dillpickle14 Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 I am/(maybe not after reading this story) getting married at the end of this year. I have been with my fiance for a little over 4 years. One night I went out with some girlfriends for some drinks. One led to two and two led to shots and eventually making friends with the whole bar. To make a long story short- I met a guy about the same age as me who I thought was crazy attractive. He was mixed half-black and half-white and I just couldn't resist flirting with him. It was mutual the whole night. Eventually we left the bar and everyone his group of friends and my group of friends went to the same house to drink more and socialize. To sum this up, I hooked up with the guy and exchanged numbers. The chemistry was outrageous I had never experienced this with anyone. Maybe he was a sweet talker or maybe it was because I am engaged and I just felt dangerous because I knew it was wrong. The next day he texted me and we met out at another bar... eventually ending up at his house again to drink and smoke. We hooked up again and he hasn't texted/called or tried to contact me after the second time. Just little conversation- 1 or 2 close ended answers per like every 4 hours. Not to mention he said he's into "thick" girls like me... was that a polite way of calling me fat? First off I know cheating is wrong. I don't want to hear how I am a horrible selfish person for making this mistake. I have not ever cheated on my fiance before and this was a slip up. I understand I need to tell my fiance and figure out if this wedding should go on because if I just cheated whose to say I wouldn't do it again. It's not fair to him. I UNDERSTAND THIS. That's a whole different discussion. I just am wondering why in the world this guy has lost interest within 2 days? Was is the thick reference and he was trying to be polite? I will admit I like the attention and it's killing me he is NOT talking to me. I have never ever had a problem with keeping a guy interested. ALSO- another factor is that he had girl stuff in his bathroom still from an ex or some girl that just stayed at his place often because her work was closer to his place. Items included a hair straightener, women's hair/feminine products etc. Possible he IS still seeing someone? Were both cheaters? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? I AM A HOT MESS. Advice? Suggestions? Anything? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 I just am wondering why in the world this guy has lost interest within 2 days?Does he know you're engaged and that you cheated with him? That could be a reason... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 yes, you both are cheaters or he is secretly a cross dresser! first off, don't tell us what we can and cannot say. This is an open forum...sometimes. You are a cheater, and you should tell your fiance right away. The fact that you are thinking of this man all the time, and are worried as to why he is ignoring you and calling you fat etc... means you like him, and means you want him, which means you should end things with your fiance NOW! Do not drag him along. Do not hurt him any more! The truth will come out sooner or later, it always does! You will cheat on him again if given the oppertunity. Sure you say it was a mistake, but that IMO is just what people say as an excuse / cop out for bad behaviour. If you trully loved your fiance you would not care a single bit about what this other guy thinks or feels about you. The fact that you care about it, and are posting it on here, is proof enough that you would cheat on your fiance again if given the chance with this guy, and that that is totally fine with you. Obviouslly you were a one night stand for him, as he was originally for you... he doesn't want to be attached to you. He just wanted sex. That is it. And are you fat? He was probably being tactless and telling you that he has thing for fat chicks. I'm fat so I am not judging at all, it is like how my fiance calls me a bear of a man or husky etc... I'm not insecure about my weight though. Also, why is it imporant to the story that this guy is a mulatto? Anyway, you know what the right thing to do is, so do it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 First off I know cheating is wrong. I don't want to hear how I am a horrible selfish person for making this mistake. I have not ever cheated on my fiance before and this was a slip up. I understand I need to tell my fiance and figure out if this wedding should go on because if I just cheated whose to say I wouldn't do it again. It's not fair to him. I UNDERSTAND THIS. That's a whole different discussion. I just am wondering why in the world this guy has lost interest within 2 days? That imposes a pretty big limit on the conversation. Hope someone gives you an answer to your remarkably narrow and relatively inconsequential question. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LizardNoyce Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 It seems to me you're having some commitment issues. Marriage is a big step that a lot of people can't handle. Which is why you need to END IT with said fiancé. If you wanna go crazy and socialize and/or have sex with different guys that's your choice. But don't do it behind your fiances back because that is extremely unfair. You're obviously not committed if you cheated and STILL thinking about this douchebag. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 You should not be getting married. Not really fair to the guy you are marrying if you are going to go out, hook up with a stranger, and then do it again. You will keep doing it . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dillpickle14 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Share Posted April 30, 2013 (edited) I AM going to end it with my fiance. We are talking about what happened and I am coming clean like I should. I have a guilty conscience as is and I am not a horrible person who can live a lie. Yes I acted selfish by cheating so I know the right thing to do is let him FIND BETTER. Believe me. @will1988, no I wouldn't consider myself fat but I have curves. This whole thing with me thinking about him IS because he's so exotic looking. The mulatto thing. Only been with straight Italian guys. So I feel like I have a weird fetish or something with mixed race guys? I have no idea. Am I just being salty because I could have been the OTHER girl now in this situation... or because I've never been ignored by a man that I'm being crazy obsessive about it to keep the ego. By all means I'm in the wrong, I accept it. I'm more worried why all this is happening?! Edited April 30, 2013 by dillpickle14 wrong name Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 You aren't ready for commitment, much less marriage. Best to rethink it and call off the engagement until you are mature enough to take the plunge. Its not a mistake. You did it because you wanted to do it. No, it wasn't. You met him, exchanged numbers and pre-arranged a hook up. That is not a slip up. You planned it. Really? You are betraying your fiance, and this is what you are worried about? Answer: Who cares why he lost interest within 2 days. You have come to a part of this site where the regulars are mostly people who have suffered under people like yourself. I'm sure I can speak for others, just not all, when I say that we don't care why he lost interest and are glad that he did. Your fiance is who most of us are going to be concerned about. Not your ego. But if you really must know, ok. He played you. He got his sex, or whatever out of you, and now he is done. On to his next easy conquest. A LMAO emoticon? Really? Glad to see this is funny to you. Yes, tell your fiance what you did and break it off with him. I wish I could like this a million times! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 I AM going to end it with my fiance. We are talking about what happened and I am coming clean like I should. I have a guilty conscience as is and I am not a horrible person who can live a lie. Yes I acted selfish by cheating so I know the right thing to do is let him FIND BETTER. Believe me. @will1988, no I wouldn't consider myself fat but I have curves. This whole thing with me thinking about him IS because he's so exotic looking. The mulatto thing. Only been with straight Italian guys. So I feel like I have a weird fetish or something with mixed race guys? I have no idea. Am I just being salty because I could have been the OTHER girl now in this situation... or because I've never been ignored by a man that I'm being crazy obsessive about it to keep the ego. By all means I'm in the wrong, I accept it. I'm more worried why all this is happening?! You are going to tell your fiance, or you have told your fiance? big difference. I'm a heavy smoker and say I'm going to quit smoking until I'm blue in the face, but that doesn't mean I have, or that I plan on doing it any time soon. Walk the walk, not, talk the talk. But if you do go through with it, good for you, at least you will be honest. So you are mad because you were the other girl? do you think he is mad because he was the other man, or did you take your expensive ring off? Guys, are guys... not everyone will think you are hot schidt, and not every one will obsesse over you. You were a piece of a$$ to him, and that you remain. No sense in getting your pride hurt over something that was immoral to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
twosadthings Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 So many questions, fetishes, why is this happening? I'll tell you what, why don't you go ask someone who has always had you best interest at heart, your father. Sit him down, give him everything you gave on this thread and let him clear it all up for you. Twosadthings P.S. Just hope he hasn't lost any wedding deposits. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
96nole Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 You got played. Simple as that. Maybe he and his friends had a bet to see who could get the fat chick. Maybe he wanted to see if he could score the engaged chick. What a great way to feed HIS ego. To get a committed woman to cheat with him. Then toss her away and see if she still chases after him. Ask yourself, "was he worth it"? You risk throwing away your fiance' for someone who wanted another notch on his headboard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 Did you use protection? Did you have sex with your boyfriend after your hookups? If the answer is yes then you both need to get tested for STD's. It is good that you are being honest with him. If the roles were reversed how would you be feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 You're more concerned with why this guy dumped you than your fiance. You expressed lust "crazy chemistry" but instead of respecting your fiance because you have low respect for him..and/or yourself you still went ahead and cheated...twice. You have found out that meeting in a bar and flirting does not equate to the basis of good solid foundation for a relationship, you don't know this guy, that crazy chemistry was from you..and he went with it because it's easy sex. Now he's not so interested because he got what he wanted..what happened to that crazy chemistry...it evaporated..gone. You call yourself "thick" or fat, you found someone else that thought you were sexy other than your fiance so you went ahead and did it. Except one thing, the man who was going to dedicate his life to you thinks you're sexy and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. I hope you fix yourself and learn to love yourself. I also hope you're fiance has the sense to let this relationship go, you're clearly not ready for commitment. Good luck to you both. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 His GF was out of town for the weekend. You were drunk and convenient for an ego stroke. It wasn't a "slip up" - you purposely did it twice. That's premeditated and purposeful. Don't get married. Get help to understand why you thought this was a good idea and how to change your moral compass. Pay for all the money lost on the wedding... It's caused by your actions - you should pay for the cancellation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 I hooked up with the guy The next day .........we met out at another bar... We hooked up again ALSO- another factor is that he had girl stuff in his bathroom still from an ex or some girl that just stayed at his place often because her work was closer to his place. Items included a hair straightener, women's hair/feminine products etc. Possible he IS still seeing someone? Were both cheaters? Yes you are both cheaters. Being engaged and having sex with another man is cheating. Your drinking did not make it an accident. Your cat did not fall on to his dog by accident, two times. Your BF deserves and must be told of the truth. It is a greater sin for you to marry your BF and not tell him that you cheated. Do not make your BF marry a lie. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 How old are you? Obviously not ready to get hitched and you should break it off. You may not be a bad person but you're a terrible girlfriend. I feel bad for your boyfriend. He will find out about this since your friends know about it, and I'm sure you all gossip like school girls so you may as well tell him before he finds out through someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 I'm happy to hear you are breaking it off with your fiance - that relationship had to be in the ditch already and getting married would have just made it uglier. You ask why he would lose interest after 2 days? That's simple; because you are an easy piece of ass and it was fun a couple times but it's time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 What have you done - any update? Did you get honest with your fiancé? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 Oh, boy...what a mess. Yes, it's more than likely you also got played. It sounds like he has a girlfriend, who was out of town or something similar. NOT an ex. You clearly already know there is a big problem in your relationship to have "slipped up" twice. (That's no slip-up, by the way.) You also know you're not ready to get married. It's certainly an ego boost to feel desired but it's worse when you realize the other person was never really interested in more than a couple hook-ups. Now you have to decide how to tell your fiance that you cheated. Be prepared for nasty fall-out and a lot of soul-searching. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I have a feeling she's not going to tell him..../ Link to post Share on other sites
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