seductress989 Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 My ex bf is really confusing me. He says so many things and I just don't know how to take them. First, I broke up with him 3 months ago b/c of a lame argument we had. We try to do NC but one of us always ends up contacting the other usually through text messaging or the phone. He also sent me an email today but it was forwarded to other people. Nothing special there I know. We were together for almost a year and a half. Usually when do see each other, we have physical intimacy. That is 100% mutual. He also says stuff like, " I'm afraid of commitment right now", " I don't have time" (he's full-time college w/full-time job). He really confuses me when he says, "Just because we're not together doesn't mean I don't have feelings for you", "I still want you in my life". "I still have feelings for you, I cant just lose them". What does all this mean? I would like a guy's opinion or a girl who has been in the same situation. Also, I have several oppurtunities to date new people. Should I start now? Link to post Share on other sites
Butchey Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Move a muscle, change a thought. By all means see other people. You sound confused over BF/exBF and NC. A change of scenery may do you good. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 I've been in a somewhat similar situation and found that the guy I was with was no longer afraid of commitment or too busy for it when he found someone he wanted to be with on that level....it just wasn't me. But as long as he could continue to have sort of no strings attached, then what the hell. That was just my experience. Definitely date. No reason for you to sit around and wait on some guy that may never pan out. And you may find someone who makes you forget all about him in the mean time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seductress989 Posted September 24, 2004 Author Share Posted September 24, 2004 Thank you girlie, I think you're right. He says all this things but never acts upon them. Plus, he is on Zoloft and is addicted to it which really changed him from the way he used to be. He said that he was trying to get off it and it made him sick. I don't need anyone like that now. Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 I agree with everyone. You need to take some time for you. Spend more time with friends, get out and see other people, and work on bettering yourself. I have been in the exact same situation. My ex and I were together a year and a half and broke up because of his fear of commitment. He was selfish and not ever there for me. After the break-up we still saw each other and everytime ended in sex. He would say the same things about how he needs me and can't live without me, but needs his space. Basically he was leading me on everytime because after all of this he would not act on anything and not have contact with me for at least a week or so. Well it has been over three weeks since I last spoke to him and I started going out more and spending time with friends and now I am seeing a great guy, who is post-breakup also, and we are taking things super slow. He is helping me get over the ex simply by hanging out with me. Even if you meet someone and there is no chemistry it can make you feel like someone else will want you and boost your self esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
crazydawg Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 thats ****ed up using other people to feel better about yourself. Everyone does it but its ****ed up to say it. I decided to be alone and deal with the hard lesson that just jump to the first person that is interested Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Read something really great... "Busy" is another name for "A**hole"... "A**hole is another name for the Guy you've been dating. Sorry but when you care about someone and they are that important to you then no matter how "busy" you are... you make time for that person. To me when he says he is "afraid" to committ and he is busy... blah blah... and then says it doesn't mean that he doesn't still want you in his life.... well you said yourself that you usually when the two of you do get together it is physical... and that is fine, if you're all good with him wanting you in his life for a sexual relationship but are also willing to accept that he wants to sleep with you, but have no other accountability, or security of a exclusive relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Brooklyn8503 Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 so i've been down the same path. my situation was a little different though. i was the one working full time and going to college full time and the 2 of us both suffered depression but niether of us took meds for it (i personally feel like if i'm depressed i need to do something for myself to make myself feel better-and it works for me). My ex would pick me up from work and take me home around 11pm 5 nights a week. during our relationship, he moved home with his parents and they would keep him from seeing me because they didn't like the idea of him driving half an hour away to spend an hour everynight with someone. We ended up breaking up and that's when he started the head games. i decided that i was going to move on and i didn't talk to him for a month-sorta hard to do seeing as we work at the same place. I went on 3 dates within a month that we broke up and one of the guys i went out with i started to like a little more. my ex came back to me and told me he needs to talk. i had wanted to talk since we broke up so i could get my closure. my ex told me that he still really cares about me and he me back in his life at least as a friend. we've been talking, now, everyday for the past 4 months since not talking and i do find myself wanting to be with him again. all the other guys i've been out with haven't compared to him and i have myself wondering if he's right for me. we are getting an apartment together and we've been able to function together as best friends. we always go out to do fun stuff or activites that are considered like going to the movies, bowling, we did go and watch the sun set over lake erie one night or he'll come over my house and we'll climb on the roof and watch the sunset. we also hang out at each others houses and play video games, talk, or watch movies. sometimes these activities are done by just the 2 of us and sometimes others are around. i do find myself getting close to him and cuddling with him when we're alone and we've talked about the prospect of getting back together and we're both up for it. so i would tell you to just watch yourself if you decide to be in his life. keep your options open though and start dating. you may find that someone else is better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seductress989 Posted September 26, 2004 Author Share Posted September 26, 2004 I really appreciate everyone's replies. I am so confused right now. I came to see him the other night to bring something back and we ended up talking for hours. Last nite he drove up here to see me and brought me some things. He bought me some candy and incense just like he would've when we were dating. I have thought a lot about our "meetings" and I can't say that I don't enjoy seeing him. But, I do realize that he is not going to commit to me ever again except maybe a sexual committment. That does not work for me. I have been seeing other people (i know, I should've told him). He suspects it anyway. The people I'm seeing though just aren't doing it for me. It makes me want to see him even more when I see someone else and I don't have that chemistry with them that we(my ex and i) had. I decided to finally start NC after being broke up for almost 4 months. Technically, we are "broke up" but we've still continued seeing each other. It's going to be extremely hard not to contact him. I just moved to a different town and I come back down there to see my parents. It's really tempting for me to stop and see him also. So tomorrow, I'm officially starting NC. Of course, I'm not telling him that. He'll just know it. Link to post Share on other sites
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