A broken man's tale, a dream taken away

[MSAT Broken heart]

I am so very heartsick right now. I have been dating my girlfriend for a year now and I have the feeling like she is going to leave me/cheat on me. We have had an amazing year and we had spoke about moving in together and even getting married eventually. The, all of a sudden, I had to use her cell phone and a text message popped up that broke my heart. It was some guy she had introdced me to before that she had just met like a month ago. There were all kinds of sexually flirtatious messages in her phone, both from and to her.

 

To make matters worse she maintains an online journal, one she knows that I occasionally read. It has the lyrics to love songs that are filed as memories to him and she has password protected entries about him that have titles like "So this is love" and "This I promise you". Just a week ago, after we had talked about how we were going to decorate our future apartment, she tells me that not only does she not want to get an apartment anymore, but she also needs a break from talking to me every day (we have a temporary long distance relationship for the next couple months, athough we had lived together for almost a year).

 

I had confronted her about what I saw on the cell phone and I told her that I didn't believe it could be true. She gave me some story about this guy having a psycho ex and needing something like this to make him laugh. However, when we haved talked on the phone, she is very standoffish and seems to have a deep resentment for me. She tells me she has no time to talk to me during the day because she is a student and has a heavy courseload this semester, but she seems to have time to call him and even write multiple entries about him in her online journal.

 

She tells me that she has a lot of goals and that she isnt sure of mine and she isnt sure if I trust her or love her anymore. I tell her that I do and then she tells me that these are just words. She was goign to visit in november, bt she has told me she want to visit "friends" instead and I have a strong feeling she intends to visit this guy. Where did this relationship go wrong, we had made our intentions with each other very clear and I sacrificed friends, family, money, time, grades, and everything else that I could use to help her. I just don't even feel like she loves me anymore, despite what she says and I just don't know what to do... I still love her with all of my heart and all I want is for things to go back to the way they were before I saw that cell phone message.

[neptoon]

Cellphones are such Pandora's boxes -- particularly with text messaging and even photos....one never knows what kinds of things can be found on cellphones.

 

How explicit were these text messages? Does the guy know about you and her? Have you confronted her about the text messages? I think maybe you should.

[bluechocolate]

I want is for things to go back to the way they were before I saw that cell phone message.

 

You know that ain't gonna happen.

 

she isnt sure if I trust her or love her anymore

 

That is a classic. You've caught her out at something & she turns it back on you.

 

 

The messages, the journal, not wanting to move in with you, not wanting to hear from you everyday, cancelling plans....

 

I hate to say this but it sounds to me like she's on the way out.

[Leikela]

Hi there,

 

Sorry to hear about your situation. There are many many posts on here regarding the same thing. I think almost all of them end up with the girl leaving the original boyfriend for the other guy.

 

If she's still in college, she is young and emotionally immature. She needs to play the field and see what's out there. She shouldn't be holding back on you though and I only see this situation getting worse. Maybe you should face reality here and just let her go. Save yourself more pain and heartache in the future. I know these things are easier said then done, but it's obvious you're already very torn up about this already.

 

Talk to her one more time and if you get the same resistance, maybe it's time for you both to move on and find the one's that are right for you. Best of luck to you.

[MSAT Broken heart]

The messages were very specific, including the guys desire to kiss her and to be sleeping with her. He is very aware of the two of us, having met me right before this event occured. My girlfriend and I work for the same company, she for the summer and me indefinately. She is coming back to work here after her last semester (december). She met this guy in her department to and all of a sudden Im getting treated like crap.

 

What plagues me is that she is not very immature, she has been through very traumatic relationships in the past and she always told me that I was finally different from her bad experiences. I know a lot of other relationships of my friends and there was absolutely no comparing how mature my girlfriend actually is. Whats worse is that she has been cheated on in the past and has told me about what a trauma that was and how she wouldn't wish it on her worst enemy, and she told me these feelings towards cheatig well before any of this happened. How can she be doing this is beyond my comprehension. I might even be willing to give her some more space if she could only be honest about what is causing it. I don't understand why she is keeping my on a limb if she really is so into this guy and so done with me.

 

Whenever I try to bring up the subject about why she is doing this, she says things like "im not even sure why i need to do this". When I tell her that I love her or that I miss her, there are a few seconds of silence and then only a forced responce in turn. I've tried to get her to talk about it, but she just keeps insisting that she has talked about it enough and just wants to take a break (whatever that is supposed to mean, i have no idea and she won't be more specific).

 

I guess what it all really comes down to is that I either need some kind of closure or some kind of reconcilliation. I just cant keep wondering why or how this happened, I really need to know and its driving me nuts. I spend all day thinking about her and time seems to move at a snails pace becuase of it. Im not at all happy and my life is so depressing right now that just cutting her out isn't going to be that easy. She made me so very happy and we shared so much, I really felt like I had found my soulmate and I still feel that she is. I guess another thing that I can't understand is why she didn't have the respect towards our relationship to not talk like that to another guy, even if it was all in jest. I know what its like to joke around like that and sometimes at least one, if not both people, might either not be joking or understand that its a joke.

 

I feel so twisted up inside, I hope that I don't sound like some immature baby. I have been through some pretty rough times in my life before this and I hope I don't sound immature, I'd like to think that I have more experience in this world than most of my age and situation. I just feel so helpless, so betrayed, so used after everything that was said and planned for our future. There was never anything I was never there for her for and I have treated her like a goddess. I know im not the first person in the world to go through this, but it is the first time for me. Im just hurting really bad right now, from physical symptoms like chest pains to the emotional tolls of depression.

 

I thank all of you who have given me input and for those to follow. Its really nice to know, at least, that there are some people out there who care enough about some stanger's grief enough to take the time to sympathize and advise. It means a lot to me, even if my heart is still being shred to pieces by my situation.

[Leikela]

I think you know deep down inside the outcome of all of this but are too in love with her to admit it or act on it. I know you're keeping the hope alive but the writing is on the wall.

 

If she was truly your soulmate, she wouldn't be treating you this way. People change and people's feelings change. It's apparent that hers have changed and you have the proof through her actions and from the text messages from the other guy.

 

I am so sorry you're going through this. We've all been there and have felt this kind of pain before but until you find the right one, it's going to hurt. The right one wouldn't play you like this.

[arcadia]

i am sorry to say it.. i know it hurts, but she just doesn't want to be with you anymore. Her actions remind me of my own when i was with my ex and had lost the love i once had but felt weird about ending it because we had been together so long. i wasnt seeing another guy, but i did put my friends before him, and insist we see less of eachother, and tell him i couldnt call him when i could. It isnt the best way to handle things, but sometimes people dont react the way they should.

 

Take the adivce of others here.. you need to break it off yourself. Perhaps, if she really does love you she will come back. but for now, you need to let her know that you arent going to hang around while she messes with your head.

[crazycatwoman]

sorry to say this but

 

you need to dump her on her a$$ ........ she is abusing your feelings for her , she is abusing you mentally, she is affecting your health.....someone who loved you, or who was in love with you .....would not do any of that........

 

 

move on before she hurts you even more , and if she is just honestly having doubts, and not messing around which i think is doubtful .......the shock of you not putting up with it , might jolt her back into reality ........

 

good luck