Should this friendship end?

[confused_as_usual]

I have been friends with someone for 30 years now and think it's time to end the friendship. I tried doing so this past spring, but she had medical issues so I overlooked things. However, I think she is really toxic to me.

 

This past Monday was my birthday and my plans were to spend it alone. I ended up hanging out with the guy who used to clean my pool. Turns out he's from my home state. We had a nice time for a few hours, then decided to get some wine, which was a mistake. Nothing bad happened, but I was having a better time before the wine. Anyway, he was cute and 10 years younger and I didn't have to spend my BD alone. He told me I looked nice in the dress I was wearing and guessed my age to be about his.

 

I told my best GF about this and she told me he was just lying about the age thing and that I DO look my age. She also said he was a loser and I should have made him leave right away. She also said he was only hanging out with me because he didn't have anyplace better to go to. Well, I happen to know the guy wanted to watch Monday night football really bad, so I don't see it that way.

 

At any rate, I don't think I'll be seeing the guy again but I think my girlfriend said some pretty creepy things. She also told me I am too pretty to be fat (ok, I admit I have gained a bit of weight). When I asked her if by wearing a certain dress I would not look like I had gained weight, her response was...Do you want the truth or do you want me to lie.

 

Is it time for me to move on from this friendship?

 

Confused

[mighty bop]

Why end a friendship after 30 years?? Seems like you two are friends for a reason.

 

Chris

[Girlie]

Have you tried talking to her about the things that she says? Some people truly are utterly clueless that they are being insensitive and rude. If you want to continue the friendship, but want things to change, let her know that. When she says something rude, don't be afraid to look at her and say, "What the hell?...b****." No, kidding. Don't be afraid to ask her why she would say something to hurt your feelings like that. Tell her that you don't like it. And if it doesn't change or you've already tried that and it doesn't work and you can't take her comments, then stay away from her. To me, it kind of sounds like you really don't want to be around her. If that's the case, then don't. Just because you've been around someone for a long time, doesn't mean you HAVE to continue. It's up to you. Do what you feel is best for you.

Could be that she's jealous that you're so cute that you've managed to snag a younger man.

[Bathina]

I've always been told that a true friend will tell it to you as it is. I believe that. However, I agree with you in thinking that the things she said to you were harsh. I also agree with mighty bop - there must be a reason why you have decided to stay friends with this woman for 30 years.

 

Maybe she is just too comfortable around you? Once I am comfortable with someone, I hardly pay attention to how my words come out or how my actions come across. I just take for granted (something I shouldn't do) that my friends will interpret what I say/do as a way of helping as best I can.

 

Maybe talking to her about how her comments made you feel would help the situation?

 

I hope everything works out for the best; keep us posted!