Legal Help; would some1 want a seperation agreement if they don't want to be divorced

[L.Carrie]

I have been posting on "Does seperation mean it's over?Lonliness takes over" for a while now about my husband who walked out on our family after 4 years of marriage. I decided to start this thread as someone advised me to for legal advice.

 

My husband left and within 3 days went to see a lawyer. He said that he went to see one becasue I had at one point during our month long counseling sessions mentioned that I had spoken to a lawyer. I did mention that I had spoken to a family friend who is a lawyer, and he now resides abroad. My husband felt that if we were going to be seperated for an amount of time which is still unknown that he needed to seek legal counsel. Although he paid the lawyer on the initial visit he states that he did not have the seperation agreement written up until later and that he paid the lawyer when it was written up. I do not work, recently I lost my job so now I stay home to support our 3 year old through a very difficult transition of daddy not being here. I only worked for a year and a half. I didn't work at all through our marriage until our son was 18 months old. My husband has always worked.

I recieved a legal seperation in tha mail from my husband's lawyer. I had it looked at by a local attorney and he asked me if I wanted to consent or not. I stated that I did not want to consent. He said that here in NYS that if a ouple is seperated for 1 year then they are granted divorce. My husband also told me this during an argument the first week after he left. We argued all week the first week and then he decided that he did want to take things real slow with us and see how we worked. So you can imagine my shock when I recieved the papers in the mail.

He said that he didn't know that the lawyer was going to send them out. I don't know if to believe that or not. So after speaking to him last week I asked my husband if he really wanted to continue with the legal seperation. He said that it was a way of getting his finances in order, especially considering that I am not working. We own a house, a car, his motorcycle, our dog, the investments and most importantly our son. I told him that since I was on unemployment that I would continue to deposit money into our account as always and there would be enough money for the bills. He said that he would talk to his lawyer. When I spoke to him tonight-a week after he said he'd speak to his lawyer, I asked him what had happened and he said that he and the lawyer were playing phone tag. I asked him what he was going to do because obviously he must have some sort of idea. He then told me that he was "probably" going to continue to seperation agreement. I thought we could just go along as we have been. He sees his son once a week, by his own will. I of course will not consent to it. Afterwards I called my husband and told him that I wanted to ask him something real quick......he said sure. I said "C, do you want a divorce?!" He said that he didn't. I asked him why not, and he that there was so much; "us, the house, 4 years, our son, our problems." I told him that all those things could be resolved especially our problems and asked him what else it was...he said that it was him. So now I am confused, even more that before becasue why would someone file for a legal seperation with a seperation ageement and not want divorce? I don't want a divorce, I don't want to lose my husband but why would someone want a seperation agreement if they don't want to be divorced? I am trying to stay hopeful that he will come home.

[Maria46]

If you read my post on "losing it all" in divorce area, you can see what happens when you close your eyes to this. You need to get an attorney and protect every asset you have.

 

If you don't, you could end up with nothing.

[L.Carrie]

I am really trying to keep my eyes open, but I don't know what to think. I can't imagine that my husband is trying to hurt our son and I. I don't know what to think. Did he go to find out his own rights? Right now the only thing I know is that I cannot afford an attorney. I paid $100 for a consult to have the seperation agreement looked at, but I don't have much more.

[Ladyjane14]

Carrie,

 

Honey, I know it's tough, but you gotta use your brain here instead of your heart. You've got a child to protect and another on the way, and you can't afford to be led by your emotions. You're gonna have to be a mother bear now and take care of your little cubs.

 

Did you read my post to you on your other thread? 'Just not being happy' is NOT a legitimate excuse to ABANDON your pregnant wife and child. Think about that for a minute. What kind of man does that???? He abandoned his family and never gave a real and credible reason! Do you honestly want to live the rest of your life with someone who could hurt you like that at any given moment? Do you not deserve better than that?

 

why would someone want a seperation agreement if they don't want to be divorced?

 

I can't think of a valid reason for that. Separation agreements are designed to protect legal rights. Why would he need to protect himself from you if he was still thinking about coming home?

 

I've read through your posts, and unless there is more information that you haven't posted, there are great gaping holes in this story. He's not telling you everything. This is just my opinion based on watching my brother's last divorce, but I think he's stringing you along. He doesn't want to play HARDBALL, and neither did my brother. The way that works is: the guy who wants the divorce is polite, respectful, and remorseful most of the time. He's willing to talk to you, tells you nice things from time to time, but steadfastly refuses to get back together with you all the while giving you lame reasons why. He's putting off mixed signals, but still following his own agenda. Hence your confusion.

 

Meanwhile, he's hired a fairly "aggressive" lawyer, and YOU can't afford any legal counsel? Why does he deserve to have a lawyer and you don't?

 

You really, truly need to take Maria's advice and get one. Step one with said lawyer should be to talk about creative ways of making payment to him. Ask your parents for help if you need to, but get that lawyer!

 

A man who leaves his pregnant wife, for no other reason than 'he's not happy' is not giving her 'loving' support. If he can't do that than at least make sure you're getting 'financial' support.

 

Get your own lawyer, get your OWN separation agreement for you HUSBAND to sign. Don't sign the one his lawyer drew up. Make sure you're getting child support, spousal support, and medical insurance. And if he's eating Tuna Helper for the next ten years, then maybe he should have thought of that earlier.

 

Why is it that you think he DOESN'T want to play hardball with you? It's because you will win if it comes to that!

 

One more thing, get some emotional support for yourself. And take care of your health. Your babies need you.

 

Good luck, honey. Get tough!!!

[Ladyjane14]

p.s. I'll check in later. Got to go to work!

[Maria46]

Listen to Ladyjane.

 

You need your own attorney. There are many that will accept payments. They can also put in the papers that he pays your attorney fees.

 

Don't be putting this off. It is important to protect yourself and your child. Do it today!!!!

 

You should make him eat tuna helper the rest of his life as this is real "fishy".

 

Best of luck to you...and keep us posted.

[L.Carrie]

Well, I called several pro-bono attorney agencies in the area. I pray one of them will call me soon. I've consulted with many lawyers and they have all said that it would range between $2400-$5600. Alot more money than I have. I hope I find someone........soon.