puffalumpot Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 I have been friends with Mark for 1 year and 4 mos, we met in pottery class but it wasn't until after 7 months that I started to feel like I was getting "vibes" from him so then I started really paying attention. Our friendship grew, mostly because I was encouraging it and making myself available and we started to bond and share things about ourselves with each other that we didn't share with the rest of our classmates. We always have a great time laughing and joking with each other and generally there aren't many topics we shy away from. He's 31 and I'm 35 - he was in a relationship when I first met him but it fizzled. I have asked him why he wasn't married and he said that he wanted to fix some things about himself and become financially stable first. We have had several opportunities outside of class to be together and we always have great conversations. About two months ago I was tired of trying to figure out if he liked me or not and knew that if he didn't I needed to move on so I call him up *quite nervous* and told him I liked him and that if he was interested in pursuing anything, I would be too. Then I tried to get off the phone because I needed to go PUKE and he stopped me and continued talking and then asked "is this a one time offer" to which I replied "kind of" mainly because I wasn't thinking straight and wasn't expecting that question and also because at that moment I really wanted to die. Since this time we have continued to come into contact with each other and there hasn't ever been any awkwardness. I did call him up a week later and invited him to have drinks at a bar with me and a friend and he came and we had fun like always. He also does handyman work on the side and I asked him to replace my kitchen linoleum and I would pay him. He said he was interested but then I didn't hear from him for a couple weeks so then I was thinking I needed to move on but I ended up calling him again him and he said he had just been busy but came over the next morning and got started for what he anticipated to be a day and a half project. He decided that I could help him with some computer work and we would call it even. Well he now has been over 5 times to work on my floor - three of which have been full days - and we have really had fun interacting. The rapport we built from our pottery class has always included sublte suggestive teasing. This past Sunday after we had spent a 2 hour lunch break talking during which he *finally* told me his middle name (which for some reason in my head means FULL ON LOVE) he says that it is his turn to ask me questions and asks "when was the last time you had sex". Well initially I wasn't going to answer but he persisted and we ended up asking each other lots of other intimate follow-up questions -- however at some point I felt really vulnerable after being so forthcoming and I say "I don't think it is fair for you to ask me about sex when you know I like you" because in my head, why is he asking if he isn't interested because that seriously started to stir things up in me. I have made it clear that I am not into casual sex. So at some point when I am talking (instead of shutting up!) he says "what if I am trying to see if I'm interested" however, because I was talking and flustered I didn't stop and ask him about that. Anyhow we continued the day with the same type of light-hearted fun, giving each other **** and teasing. So here's where I am at: does this guy *like* me? Does the fact that he asked about my sexual history mean he needs it for his personal knowledge for a potential relationship or is this just idle chatter? Without even asking me about my sexual history he should already know enough about me to have been able to determine whether he is "interested" or not. I feel like we have great chemistry and that the one stumbling block may be that I am ready for a relationship and he isn't at a point in his life for something serious; although he hasn't ever said that to me. He has plans to come over again next week but should I come to the conclusion that obviously since he hasn't asked me out that he doesn't like me in the way I want him to? I'm not very patient . . . Thanks in advance for any advice. Puffa Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 It seems like he would have made the first move by now if he really likes you. About two months ago I was tired of trying to figure out if he liked me or not and knew that if he didn't I needed to move on so I call him up *quite nervous* and told him I liked him and that if he was interested in pursuing anything, I would be too. Then I tried to get off the phone because I needed to go PUKE and he stopped me and continued talking and then asked "is this a one time offer" to which I replied "kind of" mainly because I wasn't thinking straight and wasn't expecting that question and also because at that moment I really wanted to die. He either thought you were talking about a one-night stand OR that he had to decide whether or not to pursue a relationship with you now, meaning he might not be ready for one, and he did say he wasn't currently financially stable. Either way, he should have let you know how he feels about you by now. I mean, you did, which took a lot. The 2 weeks on no contact from him about the linoleum job (obviously an attempt by you to see him more, and he knows that) is a sign. I would stop calling him, because it looks like you are doing all the calling, and just let him do all the work from now. You are trying too hard!!! Chris Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 I am ready for a relationship and he isn't at a point in his life for something serious; although he hasn't ever said that to me. yes he has... I have asked him why he wasn't married and he said that he wanted to fix some things about himself and become financially stable first. Does the fact that he asked about my sexual history mean he needs it for his personal knowledge for a potential relationship or is this just idle chatter? It's not idle chatter - it's wholly inappropriate. He shouldn't have asked you. I'm not very patient . . . Sounds to me like you've been very patient. If I didn't know better I would say this guy is stringing you along. You've put your cards on the table more than once..... and told him I liked him and that if he was interested in pursuing anything, I would be too. ......"I don't think it is fair for you to ask me about sex when you know I like you" and he hasn't asked you out. I agree with mightlybop - I would stop calling him, because it looks like you are doing all the calling, and just let him do all the work from now. You are trying too hard!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author puffalumpot Posted September 24, 2004 Author Share Posted September 24, 2004 I appreciate the advice from both of you. I am going to really follow it too - leave it in his court to make the next moves. I have a big fear of liking him more than he likes me which will only lead me into a relationship with major insecurity. Thanks, Puffa Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 Good that's what I like to hear. You have let him know that you like him. Now it's his turn. If anything, act as if it's no big deal now (almost as if you have lost interest) and that will make him want you more (if he does). Make him (without doing anything) express his true feelings. Chris Link to post Share on other sites
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