with school and work but I make an effort to call my BF at least once a day. It sounds like she was either avoiding you this summer...or she may be an extremely shy person and maybe doesn't want a relationship. From what you're telling me, you've made it clear that you wanted to see her and take her out.

 

Anyway, you've hinted enough about your feelings. I don't want to suggest that you should tell her exactly how you feel because I know how much it hurts to be turned down when you can already start telling that she may possibly not want a relationship. Sometimes on the internet, when I don't want to talk with a guy friend (and I know that he's interested in me) I'll just log off or not reply.......

 

But back to the periods of not talking, the longest that I've ever gone through that was a week and a half. But it shouldn't be like a month or anything of not talking between you and your girl. Have you tried phone conversations with her? It's better to talk than to IM.

[map2]

I guess it's normal to have friends but when it comes to a guy of interest to get nervous and shy.

 

anyhow this summer I only asked her once though to hang out and when she didn't respond back then I noticed her away messages with what she said. I know they could've been meant for something else but with how the timing is here..but I didn't bother asking anymore and just continued to talk online.

she's the type to stay online but have her away message on saying she went somewhere..well she worked almost everyday and her job is an hour away so working all day long then the drive to and from,at night she always did stuff with friends.

 

 

I don't know her whole dating and relationship life,but one time hearing her talking about it with other girls that she had a b/f her freshman/sophomore year in high school. so it's been atleast 3 years. maybe it was a rough breakup and she just feels uneasy,but that's just speculation on that part that I don't know all the details.

 

more speculation..maybe she's the type that has trouble expressing feelings. I think she's also sensitive. when I talk to her on AIM the convos went well,but when I joke with her and everything she never goes haha or uses those faces for expressions. with that said I remember back 2 or 3 different occasions..one was I got all frustrated not knowing how she feels about me back in the time when I was figuring stuff out with how she acted,well I went about a month w/o talking so when I started talking to her I had a little joke and she put haha. time after I told her how I felt and I went a few weeks w/o talking online that is,and she did the same thing using the haha.

 

those days past after I told her how I felt..the limited time before she went to college the first time..I still talked to her in person and she was still friendly. it was all of walking past each other looking at each other with serious expressions..I remember a week after I told her about feelings. she was busy cleaning something up and I went over and said something sarcastic to her..it was like she was ready to say something but got all shy with me and just grinned. several times when I did talk to her,her tone of voice just seemed different like softer.

 

OK say she's not ready for a relationship..it's cool with me,I can wait just wish she spilled her feelings more with me but I can't force anything,and maybe after I gave that pep talk sorta thing 2 or 3 weeks back,by that showing how much I care..maybe that did something there to try and forget about me with other stuff going on.

[DJ_Dork]

long distance relationship and instant messaging.

 

DON'T DO IT.