Tell me if this is wrong of not, i really dont know

[bamaguy20]

Well ive been broken up witht he love of my life for 7 months now, and im much better....SO...i meet this girl down at schoool, she is my roommates (good friend from highschools) girlfriends roommate...not his girlfriend, but her roommate...so shes real hot , and i told my buddies girlfriend to find me a girl down here and she suggests this girl..only thing is this girl has aboyfriend..theyve been together a year, but apparently her friends and everyone hates him. He is a real dick to her, yells at her, tells her he's going to kill her or slap her (although he never has as far as i know) , orders her around, makes fun of her calls her fat..etc..when in reality she is stunningly beautiful and this guy who is fat and not very good looking has no business being with such a girl in the first place........she told my buddies girlfriend that she wanted to hook up with me a couple weeks ago...we were flirting pretty hard at a party which all of us were at, her bf included.....im decent friends with the guy, but none of us really like him either, he is a real dirtbag, and treats her like ****......what do you think i should do??? my buddies girl says all her roommate needs is someone like me to come along and show her how much of a difference life could be for her, because her boyfriend is absolutly awful to her....you think i should pursue her, and i know i will be able to steal her away from this guy, or play it cool....she seems almost afraid to dump him....hes talked to me about having had sex with other girls when hes out of town and whenever she goes out of town for a weekend he always wants to hang out with me and my buddies and pick up girls......hes a real dirt bag..but i dont want to be the piece of **** that steals another guys girl...although i do really like this girl...

[DerangedAngel]

Foreword: I am not saying this is the right thing to do. I'm only saying this is what I would do. If she was a he.

 

I would befriend the girl, and make my move.

 

I will warn you that this girl may have some serious issues if she's staying with a guy like that. Have you considered this?

 

Also, do you want to be with her for any other reason besides the way she looks?

 

-Deranged

[fredrolin]

It is up to her to dump the guy if she doesn't want to be with him.

 

Anything you say or do should not have any bearing on how she feels about him.

 

If this guy is so awful why does she stay? There must be some reason she sticks with him.

 

Any hot, intelligent young woman would not put up with that crap.

[billybadass36]

Hey, if her current b.f. is a sh--tbag, and he's just "friends" with you b/c you run with the same crowd, then you don't owe him a thing. If you have reason to believe that this girl is interested in you, then go for it. Now, if he really is pretty close friends with you, then that's like off limits, man. Bottom line is that no "man" should treat a woman like this clown is.

[tiki]

You could always go for the girl then you'll be the one getting the abuse from him.

[YellowLioness]

Why hasn't she dumped this guy before?

 

If he treats her so badly, why would she say? I think that DA is right about her having issues.

 

Be around her as much as you can, even if you're "just visiting" a friends, and she just happens to be near by, or whatever. Eventually, if there is chemistry, something will happen.

[jmargel]

I met my wife in a sorta-way like that. She was a bartender at a place I went to frequently. Asked some friends about her, all they said was she had a bf. My one friend thought her bf at the time was a good guy. Anyway, I started talking to her, and a few months later she called me, asking to go out. We had the best time! Had SO much in common.

 

Long story short, I first went out with her as friends in Nov. 2002. From there until Sept. 2003, she was with him. He treated her like dirt, like a trophy. She would always tell me their problems. At first I wanted her to fix these problems with him, but I started having feelings for her and saw that he wasn't going to change. She had feelings for me as well, but would go through these emotional highs and lows, since she was with him a long time and she didn't know what to think. I think she was fighting her feelings for me, for quite a while.

 

Anyway, I told her I loved her in July 2003, but didn't expect it in return. She didn't. However late one night I heard her mumble something, but didn't make it out. In Sept. 2003, she finally confessed she loved me, and it turned out that mumbling was her saying she loved me two months prior (It was like 3am and I was leaving her place when she said it.. I was half asleep).

 

He fought like tooth and nail to get her back, but she didn't budge. He tried the 'Im sorry, I'll change' and then trying to make her feel guilty, etc.. When we got together as a couple the first thing I said to her was that I trust with 110% of my heart, and if that trust is broken it can never be fixed. I don't give second chances, and then I told her what to expect from him, in how he's going to try to win her back.

 

What I am trying to say is to become very close friends with her first, because you are going to have a fight with this other guy trying to get her back if she goes with you. This friendship with her will play a vital role, it's something that the foundation of you two have together. And NO sex until you become a couple! Doing so beforehand will ruin it all.

 

You aren't stealing another guy's girl. She has the opportunity to make rational decisions. It's upto her on what she wants to do. You are just giving her the opportunity to explore other avenues. Be her friend and if things do develop to where you two are a couple, let her end it the way she sees fit with this other guy. Tell her and show her that you trust her enough that you won't get involved in that breakup.

 

It was hard because my wife (my gf) at the time, went to talk to him personally a couple of times on the phone & in person, because she has a good heart and she wanted to end things on a good note. However he got the wrong idea and turned it into something ugly. She didn't realize he was being led on. Her intentions were to be with me

 

Don't rush things as well. Rushing things will eventually lead her back to him. Be her friend, don't have any expectations, but that doesn't mean you can't hope to have her more involved in your life.

 

As for my wife & I, we married this past August. We've used our friendship alot in our relationship. That's why I keep saying that is SO important.

[bamaguy20]

well today i was talkin to my buddies girlfriend..this girls roommate..and we were talking about her and what i shoudl do..and she said i should definatly try to talk to her when i see her tomarrow, we all go out to this bar on thursday nights, and talk to her about b reaking up with her loser boyfriend and think about dating me...apparently this girl told my buddies girlfriend that she wanted me to talk to her about this and see where things went from there...the girlfriend also seemed to think that me and the girl dating would be a very good possibiilty if i talked to her about breaking ito ff with her boyfriend..it seems this girl needs a lot of reassurance and doesnt want to break up with him and be left with no one...is my take on this...so i guess tomarrow ill lay it all out there and let you guys know how it goes....you think thats the right thing to do here???

[Jilly10340]

I wouldn't necessarily consider that a good thing if she hasn't broken up with her bf because she doesn't want to be alone. Just don't let her use you as a fall back.

[jmargel]

Alot of women are afraid to be alone. The main reason why she should be with you, is because she is 'interested' in you, not because she'll be left alone.

 

That's why I'm saying you need to be her friend first. Don't talk about her breaking up with him. You don't even truly know her yet. Women are very complicated creatures and by just going on looks alone could be bad. There's nothing wrong going out with her, doing things. Go out by yourselves a couple of times and see how things go. Don't talk about the relationship between her & him, unless she brings it up and asks for your opinion. If she starts talking about it, just listen. Don't offer advice unless she asks for it.

 

Her jumping from him to you like that without any sort of friendship behind it, is you becoming the rebound guy. That's why I posted my last post.