religion diff. in relationship

[Debbie]

If anyone can offer me any advice please do so. My boyfriend and I have very different religious backgrounds and it is causing a conflict in our relationship. He is a Jehovah witness and I am Christian. For those of you who don't know much about JW's they are very strict. They go directly by the Bible. They do not celebrate holidays, salute the flag, vote, and are not supposed to socialize with people outside of their religion. There are alot of other things also. Anyway, my boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage and we both want to see it happen sometime in the future, not necessarily any time soon. We love each other very much but because of his religion neither one of us can see our marriage working out. If he were to ever get disfellowshipped from his church he is not allowed to have any contact with his family or friends. His parents love me like one of their own, and I don't really understand why he's so worried about losing his family. I think they would support him no matter what happens. But I know if he chose to leave his religion it would be very hard for him to try and lead a different life. Unlike him, I celebrate holidays and I love it!!! I am not willing to change that. He doesn't really believe in his religion, he's pretty much just staying in it so he doesn't lose his family or friends. I can't blame him, but I don't want him to continue contributing in something he doesn't even believe in. He's deceiving himself. If we were to get married would we celebrate holidays? Would our children be witnesses or christians? These are questions we can't answer. But we love each other so much and it makes us both sick to think that we can't be together in the future. We're wondering if we are wasting our time on something that will never happen. We've tried separating, but it's impossible. I've never loved anyone the way I love him. He is the most incredible man I have ever known. I know that nobody can satisfy me as much as he does. He's taught me how to love and trust people. Something I could never do in the past. And I know for a fact that he loves me just as much as I love him. But we're both so confused!!! If you have any advice please feel free to write. Thank You! Sincerely, Debbie

[Quimono]

dear debbie,

 

your situation with your love is really very hard, everything can be resolved if you talked with each other...asked him whethere he is willing to fight for your love...it looks like your love is so great that nothing can't stop it...go girl!!..fight for your love!!...don't let anything to let the two of you down..tell him that religion isn't a big issue, as long as you both beleive that there is a God that is OK already,,,,,assure him that his family won't just disowned him for religion......always remember that God didn't let two people meet just for nothing...everything has a purpose and i believe that you two are meant to be so all that i can say is TO FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE!!!!!...good luck!!..ill be praying for you.....=)

[Kiey]

My boyfriend and I are both Christians, however very different Christians. I'm Baptist and he's Full-Gospel. In his church, they speak in tongues, something I wasn't to familiar with before, and his family also doesn't celebrate a few holidays that my family does, especially Halloween. We don't always agree on religion, but we've decided that our kids would decide which church to go to. Also, I don't agree with many things of the JW's, and if he chooses to leave why should he be punished? Maybe if he is a bit shakey as to which religion he should be, invite him to your church and let him see another world of religion. He might just like it, and needs that extra boost to realize it. I guess you should take your time and try to make his family understand the situation.

If anyone can offer me any advice please do so. My boyfriend and I have very different religious backgrounds and it is causing a conflict in our relationship. He is a Jehovah witness and I am Christian. For those of you who don't know much about JW's they are very strict. They go directly by the Bible. They do not celebrate holidays, salute the flag, vote, and are not supposed to socialize with people outside of their religion. There are alot of other things also. Anyway, my boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage and we both want to see it happen sometime in the future, not necessarily any time soon. We love each other very much but because of his religion neither one of us can see our marriage working out. If he were to ever get disfellowshipped from his church he is not allowed to have any contact with his family or friends. His parents love me like one of their own, and I don't really understand why he's so worried about losing his family. I think they would support him no matter what happens. But I know if he chose to leave his religion it would be very hard for him to try and lead a different life. Unlike him, I celebrate holidays and I love it!!! I am not willing to change that. He doesn't really believe in his religion, he's pretty much just staying in it so he doesn't lose his family or friends. I can't blame him, but I don't want him to continue contributing in something he doesn't even believe in. He's deceiving himself. If we were to get married would we celebrate holidays? Would our children be witnesses or christians? These are questions we can't answer. But we love each other so much and it makes us both sick to think that we can't be together in the future. We're wondering if we are wasting our time on something that will never happen. We've tried separating, but it's impossible. I've never loved anyone the way I love him. He is the most incredible man I have ever known. I know that nobody can satisfy me as much as he does. He's taught me how to love and trust people. Something I could never do in the past. And I know for a fact that he loves me just as much as I love him. But we're both so confused!!! If you have any advice please feel free to write. Thank You! Sincerely, Debbie

[Ive been there debbie!]

Debbie,

 

I know how you feel SO much. Tho now I am of no religion, I was at one time a Jehovahs witness and raised one. I made the choice to leave when I was about 13. And now am dating and very much in love with someone who is a baptized Jehovahs Witness. And it is very hard. I have a background in the religion, everyone from the church knows me, and I know the practises and beliefs, but because I left over personal reasons, (mostly the belief that I was not old enough to assume the responsibility that the religion required of me) I am still very much looked down upon. In the religion they teach that you should marry only in the lord. Or that you should only marry another Jehovahs witness, something that I never believed in but is taught as you probably already know. This they believe is a safe guard.

 

I feel very much for your situation Debbie. I know just how hard it can be. A lot of the time they have a hard time choosing to leave the religion beacuse of the guilt that they feel and also because of guilt put on them by others. If he has been raised in the religion it will be only harder because that is all that HE has known. He wouldn't know how to celebrate xmas, or any other holiday. And usually any participaction in it , will as I said result in guilt.

 

The only thing that I can tell you , and that I know myself to be the right thing is to stand by him and let his choice to leave the religion be a personal one. I am going thru the same thing with my BF. Yes he would still have the support and love of him family, but in the religion disfellowship is a very big deal. It is something that affects and hurts not only him but many others as well. And he knows this and that is probably why he is having such a hard time with this choice.

 

Be strong and as everyone else is telling you FIGHT for your love! Religion is a big deal and you are probably going to have MANY conflicts regarding it. But its getting thru those hard times, and coming it out of it strong together that will make your love even more resiliant to opposition.

 

There are others out there going thru the same thing. Good luck to you Debbie!