He proposed

[aisuru]

Awww girl... I understand.

 

You want to make a point with suicide, but guess what? You won't be here to see how he responds. Not worth it.

 

Counseling is AMAZING! I've done it off and on and am in it right now. Use it to learn how to take better care of you and find out why you're attracted to emotionally unavailable guys. If you're like me, it's a self sabotage habit.

 

Right now, you're remembering how your behavior of any contact felt good so you allow your thoughts to think the what if.

 

My therapist is constantly on me about THOUGHTS - FEELINGS - BEHAVIORS. We have thoughts that impact our feelings which then impact our behaviors. You need to find a behavior that gives you the same feeling contacting him does.

 

You'll be okay. It just takes time.

[ThatJustHappened]

YnL you naughty girl! I TOTALLY believed the title of this thread when I first saw it!

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. You screwed up by falling for his bs but you're doing the right thing now and seeking help. You deserve tons of credit for that love.

[youngnlove89]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the support. It has helped me immensely.

 

I know I need to get help. I have many issues (besides just my relationship) that I need to front and resolve; parent's divorce, my dad cheating, losing family, relationship issues and my rape.

 

It will be a long process. I found out through my insurance that therapy will only be covered if you are "sick" enough. Other than that, it is self pay.

 

Hopefully I am "sick" enough. As awful as that sounds...

[Toddbt12y1]

I hope you do get the help you need. You really are a beautiful young woman. Life has been beyond difficult for you. You have survived. You will again.

 

You're amazing Young. Anyone would feel blessed with you. Only fools wouldn't.

 

Hugs*

[youngnlove89]

I hope you do get the help you need. You really are a beautiful young woman. Life has been beyond difficult for you. You have survived. You will again.

 

You're amazing Young. Anyone would feel blessed with you. Only fools wouldn't.

 

Hugs*

 

Thank you, you are so sweet.

[Toddbt12y1]

Thank you, you are so sweet.

 

See. That's what I wanna see. Is a nice smile

[naomii]

I just want to say that i have read your story and its scary how similar our situations are. Mine has been going on for 3 years now. He doesnt like me to move on and I've always caved in every time. He doesn't love me, he just loves to control me. I'm on NC day 2 after he set me back from 4 days NC by showing up at my apartment door! Didn't let me know he was coming or anything, just showed up, told me he missed me, but nothing had changed. He still won't commit to me after 3 years. He's a very cold, manipulative, dark person and very unstable. We both deserve better.

[soccerrprp]

You seem to be a nice person and no one deserves to be treated like last night's rubbish. Good that you are seeking help. Many people are apprehensive about that and try to deal with things on their own. You've taken ownership and have a plan of action that you know that you need. GOOD FOR YOU!

[youngnlove89]

I just want to say that i have read your story and its scary how similar our situations are. Mine has been going on for 3 years now. He doesnt like me to move on and I've always caved in every time. He doesn't love me, he just loves to control me. I'm on NC day 2 after he set me back from 4 days NC by showing up at my apartment door! Didn't let me know he was coming or anything, just showed up, told me he missed me, but nothing had changed. He still won't commit to me after 3 years. He's a very cold, manipulative, dark person and very unstable. We both deserve better.

 

Really? I am starting to see that commitment issues isn't as rare as I thought. It's hard to let go of someone you had hope for.

 

How are you doing with NC?

[naomii]

Really? I am starting to see that commitment issues isn't as rare as I thought. It's hard to let go of someone you had hope for.

 

How are you doing with NC?

 

well the fact that hes on dating sites now is forcing me to move on, although he likes to come back anyway. He's looking for my replacement while still trying to string me along! I can easily go without contacting him, its when he starts contacting me or showing up at my place is when i become weak and give in. Today is day two. He'll come begging back in a few more days like he always does. I miss him but he's treated me so horribly (although there were good times which is what makes it hard to move on sometimes) that i really just hope he doesnt come back anymore. He'll never change, and I feel sorry for his next girlfriend. All of his exes have said he's cold, dark and manipulative and he's the most selfish person i've ever met in my life. I still wonder why I fell for a guy like him when hes the complete opposite of what i want. I guess it is the hope we had for them, like you said.

[youngnlove89]

well the fact that hes on dating sites now is forcing me to move on, although he likes to come back anyway. He's looking for my replacement while still trying to string me along! I can easily go without contacting him, its when he starts contacting me or showing up at my place is when i become weak and give in. Today is day two. He'll come begging back in a few more days like he always does. I miss him but he's treated me so horribly (although there were good times which is what makes it hard to move on sometimes) that i really just hope he doesnt come back anymore. He'll never change, and I feel sorry for his next girlfriend. All of his exes have said he's cold, dark and manipulative and he's the most selfish person i've ever met in my life. I still wonder why I fell for a guy like him when hes the complete opposite of what i want. I guess it is the hope we had for them, like you said.

 

The thing I learned about commitment phobic men is that they can't commit to you and they can't commit to leaving you either.

 

My ex was that way. He was on a dating site awhile back but then would show up at my door, make the first call, send me a bunch of texts, write me an email, do everything he could till I responded. Even though he knew I was trying to move on.

 

They will always have these issues till they seek therapy. That's how it is.

 

We have two choices:

We can accept them for what they are

or

Move on

 

Eventually one of two things will happen, they will realize we are worth their commitment or we will realize they aren't worth ours.

[McGriff]

Ynl,

 

I know many of us here know the pain you are going through. All of us, even though our facts may be different, are feeling that same helpless feeling of lost love. I hate to hear that you have started to feel the lowest of the lows. It sucks. I have been there, believe me, but when I started getting too low, I always think about people who are REALLY less fortunate. If you have a chance, go get some cookies and take them to a children's cancer ward at a local hospital. It will really put things in perspective for you. Tell the kids your heartbreak story and watch them lift your spirits. There is no better therapy, and its free. they will show you what love is. Ultimately, we are going through a horrible thing, but it could be much much worse. You are an attractive, intelligent woman. You could probably have any man you wanted if you set your mind to it. Seriously, keep looking towards the big picture of life. There will be many setbacks, no doubt, but I PROMISE you, 5 years from now you will look back and see the insignificance of this little chapter of the novel that is your life. Cheer up sweetie.

[youngnlove89]

Ynl,

 

I know many of us here know the pain you are going through. All of us, even though our facts may be different, are feeling that same helpless feeling of lost love. I hate to hear that you have started to feel the lowest of the lows. It sucks. I have been there, believe me, but when I started getting too low, I always think about people who are REALLY less fortunate. If you have a chance, go get some cookies and take them to a children's cancer ward at a local hospital. It will really put things in perspective for you. Tell the kids your heartbreak story and watch them lift your spirits. There is no better therapy, and its free. they will show you what love is. Ultimately, we are going through a horrible thing, but it could be much much worse. You are an attractive, intelligent woman. You could probably have any man you wanted if you set your mind to it. Seriously, keep looking towards the big picture of life. There will be many setbacks, no doubt, but I PROMISE you, 5 years from now you will look back and see the insignificance of this little chapter of the novel that is your life. Cheer up sweetie.

 

You can really do that? How? I just walk in and say I'd like to see the cancer ward? I wouldn't know how to go about that, but I think I'd really enjoy that. Have you done that?

[iouaname]

I don't know what will happen after this. I'm at my wits end. I feel like taking a bottle of pills and ending it, I feel like jumping in a pool of ice cold water just to feel something, I feel like screaming on top of the highest building in the city, I feel like falling asleep and never waking up again, I feel like jumping out in front of a car, I feel like lustfully giving my body away just for the hell of it, but you see....I say this because I don't feel anything right now. I am numb. I have clocked out.

 

I know how you feel, I have been there as well. I have been suicidal before - because I have just felt so bad about myself and felt like I had no way of pulling myself out of it, and that just going to sleep and never waking up would be the easiest thing. It was never that I wanted to hurt myself or that I wanted to die necessarily, it was just that I didn't want to deal. What I've learned though is that dealing is what makes you stronger. I'm not there myself, but I am holding on to hope that if I just keep pushing, I'll get there.

[naomii]

The thing I learned about commitment phobic men is that they can't commit to you and they can't commit to leaving you either.

 

My ex was that way. He was on a dating site awhile back but then would show up at my door, make the first call, send me a bunch of texts, write me an email, do everything he could till I responded. Even though he knew I was trying to move on.

 

They will always have these issues till they seek therapy. That's how it is.

 

We have two choices:

We can accept them for what they are

or

Move on

 

Eventually one of two things will happen, they will realize we are worth their commitment or we will realize they aren't worth ours.

 

 

That's exactly true. I'd ask him if he wanted to go our separate ways or work on things, and he wouldn't give me an answer. He doesn't want to commit to leaving me, but he also doesn't want to commit to me. So i'm on attempt number 204848393 of trying to move on. He's sure as hell not going to change or commit if i keep making it so easy on him. It'd take months or years of not taking him back for that to happen, and lots of self improvement on his part, but by then i most likely won't want him anymore. We both just need to stick to NC, go through the pain and find someone who will love us the way we love them.

[youngnlove89]

That's exactly true. I'd ask him if he wanted to go our separate ways or work on things, and he wouldn't give me an answer. He doesn't want to commit to leaving me, but he also doesn't want to commit to me. So i'm on attempt number 204848393 of trying to move on. He's sure as hell not going to change or commit if i keep making it so easy on him. It'd take months or years of not taking him back for that to happen, and lots of self improvement on his part, but by then i most likely won't want him anymore. We both just need to stick to NC, go through the pain and find someone who will love us the way we love them.

 

Naomii, has he been a "boyfriend" or just more than a friend, less than a lover? Were you in a relationship or a pseudo relationship? I don't really know your story that well. Has he broken up with you every time, or have you too?

 

Does he want to get married, have kids one day? Live together? Take you on trips? Buy you things?

 

I giggled at the bold part, because that's exactly how I feel.

[naomii]

Naomii, has he been a "boyfriend" or just more than a friend, less than a lover? Were you in a relationship or a pseudo relationship? I don't really know your story that well. Has he broken up with you every time, or have you too?

 

Does he want to get married, have kids one day? Live together? Take you on trips? Buy you things?

 

I giggled at the bold part, because that's exactly how I feel.

 

we started out as friends with benefits. he then got a girlfriend for a few months, didnt work out, came back to me. i told him i wanted more and that was 2 years ago. he wont call me his girlfriend but wont go away. i'm usually the one that breaks up with him, but hes always the one to come crawling back. he doesnt want to get married or have kids (so he says, but hes just unsure right now because hes really unstable and doesnt even have a job at the moment, he said ask him again in 5 years when i told him i wanted to be a mother). he was supposed to move in with me last summer but he bailed. the most we do together is go to his friends house and drink or go to a bar, or he'll come over my place or i'll go to his and we'll hang out. he's never had a good relationship in his life and probably never will just because he doesnt know how to treat people. he's very self-centered and has a lot of growing up to do even though he's 25 years old.

[McGriff]

You can really do that? How? I just walk in and say I'd like to see the cancer ward? I wouldn't know how to go about that, but I think I'd really enjoy that. Have you done that?

 

I live in Houston, and yes you can. The children's cancer center here is one if the best in the world. I have done it before through my law office. I would just call first and let them know you'd like to donate, and I'm sure they'd be happy to oblige and tell you when the best times are to come in. You wanna talk about feeling good about yourself...one of the most rewarding things I've ever done.

[naomii]

oh also, its not even about sex at this point. we dont have sex very often anymore. he just misses seeing me and talking to me i guess, because we do get along in a lot of ways, its just him not committing that causes all of our problems and i dont see him as a friend because he wont give me time to move on if thats what he wants.

[youngnlove89]

oh also, its not even about sex at this point. we dont have sex very often anymore. he just misses seeing me and talking to me i guess, because we do get along in a lot of ways, its just him not committing that causes all of our problems and i dont see him as a friend because he wont give me time to move on if thats what he wants.

 

 

Hm. Do you think there is a possibility that there are other girls involved?

 

My ex and I had tons of sex, although I know it wasn't based on that because there would be times we didn't have it.

 

Fact remains, we both deserve more and we need to move on. We can try to make excuses for them, say this or that, but it doesn't matter. What matters is we need to see that we deserve more and realize that they won't give us more.

 

Maybe in your case, if you ignore him and go NC, he will realize he messed up. But he won't change unless major time has passed, like 6+ months. Actually, they won't change till they get help. Right now it seems like he is just using you to pass the time till something better comes along (something that was hard for me to face regarding my ex).

[naomii]

Hm. Do you think there is a possibility that there are other girls involved?

 

My ex and I had tons of sex, although I know it wasn't based on that because there would be times we didn't have it.

 

Fact remains, we both deserve more and we need to move on. We can try to make excuses for them, say this or that, but it doesn't matter. What matters is we need to see that we deserve more and realize that they won't give us more.

 

Maybe in your case, if you ignore him and go NC, he will realize he messed up. But he won't change unless major time has passed, like 6+ months. Actually, they won't change till they get help. Right now it seems like he is just using you to pass the time till something better comes along (something that was hard for me to face regarding my ex).

 

no, theres no other girls involved --- yet. we used to spend most of our time together. im sure he'll meet up with some from the dating sites hes just joined. and yeah, he is using me in a sense. i guess going NC is my only option because he'll either realize he messed up, and if not i'll still be moving on. It sucks but he's only one guy on this planet that doesnt want to be with me, yet there are lots of guys that would be! i think a relationship with him woulnt be what i would want anyway just based on some of his traits (selfishness, cold, manipulative, etc). he does have some good traits though and thats what attracted me to him.

 

oh and i know he's not having sex with anyone else. he can hardly last anymore during sex! sorry, tmi. haha.

[Toddbt12y1]

I live in Houston, and yes you can. The children's cancer center here is one if the best in the world. I have done it before through my law office. I would just call first and let them know you'd like to donate, and I'm sure they'd be happy to oblige and tell you when the best times are to come in. You wanna talk about feeling good about yourself...one of the most rewarding things I've ever done.

 

I'll back this up.

 

As I work in a hospital. Not a "cancer Ward" but same principal I would imagine.

 

She will need to contact HR and let them know if she can volunteer. Most likely she can. She will then have to attend special class for at least a day(different with different facilities ). Pretty simple really.

[youngnlove89]

I'll back this up.

 

As I work in a hospital. Not a "cancer Ward" but same principal I would imagine.

 

She will need to contact HR and let them know if she can volunteer. Most likely she can. She will then have to attend special class for at least a day(different with different facilities ). Pretty simple really.

 

That is awesome. Thank you for bringing this up. Well, now I have plans for the weekend!