I take things too personally... among other things

[fiftyofsomethin]

Hey everyone,

 

I have recently come to the conclusion that, well, I simply take everything too personally. And as a result, I overthink everything that happens in my life and just can't find confidence from all this self-doubt I have.

 

If you can't tell by my above diagnosis, I am not a happy person. I mean I'm not some depressed head case, I am outwardly happy and never really show my sadness, but I have realized that I have never TRULY been happy for maybe more than a week in the last four years.

 

Everything people say, everything people do that I witness, I somehow manage to bring back to me and somehow make it a reflection of what I have done. Or if that's not the case, if I see someone, for example, a friend or acquaintance having fun on the weekends without me or hanging with people I wish I could hang with, I somehow feel guilty that I'm not doing the same thing and I take it upon myself to turn these thoughts over and over in my head perhaps because I feel I will find a solution. And yet in four years of me doing this, not one useful solution has come out of this worrying.

 

Like me and my (recent) ex girlfriend used to be good. But since our breakup, she has just not talked to me and I have not talked to her either, the only contact we have is seeing each other in the hallways from time to time. And I have drawn these incorrect conclusions (something I often do about many things, I assume a lot about things and people) that she is being very bitter to me and wants nothing to do with me, but I have just heard from a mutual friend that she has actually been worrying about me too.

 

Then onto my last point, I don't know if I'm the only person who does this, but there is this one other guy at my school who I will admit that I sort of admire (I'm not gay btw, just making it clear if it wasn't already) He has many traits that I desire for myself: confidence, he's outgoing, attractive (sort of looks like me in all honesty), and he has a good style with the way he dresses. The odd thing is that there are many other guys like him that I don't feel the same way about. It's almost as if I feel threatened or jealous of him because I feel like I could very well gain those traits that he has because I think we look so alike. It's odd, but it's just a thought I have.

 

So my efforts to remove these thoughts from my life have gained varied results. I have tried compartmentalizing much of it, but I have yet to master that skill. I have tried being mindful, but the problem is that I constantly have so many thoughts in my head, that it is difficult to clear them out of my head to start actually being mindful. And I have generally started to stop trying to impress others, certain people in particular (my ex, friends who are slightly more popular than me, and other various people), but again, it's not as easy as I suppose I hoped it would be.

 

This is a journey that I am determined to stay on. But it is sometimes very hard because I am not the best at "letting go" and just stop thinking about certain things. It's like I get this odd feeling that something bad will happen if I do.

 

Whatever, I am hopeful and optimistic about my future on this path, it's just frustrating how my current state is.

 

Thanks for any and all who have read this. I suppose there is not a specific question I want answered other than maybe just some basic advice. Anything at all. Thanks!

[fiftyofsomethin]

The best way to overcome this is to not care what people think of you. You sound young. I was similar to this in highschool and for a bit in college. It takes some time to have this mindset. It sounds like you might suffer from low self esteem because that usually leads to a dependence on what others think of you. There are various ways to overcome low self esteem. Does your school have a counselor?

 

I actually go to a therapist every Saturday haha. And yeah, it is definitely a self-esteem problem. I can have very happy and great days, but then magically the next day, if I see, read, or hear the wrong thing I can be down in the dumps in a matter of minutes.

 

Basically I want to be able to do is get myself out of sad moods more swiftly than waiting a week to forget about whatever got me there.

 

Eh. Onwards and upwards am I right? I am pretty damn confident that this will eventually work itself out, I just need to work on it. I have been working out much more, I just got a new job (a good one at that), and I have been volunteering. All these things I have noticed have made me gradually feel slightly better about myself. I just can't wait to get out of high school. That's where my problems are and that's where I intend them to stay. Too many foul memories with certain exes and certain typical douschebags.