Attachment Disorder & Mental Illness

[Jefezen]

I think I am mentally ill for the following reasons:

 

1. I fixate on certain women, never more than one at a time. My infatuation and obsessive-compulsive behavior grows the more they distance themselves from me. It doesn't seem to matter that on an intellectual level I know this to be damaging, alienating, and self-defeating. Nor does it seem to matter that I objectively recognize the flaws in these women and their ultimate unsuitability for me.

 

I want them. I feel I need them. I struggle mightily to get through the day when I don't have some kind of connection to them, however slight (a text message, an indirect Facebook status update, anything "live.")

 

2. I have a very hard time letting go of people, even when my brain tells me it's over. If someone comes into my life, especially by her initiation, I try my hardest not to let her leave. Whether there was a relationship, or just one or two dates, that's enough for me to permanently latch onto them. If you dare enter into my lair, I won't let you out without a fight.

 

Conversely, if I initiate a relationship and you reject me before anything significant ever happens, I'm perfectly okay with letting you drift away. In every instance, these obsessions are with women who first approached me with high levels of interest.

 

3. My infatuations reach such epic heights, I struggle to concentrate on other aspects of my life: work, play, women who actually are interested in me in the present. I just get so lazy and preoccupied, I don't want to do anything but curl into a fetal position, plot my next course of action, and post on messageboards all day. I force myself to go out, I force myself to mingle with other people, but my conversations tend to focus exclusively on the subject of romantic rejection, and if with friends, the specific person rejecting me.

 

4. I'm in a perpetually bad mood. I'm chronically depressed. Almost nothing alleviates it. Flirting with other women can temporarily assuage the emotional pain. Forcing myself to discuss other subjects with people can do the same. But these are only brief stopgap measures. I can't go more than an hour without thoughts of whoever I'm obsessed with, and this wreaks havoc on my sleep too. I'm an insomniac because I stress myself out incessantly over people who frankly don't deserve to hold this kind of power over my happiness.

 

5. Past experience tells me I eventually overcome the obsessions, usually when a potential future obsession takes its place. Yet knowing that I can get past it doesn't help me get past the present one.

 

6. I don't appreciate my good fortune. I am financially comfortable. I have fantastic family. I have a lot of great friends. I have a lot of good people in my life. People genuinely care about me and seek my company. I have many female orbiters who soothe my ego and boost my self-esteem. People say I'm a nice guy, a gentleman, handsome, debonair, and mean it. Deep down, I think I am a good person too. That's what frustrates me to no end when I routinely fail in my romantic pursuits. I'm not a loner anymore. I'm not ugly. I treat people well, and in many cases, better than they deserve. Why can't that be enough for me to appreciate? Why must I need more? Why must I have these very specific people?

[Maleficent]

If you feel you are mentally ill for any reason you should definitely go see your doctor...

Just sayin'

[Jefezen]

I don't want to establish any sort of psychiatric record. While I'm depressed over the aforementioned things that many other people gloss over without a second thought, I am confident enough to know that I would never hurt myself or another person physically. I don't pose any kind of overt danger, and I think those are the people who definitely need to seek out help. In my case, the struggle is internal, and social insofar as it pertains to the people I latch onto and refuse to let go of until they cut me off.

[pbjbear]

First, it is very good you are willing to admit your problems though. I think you should seek medical/mental health help. What you are experiencing is not the worst thing in the world. My roommate works as a mental health counselor and I hear much worse stuff from her everyday than what you described. I went to a therapist myself briefly when I had some major family issues a few years ago and she helped me alot in that aspect. Pretty much everyone should see a therapist in their life in my book, I dont get the huge stigma around it. So dont be afraid.

 

Im not a mental health person but to me it sounds like you use women to define you as a person and if you dont get that attention, you become depressed. A counselor can help you not use women as a way to define yourself and not be so invested in them.

[pbjbear]

I don't want to establish any sort of psychiatric record. While I'm depressed over the aforementioned things that many other people gloss over without a second thought, I am confident enough to know that I would never hurt myself or another person physically. I don't pose any kind of overt danger, and I think those are the people who definitely need to seek out help. In my case, the struggle is internal, and social insofar as it pertains to the people I latch onto and refuse to let go of until they cut me off.

 

If you dont want to seek help professionally, there are alot of self help books on this topic.

[J_L_C]

Wow you described me!!! I have every single one of those problems. I don't understand why I'm the way I am and it totally consumes me. I am high functioning in every other aspect of my life but when it comes to romantic relationships, I can't manage it and I crumble. I also have OCD and BPD so those may contribute to my own problems in this area. If you ever want to talk about it, message me! We are very similar here.

[FitChick]

Jefezen, sent you a PM.