how to contact the EX when it's needed?

[lost_in_a_dream]

My first post here... searching for an answer from an unbiased group of people. I'll try to make it short and sweet.

 

I met a guy, fell in love. We live in different states and both attend college, however I was in the process of looking for a new school to transfer to and he knew this. He invited me to stay with him in May for a week to visit him and the school, of course. In the process I met his family, all of his friends, and decided to transfer. While he was in classes and at work I went around and filled out the paperwork needed to transfer. I kept everything a secret from him so that I could surprise him on his birthday a month later. He proposed the night before I left- albeit with a ring from the Wal-Mart quarter machines, but he swore he meant it and needed me with him. At this point we'd been together for five months. I have had relationships with no love go on for 18 months in the past... this was/is love.

 

I returned home to tell my friends and family that I was moving. They weren't happy about it but accepted and helped me start the arrangements. Four days after I left him he sent me an instant message while I was attending a summer class that said 'i don't think we're meant to be.' I called him instantly and we cried and argued for two days about what was wrong with me/us. He didn't believe that I was going to transfer. Then we established a no contact rule. Eight days later I learned I was pregnant and called him. He yelled at me before I got out the reason behind the phone call. Later the next day I had a miscarriage. A mutual friend of ours told him. Since then we've tried being friends who only talk on IMs once a week and then in August he left for four weeks to go to field training. I went into a depression and was forced to stay 'home' and continue with college where I hate it. We have not talked since the middle of July. He called to tell me he'd send my glasses that I had left down there in May. I called him the first week in September to ask him to send my glasses as I have scratched my spare pair. He did not pick up the phone- it was a voicemail.

 

Here is the problem: I am going to be visiting his campus again in three weeks. This is my test to see if I love the college as much now as I did when I was with him. Plus, I need my glasses and have this need to give him back his personal things, along with picking up my own. I want to be his friend and create a relationship. I was his first serious girlfriend and for a month after we broke up he did not speak to his friends about why he broke up with me and he kept all my pictures up. Then he got a new girlfriend and they were taken down. I have dated quite a bit since, but found I still have feelings for him and starting anew is not possible at the moment. Suggestions on how to tell him I'm coming down there? Do I say exactly when or just show up at his work? I'm very confused with this all and need some insight into what to do from here on out. Thank you.

 

By the way, I heard he's currently single. He never gave me a reason as to why he broke up with me, and always said of my transfer that we won't be together for a long time if I come.

[bluechocolate]

Whoa Nelly !!

 

You'd been together 5 months & he proposes marriage with a ring from a gum-ball machine? And you're both still attending college? And you were his first serious girlfriend? Don't you think this was jumping the gun somewhat? And then you go on to say you got pregnant from this man? Don't they do birth control where you live?

 

Suggestions on how to tell him I'm coming down there?

 

Pick up the phone & tell him. Leave a message if ihe's not there telling him that you want to drop off his things & pick up your own.

 

Do I say exactly when or just show up at his work?

 

Make arrangements BEFORE HAND to see him. Just showing up unannounced is not a very smart thing to do.

 

He never gave me a reason as to why he broke up with me, and always said of my transfer that we won't be together for a long time if I come.

 

So he's told you that you two won't be together. Do yourself a favour - believe him.

[lost_in_a_dream]

Yeah, it all sounds a bit crazy- as for birth control- it was used. I guess I was just one of those .002% of people who can't get pregnant.

 

Thank you, though.