I will end it with him tonight..but

[fllygirl]

You can demand anything you want, even a rose from the Moon.. it's your choice.

You should give him your list. It will help him to see who he is really dealing with. It will be a great lesson for him, next time he will think hard before getting into the affair.

I'm sure some BS/WS after reading your demands would consider themselves "lucky" comparing you to their OWs. ( jk)

Darling, you are very young, please get some help and IC.

[ComingInHot]

Rick Fox wrote, "Lady, let me tell you this, nobody would tell me how much I could love my daughter from this relationship as opposed to another relationship in which I bore another child. My love for my child, MY, child will always be there and nobody dictates on what level it will be!"

 

Thank You for writing this!!!! I like it 10,000 times*

 

I can't even imagine the whiplash another person would get from the back of my hand should they attempt to tell me, no Demand of me, how much I should love my, MY, child...

[psm04]

I plan to ask him to do a few things for me after we are just friends ,,, but i want some opinion on them . Are they unreasonable ??

 

1) I dont want him to have sex with her or kiss her anymore. We ll be friends yes. We agreed to lock our love to each other now until he is single. It maybe a year or so..(i think he will do it in max. 3 years ) Even we arent having an affair anymore, i really dont want him to be intimate with her anymore because he doesnt love her , he loves me. And it's the complicated situation delays him to be decisive to divorce. ( Like money , baby,, change a new job. course to study... ) But is it demanding ??? He told me he isnt a horny guy and he can control . I know he isnt horny yes ,, and it's possible that he can really control himself because he could when he was single and he can i believe

 

2) i want him to guarantee that his love to me wont fade away even we dont have an affair . We will still contact each other and talk in the way before we started our affair. We chatted a lot about many things in our life and we gradually liked each other and couldn't control telling our love. That's how our affair started . We never really had sex . Our love is out of comfort and care with each other .So is it demanding for him to do so ??? When we are just friends and dont kiss anymore ?

 

3)I want him to be cool to her on any special occassion with W ( like her birthday , anniversary and special festival ) Even it's her birthday , he should only buy her a simple gift and not have any fancy dinner. On their last wedding anniversary he really listened to me and ended up they had an argument and she put off her ring and went out. They finally had fast food takeaway for lunch. i know it's evil but i was happy that he could do that for me. So his wife knows he doesnt care the marriage anymore.

SO i want him to do this for me in the coming special occassions too, (not have to argue,,but at least being cool to her) and avoid taking pictures with her or spending time ONLY with her in any occassion. I want the baby to disturb them.

 

4)I want him to go out with me anyday near my birthday soon. Even we will be friends again , i still love him and he is an important person to my life. i want him to buy me a present and spend a few hours with me.

 

YES, they are unreasonable, especially points 1 and 3! If you really think that this man would agree to even be a casual acquaintance to you let alone be a good friend after all of your demands, you are in for a big surprise. It's one thing to not want to hear him talk about his wife but to go as far as what you want from him is a little extreme. My intention is not to sound mean at all, but please try to get some help with what is going on. For your own emotional well-being.

[Praying4Peace]

I don't know how he'll respond to this but I hope his wife leaves and finds someone normal one day.

 

I was thinking that even in FAIRY TALES...like Aladdin type wish-granting-genie stories the all powerful genies have the rule that they can't control love. And here OP has it all down pat...love for his child, love for his W, love for her.

 

Did he ask for this list though? Does he even want to continue the affair?

 

OP what if he says no? What will you do then?

[pteromom]

It sounds to me too like this is just a way for the MM to back out of the affair without causing a big blowup.

 

I actually believe he will agree to meet all of your demands. I don't think he will really DO them, but I think he'll tell you that he will.

 

On another note, there is no way someone can GUARANTEE they will not stop loving another person. Maybe when he steps away from you, he will fall head over heels with his wife again. Or maybe he already has another OW and that's why he's backing off with you.

[SweetBella1]

These demands are not only unreasonable, they are crazy.

 

All of the points I would've made have already been asserted very eloquently by PPs. I won't beat a dead horse, but wowza. This is some messed up shiznit.

 

Someone, please tell me that this is a troll and MUD (made up drama.)

[TaraMaiden]

Has anyone read the OP's previous threads?

She's Chinese (21) he's British, the wife is Chinese.

This guy obviously has specific tastes.

 

 

And the OP is not in love.

She is obsessed and fixated.

 

There is no rhyme, reason or logic to her conditions - because he has never given her any hope whatsoever that any future is even on the cards!

All her threads speak of an relatively one-sided 'relationship' - and it's mostly form her side.

 

This is just utterly ludicrous, and I'm having a hard time taking any of it seriously.

Not that I think she's lying - but it's just totally ridiculous, from start to finish....

 

OP, I seriously think you need serious therapy.

[2sunny]

Your expectations will disappoint you every time.

 

It's best to have REASONABLE expectations.

 

Your perspective and expectations are way beyond reasonable.

 

 

You are being delusional. Married men lie! You believe his lies. That's not smart of you.

 

Please, check reality. You need help.

[awkward]

I think you should present your list of demands to MM and see if he agrees. If he doesn't, you will know where you stand. If he does, then in three short years you will have him. You are perfect for each other.

 

What will you do if he says no? What will you do if he says yes and then his wife gets pregnant?

 

Good luck tonight.

 

ETA: If you tell her, she might divorce him. If she remains unaware, she may have sex with him and become pregnant.

Edited May 1, 2013 by awkward

[georgia girl]

Seriousgirl,

 

There are no contracts in dating. Ever. I don't care if people are single, a wandering spouse or another woman/man, etc. There are no contracts. Everybody is free to live, love and leave whenever they choose. That's why it's called dating. I don't care how much you call it a committed relationship, it ain't committed until you make a legal marriage commitment. Then, you have a contract and it's binding and bilateral, not unilateral. That sets out expectations, goals and consequences for the contractual relationship. Quit trying to effectuate a contract. If he had wanted one, he would have left his wife and established one with you. He didn't. You cannot unilaterally set up a contract with him. End of story. Ask whatever you want. I think you'll scare him off. Regardless, you can't get a contract with him for this.

 

Regardless, you need to understand two things about ANY relationship: 1) You only get to decide for yourself how you feel; and 2) He gets to choose, too. You are in effect trying to eliminate his choice... i.e. control him and his emotions. Not only is that unhealthy, it's unlovable. It may hurt badly to hear that, but having someone attempt to control you is the most unloving feeling in the world. To be stripped of choice by a partner will kill any feelings he has towards you.

 

My take on this is that you are fiercely insecure in this relationship and you unfortunately are not demonstrating a lot of control over your emotions ("hating" his wife and setting parameters around how much a man can love his child are not rational expressions).

 

If I could hug you, I would. Then, I would tell you to walk away and focus on yourself. This relationship - whether it be his fault, your fault or the station where you are in life and development - is toxic for you. No one in a healthy relationship expresses the things you've expressed in this thread. I want to be clear: your requests of him are most damaging to you. These are not the requests an adult makes.

[Goodbye]

Well i have to defend for what you said .

1) i know clearly that his wife and child will be a part of his life forever and they will have connection just more or less. So i never wanted him to cut the connection with them . I am not an inhumane person . the baby is just innocent and she needs parental love no matter in a broken or healthy family

2) His flaw is not his child. But maybe he is a married man . But i am fine with it as long as we love each other truly . I dont need anyone to be my life partner but just him right ?

3) i mean i will treat his daughter as an auntie. As long as he doesnt love her more than our children , i feel comforable to take care of her too.

4) i hate his wife yes. Literally , she married the man i love now. But the main reason is that she clearly knows that this man doesnt love her anymore. And she is lazy at work and pushes things for him to do most of the time. First, i doubt why doesnt she just file the divorce while she had put forward it for many times before. Second , she knows their lifestyle dont match gradually then why not end it ?? Also, i dont like her taking away his freedom and not respect him sometimes.

 

Is this a joke? I'm serious. Are you real?

[Realist3]

This has to be the the most unusual thread I have ever run across on this board. 6 months? I'm not even going to get into the demands because those are just bat **** crazy.

 

My advice. Go to this man and tell him to run as fast as he can, as far away as he can... from you. This will never end well.