zevahc Posted May 4, 2013 Share Posted May 4, 2013 (edited) So...if you read my other posts. You'll probably notice I'm in limbo a little...transitioning if you will past few months. I'm the OM, and was once a BS (years ago). I'm trying my hardest to figure my head out and my heart...i completely know what I need to do, but getting to it is sooo tough because I work with MW. It's been a 2 year A with first 6 months being a friendship and EA. I've been to IC once, and she pretty much said that I knew what I needed to do...and that while she would be there if I needed to go back and talk to her...she didn't think it was necessary. However. I'm really really struggling. I go through periods of NC and then we continue with LC. We've had nothing physical in a long time, but because we have mutual friendships/relationships there is no clean break. I find I can't keep myself distracted and busy...dating is hard. I'm a single parent. So when I'm sitting at home...i reflect on everything constantly...and it drives me absolutely nuts. Not sure what to do other than take it a day at a time. And just pray it gets easier. I'm just not sure how that's going to happen since she isn't gone from my life. It's painful. I wish I knew how to get myself back to normalcy. I hate to go see an IC if they really can't help me. I'm not sure what my outlet is....but i'm looking for one. Maybe an IC can't do much until I make a clean break...but then again. Not sure how to get that without a job change etc...(which I've contemplated). Edited May 4, 2013 by zevahc incomplete sentence Link to post Share on other sites
Damia Posted May 4, 2013 Share Posted May 4, 2013 You obviously need someone neutral to bounce ideas off. IC sounds like a sensible idea to me ,what have you got to loose ? A few$ Maybe a different IC would have a new perspective ,unless you are super comfortable with your previous one. I know a good fit is important. My situation was way different but Iv found IC an invaluable tool. Good luck whatever you decide Link to post Share on other sites
Author zevahc Posted May 4, 2013 Author Share Posted May 4, 2013 You obviously need someone neutral to bounce ideas off. IC sounds like a sensible idea to me ,what have you got to loose ? A few$ Maybe a different IC would have a new perspective ,unless you are super comfortable with your previous one. I know a good fit is important. My situation was way different but Iv found IC an invaluable tool. Good luck whatever you decide Thanks Damia...i wholeheartedly agree and feel like I need IC. I guess that's what shocked me when she said she felt I knew what I needed to do and that I didn't necessarily need to come back. Knowing what I need, and getting through it all are two completely different things. It's NOT about the money. Maybe I just need a different fit as you say. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted May 4, 2013 Share Posted May 4, 2013 Wow, that's kinda odd that your IC said that to you. You more than likely have a lot to talk about and just need the right therapist to bring it out. In therapy I've found that it is not always the person you're in a relationship with, it's more about what's going on in you that led you into the situation in the first place. This usually coinsides with an event in your life that brings an old wounds to the surface and it makes you vulnerable to things that mimic the feelings it created and you buried. Figure that out and your mindset will change. It will help you see that you're viewing the situation in a way that's skewed. That's all the analysis I will say for now...lol. The best therapist are found by asking professionals in the field for referrals. Tell them the kind of person you feel will be the best fit and they will give you names that match your criteria. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted May 4, 2013 Share Posted May 4, 2013 Many times we DO know what we should do or need to do. It's learning and gaining the tools necessary to do them and Then follow through.* 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted May 4, 2013 Share Posted May 4, 2013 Many times we DO know what we should do or need to do. It's learning and gaining the tools necessary to do them and Then follow through.* So true. And a good IC can help with that. In the end it really all comes down to staying true to yourself and understanding that some people do not have the capacity to give you what you want and need. And also realizing that there is nothing you can do to change that; it's up to them. If they aren't giving you anything to work with you simply have close the door and allow yourself to heal. It's hard I know, but the silver lining is that you have that choice. You won't feel this way forever and when it's in the past you will have gained a lot of knowledge about yourself and what you want and need. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zevahc Posted May 4, 2013 Author Share Posted May 4, 2013 Many times we DO know what we should do or need to do. It's learning and gaining the tools necessary to do them and Then follow through.* ComingInHot, you've been very helpful in all your posts..in the other thread....I guess the IC for me isn't necessarily to find out what I need to do, but to help me with the process, healing, etc...I feel like most of the time I have nobody to vent or share to...which lead to me venting to the MW this week instead of using my frustration as fuel to do other more productive things....and help me onward. I think I need someone I can have to keep me in check and just vent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted May 4, 2013 Share Posted May 4, 2013 zevahc, Thanks! I know there is nothing I can do for you except try to be the girl dressed in white on your shoulder to counter the one dressed in red on your other shoulder. I think if you could find an IC that's a good match for you, and were able to let her know your immediate need to begin a dialogue, could lead you to a-lot of things you didn't know you needed. And it always feels good to vent/get it out... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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