He proposed

[youngnlove89]

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Just kidding.

 

You don't even want to know what I did. I don't need to say it.

 

I am an idiot. A fool. Weak. Stupid. Lame. I deserve everything that is handed to me by him. I fall for it. Every time. I am 100% responsible for my heart break. I deserve every cruel name, I deserve to be crucified. I am at fault. Yell at me. Throw tomatoes at me. Beat me with your words.

 

Falling in love with an emotionally unavailable man has been one of the most taxing experiences. EVER. I can't handle it. Why did this happen to me when I have so much to offer someone.

 

I am now seeking guidance from a professional because to be honest, I will never learn unless I seek help. I will never overcome this unless I do. I am scared and vulnerable and weak. I am lost. I am a mess.

 

All because of me.

[hinatticus]

You got the first step covered, you now know this. Now do something about it. Counseling is a great option.

[sweetkiwi]

Sorry sweetheart. These are things some of us have to learn the hard way. It's up to you how fast however.

[KS11]

You're not alone..

 

 

Like an idiot I too, just answered a call..breaking nc...AGAIN. It literally is a case of not being able to take my hand away from the fire! and it burns more every time.

[mtnbiker3000]

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Just kidding.

 

You don't even want to know what I did. I don't need to say it.

 

I am an idiot. A fool. Weak. Stupid. Lame. I deserve everything that is handed to me by him. I fall for it. Every time. I am 100% responsible for my heart break. I deserve every cruel name, I deserve to be crucified. I am at fault. Yell at me. Throw tomatoes at me. Beat me with your words.

 

Falling in love with an emotionally unavailable man has been one of the most taxing experiences. EVER. I can't handle it. Why did this happen to me when I have so much to offer someone.

 

I am now seeking guidance from a professional because to be honest, I will never learn unless I seek help. I will never overcome this unless I do. I am scared and vulnerable and weak. I am lost. I am a mess.

 

All because of me.

 

Nice work!! Counseling has been HUGE for me, too. Although probably for different reasons, but who cares. You're on a roll. Go with it!!!

[Toddbt12y1]

I am glad you are fighting. That shows you will eventually overcome this. You are taking the right steps. I am proud of you.

 

Pretty girl. Keep up the battle. Victory is yours!

[McGriff]

You didn't "fail". You are in the process of learning. Life lessons can be brutal, but they are lessons nonetheless, and you are better for them. Keep your head up. You have alot more going for you than you think.

[cavalier99]

Im going to be the somewhat harsher. Just this morning i suggested nicely that you block him. You refused and got upset when other suggested the same in your other thread.

 

Our advise is based on experience and you know what is in store for you if you dont do everthing and anything in your power including blocking to avoid repeating the same mistakes..

 

This should be a no brainer and you should gladly follow thru on this advise because the way you have been doing this isnt working. You need to give up and let youself be guided and advised.

 

I also think that a counselor is a good idea. Hang strong! Cav

Edited May 2, 2013 by cavalier99

[EmptyWalls]

I am now seeking guidance from a professional because to be honest, I will never learn unless I seek help. I will never overcome this unless I do. I am scared and vulnerable and weak. I am lost. I am a mess.

 

But remember you're not alone. We all make mistakes, we even keep making them and tell ourselves so. You made a mistake... oh well forgive your self and move on. You love him! I know that and there is nothing wrong with that. But love your self more! I'm just starting to realize this... We loved them more then we loved ourselves. We put so much of our happiness and our life to revolve around them.

 

Time to be a little selfish, we can't change who they are no matter how bad we want to. Maybe in time they will change, maybe they never will. I've never been much of a gambler. If I can see it well it kinda helps the credibility. Don't worry no biggie, you slipped, caught your self and now back on your way.

 

Btw the whole proposal thing... LOL.

[316]

You're stronger than this ynl... Glad you've decided to choose counselling. Nothing wrong with asking for outside help.

[Simon Phoenix]

Im going to be the somewhat harsher. Just this morning i suggested nicely that you block him. You refused and got upset when other suggested the same in your other thread.

 

Our advise is based on experience and you know what is in store for you if you dont do everthing and anything in your power including blocking to avoid repeating the same mistakes..

 

This should be a no brainer and you should gladly follow thru on this advise because the way you have been doing this isnt working. You need to give up and let youself be guided and advised.

 

I also think that a counselor is a good idea. Hang strong! Cav

 

Concur with all of this. Eventually you have to come to the conclusion that your approach just isn't working. Blocking his number is a necessary step. Counseling is a great step. But yeah, repeating the same thing hoping for a different result is foolhardy.

[mtnbiker3000]

But yeah, repeating the same thing hoping for a different result is foolhardy.

 

= insanity

[flowergirl13]

I don't understand why is the post thread titled "he proposed"?

 

YNL, I'm new to the forum but from your last posts, I sort of went back to read your story. I am so sorry you've even put through hell and back. I can understand havin those darkest days and seeking solace and comfort in someone can make it hard to move on and let go.

 

At the same time, everyone seems giving you the same advice.... They may all communicate it differently but it seems these total strangers seem to care more about your wellbeing and your pain than your ex does!!!! Shouldn't that count for something? So many people have read your story, and I assume you find comfort in that (with a title like that I couldn't not ignore it), and were all vouching for you!!! But.. I think you need to make a conscious decision to do this for yourself first.

 

I'm also stuck in a rut and a never ending cycle and I don't claim to be more knowledgable or experienced. Probably the opposite. I'm also feeling insecure and unsure about my relationship. But, these few days I tried to keep myself busy and tried to see that some things are out of my control. I can't eat much can't sleep either but I saw a DR, took a day off work to recuperate and joined the gym. I been going everyday to give myself a distraction.

 

What im tryin to say is you gotta look after yourself too. Love yourself first. Learn to forgive yourself and stop feeling guilty. Don't be so hard on yourself and blaming everything on yourself. You are governed by your emotions. If you change your thought patterns your feelings will change and you'll find that inner peace. It won't come at once cus there's always a lag between your thoughts and your feelings. But it will.

 

Good luck with counseling and look after yourself.

[Kobe2345]

Oh snaps lol, i really thought the He proposed was for reals...

 

What a troll...

[na49]

JESUS! IS THAT YOU IN YOUR PROFILE PICTURE? GOD DAMN!

 

seriously though, these pity party threads have to stop. I know how helpful it is to vent, but you're insulting yourself. I hope you don't believe all of this crap you're writing because it's just that. Crap. (the things about you "deserving this" and being an idiot)

 

Counseling was the most helpful thing I did when trying to cope with my BU. It's nice to get advice from everyone here, but I found that talking about things with my counselor was more helpful because hearing the advice in person just made it stick for me. Getting a completely different way to think about everything is a big help.

[youngnlove89]

Thank you everyone. I really didn't think I would get this kind of response, I thought people would swear to ban me and never reply to a post of mine again!

 

And na49, it's nice to see you again, where have you been? And my intentions were not to throw a pity party, but to really show you how I feel about myself. I don't respect myself.

 

Today has been emotionally draining for me. I came home and slept for almost 4 hours. I woke up groggy and soulfully beaten.

 

I don't know what will happen after this. I'm at my wits end. I feel like taking a bottle of pills and ending it, I feel like jumping in a pool of ice cold water just to feel something, I feel like screaming on top of the highest building in the city, I feel like falling asleep and never waking up again, I feel like jumping out in front of a car, I feel like lustfully giving my body away just for the hell of it, but you see....I say this because I don't feel anything right now. I am numb. I have clocked out.

[Toddbt12y1]

Hey!

 

How dare you talk about taking your life like that!

 

You are worth more than simply dying over some guy!

 

Counseling. Maybe depressive meds. Not the end of your life. Aren't you worth more than one boy?!

 

Argh! It pisses me off. You want to see someone who's killed themselves, I can arrange a trip for you to my hospital. We get people who off themselves all the time.

 

We'll let you look.

 

Life is beautiful. Not worth ending over something like this. You need help. You need to realize that time and what you - and where you put your energies, is where you will end up!

 

Put your heart to other things. Not in some cave over some jerkoff.

 

You are far too pretty, far too nice...to end up like this. You are taking meds right? Although, with your comment of an overdose..

 

Have respect for yourself. See yourself as a treasure, and not some penny tossed to the street. Endure and find someone better! But you won't when you are crying and wanting to die!

[Seachelle1]

I feel like jumping out in front of a car.

 

Please go to a therapist as soon as possible. I think everyone here genuinely likes you. You've gone through a ton in the past bit. There is a crisis line for some of what you're going through and you can always come here. You need help.

 

If you're on the west coast and up for a bit of an adventure, I'm planning a writing/Pacific Crest Trail trek in August. I'm not gonna do a ton, only about 300 miles. I wouldn't mind company. Sometimes, when the going gets hard you need a vacation.

 

Survive this and it will get better little by little. Life is wonderful and it WILL get better.

[flowergirl13]

Thank you everyone. I really didn't think I would get this kind of response, I thought people would swear to ban me and never reply to a post of mine again!

 

And na49, it's nice to see you again, where have you been? And my intentions were not to throw a pity party, but to really show you how I feel about myself. I don't respect myself.

 

Today has been emotionally draining for me. I came home and slept for almost 4 hours. I woke up groggy and soulfully beaten.

 

I don't know what will happen after this. I'm at my wits end. I feel like taking a bottle of pills and ending it, I feel like jumping in a pool of ice cold water just to feel something, I feel like screaming on top of the highest building in the city, I feel like falling asleep and never waking up again, I feel like jumping out in front of a car, I feel like lustfully giving my body away just for the hell of it, but you see....I say this because I don't feel anything right now. I am numb. I have clocked out.

 

MISS PLEASE DONT THINK LIKE THAT.............. I understand that groggy feeling, like nothing is worth doing and nothing is worth focusing on. You have no energy, you have no motivation and you just wanna hide in a hole.

 

Do you know what I do? I drive to a park, and I sit in my car and I cry and wail and scream until I'm on the verge of an asthma attack. but I get it all out and I feel maybe 20% better... but IT HELPS...

 

Try to channel your negative energy.... Please try help yourself..

[Seachelle1]

And I've been there. I'm still going through some of it, still going to counseling but counseling HELPS.

[all_cats_rgray]

Dam my brain, when I saw the title the first thoughts in my head where

"Its possible"

 

Concealing has helped BUT you have to be patient, I went in there thinking okay. Lets get this done, a few months right, and I ill be better.

 

It take longer and harder then you think.

 

BUT the first think iv learned is don't be so hard on yourself.

 

Everyone and anyone desires love and commitment. You make it sound like your a horrid person. We both need some ego boosting.

[Toddbt12y1]

Anyone who endures, such heartache is a powerful, and special person.

 

Many of you are that.

 

I know what it is like to be treated like crap. Played, and treated like crap more. Be a doormat, and be thrust headlong into the damnation of despair. My ex was a terrible person.

 

I endured. I suffered for a hell of a long time. I went through deep anger.

 

What you need to realize is: You are basing your happiness off another person. People let you down. You shouldn't base your happiness off of others. At their successes, or at your love for them.

 

Be happy with yourself. And live, endure. Be strong. Do not waste your beauty forever darling.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thank you everyone. I really didn't think I would get this kind of response, I thought people would swear to ban me and never reply to a post of mine again!

 

And na49, it's nice to see you again, where have you been? And my intentions were not to throw a pity party, but to really show you how I feel about myself. I don't respect myself.

 

Today has been emotionally draining for me. I came home and slept for almost 4 hours. I woke up groggy and soulfully beaten.

 

I don't know what will happen after this. I'm at my wits end. I feel like taking a bottle of pills and ending it, I feel like jumping in a pool of ice cold water just to feel something, I feel like screaming on top of the highest building in the city, I feel like falling asleep and never waking up again, I feel like jumping out in front of a car, I feel like lustfully giving my body away just for the hell of it, but you see....I say this because I don't feel anything right now. I am numb. I have clocked out.

 

Let's not go from zero to 100 here. Let's try the counseling/blocking route for a bit. It's not going to be easy, but you need to come up with a plan to do this. You've worked purely on emotional and feel for a while now and it's become clear to you that your approach just isn't the right one in this situation and you are panicking. But unfortunately, the heart can be a bit of a retard sometimes.

 

But instead of going into pillpopping/demeaning casual sex with strangers mode, relax and try a new approach. Give counseling a real try. Really block your ex from everything instead of trying to test yourself. This s--t isn't a game -- you don't get points for degree of difficulty. You have to give yourself a real chance to heal. You have refused to at this point, which is why you continue to be in a funk. Venting is great, but venting without having a plan to move forward is useless. Please give yourself an actual chance and have a process -- don't give up and cave at the first moment of adversity. Because adversity is going to come.

[EmptyWalls]

WOW!! I knew you were down and having a little bit of a setback but trust me taking your life is not the answer. I went through these same suicidal feelings the first couple of months of my break up. I still get them from time to time but just know there's so many people out there that care about you. People on here! People in your life rather it be your mom, dad, sister, brother, cousin, nephew, niece, friends, whoever. I would be selfish for taking my own life over some person who didn't care about me.

 

I thought maybe taking my life will make her see or if I hurt my self she will come running. But in the end I realized that is not the answer. We are to young and to good of people to end it like that. So many people will be hurt by this loss and we (I know I) experienced loss in my life before, I cant put the people I care about and love through something like that. Seek professional help if these thoughts keep occurring please!! Come here and post we are all here for you, tell your family, hell e-mail me [email protected] ill give you my number and talk you down everytime if need be. Ive said it before ill say it again life throws obstacles our way that we must overcome but the biggest one is ourselves!! Your strong, beautiful, kind, you have a good heart qualities that are to important to be taken away over something like this. Come on girl....

[Els]

You need to stop bashing on yourself and talking about how you 'deserve' everything he did to you, really. It's not healthy. It's just a mistake made, learn from it and learn what you TRULY deserve - someone who treats you as well as you treat them.