Anais Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 I feel down today. Even I have little time before the seminar starts decided to post this looking for your support. It has been several years since I am out of my country. All this time I am helping regularly my family financially. It is a great pleasure to be able to help them. Before I would just worry about them. Now I can help. I work hard and I am paid correspondingly. Recently I keep sending money to my father and he keeps asking more. I sent the last week and today he asked twice more saying that he has been seeing doctors and that he has depts. He has been always person who has problems to spend money. Give him as much next day he is without. Well he also drinks and smokes lot. He is always drunk and smokes 3-4 boxes of cigarettes per day. I am having problem to treat myself. I always think I could send that money them instead of going out or having some fun. I also help my grandparents, uncle’s family. And it is never enough. But main thing that bothers me is my dad is drinking all day long. When my mom tried to talk to him on phone; and say you cannot ask all the time; he said he is taking that money as debt and it hurts me even more. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Anais, you cannot help those who will NOT help themselves. While I think it's great that you want to help your family, there is a difference between doing this because you want to, and doing it because it is being demanded of you. Your Father had NO right to insist you send more or to tell you that what you do on his behalf isn't enough. I think he is taking advantage of you and your kindness... and is now trying to inspire guilt in you (looks like he's doing a good job of that) You have NOTHING to feel badly about Anais. Clearly you're a generous, kind person who loves her family very much.... but you cannot help those (your Father) who refuse to help themself. Don't let anyone take advantage of you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anais Posted September 22, 2004 Author Share Posted September 22, 2004 Thank you for your kind words Merin2. I know you are right. But I also cannot say no when he is in need. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Make yourself a budget & determine how much you can realistically afford to send your parents every month. Tell them that that is the maximum amount you can afford & that there won't be any extra because there isn't any extra to give. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anais Posted September 23, 2004 Author Share Posted September 23, 2004 The problem is that he is not just asking to give him money. He is saying that he is taking debt. I have some budget per month that I send, but what he wants it is not reasonable. He is saying that he is waiting for a job and is sure in getting it That money is going on doctors. I wish I could believe in it. Any other person could live on money I send him really fine. But you know how expensive are cigarettes and alcohol. The problem I guess is much deeper than I can describe. He has health problems and he is still having that unhealthy lifestyle. And the thought that I am paying for his alcohol is bothering me. What % of salary would you think is reasonable to give to a relative? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anais Posted September 23, 2004 Author Share Posted September 23, 2004 I am so lucky to have a wonderful husband. I was stressed today all day. I just talked to him and he said: Honey just send your dad what he wants. I was going to send the money but when hubby said so I felt so relax. Link to post Share on other sites
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