I cheated and my girlfriend broke my laptop

[Els]

If you are so convinced you could press charges and win, by all means go ahead. Honestly, it being your word against hers, if she had wanted to give you tit for tat she could just claim that you dropped it of your own accord, and you would have no proof to the contrary. A lawyer could weasel you a win, but that is likely to cost more than the laptop.

[candie13]

Good for you that she didn't wreck your car. Answer this question: do you want her money or do you just want to be in contact with her - since she is going NC?

 

Be really honest: deep down inside, aren't you thinking: I cheated on you, you broke my laptop, we're even, so let's get back together ???

 

I am sure you want the money, but I'm just wondering if you don't miss her, just a little bit... if you're not upset over her being so upset with you. As a person, I am sure you have good and bad sides, I think you are simply a little surprised to have someone look down on you for something you've done - maybe you're used to always being right? Potentially a little bit self centered and used to having others bend over your will? So maybe it's your pride that needs a little boost, to hear people saying "yeah, a ONS, but a laptop?? OMG!"

 

This is a huge opportunity to learn and to be humble. You're not always right. What you did caused a lot of pain to your ex. And, surprise surprise, it is causing you a lot of pain right now - irrespective about the laptop cost. You got to learn that being the center of the universe of someone else's life comes with quite a few responsibilities. I bet you're surprised over how she reacted at your ONS. I bet you weren't expecting her breaking your laptop and your heart in the process.

 

As for asking her money for the laptop, you know what they say: there are and there will always be crisis. How we act during those crisis tells a lot about what we are worth, as people, as values, but most importantly, how we handle the consequences of that crisis tells a lot about how we see ourselves, about our own self esteem. How we take rejection, negative comments, failures... how we react to someone turing the mirror back at ourselves.

 

I think deep down inside you may want to feel less guilty for cheating because she broke your laptop.

 

Do you even repent for cheating? Do you understand the harm you did to her? Do you understand the harm you did to yourself? Are you really sorry or is your pride so high that you're not allowing yourself to think that a ONS is really that bad? What made you so mad as to go and sleep with another woman - isn't that a bit radical?

 

That ONS turn out to be pretty expensive - it costs you a brand new laptop and no more sex with a girl you've been banging for almost a year and a half... It would better have been damn good to worth all this trouble.

[LonelyInsomniac]

Dude.

 

"First time cheating"? What, need a little more practice to get it down to pat?

 

Good luck with the lawsuit, bub. You'll need a damn good lawyer to override the emotional damage charges.

[TaraMaiden]

Normally, I would say you would have grounds to pursue a lawsuit, because this was wilful damage.

 

But sadly, when matters of the heart, override the logic of the head, there's little you can fight against.

 

I take it you had insurance on your belongings?

Surely.... you did?

 

Didn't the shop offer you an insurance package?

unnecessary as it may originally seem, there's a lot of sense in taking out insurance.

 

You wilfully, deliberately and consciously decided to cheat on her.

You had the choice to either make a deposit, or withdraw, and you chose - quite mindfully - the former.

It wasn't 'an accident'. It didn't 'just happen'.

 

You MADE it happen.

She, in a fit of anger, impulsively broke your laptop.

 

I think in the 'deliberate' stakes, you're more guilty than she is....

 

Hate to say it, but I think this is one of those rare 'suck it up' occasions.

[road]

That is a normal reaction. There is a different between expressing your emotions by crying, being upset, going NC with him/her and breaking up versus breaking things like an uncontrollable child or doing things that can get you charged.

 

As you are the poster boy for retraint by banging your GF's friend.

 

You cheat.

 

You take the risk of getting caught.

 

You risked the cheatee going bonkers and said I'll talk that risk.

 

You are now not happy with what you bought.

 

You then come here crying like a little bee itch.

 

You took the risk.

 

Worse then a man crying you cry worse then a feminazi bee itch.

[crederer]

If my girl cheated with a friend of mine they'd both end up with cement boots on (obviously I'm exaggerating so don't take that too seriously). But that was so low dude.

 

Legally, yes you can make her pay for it. I'd just let it slide and chalk it up as a lesson as to what happens when you act like a goof.

[serial muse]

No, she shouldn't have broken your property. That doesn't absolve you or make you even, but you're right, you could go after her for it if you want to.

 

Are you prepared to accept the consequences of that, though?

 

Go ahead, sue her.

 

everyone who hears about it can snicker about you.

 

Yep.

 

It seems like what you really want, at least out of this thread, is some sort of validation. Trust me though, if you really tried to get her to pay for this, that is NOT what would happen. As soon as the story comes out, you'll be a laughingstock.

 

Here're the facts: You cannot win this one; you can't come out ahead. It's a done deal. You can get your money back, possibly, but it won't scrub your character or make you look like the good guy again, which is what I suspect you really want.

 

NOBODY is going to see you as the victim, even with the law on your side. In the court of public opinion, cheating >>> broken laptop.

 

Edited to add: I always find it amusing when people say things like "I shouldn't have told her." That's what your primary regret is? Yes, you've said you feel bad for the cheating, but you've said a lot of things in this thread that suggest you don't really feel the full weight of responsibility that you should.

Edited May 2, 2013 by serial muse

[dreamingoftigers]

If your laptop clearly meant more to you than your girlfriend of 16 months and her NOT being completely humiliated, why in the heck should she care about your laptop?

 

Your work and your time? Please. You wasted 16 months of her time. And now you are whining about your laptop and trying to minimize your very disgusting actions. Ugh, it's gross.

 

Lucky, lucky girl to be free of you. Good thing you acted last an asshat long before she ended up with you longer or, God forbid married with a couple of kids.

 

You have serious maturity issues. Go and get evaluated.

 

By the way, within about 48 hours of getting news like that, and done folks much longer, people have this primal part of themselves go somewhat bonkers.

 

You clearly haven't been cheated on by someone you trust. Given how upset you are about your 'precious' laptop, you probably wouldn't handle being cheated on any much better than she did.

 

I think asking her to pay for it would be very good for her actually: she could really analyze all of the traits you have and add them to a mental list to eliminate red flags from future partners. She could tell earlier on that a potential boyfriend was disloyal, petty, unempathetic, narcissistic and played the victim. She could also see that he was unecessarily vindictive and materialistic. Did I miss one?

 

Plus, many people might not believe the cheating off-hand. But they'd believe that and more if you pursue her for the money on record in any way. You could really help her warn others that you could've dated about what an asshat you are.

 

I think you should write her a strongly-worded letter that criticizes her handling of the situation. That way she could put it on Facebook. Hey, look at that, there's a way you could get back on her Facebook! Not that you'd be unblocked or anything. But you would probably see your letter after it goes viral from people being disgusted with such moronic behaviour.

 

Please, please make it known how your the victim in this case. It may serve as a warning to so many others.

 

And honestly, most quality guys like a woman who won't take crap like this from douchey guys. You'd probably be helping her get far better dates. Quality Men tend to actually like a woman they can respect.

 

It's a good thing you met her OP. A doormat wouldn't have shown you many consequences. And during our youth we tend to need to learn that there ARE consequences to actions. You seem to think she should best the brunt of it while you walk away with.....maybe an apology?

[Toddbt12y1]

Hm. Guess I needn't say anything. After all...we all know what I'd say.

 

However. Feel lucky. Some men have lost their penis over cheating. That means more then any laptop.

 

Guy or girl. It is wrong. She shouldn't have smashed your stuff; but you should know how hard it is to control emotions..right?

[Keenly]

Whats wrong with you people? Now we just get to go breaking peoples stuff because we got hurt now? Are we all children?

 

 

Its never play to break some one else's things. Then you people justify willful destruction of property..... I can see the median mental maturity level is quite low today.

[Keenly]

ha. while you can't control your penis.

 

you broke her heart, she broke your...well, your laptop.

 

I would just move on. Be lucky she didn't break your jaw, because I would have.

 

Domestic violence... awesome.

 

 

So its okay for a man to punch a cheating woman right ?

 

 

If a woman cheats its okay to take a thousand dollars worth of clothes and make up and burn them all right ?

 

 

Nice to see who the adults are. You got your heart broke ? Deal with it. Not throw a temper tantrum like a toddler. I've been cheated on twice. Never was I stupid enough to even think about this crap .

 

 

You guys are just doing the "yeah woman scorned getting revenge... go girl!" And its ridiculous. Sure, he shouldn't have cheated, thats pretty bad. But if you really have that little control over your emotions maybe you shouldn't be dating in the first place.

[SensitiveTJ]

Whats wrong with you people? Now we just get to go breaking peoples stuff because we got hurt now? Are we all children?

 

 

Its never play to break some one else's things. Then you people justify willful destruction of property..... I can see the median mental maturity level is quite low today.

 

I find myself agreeing quite strongly with Keenly. Violent emotional outbursts which result in personal or property injury are never acceptable. I don't find what the girlfriend did to be acceptable at all. In the public high school I teach at this would be an easy suspension. Adults should know better. And I speak as someone who has suffered property damage from an unhappy woman. I'm pursuing that person for monetary compensation and I think the OP should as well.

 

 

All that being said, OP is still a jackass.

[Toddbt12y1]

Although it is wrong.

 

Material damage =/< mental damage that cheating can cause. And or the therapy after...will cost more then some laptop.

 

Ofc...I'm not implying she will need such. But it can result.

 

This is a case where both are wrong. But the destruction of a laptop doesn't compare to the mental destruction of someone cheating.

 

Cheating...is...in a way...a form of...mental abuse.

[dreamingoftigers]

Whats wrong with you people? Now we just get to go breaking peoples stuff because we got hurt now? Are we all children?

 

 

Its never play to break some one else's things. Then you people justify willful destruction of property..... I can see the median mental maturity level is quite low today.

 

Yes, when that stuff happens, we tend to go into a rather child-like mode in the instant.

 

Cheating is one of the very few triggers that tends to awaken it.

 

Many people have an even lower threshold to the point of addiction etc.

 

As we get older, and probably have dealt with cheating a time or two, those reactions get better and more mature. But at this point, 19 year olds. And frankly, I could barely contain myself from smashing my husband's laptop at 29, having already been through counseling etc.

 

My mother, passive for over 36 years of marriage hit my Dad so hard she broke her finger. I've NEVER seen ANYTHING remotely close Yo that from her in my life. She used to say that she would've never blamed the OW. and mentally/intellectually she doesn't. But she said she would often fantasize or dream of her getting murdered. My gentle, quiet mother. Insane. (things have calmed considerably, it's been 4 years).

 

Keenly, you know how quickly it boils you down to your base elements.

 

She didn't physically attack him. She took it out on his laptop and cut contact with him. At this age and that level of pain....that's getting off lucky.

 

Clearly it says something about human nature that the number one cause of homicide is cheating. A lot of people don't realize that.

 

We've seen people on here start revenge As within the week of finding out etc. Whole lists of behaviours that people just don't "wake up and try out for fun."

 

Not to mention the physiological effects. Surely you understand those. And the compounded distrust for the opposite sex.

 

Yeah, a laptop.......

 

It's not "right." But it's more than understandable.

[dreamingoftigers]

Honestly,

 

Truly, honestly, if I said to my husband "honey, I'm sorry, but I had an ONS with your friend."

 

I would expect nothing less than him going batsh*t for a few days.

 

I would expect nothing less than him taking between 2 to five years to heal and probably him divorcing me.

 

Because that's what happens.

 

He'd probably drive like an ass, drink, throw stuff, and possibly damage some of my property.

 

If he didn't, good on him. Good for him.

 

But I certainly wouldn't hold him to a higher standard of behaviour than myself considering the trauma it would inflict on him.

 

How do I know? He inflicted it on me.

 

Domestic violence... awesome.

 

 

So its okay for a man to punch a cheating woman right ?

 

 

If a woman cheats its okay to take a thousand dollars worth of clothes and make up and burn them all right ?

 

 

Nice to see who the adults are. You got your heart broke ? Deal with it. Not throw a temper tantrum like a toddler. I've been cheated on twice. Never was I stupid enough to even think about this crap .

 

 

You guys are just doing the "yeah woman scorned getting revenge... go girl!" And its ridiculous. Sure, he shouldn't have cheated, thats pretty bad. But if you really have that little control over your emotions maybe you shouldn't be dating in the first place.

[Toddbt12y1]

Agreed.

 

It took uncanny effort from me to resist revenge on my cheating ex. I never hit her nor destroyed anything of hers. Nor did I use photos to wreck her life.

 

I loved her too dearly to do that to her. However...it doesn't stop random thoughts of her paying the price. As I am sure she hasn't. It had affected my whole concept on justice. Worldly views. How I now perceive that there really is no justice; people defend these people, etc.

 

Surely...the mental damage is there. Fortunately...these thoughts are so rare now.

[Chi townD]

I understand it was wrong what I did but that was my precious laptop she broke. Damn it. Was that even deserved? Should I at least make her pay for breaking it? It was a new and good Toshiba laptop.

 

I swear I've never seen her this upset before. It's one thing to send me to hell (I deserve it) and go NC on me but to go all the way to breaking my nice laptop that cost me money? Wasn't this extreme?

 

 

So do I make her pay for my damaging it?

 

 

You're lucky that the laptop was the only thing she broke. I mean, seriously you get in an arguement and you screw one of her FRIENDS as a result of it? That's a pretty douche rocket thing to do.

 

Sorry, you're out a laptop and probably a girlfriend too!

[Treasa]

I remember one time, when I was very little, asking my mom what "C'est la vie" meant. She said, "It means '**** happens.'" For the longest time I thought that was the very literal translation (and wondered which word meant "****.")

 

So, as someone who has had bad things done to her without even provoking them, I would just like to say, "C'est la vie."

 

Man up, go after her for property damages if you really want to take that chance, and learn your lesson from this.

[Chi townD]

You need to look at it this way.

 

She broke your computer. But, you broke her heart.

 

Which one is more valuable?

[dreamingoftigers]

You need to look at it this way.

 

She broke your computer. But, you broke her heart.

 

Which one is more valuable?

 

To this clown: his computer.

[venusianx13]

Quite honestly, I believe you had the capacity to exercise more control while you were drunk and decided to screw her friend, than your girlfriend had at the moment she, in a fit of emotional despair, broke your laptop. I am in complete agreement with dreamingoftigers.

 

Perhaps you should put yourself in her position. Exchange your self with her... what would YOU have done, if you had come to find out suddenly that she had cheated on you with one of YOUR friends? Can you honestly say that you would not grab the closest (hopefully inanimate) object to you and smash it? Really, be honest with yourself.

 

I'm not saying that what she did was right, but I think it would take a highly emotionally disciplined person to refrain from doing such a thing...and let's face it, 98% of us really aren't.

[wild wolf]

You got drunk.

You f***ed her friend.

You told her.

She broke you laptop.

 

Putting your dick in another woman = angry girlfriend and broken laptop

 

Consequences for your actions, whether you feel her response was "right" or not.

 

Yeah. That just happened.

[DavidSoBased]

I understand it was wrong what I did but that was my precious laptop she broke. Damn it. Was that even deserved?

 

So do I make her pay for my damaging it?

 

You did. She broke your "precious" laptop? You broke her precious heart.

[xpaperxcutx]

Legally, you are in your rights to go after her for property damages. However, since you slept with her friend and cheated on her, does she not also have a right to go after one of your guy friends and cheat on you? Food for thought.

[Vega57]

As upset as you are about her breaking your computer, there IS such a thing as being PROVOKED. Provocation IS a legal defense in SOME states.

 

...which means, if it's a legal defense in YOUR state, you just might be s*** out of luck when you tell your sob story to a judge!

 

So, go ahead. Sue her. Take your chances.

 

Think that cheating on her "just happened"?

 

She can say that breaking your computer "just happened".

 

Seems to me like you got your "just desserts".