kickstart04 Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Everyone mentions that No Contact helps yourself heal, clear your mind, create a sense of missing and curiosity in your ex and to start NC right after the breakup. My question is at what point do you begin opening up communication lines again ? My ex left me a month ago because I was not making her feel special, not involved in her lifeand acting too much like a friend (I was too scared to open up although i did love her with all my heart) The first week I was devasted and told her how I knew what the problems were and would fix them but to no avail. She needed to spread her wings, see if she could be single, was busy with work, last semester of college, and hanging with friends. After that I avoided her calls and im's totally for 3 weeks, and then began to make myself more accessible. She wants to be friends so i don't bring up unhappy ideas and try my best to look busy, calm and okay. She now im's whenever i am on and in every conversation she seems to let something slip out that can be construed as still having feelings but she then pulls them back. We went to dinner, and I got great vibes but the next day it seems we are back to nothing but friends. If she just wanted to be friends, why would she do things consciously that can be construed as more than friends? I want her back more than anything but I wonder what is going on in her head. I know she is confused with a lot on her mind now but have I done the wrong thing by opening up communication? Do I stay on this course and see where it goes? Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 I say you stop the communication and let her initiate things. Man, it is AMAZING how so many relationships are pretty much the same. The way you describe your ex is like mine. We broke up near end of uni, she wanted to just focus on school (and then starting a career) and just coulodn't put in the effort for a relationship. Basically, she pitted me against everything else and admitted that her thinking about me and stuff was getting in the way of her studying and stuff. I didn't have any contact wiht ehr for close to 1.5 years until she got the balls to finally contact me and apologize to me for the way she treated me when we stopped talking. She wants us to be friends and hang out but I can already tell she is hesitant to actually hang out because I am almost positive she knows if she starts hanging out with me again she'll start thinking about me even more than she has the last 1.5 years. Why women just can't face up to their feelings/emotions is beyond me. Link to post Share on other sites
lilablue Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 That is so weird. I am in the same situation with my ex that I broke up with. I thought he was not treating me good so I ended it. Now, he is in school in another state and I have contacted him. He told me first that he had thought of me and that I must have felt his vibe. I responded back to him that he has been on my mind and that I wanted to keep in touch. He responded back with Thank you. I am hesitant about more contact. I need to know if he really misses me. The fact is that he did respond to my emails last week. So, we women are scared of showing are emotions to men b/c they sometimes dont know what they want: See below is email to me: "God does answer prayers. AMEN! I thank and praise God often, but it's between us (God and I). Thanks for keeping me in your prayers. That's the most anyone could do for me. I'm not really stressed, just a bit humbled. It's not so comfortable living at home, being a full time student, being broke, not partying, and being celibate, but that's what I need to get motivated. I've been able to use the small dictionary. Thanks. ..not taking evidence... Thanks again. I hope all is going well with you. I've thought about you. Maybe you felt my vibration Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 thats an odd email to me since I don't really know what he is talking about/replying to. My advice to you is if you want to contact him then do it. You were the one who broke things off and wanted your space, etc. Chances are he jsut doesnt want to put forth more emotion for fear you may be leading you on. All I know is this...if I initiated a breakup with a girl and then had regrets/second thoughts I would have the balls to contact her rather than wait for her to contact me. I would apologize for what I did (ie the breakup if there wasn't much substance to doing it) and would say I was thinking about her a lot. You can't expect the person you basically dumped to initiate things or even be all super open the first time he/she hears from you simply because they might think you're trying to mind fug them. If you want to know if your ex dude misses you then just flat out ask him. As the breaker upper who apparently is having 2nd thoughts it is your duty to ask the tough questions. If you were in his shoes wouldn't you expect that? Us guys want you women to be direct and open and not play games or make hidden comments that require a WWII decoder to figure out. If you are direct wiht this guy and he doesn't give you any respect or answers to your questions then fug him. He's not worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
lilablue Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 Thanks. I will contact him this weekend. I agree that I need to iniate contact. Link to post Share on other sites
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