Wife said she does not love me anymore

[CalamityJohn]

This is my first time to post on this forum and I would be grateful for some advise.

 

I am with my wife for the last 20 years and we are married for 15 of them. We are lucky enough to have three wonderful boys aged 10, 7 and 6. Like any relationship we have had our ups and downs but in the last few years it has been mainly downs.

 

I consider myself a good husband and a good father, steady employment, a decent wage, we live in a lovely home close to where my wife grew up. I have never been unfaithful, abused drugs, alcohol or had a problem with gambling throughout our marriage. I have looked after myself by living healthly and working out in the gym.

 

The excitement of the early days have faded, our sex life is vanilla. We have drifted from our friends, expecially me and find that we spend most evenings staring into the television. I was happy with that, though, all I wanted was a stable family life. Every now and again my wife would complain that I take her for granted and that I don't show her I love her enough. I'd feel guilty, buy her nice things bring her off on weekends and things would settle down again for a while.

 

In the last few years however her critisicm of me has become relentless. Everything I would do she seemed to have an issue with, complaining that I worked out too much (it was only ever in the gym three times a week), that I was anti-social (I have drifted from my friends) and most of all that I was too lenient with my kids. The children are very important to me and I love doing stuff with them, like playing football, swimming, cycling and going for walks. I know that it has hit me wife hard that she never had a daughter she desired and I think she feels left out sometimes when we do 'lad things'. I do try to get her involved but there's only so much she can partake in. It was a joint decision however, to end our family after our last boy as my wife suffered afterwards with the baby blues. My wife contends that I am a 'good-time Daddy' and not there for the kids for the difficult decisions. I am a more liberal person than my wife and would tend to favour giving them more leeway and this has become a serious bone of contention between us.

 

Certain things have happened over the last few years where my wife has shown my no respect, belittling me in front of family members and our children and taking her own sisters side in an issue instead of mine. Making fun of the size of my penis is a favourite jive of hers, always hinting that she could 'take more'. Once I took a wrong turn driving the family home after a weekend away and she totally lost it, screaming at the top of her voice for 15 minutes in front of the children about how pathetic I was and how I was inept and a loser. This after what I thought was a lovely weekend away. I was so shocked I almost crashed the car. After a two week vacation in Spain, on our last night of what I thought was a magical family holiday she looked and me with contempt and out of the blue said ' that she was sick of the sight of me..' Hearing that from your life partner is like a dagger to your heart. She blanked me for the rest of the evening and never apologised. Looking back there has been sporadic episodes where she has got violent with me and whenever I have restrained her she has accused me of being the aggressor.

 

Things took a nosedive some months back when my wife discovered that our eldest son was surfing porn on his mobile phone for months unbeknownst to us. Even though she had bought him the device she somehow blamed me that it wasn't locked out. To be honest as our son was 10 at the time I was totally blindsided by this but somehow she made me feel it was my fault. She said it proved I wasn't a capable parent and she organised for marriage counselling. I was not against counselling as I felt that a netral third party could tell us what we needed to do to heal the rift that was growing between us. Unfortunately after three months the counselling wasn't working. We went in every week and told tales on each other trying to win the counsellor to our side. It was childish. Last Friday before our last session my wife informs me that 'things cannot continue like this, she does not love me any more and hasn't for the last two years.' The insults continued...'I wasn't a real man' 'I have no friends' etc. I was devestated but reacted in anger and told her she can leave whenever she wants. She has threatened to leave with the children but has said that it would make more sense for me to leave as it would be less upheavel for the children. I haven't spoken to her in a week. We are in seperate rooms and it is turmoil. We are trying to keep things normal for the sake of the children.

 

Despite everything I have written I still love my wife and want things to be patched up between us. My heart breaks when I see our three boys and knowing how much a seperation would hurt them. My question is, after her latest outburst have things gone too far between us. I'm not certin she knows her own mind. I know that she is bored but is this the best thing for both of us? Also, if we are to seperate should I leave the house for the sake of nomality for the children. I'll always be there for them, they are the centre of my world. Appreciate any advise,

John

[coaches24]

Your situation is very similar to mine. My wife told me the same thing pretty much on Easter and things have been hell since. I desperately want things to work out but she just says she needs space and time to find herself. We have one child (4yo daughter ) and she has figured out on her own that things are going south. She even told me that Mommy doesn't love daddy anymore. She says she's open to counseling but won't commit to doing that yet.

 

I feel your pain and wish I could offer some advice but I don't have the answers either.

[LIFE.GOES.wrONg]

John, I'm about three weeks ahead of you going in the same direction. All I can tell you from here is - do not leave the house.

 

Go through many of the older posts on this site. It helped me gain perspective and realized I wasn't alone.

 

That's the only advice I can give you right now.

[CalamityJohn]

Thanks for the support and advice guys. I agree on not leaving the house. I'm not the one who wants out and I have spent the last 15 years working nights and weekends paying off the mortgage. I love the woman's skewed logic ; "I'm not happy, so you must leave!' You are right about the help forums such as these are. Even knowing that you are not alone in your predicament is a help.

[2sunny]

If she's that unhappy - make her move now!

 

Cut off any money she can access. Make sure she knows she needs a job!

 

Pack her bag. Change the locks.

 

Make her dream a reality for her. It will be hell for her. She asked for it.

 

It is not acceptable to speak to you that way! Get counseling on your own - so you never accept that behavior again!

 

And - she's probably cheating. Let her OM figure out how to support her.

 

Make life hell for her - since she thinks she deserves better - she can figure out how to provide for herself - the life she wants.

[jf2good]

Staying married for the sake of the kids is the wrong thing to do when you and your wife are miserable. How long do you want to stay in this relationship. What sort of future do you have. Your wife needs counseling, I am not talking about marriage counseling which you have tried, but for her alone as she is wrong in how she treats you, she shouldn't treat her enemy like that.

 

I say protect yourself and prepare for divorce, I bet she has plans. Love can't fix other people. You can love her and leave her it might be the best thing for everyone.

[CC12]

Cut off any money she can access.

 

Pack her bag. Change the locks.

 

I can't tell if you were exaggerating for emphasis, or if this was serious advice, but...locking her out and cutting her out financially are most likely completely illegal wherever OP lives and absolutely unethical, anyway.

 

OP, I think your wife is abusive and you should physically remove yourself from the situation as best you can. You shouldn't be subjected to that treatment and your children shouldn't witness it. I think you should continue not speaking to her and staying in your separate room.

 

Things have gotten really toxic. If things are to get better between the two of you, it's going to take some work. She'll have to be dedicated to doing that work, and unfortunately, she doesn't seem like she wants to fix it. That pretty much only leaves you with one option.

 

It's time to start making some big moves toward divorce. Make an appointment with a divorce lawyer and a counselor who specializes in domestic violence. It doesn't necessarily have to mean divorce right away, just ask some questions and get some advice and an idea of how things might play out. I think that will make things easier for you.

[USMCHokie]

Beat her to the punch and file for divorce...?

[Gunny376]

What I would think is needed here is a tough love approach. I wouldn't coddle her, nor do anything nor go out of my way to accommodate her wants and wishes. She wants to separate? Then she should be the one that's packing the bags and hitting the road, not you.

 

Seems to me that by and large you and the boys are just doing fine all by your lonesome.

 

Basically she's "gas lighting" you and making you think you and you alone are the one that has all of the issues, the short-comings, failings. In short? She's "bitch testing you!"

 

A lot of women find a need to d this from time to time, and for the most part? Most men fail the test. In as where they would never tolerate such abuse from any other human being ~ they somehow take it from their wives.

 

Having gone through this crap once in my life? I am always ready to walk if need be. Doesn't phase me in the least. Were I you? I would be planning and plotting on leaving alright ~ and it might take sometime to do so and to execute the plan. But her happy azz would come home one day and find nothing but an empty house with nothing left but her knickers and such laying about. Maybe a note on the door along with the divorce papers with the court date set for the next day. I would take my boys and move to a "safe house" undisclosed" to anyone. I have the divorce lawyers standing by. I'd close any and all accounts and leave her penniless, homeless, and helpless. Sitting around like a little school boy with his pants down around his ankles crying, ~ "What? What? What happened?!"

 

Nothing but pure 'shock and awe!"

 

I'd shoot for a high orbit, for the moon. I would sue for custody and possession of any and everything, to include the clothes I bought her, her underwear I had bought her. American law or English law ~ possession is 9/10ths of the law. When it comes to law ~ especially divorce law? It very much a case of who "Gets there the firstest with the mostest!" (Lt. Gen Nathain Bedford Forrest CSA)

 

People who know me, at work and in my personal life? They know I don't come with dice, and they know not to play with me.

 

The XHEX azz-raped me because I let her, and I let her because of the young ages of my two children at the time. I put their welfare, benefit, wants and needs before my own. I was in the Marine Corps and a DS6 and DD10 don't fit too well in the back of a Marine "Alice" pack nor Sea Bag.

 

I got the short end of the stick with Parental Alienation, but that OK, because my kids had a good childhood, are tight with their extended family, have roots, a hometown, an extended family that involves aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, 1st, 2nd, 3rd cousins etc. They're doing well in adulthood.

 

Forget the wife! Forget trying to win her back over from the Dark-side. She's drinking the Kool Aid. You've got to man up and do what's right for you and those boys. The problem isn't YOU, its her!

 

She's dissatisfied with herself, her life, her existence. There's nothing you can do to satisfy her, pacify her, please her, make her happy. She leaves you or you dump her? Pity the next poor SOB she gets with!

 

It can be hard to describe to another what "Bitch Testing" is to another? You really have to go through it to comprehend it, and know how to deal with it? The best I can offer up to you is to seek out an e-book titled, "Secrets of The Alpha Male" (I've got a printed copy of it around here somewhere, but again its in a tote in tha' "Black Hole" spare room) Its a PUA/Alpha Male/ Dating/How To Man Up type book all roled into one.

 

The other example that I can offer up is John Wayne in McLintock.

 

[GuyInLimbo]

Man, this is a tough one. I hate to say it, but I don't think a woman filled with THAT much resentment towards you is ever going to come around. I would accept it and put your energies into being the best father you can to your boys. I can only imagine what her issues are, but that resentment goes deep and goes back many years. She's gone, bro. I'm sorry.

[worldgonewrong]

CalamityJohn- ~sigh~ I hate to say it, but I 99% guarantee there is Another Man in the picture.

Why? Because the insults/coldness/mental abuse that floods inexplicably out from such a woman is her way of being angry that she has to juggle her fling AND the responsibility of you. She resents having responsibility, period, hence all that "You're not a real man" crap. It's like she's saying the most outlandish stuff so that you'll snap and make the decision for her. But, as often happens, the man (you) is stunned, doesn't see where all this is coming from, and you roll over.

Speaking from experience, don't roll over.

If she's hell now, she's going to be hell for the next 6 months, a year, two years, etc. This stuff doesn't magically go away.

It's like the wayward wife has been bitten by a zombie is now infected & mindless & ruthless. RUN like hell.

You can read my thread. I saw my wife with the highest adoration. It took me 20 years to realize that she liked her pedestal and she loved looking down upon me. There was never equal footing.

Just...gird your loins, my man.

[CalamityJohn]

Hey guys, thanks for your inputs, some interesting observations. Myself and my wife spoke this morning for the first time in a week when I returned from working the night-shift as she felt we needed to speak. She told me how upset out eldest son got when I went to work last night. He has picked up on the tension and is worried sick about us. So, I confronted my wife about her behavior and her contention that she didn't love me anymore. Well what do you know, she didn't really mean it and is just carrying on like this so that I snap out of the 'depression' that I'm in.

 

he thing is, I'm not depressed at all. I'm sad the way our relationship has evolved and not the happy-go-lucky person I was when we met (life tends to do that to you) but depressed? No. Her behavior is more and more confusing to me. It's like she knows what she is doing is wrong and on one level does not want to break up the family but on the other hand she cannot change her abusive ways. It emerged that our son had found the smart-phone my wife had hidden on him and was using it in secret. I asked her why it wasn't hidden better seeing as this was the trigger for our marriage breakdown. When I got out of bed today she stands there ranting like a madwoman, foaming from the mouth, going on about how "I am always blaming her' and that 'I'll never change' and 'what chance do we have?' All because I asked what I consider to be a fair question.. She is using reverse psychology on me making me feel like it is my fault that our marriage is in trouble.

 

One of the posters mention gas and lighting I had to look up the it's definition. Boy did I recognize my situation in that. She is actually making me question my own mind. My mood is down at times but leaving in a house where you could often cut the tension with a knife is that a surprise?. In truth I'm only gloomy because of the way my wife treats me. Someone said I need to man up and you are 100% right. I have taken unacceptable behavior from my wife for too long for the sake of harmony in the marriage and stability for the children. I'm convinced now that the more crap I took from her the less she respected me and this lead to her abusing me even more. Somewhere along the line I have lost some self-respect and have allowed this abusive relationship to develop even more.

 

One thing that I have noticed though that in the past when she threatened to walk out I would absolutely crumble and she loved that. She would mess with my head and look at property listings in front of me and I would be freaking out. I now realize that I cannot give her this power over me. I NEED TO MAN UP. Somebody said that we accept behavior from our wives that we would never accept from anybody else and this is so right. I am not a wimp. I have spent 10 years in the military with two tours of service, nobody messes with me out of the house. I'm embarrassed looking at it dispassionately that I have allowed myself to be treated so badly by another human being.

 

And yet, when it's your wife you are speaking about things are complicated. We can go through spells when things seem great. She presents a good image to the world, she is attractive,is a well suited to her profession as a nurse due to a caring side to her nature that attracted me to her in the first place. She is also a very good mother if I can ignore the fact that she conducts screaming matches in front of the kids. I hate that, I really ****ing hate when she does that. Having said that I feel the clouds are clearing. I have decided to stay put in the house and leave the decision on leaving to her. I have visualized what it would be like if we broke up and you know what? I'll survive. And my kids will survive, they may even prosper, living in a happier home environment. Yes it would be tough on them but living in a toxic atmosphere is not easy for them either. I feel that my wife has pulled away at the fabric of our relationship so much that there is very little of substance there anymore. It's like I'm emotionally numb now and I can't be hurt anymore. It's actually an empowering feeling in one sense but what I wouldn't give for a marriage based on real love and mutual respect.

 

Once again thanks for listening and the advice from you all I am in a confused and at times frightening place and I really appreciate your help.

[worldgonewrong]

When I got out of bed today she stands there ranting like a madwoman, foaming from the mouth, going on about how "I am always blaming her' and that 'I'll never change' and 'what chance do we have?' All because I asked what I consider to be a fair question.. She is using reverse psychology on me making me feel like it is my fault that our marriage is in trouble.

 

Sweet Lord, I lived this too!

 

Your senses are spot-on.

 

And as for your kid(s) picking up on the tension, that happened with my children too. She amped it up, made them almost feel sick with the tension, and then had the audacity to fling it back on me as if I was the one putting everybody on eggshells. Outrageous.

One of the best things to happen for our kids was getting divorced, I hate to say that. It meant that they didn't have to live in a home where mom was always riding dad's ass and then blaming him for the mood in the room.

[Gunny376]

where mom was always riding dad's ass and then blaming him for the mood in the room.

 

Its hard to kiss the lips at night that chewed your on your azz ALL day!

[GorillaTheater]

Hey guys, thanks for your inputs, some interesting observations. Myself and my wife spoke this morning for the first time in a week when I returned from working the night-shift as she felt we needed to speak. She told me how upset out eldest son got when I went to work last night. He has picked up on the tension and is worried sick about us. So, I confronted my wife about her behavior and her contention that she didn't love me anymore. Well what do you know, she didn't really mean it and is just carrying on like this so that I snap out of the 'depression' that I'm in.

 

he thing is, I'm not depressed at all. I'm sad the way our relationship has evolved and not the happy-go-lucky person I was when we met (life tends to do that to you) but depressed? No. Her behavior is more and more confusing to me. It's like she knows what she is doing is wrong and on one level does not want to break up the family but on the other hand she cannot change her abusive ways. It emerged that our son had found the smart-phone my wife had hidden on him and was using it in secret. I asked her why it wasn't hidden better seeing as this was the trigger for our marriage breakdown. When I got out of bed today she stands there ranting like a madwoman, foaming from the mouth, going on about how "I am always blaming her' and that 'I'll never change' and 'what chance do we have?' All because I asked what I consider to be a fair question.. She is using reverse psychology on me making me feel like it is my fault that our marriage is in trouble.

 

One of the posters mention gas and lighting I had to look up the it's definition. Boy did I recognize my situation in that. She is actually making me question my own mind. My mood is down at times but leaving in a house where you could often cut the tension with a knife is that a surprise?. In truth I'm only gloomy because of the way my wife treats me. Someone said I need to man up and you are 100% right. I have taken unacceptable behavior from my wife for too long for the sake of harmony in the marriage and stability for the children. I'm convinced now that the more crap I took from her the less she respected me and this lead to her abusing me even more. Somewhere along the line I have lost some self-respect and have allowed this abusive relationship to develop even more.

 

One thing that I have noticed though that in the past when she threatened to walk out I would absolutely crumble and she loved that. She would mess with my head and look at property listings in front of me and I would be freaking out. I now realize that I cannot give her this power over me. I NEED TO MAN UP. Somebody said that we accept behavior from our wives that we would never accept from anybody else and this is so right. I am not a wimp. I have spent 10 years in the military with two tours of service, nobody messes with me out of the house. I'm embarrassed looking at it dispassionately that I have allowed myself to be treated so badly by another human being.

 

And yet, when it's your wife you are speaking about things are complicated. We can go through spells when things seem great. She presents a good image to the world, she is attractive,is a well suited to her profession as a nurse due to a caring side to her nature that attracted me to her in the first place. She is also a very good mother if I can ignore the fact that she conducts screaming matches in front of the kids. I hate that, I really ****ing hate when she does that. Having said that I feel the clouds are clearing. I have decided to stay put in the house and leave the decision on leaving to her. I have visualized what it would be like if we broke up and you know what? I'll survive. And my kids will survive, they may even prosper, living in a happier home environment. Yes it would be tough on them but living in a toxic atmosphere is not easy for them either. I feel that my wife has pulled away at the fabric of our relationship so much that there is very little of substance there anymore. It's like I'm emotionally numb now and I can't be hurt anymore. It's actually an empowering feeling in one sense but what I wouldn't give for a marriage based on real love and mutual respect.

 

Once again thanks for listening and the advice from you all I am in a confused and at times frightening place and I really appreciate your help.

 

You've got the right frame of mind and clarity now to deal with your wife and marriage. Hold on to this line of thinking with everything you've got, because she's going to test the hell out of it.

[coaches24]

Sweet Lord, I lived this too!

 

Your senses are spot-on.

 

And as for your kid(s) picking up on the tension, that happened with my children too. She amped it up, made them almost feel sick with the tension, and then had the audacity to fling it back on me as if I was the one putting everybody on eggshells. Outrageous.

One of the best things to happen for our kids was getting divorced, I hate to say that. It meant that they didn't have to live in a home where mom was always riding dad's ass and then blaming him for the mood in the room.

 

Damn yea that's familiar to me as well. Our daughter has picked up on things and my wife asked me what I was telling her just Monday. I told her that SHE is the one causing this. My wife tried to say she doesn't think things are that different that our daughter would pick up on it and I had to point out a long list of things that are very obvious changes even for a 4yo.

 

I turn 40 in two weeks and my wife wanted to go to a bachelorette party in Reno that weekend and that she told me two months ago (before she broke it to me she doesn't love me and she married me because her friends are married) so I told her wait a second, Im turning 40 and I'm not sitting at home while you go party so YOUR watching our daughter and IM getting out of town. So I am heading to Tahoe with a friend to do a little gambling and have some fun. Screw that sht, her going to a bachelorette party for my 40th birthday. Like hell!

[ver13]

This is my first time to post on this forum and I would be grateful for some advise.

 

I am with my wife for the last 20 years and we are married for 15 of them. We are lucky enough to have three wonderful boys aged 10, 7 and 6. Like any relationship we have had our ups and downs but in the last few years it has been mainly downs.

 

I consider myself a good husband and a good father, steady employment, a decent wage, we live in a lovely home close to where my wife grew up. I have never been unfaithful, abused drugs, alcohol or had a problem with gambling throughout our marriage. I have looked after myself by living healthly and working out in the gym.

 

The excitement of the early days have faded, our sex life is vanilla. We have drifted from our friends, expecially me and find that we spend most evenings staring into the television. I was happy with that, though, all I wanted was a stable family life. Every now and again my wife would complain that I take her for granted and that I don't show her I love her enough. I'd feel guilty, buy her nice things bring her off on weekends and things would settle down again for a while.

 

In the last few years however her critisicm of me has become relentless. Everything I would do she seemed to have an issue with, complaining that I worked out too much (it was only ever in the gym three times a week), that I was anti-social (I have drifted from my friends) and most of all that I was too lenient with my kids. The children are very important to me and I love doing stuff with them, like playing football, swimming, cycling and going for walks. I know that it has hit me wife hard that she never had a daughter she desired and I think she feels left out sometimes when we do 'lad things'. I do try to get her involved but there's only so much she can partake in. It was a joint decision however, to end our family after our last boy as my wife suffered afterwards with the baby blues. My wife contends that I am a 'good-time Daddy' and not there for the kids for the difficult decisions. I am a more liberal person than my wife and would tend to favour giving them more leeway and this has become a serious bone of contention between us.

 

Certain things have happened over the last few years where my wife has shown my no respect, belittling me in front of family members and our children and taking her own sisters side in an issue instead of mine. Making fun of the size of my penis is a favourite jive of hers, always hinting that she could 'take more'. Once I took a wrong turn driving the family home after a weekend away and she totally lost it, screaming at the top of her voice for 15 minutes in front of the children about how pathetic I was and how I was inept and a loser. This after what I thought was a lovely weekend away. I was so shocked I almost crashed the car. After a two week vacation in Spain, on our last night of what I thought was a magical family holiday she looked and me with contempt and out of the blue said ' that she was sick of the sight of me..' Hearing that from your life partner is like a dagger to your heart. She blanked me for the rest of the evening and never apologised. Looking back there has been sporadic episodes where she has got violent with me and whenever I have restrained her she has accused me of being the aggressor.

 

Things took a nosedive some months back when my wife discovered that our eldest son was surfing porn on his mobile phone for months unbeknownst to us. Even though she had bought him the device she somehow blamed me that it wasn't locked out. To be honest as our son was 10 at the time I was totally blindsided by this but somehow she made me feel it was my fault. She said it proved I wasn't a capable parent and she organised for marriage counselling. I was not against counselling as I felt that a netral third party could tell us what we needed to do to heal the rift that was growing between us. Unfortunately after three months the counselling wasn't working. We went in every week and told tales on each other trying to win the counsellor to our side. It was childish. Last Friday before our last session my wife informs me that 'things cannot continue like this, she does not love me any more and hasn't for the last two years.' The insults continued...'I wasn't a real man' 'I have no friends' etc. I was devestated but reacted in anger and told her she can leave whenever she wants. She has threatened to leave with the children but has said that it would make more sense for me to leave as it would be less upheavel for the children. I haven't spoken to her in a week. We are in seperate rooms and it is turmoil. We are trying to keep things normal for the sake of the children.

 

Despite everything I have written I still love my wife and want things to be patched up between us. My heart breaks when I see our three boys and knowing how much a seperation would hurt them. My question is, after her latest outburst have things gone too far between us. I'm not certin she knows her own mind. I know that she is bored but is this the best thing for both of us? Also, if we are to seperate should I leave the house for the sake of nomality for the children. I'll always be there for them, they are the centre of my world. Appreciate any advise,

John

 

I was reading your post and I had to laugh out loud at some of the crap that she has said to you. Yes this has gone way too far my friend to say the least. Life is about choices and if you continue to choose to live with this women this is what you will continue to get. She has attacked you on so many levels that are so wrong in every way that it's pathetic. Look all you have in the end is your sense of self and respect. This woman has lost respect for you quiet awhile ago and it's not coming back anytime soon. She needs to move on and find someone else to abuse, you need to move on and find some else to love. The kids will be fine in the end once some time has passed after you seperate but they can't heal as long as you stay in this crazy relationship. Look at the example that you are setting for your boy's by allowing her to treat you in this manner. What kind of men are they being taught to be by watching two people whom are supposed to love each other act like this. I have been married for 20+years and if either of us started to act like this one of us would have to go period. Your W has to want to be with you because she loves you not just because your a good provider. Ask yourself this if you found out you had cancer is this the person that you want by your side while you walk that road.

[revitup]

CalamityJohn,You are moving in the right direction with your thinking.That fog you were once blinded by, is lifting.

 

I will say you should watch out for the "push-pull" behavior as she sees you getting stronger .Sometimes my STBXWW did just that and I just melted from even the very smallest amount of attention or affection,only to be knocked off the pedistal later.I was looking for anything "to give me hope".I too,did not want to lose the "relationship" I had worked so hard to preserve and protect.

 

The STBXWW knew she could use my unconditional love for her as well as my need to be a family and played my emotions like a violin.STBXWW used my love and care for her as well as my nurturing nature,as a weapon, against me!

 

The curious thing is when you speak to women around you,they will tell you, they want a partner who will love them "unconditionally" and "be there" for them.One who is loyal and trustworthy.One who is faithful.One who does not cheat.The material things in life (although important) are the last things most women will mention.

 

I mention these things because you need to realize you are a rare commodity my friend.Your W has fallen to the "law of familiarity".Some people hold in contempt,that which they feel they "own" and have rule over.They have a way of fighting harder for that which they want,than for what they ALREADY have.

 

You have caused me to write all of this (I normally just read some posts and move on with little or no comment)because of the degree of meanness your W is throwing at you.Some of the things she has said to you are just plain WRONG.You are a Veteran and a warrior for freedom.You have much to be proud about.Stand tall!You have earned that.

 

REVITUP