2 months NC. Hurting again

[agb]

Hey,

 

This is my first post here, but like many I've been reading the forums quite a bit and it's helped me cope more than I thought it would. Reading stories and experiences have been helpful.

 

So here's a little background -

I'm 24 and she's 21. We were dating for the last 3 years and everything was great. We never had any major fights but we did have our little arguments here and there. For the majority, we were pretty much in love, or I thought.

 

She's always had problems at home and things are pretty fractured with her parents and she's grown up in a household like that. However, she was one of the most genuine people I'd met.

 

So when the breakup happened it was out of the blue. No fights, nothing. We were intimate a day before and everything. Things at home for her were pretty bad though. Her mom hadn't been speaking for 2 weeks and my ex was pretty shaken by it. Also, in that phase she started blowing me off for her friends and started getting upset with me when I asked her to hang out with me. I understood that I met her when she was 18 and things were going to change since she was getting through college and stuff. So I never told her anything cause it's not my right to. I always felt it's her life and it's her choice, right or wrong.

 

So, the day she told me it's over, she told me she doesn't want any emotional attachment with anyone and wants to cut everyone out of her life. I tried to convince her I'd be there for her through thick and thin like I always had been. But she wanted none of it and grew cold towards me. I begged, cried and pleaded saying I'd do anything to make it work. I was desperate, but I don't blame myself. She showed no emotion, and I'd never seen her this way. My calling and pestering continued for the next 3 days and I decided to meet her and got her flowers and wrote her a letter explaining exactly what I was going through and that I understand what she's going through. Flowers worked every time but this time.

 

I was devastated. I couldn't handle it and went full NC. This lasted about 3 weeks. I knew and still know it's not about any other guy so that was the least of my worries. But I was blindsided by this. She cut me off without any warning or anything. Two of her best friends messaged me in those 3 weeks and told me that she loves me like mad and she's putting herself through this cause she thinks I deserve better. They suggested that I just call her and tell her I'm there for her. So, I decided to call her again after 3 weeks. I met her and just generally spoke. She was as cold this time as well. I didn't recognize who this person was. I was broken. We were sitting in my car and I and told her that I love her and I won't bother her anymore. She didn't show any emotion and walked out and went home.

 

I haven't contacted her since. It's going to be another 3 weeks tomorrow. I've blocked her, deleted her. Haven't checked her facebook, nothing. But 2 days ago one of her pictures came up with a mutual friend of ours and it just set me back. I couldn't help but check her facebook and stuff. I saw she was on my profile 2 weeks back so I changed my password. I logged into her facebook and she's enabled login notifications, so I panicked and shut it. So she knows I checked and I'm just crushed and depressed now.

 

I used NC to get over her and heal. I was making great progress but it all seems like it's going down the drain now. I don't want to get back together with her, cause she's really scared me by cutting me off all of a sudden. But it just kills me thinking that I was nothing in her life. I thought maybe she'd need space for a month and then she'd call me and things will be fine. It's going to be 2 months in a week or so since we broke up and she's made 0 effort to speak to me.

 

I'm sorry the post was so long, but it helps I guess. I've accepted that we're not going to be together, but I can't accept how she cut me out of her life like I'm nothing in 1 day.

 

Thanks for reading. I pray I get over her now.

[aisuru]

I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm proud of you for maintaining No Contact for so long as I know how hard it is.

 

Give her time. Give yourself time.

 

Get yourself out with friends, but also take time to mourn. You've lost a close friend and the dream of a future together. It's okay to hurt, but don't let it hinder you either.

 

It will be okay.

[agb]

Thanks. Appreciate it.. This is a real tough phase and it sucks that people go through this..

I got the usual, "You're the best anyone could ask for. I just need time." I wish I didn't respond to her friends, but I couldn't help myself.

[lonewalker]

I think she is going thru a emotional ride too. Maybe u should talk to her friends who knows what is going on. She maybe be stupid to think u desrrved better but if she is having some emotional breakdown.. i think u should be there for her.

 

But it will hurt u again.

 

2 choices)

 

1- get the facts from her good friends and know what is going on.

 

2- if u think she is not worth it then go no contact and really move on.

[agb]

I spoke to one of her close friends and she tells me that she's just checked out emotionally and is focusing on her modeling/ramp stuff and her studies. But she said that I should still try and talk to her and that she still loves me.

 

I'm going to ask another of her friends and then I guess I'll just drop her a text.

[aisuru]

How much time since the break up and last time since you had contact?

[agb]

It's been 2 months since the break up and about 1.5 months of no contact, including a day that I met her (3 weeks since then)