Brand new on here in a LDR and will be meeting him for the first time in a month

[kiwildr]

Hi I am so glad I have found this site it's so nice to read and hear the pros and cons and best of all the success stories too.

 

I recently joined an OLD site a few months ago after being extremely skeptical,I was always completely open about being from NZ and having spent most of my life in jobs involving travel around the world was very open to not just limiting dating someone close by.

 

Ha ha one day when I was just about over OLD as it seemed I was just getting sordid emails or guys wanting to just meet for a good time, his pic popped up he kind of looked familiar , so I sent a brief one sentence and that was it from that day on. Funningly enough he almost didn't reply as he thought why is someone from NZ saying hi then he read my profile and replied back.

 

Since that day we have IM,Skype,spoken on the phone, email and sent photos every day - I would never have thought that I would be so into someone. Luckily for me I am able to travel and will be flying to the US to meet him for the first time in person for a week in June .

 

I have no idea how to handle any of this as lots has run through my mind as I would hate for him to be disappointed when he meets me in person, I have been completely honest about everything about me even to the point of sending a photo of myself on a not so great day. But please any advice on the first face to face meeting and how to calm the nerves would be awesome.

[Treasa]

Everyone looks beautiful when they're smiling and happy and radiating confidence. Good luck!

[kiwildr]

Thanks Treasa that's exactly how I am going to try and maintain myself - its how I feel and hopefully that will reflect to when we first meet, regardless.

[Life'sGood]

First meeting is always nerve-wrecking. But you will be fine. Just make sure you have a back-up plan in case things don't go the way you want them to. I am sure a big smile will be plastered on your face once you see him.

[kiwildr]

@Life'sGood - Ha ha there will be the biggest smile ever on my face:D. I know the area well where we will be meeting so feel comfortable should I need a backup plan, somehow I don't think I will but I would be naive to also not have a plan B.

[daletom]

I know it sounds cold and unfriendly, but set things up initially so it's easy to back out. This is for your mental and emotional, as well as physical, safety. Consider:

• Make sure your initial meeting, and probably everything you do for the first day or so, is in very public places.
  
• Have a tentative itinerary of agreed-on activities. Don't commit to big blocks of "just hang out together" time.
  
• If at all possible, make it a point to meet as much of his family, friends, coworkers, etc as possible. (If your LDR has gone well he has surely mentioned you at some point . . . and they will be at least curious to meet you. Especially since you are an "exotic foreign lady". And, if he's afraid to introduce you to his family, there may be a deeper problem.
  
• (Will you have any friends, coworkers, or other companions with you? Insist that he meet them. Their appraisal may be very useful to you.)
  
• Agree in advance that each will pay his own expenses.
  
• Agree in advance that you will have separate lodging.
  

OK, that may sound unreasonably restrictive but it gives both of you the possibility of retreating with dignity and no harm if things go wrong. Of course you can always relax the rules if things go especially well - the problems come when you try to go from lenient rules to restrictive ones.

 

I think you are very brave and I may know something of what you're feeling. When I first met my LDR face-to-face, after over 3 months of only postal mail between us, I was reassured that the mutual friend who arranged our acquaintance was at my elbow. In fact, things went well and our "matchmaker" soon disengaged and left us to ourselves.

 

You can read more of my experience in the posts at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/381818-any-tips-experiences-first-meet-up-met-her-online#post4807451 and http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/391320-anyone-ldr-prior-meeting#post4877321

 

I hope it goes well for you!!

 

P.S. - Do you feel comfortable sharing your age here, even approximately?

 

My daughter had the privilege of spending one college semester in New Zealand. I really hoped to spend a little time with her there but circumstances didn't allow it and still mourn the lost opportunity. All I have to show for it is my favorite wool sweater that she brought back for me.

[Liquinn]

It's annoying when you spend months on the phone/texting/speaking to someone on MSN/skype and when you meet, there's nothing there.

[justwhoiam]

I am able to travel and will be flying to the US to meet him for the first time in person for a week in June .

 

I have no idea how to handle any of this as lots has run through my mind as I would hate for him to be disappointed when he meets me in person, I have been completely honest about everything about me even to the point of sending a photo of myself on a not so great day. But please any advice on the first face to face meeting and how to calm the nerves would be awesome.

 

Hi, I tried to tell him about me and that I'm not good-looking and so on, it just didn't work. He was looking at my pictures and he would see me with different eyes. Everyone looking at you will see you with different eyes than your own. See this interesting commercial, where you get the proof of that:

 

Anyway, the first time, we met in Europe. But it was as brief as one night. I thought we would spend a couple of hours together, but if it was going really good, I could stay with him until morning... well, we spent over 5 hours together on our first meeting. He probably already had a crush on me, but after the meeting it escalated. We fell in love really bad for one another. So then I went to the US and we met again. I can't deny I was a bit worried. He only saw me one night and you know, I kept thinking it was probably dark and he didn't see me well. This time was going to be in the early afternoon, full light. I'm OK with myself, I just didn't want him to have too many expectations... Bottom line: every time it was better than the previous time, so hopefully it will be the next time too.

 

I read someone suggesting you have a toothbrush and toothpaste at hand when you land and reach the bathroom after getting your baggage. I never did, but, I'm thinking of it for my next visit!

 

I told him what I like and what I wanted to do and he arranged things for me. We took a ferry, the subway, taxi, and he picked me up at the airport with his own car. I know you need to trust him first very well, so maybe you can keep that for when he takes you back to the airport for your departure. I think that's very personal and I loved it. I really wanted to be in his car... Now every time he drives, he thinks of me (more or less!) And I saw his stuff, what he keeps in his car, etc. You can also see his place, but I wouldn't sleep there. Sleep in a hotel, it's better. If he's taking the week off from work, you can pick a place that is new to you both. I'd love that, because it's like discovering something together. He loved seeing me seeing things he would see every day, but with different eyes. It also was my first time in America, so it was a big thing for me. I was very excited and actually a bit worried he wouldn't feel the same around me, but he had even stronger feelings for me... He was more nervous than I was, I could manage it well. Maybe because I'm exotic to him.

I wanted him to be in charge with where to go and how, etc. because he lives there and knows better. Also, it was more relaxing for me. And moreover, if he was going to be good at that (and he was!), more points to him... But he made sure he included things I wanted to do and we both wanted to do. The first time I went there he made something like flash cards, each card a place, or each place a card... I could pick any card and say: I want to do this! Or.. I want to go there! It was really exciting. Mainly because it was with him...

 

So my best wish is that he's a good match for you (and you for him). And the rest will flow.

[FitChick]

I read someone suggesting you have a toothbrush and toothpaste at hand when you land and reach the bathroom after getting your baggage.

This made me laugh as I always tell whoever I am meeting to pick me up a half hour later than he might think so I can wash my face, brush my teeth, fix my hair and put on makeup. I just wish airport bathrooms had more hooks and shelves for purse, bags, makeup, etc.

[kiwildr]

Gosh thank you for the wonderful encouragement,advice and tips - ha ha I might just have to pack that toothbrush and a hairbrush too. I have already pre warned him I may be jet lagged and not looking my best.

 

He is also driving 15 hrs from San Diego to meet me in CO he knows no one where are we meeting so it is a new area for him to explore to. Whereas I worked five seasons in the Winter in the area where we are meeting and know my way around. I was always coming out for a holiday and he was prepared to drive to wherever I was going to be to meet me.

 

We have already both looked at what we want to do while we are there and where we want to eat so we both have had input on what we will be doing not just one of us going this is what "i" want to do and we are both just as excited as the other.

 

I also saw the Dove Video it's really quite cool on how we perceive ourselves and how others see us. I think I just don't want him to think I am something I'm not. We send one another pictures quite regularly I.e if we are hiking or doing something.

 

@Daletom you should still try and make that trip to NZ it really is worth it, thank you for sharing your story to, it was nice to read and I hope mine has a happy outcome.

Edited May 13, 2013 by kiwildr

[kiwildr]

I just wanted to put an update on my progress, as it seems some posts we never hear the outcome we read all the build up and then there is silence, I hope to break that trend no matter the outcome. Well it is only three days now until I leave, and meet my online man for the first time ever in person.

 

Lucky I have been busy at work so my mind has been distracted, we both constantly chat to one another I thought that might slow down with me soon to arrive but no we still enjoy one another's company online and hearing what the other has been up to.

 

My biggest fear is maybe he won't like me in person I mean a picture only captures you in one light, yes we have chatted on the phone and have sent several recent pictures , so how do you overcome those nagging little fears or last minute jitters so as not to ruin the whole experience is my question as silly as they might be? Any suggestions...

Edited June 10, 2013 by kiwildr

[missunshine]

I just wanted to put an update on my progress, as it seems some posts we never hear the outcome we read all the build up and then there is silence, I hope to break that trend no matter the outcome. Well it is only three days now until I leave, and meet my online man for the first time ever in person.

 

Lucky I have been busy at work so my mind has been distracted, we both constantly chat to one another I thought that might slow down with me soon to arrive but no we still enjoy one another's company online and hearing what the other has been up to.

 

My biggest fear is maybe he won't like me in person I mean a picture only captures you in one light, yes we have chatted on the phone and have sent several recent pictures , so how do you overcome those nagging little fears or last minute jitters so as not to ruin the whole experience is my question as silly as they might be? Any suggestions...

Kiwildr... don't worry... cheer up... be happy.. you are meeting someone you have fallen in love with... ) the emotional relation is always stronger than the physical one... it's all gonna be all right then again, if it doesn't turn out to be as you thought it would, then it was never meant to be, and it was never what you thought it was... if you still care for each other even after you see that there isn't the same spark in real as there was while you were together ''online'', you are gonna stay friends...

but I hope and believe none of the last things will happen to you, but you will meet him and cry of happiness and never gonna want to let him go again...

don't worry... if somebody really loves you and cares for you, he will love you with all your flaws and virtues... as much as it sounds cliche, it is really like that! :*

[InsaneTrombone]

I just wanted to put an update on my progress, as it seems some posts we never hear the outcome we read all the build up and then there is silence, I hope to break that trend no matter the outcome. Well it is only three days now until I leave, and meet my online man for the first time ever in person.

 

Lucky I have been busy at work so my mind has been distracted, we both constantly chat to one another I thought that might slow down with me soon to arrive but no we still enjoy one another's company online and hearing what the other has been up to.

 

My biggest fear is maybe he won't like me in person I mean a picture only captures you in one light, yes we have chatted on the phone and have sent several recent pictures , so how do you overcome those nagging little fears or last minute jitters so as not to ruin the whole experience is my question as silly as they might be? Any suggestions...

Don't worry about the little things and just enjoy your time there. You won't be seeing them every other week so enjoy it. Sounds cliche but first time I saw my OLD she ran up to me in the airport and hugged me. I think once you get there, everything will fall into place.

[justwhoiam]

I have already pre warned him I may be jet lagged and not looking my best.

Yeah... And I'm not sure it'll be like that for you too being from NZ, but I'm from Europe and after being around for 13 hours, as soon as I land they take a pic of me. Yikes! Every time I feel like complaining about it.

 

He is also driving 15 hrs from San Diego to meet me in CO he knows no one where are we meeting so it is a new area for him to explore to. Whereas I worked five seasons in the Winter in the area

Will you have your own room? Or are you going to share the room with him? I really hope you have a room for yourself.

 

Did you check on him? You know you can order a report on him with just a few dollars. You've been knowing him for a few months only and meeting alone with him in the middle of nowhere.

[ThomasD]

I just wanted to put an update . . .

Thanks for the update! Yeah, it's always nerve-wracking when you have a good discussion going, then it goes dead and the original poster vanishes and you wonder what happened.

 

I think the advice early in this thread was good. Review it one more time. The last couple of posts covered some of the earlier points from a new perspective. (My suggestions are in Post #6; later information showed that some of my assumptions were inaccurate.)

 

You started a relationship with a mental connection ("falling in like", if you care for cutesy phrases) which started to grow into an emotional connection ("falling in love") and now you hope to complete the emotional connection by adding the in-person connection. ("Falling into each other's arms", as "Insane Trombone" mentioned, sounds oh-so-romantic, but personally I'd initially prefer you to be a little physically reserved.)

 

Neither of you is going to be at the top of your game for the first day or more. That gives you opportunities to impress and win each other with your graciousness and flexibility. Even though this is your first face-to-face meeting continue to build on the foundations of mental connection and don't get unnecessarily obsessed with physical appearances.

 

I notice the fears listed in your most recent post center on YOU (". . . he won't like me in person . . ."), especially your appearance (reference to pictures). Aren't you afraid that YOU won't like HIM in-person? That his photos overly enhanced his appearance? He almost certainly has the same concerns, but centered on HIM. Consider those fears as yet one more thing you two have in common, that helps bind you together. You could even spread out some of those photos (both yours and his) on the table and talk about them - relive some of your online experiences (e.g., "I sent this photo after you said . . . .") - and realize that reality is different from the fears you fantasized about.

 

Keep the updates coming!

[kiwildr]

Good valid points and yes you are probably quite right more than likely he has some of the same fears hmm...a bit selfish to not put myself in his shoes too...I think we will be exhausted after travelling all that way and yes quite right the first day will be going through the getting to know you more phase.

 

In answer to the two rooms yes i am one of the gals that likes their bathroom space too ha ha i also did the full check ages ago thought it was better to be safe than sorry especially when I started to open up more to him about myself.

 

Thanks everyone I am feeling a little more at ease.

[ThomasD]

. . . Well it is only three days now until I leave, . . .

Not sure how the time-zones work out but I hope you are now on your way to a rewarding experience.

[ThomasD]

Thanks everyone I am feeling a little more at ease.

Gonna be gone for a week or so but hope to see some updates on return.

[missunshine]

me too kiwildr... aweeee you must be in heaven right now... I am so happy for you :*

[kiwildr]

Hi guys I am in the US and having a great time, I really like him but I am beginning to wonder if he is not so into me, he has not even kissed me yet. I have been here 5 days and have 5 more days here and just don't want to leave confused.

 

He gave me a hug at the airport and has rubbed me on the back several times, sits really close and stands really close as though he is going to kiss me but doesn't

 

How do I approach the subject as I am confused...everything is nice and we laugh and have fun but do I say something about whether this is going to be a friendship as I don't want to get hurt, I also don't want to blow it either.

 

Help !!!

Edited June 18, 2013 by kiwildr

[missunshine]

awww kiwildr... haven't kissed yet? but why? weren't you close? I mean close as talking about how much you want to kiss him, and make love to him? did you guys talk about stuff like that before? if you did, I really don't understand why he would act like that....

however it is, I think that you should tell him exactly how you feel and you should talk about it. don't be silent! say what's on your mind because you've went such a long road and going back home wondering what happened will be so hard for you... tell him and ask him. and let me know how it went. I'll be waiting for your reply. :*

[Carenth]

I would seriously be talking to him about it. Especially if you guys had any sort of conversation about this sort of stuff prior to meeting. I know when I went to visit my girlfriend we were pretty much all over each other after the first day and the initial shock of finally meeting each other in person wore off.

[HeavenOrHell]

Same here, all over each other within the first hour

 

OP; Maybe he's just shy about making the first move? Put your arms around him and see how he responds?

 

 

I would seriously be talking to him about it. Especially if you guys had any sort of conversation about this sort of stuff prior to meeting. I know when I went to visit my girlfriend we were pretty much all over each other after the first day and the initial shock of finally meeting each other in person wore off.

[justwhoiam]

Hi guys I am in the US and having a great time, I really like him but I am beginning to wonder if he is not so into me, he has not even kissed me yet. I have been here 5 days and have 5 more days here and just don't want to leave confused.

 

He gave me a hug at the airport and has rubbed me on the back several times, sits really close and stands really close as though he is going to kiss me but doesn't

Maybe he's being shy or he's not sure about your feelings... but it's also possible that he's having second thoughts.

If you ask him what he thinks about you, you might get compliments in return... so I'm not sure how that's gonna help. Jumping on him... I wouldn't recommend it, because he has no way out, and you'd be forcing it. I wouldn't like it. Having you been wearing sexy clothes? Maybe you can try with that? Creating the right mood? Or have you massaged him back? I massaged his back the first time without any intention to go anywhere from there, just to relax him, and soon after he was full of energy...................... if you know what I mean. Let him lie on his back with bare top (no t-shirt), take some massage oil or nourishing cream and start massaging his back. You draw small circles at first, then slightly bigger... if you want to get some ideas, watch some videos on youtube. I learned what I know from a friend who's a professional. Try that today, tonight maybe, with some candles, and then get back to us and tell us what happened.

Edited June 18, 2013 by justwhoiam

[kiwildr]

That's the weird thing we did talk a lot about being intimate almost all the time.

 

Well I did ask him if it was me, he told me he liked me and hanging out with me was fun, but he was now sitting on the fence and could go either way to how a long distance relationship could work between the US and NZ. He said if I lived in the US and we were closer he would take things really slow and build a strong connection.

 

He finally kissed me heaps and we had sex last night, but now I am just wondering if that was just because he felt he had to because I had raised the subject, now it's like where do I go from here.

 

I think if I was really honest he just isn't into me in a physical way . Gosh still 5 days to go. We are sharing an apartment but we do have separate rooms.

 

All am trying to do is put on a brave face and smile but secretly I am confused and wish it was going to end on a good note. I have to ask myself why come to meet me in person?

 

Just not sure how to hold my head high and keep smiling at the moment.

Edited June 18, 2013 by kiwildr