Does "Compatibility" Matter?

[MassiveAtom]

How "compatible" are you with your S.O. Do you like the same things? Have the same backgrounds? Share the same dreams, live complimentary. Can and do you consider your S.O.s feelings, needs and wants as carefully as you consider your own? Is there really such a thing as interdependency? And if you aren't all that "compatible" how do you make it work? Or do you?

 

And lastly, just what IS "compatibility?"

 

Please no advice, I'm asking a question about realities. I'd like to get a bead on the actualities of the Marriagebuilders concepts.

 

 

Thanks

 

mA

[VivianLee]

Viv and Mr. Viv dating...

 

We both liked to talk about our childhood

We both liked horror movies

We both liked reading

We both were intelligent

We both were religious

We both were Crimson Tide fans and love football (he was a player and I was a cheerleader)

We both changed schools alot (due to moving, his father in construction, my father a minister)

We LOVE making love with each other

 

Viv and Mr. Viv married....

 

We both like to talk about our childhood (he doesn't show as much interest in my stories anymore)

We both like horror movies (I don't like to watch movies all the time, he watches the same ones over and over when going to sleep)

We both like reading (he is always surprising me with a book!! I read at least one book a week, he is now getting into some of my favorite authors, such as Patricia Cornwell)

We both are intelligent (but I don't think he thinks I am anymore)

We both are religious

We both are Crimson Tide fans (that never changes) and love football

He is in college now (Double Major, Bible and Pre-law), I quit after a year for one semester (I was a History major and Pre-law) to get married but didn't go back because I got pregnant 3 months after getting married

I like making love, he isn't interested anymore....

 

We have more in common than as far as interests....we are what most would say "compatible" however, we handle our relationship totally differently.

 

He is a secretive person (he hides things from me for no good reason), he would rather just ignore our problems and live in the present situation. He is easy going about everything to the point that he forgets alot of things and can be disorganized....

 

I am more secretive than I used to be but I'm basically still an open book. I want to discuss things and have a solution. I'm a perfectionist and organized but easy going (if there is such an animal).....

 

So we're different...big deal, it would be boring if we were exact clones of each other.

 

So having said all that to answer your original question...

 

We like the same things....(some of that grew out of the one being interested which caused the other to grow an interest)...except for sex....I am MUCH MORE interested!!

 

Our backgrounds are different as daylight and dark. I came from an UBER religious family (almost... no.. totally fanatical), he came from a family that did just about anything and everything BUT we both felt loved by our parents and feel they did the best they could for us.

 

Our dreams are pretty much the same.

 

I haven't always tried but I do now consider his feelings needs and wants and I feel he does the same for me.

 

I don't know what interdependency is?? Will ya tell me??

 

Compatibility.....hummmm.....okay, when I'm tired and dealing with a situation, the most soothing thought I get in my head is the end of the day when we get to bed and he's got his "comfort movie" on ( ) and I'm reading a novel by lamplight and the ceiling fan is spinning nice cool air on us and I feel safe and happy, I found out not too long ago (without telling him this which I should have done, it would have made him feel good) that he feels the exact same way.....he gets through the day thinking about that time of day....we now call it our "Ahhhh time"! (now if I can just add some WILD SEX to it, it will be perfect!!)....

 

By Jove....I think Mr. Viv and I are compatible!! Now if we can work out the other quirks....we may be on to something!!

[MassiveAtom]

That was really nice. Awwww.

[Moose]

My marriage is living proof that exact opposites can have a long healthy relationship.

 

Do we like the same things?

 

If you're talking about food, tv shows, activities....then that would be a yes. Some thing like working outside doing landscaping or building things I can't get her to do. But she can't convince me to stay in and read books either. But we both like crime shows, bowling, dancing, and cookouts.

 

Do we have the same backgrounds?

 

Absolutley not!! I was born on the east coast to a "Fly nut", one whose employed by the U.S. Air Force. So I traveled country to country for the first 8 years or so of my life. Then Mom and Dad divorced. We lived on the east coast until I was twelve, then Mom and Step-Dad got divorced. We then moved to the Mid-West were Mom married an alcoholic, wife and kid abuser. I spent 3 years there getting the crap beat out of me constantly. I left home at 15 with my own car, finished High School living at one friends house a month or two, then another friends house another month or two until I was able to finish and get a good job. I then continued to college and got married my first year in.

 

My wife was born in Iowa to a humble Christian family. She's never seen her Mom and Dad in an arguement, let alone raise their voices at each other. She's never really seen them kiss each other either. They lived in Iowa most of her childhood in one home. They moved to the mid-west when my wife was 10 and has been here since. She was a member of the, "Highlanders", a drum corp in her high school and never missed a day of Church in her entire life. She was extremely popular and her family was well respected in the Church community. Her whole family sings in the choir and with each other. Her's was a picture perfect good ole American family.

 

Do we share the same dreams?

 

In my mind, I'm living my dream. To have a stable loving family with a fatihful wife and smart kids. Nice house and property, a place that is my refuge, I know that this is my home and that I'm secure here. Mom and Dad won't up and say, "We're getting divorced and then we're moving again." My wife's dream is to be a homemaker. It's been her life long ambition to be one. She used to get teased about it when she was a little girl. And even now some of her friends can't believe that it's what she's always wanted to do. The dream that we both have together is that someday when the kids are all grown up and on their own, we're going to buy a nice RV with a Honda Goldwing Trike and travel the country and Canada.

 

Then the last scence we want in our lives is a picture of her and I on the front deck on a swinging love seat, old and gray, smiling as the golden sun hits our faces and the shadows of our grandkids, and great grandkids dance on our clothes. So yes, we share the same dreams.

 

Do we compliment each others lives?

 

I know that she does mine. And I like to believe that somehow I do hers. Her consistency and values have played a huge role in the way I developed as a man. I never knew that two people could be as committed to each other as we are. I always believed, or at least thought 2 people couldn't stay together forever. She's showed me that it is possible. That every problem has a solution. That it takes work on both ends to form that strength a heathy marriage needs.

 

I like to think that I showed her that life isn't a fantasy world. I know it's hard to understand how something so negative could play a role in her development as a woman. But I showed her that life isn't always fluffy bunnies and rainbows. That people have hardships, make huge mistakes, that money really doesn't come from trees. That Mom's and Dad's argue and sometimes yell and throw things at each other.

 

Do we consider each others feelings, needs and wants equally?

 

I would have to say no. Or at least, we didn't for the first 14, 15 years of marriage. Only recently we have been focusing more on what we want from each other. We've been communicating more with each other now than we ever have before. This is the only area, I believe, that lacks our attention. For that, I'm going to take credit for finally adressing it. I feel that as long as we keep the communication flowing like we have been, we will gain strength in this area.

 

Is there such a thing as Interdependency?

 

There is in my house! I don't think I could carry on without my wife. She's that part of me that keeps me thinking straight, keeps me logical, tame, peaceful. And as for my wife, we both know that she's a co-dependent already from her going to alanon meetings. I know this sounds weird but, she thrives on taking care of me, or at least, having something to take care of. Her drive in life is raising her family. Without a family, she would be lost. So yes, I believe we are dependent of each other.

 

How do we make it work?

 

That's a good question. Last Valentine's Day, we played a, "Newlywed Game", for people who's been married for more than 10 years. One of the questions was, what's the worst habit your husband/wife has? Neither one of us could come up with anything!!! Because we are too used to each other. The habits that we had when we first where married soon worked themselves out of our lives, simply because we knew it bothered the other person and we communicated, or fought about it with each other.

 

Another one was, "What is your favorite meal your wife cooks for you?", again, no answer!!! Because over the years, my wife gained knowledge on what my likes and dislikes where as far as meals. Now there isn't a dish that she fixes that isn't my favorite. I LOVE them all!!! And again, it was the communication we had between us in order for her to learn what I liked and what I didn't like.

 

I could go on all day, but ultimatley we make it work by communicating with each other, and working on those things that are negative towards one another.

 

What is compatibility?

 

I think that compatibility is a measurement of how much two people are alike. And to find that out is to compare what are likes,dislikes and feelings are in several areas of our life, for instance:

 

 

Personality, Feelings & Emotions

Favorites

Pets

Attractions

Health, Food & Well Being

Vacations

Morals, Convictions and Beliefs

Religion & Spiritual Matters

Car & Driver

Holidays & Celebrations

Home & Home Life

Past & Future

Hobbies & Entertainment

Love, Romance & Date Nights

Friends & Family

Communication

Career and Education

Money

Relationships – Past & Present

Children & Child Rearing

Wedding & Honeymoon

Sex

 

I'm sure there are more, but I went on long enough. Hope this helps out.

[Butchey]

Compatibility is not a 50/50 relationship. It is giving 100% and expecting nothing in return.

[jmargel]

How "compatible" are you with your S.O. Do you like the same things? Have the same backgrounds? Share the same dreams, live complimentary. Can and do you consider your S.O.s feelings, needs and wants as carefully as you consider your own? Is there really such a thing as interdependency? And if you aren't all that "compatible" how do you make it work? Or do you?

 

And lastly, just what IS "compatibility?"

 

Please no advice, I'm asking a question about realities. I'd like to get a bead on the actualities of the Marriagebuilders concepts.

 

 

Thanks

 

mA

 

You need to have compatibility to be able to live with someone. Even though you could be totally in love with them, you might not be compatible.

 

The definition of compatible is: Capable of existing or performing in harmonious, agreeable, or congenial combination with another or others: compatible family relationships.

 

Just because you don't have everything in common doesn't mean you aren't compatible. It's actually good that you have different/opposing views on some topics, and the things one likes to do. Even in a relationship both spouses need to have their own private time, their own hobbies, their own things they like to do by themselves. Not doing that could make one of the spouses 'co-dependant' on the other, which happens alot.

 

Being co-dependant is living your life for them. Only happy when they are happy. Seeing yourself only as existing because they are with you. Not only is that bad for the person doing the depending, but it's bad for the other spouse as well, putting way too much pressure on them.

 

A spouse is not there to make you happy, they are there to support you through the good and bad. It's upto each individual to make themselves happy.

 

MA, it sounds like you have some issues you aren't bringing out. If you need to, we are here to listen.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by MassiveAtom

And if you aren't all that "compatible" how do you make it work?

 

You know that white line arguing siblings draw down the center of their shared room? We have an invisible one -- only we can see it -- drawn throughout our house.

 

 

No. I'm not kidding.

 

It works for us.

 

My half is bigger!

[MassiveAtom]

Moose,

 

I know I have very different spiritual convictions than you but I can only say, from what I've just read, that you my friend, are indeed blessed.

 

It sounds like you've found a strong partner who is clearly living life honestly as herself, as she would have herself. And that's exactly what works for you. And you, You moose are one helluva guy. Reading your replies to my posts sometimes had me thinking, Ah, this guy's old school, out of place and out of time, But I see that you've found what works for you, and your family. With your troubled past, you have moved mountains. You're living life on your own terms, and in such a way as to spread your light to your family. I do so hope the older kids understand this soon. and if not soon, I know they'll get it later.

 

You're a real winner, and an inspiration to me for sure..

 

Thanks bud.

 

100/100!!

 

mA

[Moose]

Thanks for the compliment M.A. I really don't know what to say, you choked me up!

 

One thing is for sure, I can't take credit for it. You and I both know where that's due.

 

I truly hope that you and everyone else will one day have the same blessings.

[MassiveAtom]

MassiveAtom wrote:

Please no advice, I'm asking a question about realities. I'd like to get a bead on the actualities of the Marriagebuilders concepts.

 

jmargel wrote:

MA, it sounds like you have some issues you aren't bringing out. If you need to, we are here to listen.

 

Oh not again with my issues!

 

jm,

 

I know you're only trying to help. And it seems that on the majority of my posts you suggest, or outright state that I have an "issue" with one thing or another. Jm, if I wanted help with one of my issues, I would seek the professional informed counsel of my therapist. I would not post to a messageboard.

 

I just thought it would be good to hear how people make it work. And, just as I'd imagined, they make it work by working at it. Moose, hoke, and Viv got the gist of my question.

 

Could you please tell us how you and your wife are compatible, or not, and how you make it work, instead of constantly insisting that I have issues to bring out? Even though I'll be the first to admit that I do have difficulties dealing with life's stressors for a number of reasons, as I said above, THIS is not the place to sort them out for me.

 

Please respect that.

 

Nice definition of compatibility though.Very precise.

 

wait a sec.. That's a clinical definition!

 

Are you a psychologist?!?

 

mA

[YellowLioness]

Well, I'm pretty young, and in a fairly young relationship, but I'll put in my two cents since ya asked for it

 

My fiance and I live together very harmoniously. He's sweet, laid back, patient, and understanding. I want to be like him, and I respect him alot.

 

We are totally different people: he likes hip-hop, and he raps and is quite good at it.

 

I write poetry, and would rather listen to punk or celtic music.

 

He's a social butterfly. He's never met a stranger.

 

Me? I'm more of a wallflower in person. When I like someone, I open up, although slowly.

 

It takes him a great deal to get angry, but when he does he totally explodes. (he's never gotten mad at me, though)

 

I get annoyed frequently, but I don't hold grudges and tend to get over things very quickly.

 

He's more touchy feely then I am. I prefer my space for the most part.

 

I tend to be the practical one: I control the finances, make sure there is gas in the car, food for the kittens, etc.

 

 

He's usually the happy go lucky one.

 

Spiritually and politically we are totally on the same page.

 

So, we keep eachother balanced, and that's why we're so good together.

 

So, I don't believe that you have to be totally compatible with someone. I believe that you should fill in eachother's gaps, and just be there for the other person. Perhaps complimentary is better then just being compatible.

 

I'm compatible with my friends interest wise, but I don't have to live with them.

 

I believe that both people should give 100%. I think that everyone has disagreements, but that's when that 100% becomes the most important.

[MassiveAtom]

And that works for you well, Yellow?

 

I could be wrong, but it's as if you guys really do have a puzzle piece kinda thing going on.

 

Two very different pieces that come together to make the bigger picture clear.

 

That sounds like a really cool setup!

 

Any pitfalls?

 

mA

[YellowLioness]

And that works for you well, Yellow?

 

Yes sir! We do our balancing act well. Neither one of us steps on eachother's toes.

 

I could be wrong, but it's as if you guys really do have a puzzle piece kinda thing going on.

 

Two very different pieces that come together to make the bigger picture clear

.

 

We say that all the time! How funny that you should! We are like male and female of the same thing.

 

Any pitfalls?

 

Sometimes! I won't lie, we have problems just like anyone else. When we fight, we really fight. We're so used to getting along, each of us having our own place in the scheme of things, that when we do clash, it's a rarity, and both of us struggle with how to handle it.

 

We then have to take a few minutes to chill out, and just get to the heart of the problem, and sort of have a debate on it. LIke...each of us gets a certain ammount of time to talk, then the other one shares their pov. This helps us be more logical, and work out a compromise more quickly.

 

Yeah, we have a good set up. I couldn't be with anyone else, ya know? We just fit too perfectly. Even our idiosynchracies match up, equal but opposite, ya know?

[jmargel]

Did I ever say you need to post any of your issues here? No, I didn't. I just mentioned if you wanted to talk about them, that we are here. No need to get defensive.

 

Personally how me & my wife are compatitible? Well, for one we are both stubborn. But we've learned when to let go of our pride for the sake of each other.

 

She's the type to joke around alot, playful insults, etc.. However, they do get out of hand and at times I will tell her 'enough'. She then respects that. But that also gives me the ability to do that to her, in which for the most part takes it in stride.

 

However we both know deep in our heart we love each other. That when I have a problem or a situation she will sit there and listen and not say a word until I am done. That means alot, because I do have a tendacy of preaching. I feel bad for her at times.. lol..

 

As for me, she has told me I am a very easy person to talk to. I have seen that before as well, people who I don't really know well, have a tendacy of opening up to me.

 

I am the laid back kinda guy and she's always on the go. We differ there, and we had to learn to adapt to each other in that respect.

 

We both know each of us have our own wants and things we like to do seperate, but we have alot in common and love doing things together as well. It's pretty well balanced out. We've also learned to communicate alot better. Instead of trying to push my views on her, I listen and try to imagine myself in her shoes before I talk. She does that somewhat, but still has a way to go. She's also the non-strict kind. If I want to do anything with or without her, she says go for it. That's her way of showing me she trusts and loves me.

 

It's all about balance in the end. Learning to respect each other's boundaries and showing them how much you love them.

[MassiveAtom]

Jm,.

 

I wasn't being defensive. Just asserting my boundaries. THAT is one of the most troublesome aspects of my emotional self. But don't ask!

 

So that sounds like you can look at your relationship openly and fully with her. Do you ever find yourseflf overworking it?

 

any body else?

 

mA

[jmargel]

Overworking it like analyzing it? Yep. That's something I need to stop. Perhaps it's because I analyze problems on here so much.

[Matilda]

For me, being compatible is everything in a marriage.

 

Marriage #1 not compatible on:

Politics

Food (I don't eat meat)

Kind of movies and TV like to watch

Music

Sense of humor

Reading (I like to)

Socially (I'm introverted)

Health

Education

Work ethic

 

Marriage # 2: compatible on all of the above.

 

For me, being compatible, especially about daily issues, takes a lot of the stress away. I always felt like I was giving in to my husband's tastes in marriage #1, and was very resentful. Husband #1 was very fun loving and spontaneous however, which was something I liked and do not have as much in Husband #2. But spontaneity and fun are not things that get you through on a day to day basis. They don't help you during a crisis.

 

I just know my second marriage is a lot calmer than my first, even though we have had a lot of stressful things happen. My first husband had a thrill seeker personality that I found difficult to deal with. I much prefer the calm demanor of my second husband.

[MassiveAtom]

Yep, I hear ya, jm.

I used to analyze EVERYTHING! even at the quantum level, til I understood the beauty in not knowing, and mystery. It can be painful, but it can also be a lot of fun.

 

Now I guess it's time for me to share with everyone.

 

In my marriage, my wife and I share a profound bond that I have never experienced before. It's not one based on compatibility for sure, it's based on something else, which I'm not so sure I understand, or even want to. I like it as it is, mysterious.

 

similarities:

We both have a strong desire to be part of a healthy family,

We both came from dysfunctional families of origin, hers neglectful via apathy, mine abusive and neglectful via alcoholism .

We both love our kids.and are often mutually amazed by them.

We're both atheists,

We're both incredibly spiritual.

We are both blunt, and can be cold at times.

We are both loving, warm and irresistable to each other at times.

We both struggle to gain the ability to overcome some stressors of life that our childhoods disabled us to overcome.

We are both very intelligent.

We both like to learn stuff.

We're both moderate democrats, actually we're more like populists. Howard Dean in 08!!

WE both are financially conservative. She more than I, I can be spendy sometimes.

We both think we have the best counselor on the planet. (she's the same person!)

We both are teachers and technocrats, (she's more of a teacher, I'm more of a techy)

We both like to be taken care of

We both like to take care of others

We both love community, she'd live in a commune if she could, me I like the neighborhood.

Neither of us has fully integrated the skills necessary to maintain a happy marriage.

We can agree to disagree, but we tend to be stubborn.

We're both Scorpios.

We both love to curl up with each other on the couch with a good movie.

We like foreign films the best.

We're both stuck in a period of ambivalence.

We treat each other harshly far too often.

We struggle with day to day logistics.

We both like to make love to each other,

We both are curious about other people sexually.

We both have strong personalities.

We respect each other's wishes

we both disrespect each other.

We're both very forgiving.

We can both hold a grudge.

We both like to play guitar.

We both like camping.

We're both dissatified with our relationship.

We both want to end it.

We both don't want it to end..

 

Differences,

 

She's a woman, I'm a man.

Her birthday is in October, Mine is in November.

She likes to read fiction, I like non-fiction

She's earthy/crunchy, I'm Jeans and T.

Appearance is unimportant to her, Appearance is important to me.

She likes James taylor, I like Orbital.

She has a low sex drive, Mine's up there.

She's risk averse, I'm a thrill seeker.

She likes to be taken care of, I like to take care of her.

I consider her feelings as important as mine, she considers my feelings as a threat

I trust her only to the limit of reasonability, she doesn't trust me much.

I like to be emotionally close and intimate, she likes her space,[/size] space,[/size] space,[/size] [size=0]space,[/size]

I'm a night owl and require little sleep, she needs at least nine hours a night, or she's cranky and listless, and she hits the sack at 10:00.

 

I don't know if we do make it work , sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. C'est la Vie!

 

I understand compatibility to be a natural occurrence when two people have consistently agreeable perspectives, consistently mutual levels of interest, similar abilities at similar activities, similar interests, goals and objectives. and they are cooperating in some capacity.

 

There you have it.

 

mA

[VivianLee]

Originally posted by MassiveAtom

Yep, I hear ya, jm.

I used to analyze EVERYTHING! even at the quantum level, til I understood the beauty in not knowing, and mystery. It can be painful, but it can also be a lot of fun.

 

Now I guess it's time for me to share with everyone.

 

In my marriage, my wife and I share a profound bond that I have never experienced before. It's not one based on compatibility for sure, it's based on something else, which I'm not so sure I understand, or even want to. I like it as it is, mysterious.

 

similarities:

We both have a strong desire to be part of a healthy family,

We both came from dysfunctional families of origin, hers neglectful via apathy, mine abusive and neglectful via alcoholism .

We both love our kids.and are often mutually amazed by them.

We're both atheists,

We're both incredibly spiritual.

We are both blunt, and can be cold at times.

We are both loving, warm and irresistable to each other at times.

We both struggle to gain the ability to overcome some stressors of life that our childhoods disabled us to overcome.

We are both very intelligent.

We both like to learn stuff.

We're both moderate democrats, actually we're more like populists. Howard Dean in 08!!

WE both are financially conservative. She more than I, I can be spendy sometimes.

We both think we have the best counselor on the planet. (she's the same person!)

We both are teachers and technocrats, (she's more of a teacher, I'm more of a techy)

We both like to be taken care of

We both like to take care of others

We both love community, she'd live in a commune if she could, me I like the neighborhood.

Neither of us has fully integrated the skills necessary to maintain a happy marriage.

We can agree to disagree, but we tend to be stubborn.

We're both Scorpios.

We both love to curl up with each other on the couch with a good movie.

We like foreign films the best.

We're both stuck in a period of ambivalence.

We treat each other harshly far too often.

We struggle with day to day logistics.

We both like to make love to each other,

We both are curious about other people sexually.

We both have strong personalities.

We respect each other's wishes

we both disrespect each other.

We're both very forgiving.

We can both hold a grudge.

We both like to play guitar.

We both like camping.

We're both dissatified with our relationship.

We both want to end it.

We both don't want it to end..

 

Differences,

 

She's a woman, I'm a man.

Her birthday is in October, Mine is in November.

She likes to read fiction, I like non-fiction

She's earthy/crunchy, I'm Jeans and T.

Appearance is unimportant to her, Appearance is important to me.

She likes James taylor, I like Orbital.

She has a low sex drive, Mine's up there.

She's risk averse, I'm a thrill seeker.

She likes to be taken care of, I like to take care of her.

I consider her feelings as important as mine, she considers my feelings as a threat

I trust her only to the limit of reasonability, she doesn't trust me much.

I like to be emotionally close and intimate, she likes her space,[/size] space,[/size] space,[/size] [size=0]space,[/size]

I'm a night owl and require little sleep, she needs at least nine hours a night, or she's cranky and listless, and she hits the sack at 10:00.

 

I don't know if we do make it work , sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. C'est la Vie!

 

I understand compatibility to be a natural occurrence when two people have consistently agreeable perspectives, consistently mutual levels of interest, similar abilities at similar activities, similar interests, goals and objectives. and they are cooperating in some capacity.

 

There you have it.

 

mA

 

 

Sounds like an exicting relationship with you and your wife being some very cool people!!

[EnigmaXOXO]

How "compatible" are you with your S.O.

 

Very.

 

Do you like the same things?

 

Yes. But we also like different things. However, our differences add interest and diversity to our relationship rather than conflict. Learning to enjoy life through the other's eyes has expanded our own horizons and added a whole new dimension to our individual persona's that didn't exist before we met.

 

Have the same backgrounds?

 

More or less. Both of us have solid family backgrounds and have inherited those old fashioned ideals regarding love, relationships and "family" from our folks. Both sets of parents married young and remain together, still. One sibling each. Much love and support from both sides of our family.

 

Share the same dreams, live complimentary.

 

Yes. And our dreams include "each other." We rejoice in each other's successes and share each other's pain when we've had a bad day. We're each other's personal cheer-leader and help motivate and lift each other up even when the chips are down. My partner gives me strength I never imagined I had and we love the way we see ourselves in the other person's eyes. And while "love should not be proud or boastful"…we are proud to show each other off to family and friends and OFTEN boast outloud about each others accomplishments and attributes.

 

Can and do you consider your S.O.s feelings, needs and wants as carefully as you consider your own?

 

More so!

 

Is there really such a thing as interdependency?

 

Absolutely.

 

And if you aren't all that "compatible" how do you make it work? Or do you?

 

That question is relative. For me, knowing what I know now, having finally gotten a taste of what "real love" feels like…I could never again see myself with someone I considered incompatible. While I understand that relationships require constant vigilance and I'm more than willing to put in the work, I could no longer engage myself in constant struggle. I'm all tuckered out.

 

And lastly, just what IS "compatibility?"

 

Having enough commonalities to sustain a strong and enduring friendship in even the most trying of times. Having enough empathy for your partner to "feel" how every interaction; by word or by action; whether positive or negative, affects that other person's fragile sense of security. Having "shared" relationship perceptions and goals and working together to preserve and achieve them. Seeing yourselves as equal members of a "team" and working together to protect that united front in the face of life's diversities. Being secure enough in your own individuality to still feel recognized, validated and respected as a human being (within that relationship) without having to pull away or set up a separate existence in order to exert your independence. And finally…having enough differences to keep that relationship diverse and interesting without driving each other absolutely bonkers. I think?

[Matilda]

Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO

 

And lastly, just what IS "compatibility?"

 

Having enough commonalities to sustain a strong and enduring friendship in even the most trying of times. Having enough empathy for your partner to "feel" how every interaction; by word or by action; whether positive or negative, affects that other person's fragile sense of security. Having "shared" relationship perceptions and goals and working together to preserve and achieve them. Seeing yourselves as equal members of a "team" and working together to protect that united front in the face of life's diversities. Being secure enough in your own individuality to still feel recognized, validated and respected as a human being (within that relationship) without having to pull away or set up a separate existence in order to exert your independence. And finally…having enough differences to keep that relationship diverse and interesting without driving each other absolutely bonkers. I think?

 

Very well put!

[katie79]

-We're both Conservative/Republican

-We both like the same areas (to live in), the same town, people, etc

-We both have a similar twisted sense of humor

-We both have the same opions on love, marriage, family, and friends

-We're both forgetful (not the best thing!)

 

What we don't have in common is he's very quiet. I can be quiet too(only at times), maybe more. But in public, I am outgoing and talkative. But I guess opposites attract. It would be bad if we were BOTH very quiet all the time!

 

Looks wise, he is very different from me. I'm petite, blonde/blue, he's tall, black/brown. However, I have always had a thing for the tall, dark, hansome look. Tall Italian Stallion! LOL!