Do you consider marriage sacred?

[BetheButterfly]

You can try and try but if your spouse isn't willing to work with you then those vows are hard to stay true to.

Emotional abandonment is just as much a factor.

You need two people to make a marriage and it's vows mean something

 

100% agreed

[ComingInHot]

I believe M is More than a comittment, More than a vow & More than a contract. I believe it is a covenant made ergo, "the two become one " and, "til death do us part". H's love, My love, his blood, My blood, together we created our own children & family. We are as one.

 

We made this covenant before God & with God as well as friends and family. I think this is what was so tagic when my H had his A. He didn't just step out on me, he turned his back on everyone and God who was present that day we M.

 

I believe in forgiveness & R. I Also believe in NOT being a doormat which is why I'm always going to forgive yet I'll NOT remain w/H should he comitt the act of adultry again.

 

As for falling in/out of love, I've already done this two/three times, but with my H. And that has been Awesome in and of itself**

[Sarabi]

Basically marriage is an empty box that is what the couple puts into it. If a couple puts Love and Kindness and Respect and Trust and Faithfulness into it, that's what marriage is. If they put Selfishness and a Mean Spirit and Disrespect and Sneakiness and Unfaithfulness into it, that's what it is.

Hey, I really like your analogy here

I hope I will remember it like this in years to come if ever I am lucky enough to get wed

[BetheButterfly]

Hey, I really like your analogy here

I hope I will remember it like this in years to come if ever I am lucky enough to get wed

 

Hi Beautiful Sarabi!

 

Actually it's not my analogy. I got it off of Facebook!!! I like/follow "I Love My Husband" page because I love my husband very much!!! This page has a TON of wonderful advice about marriage, as well as beautiful praises for awesome husbands!!!

 

The share that compares marriage to an empty box is this one:

 

"MARRIAGE BOX

 

Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: companionship, intimacy, friendship, ect. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people. And people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty."

 

I boldened the parts that I love in the quote above.

 

I will pray for you and I very much hope you meet an awesome man who loves you, who you love, and who can and does commit with you in marriage!

[MrWindupBird]

I think a relationship is sacred if it's what both people want.

 

I think if one person neglects the other, then whatever happens happens.

 

If a spouse becomes cold and despondent, and the other person is lonely for years, then I don't blame the lonely person to test the waters outside the relationship. It's obviously better to break it off before cheating, but divorce is a big decision, and nobody's perfect.

[Eggplant]

I think a relationship is sacred if it's what both people want.

 

I think if one person neglects the other, then whatever happens happens.

 

If a spouse becomes cold and despondent, and the other person is lonely for years, then I don't blame the lonely person to test the waters outside the relationship. It's obviously better to break it off before cheating, but divorce is a big decision, and nobody's perfect.

 

Before you pursue another, and involve another 3rd party, you make a clean break. The man I loved didn't do that. He told me he was single, but he was cheating on his wife. Now he is alone and penniless. He got his divorce, as he wanted, but I cannot speak with him, despite begging and pleading from him and his whole family. How dare he? I can be with him if and only if I want to be responsible for ruining another woman's life. So I am forced to go on without the love of my life. He says he can't live without me. Well I can't live with the guilt of what he did. It's a tragedy. So DON'T DO IT.

[daletom]

I see some great thoughts in this thread! (I'm especially impressed by those who recognize that "sacred" doesn't really have a meaning outside a religious philosophy. For those without a religious belief system, the question would be more like, "How do you rank "marriage" in comparison to other contracts?".)

 

Well, I think marriage is sacred. It was divinely created and is one factor that distinguishes people from other life forms but its sacredness even goes beyond that. In that sense the legal institution of marriage is an after-the-fact recognition of something over and above government or social custom. I haven't thought it completely through but I think some couples who live together (cohabit) without the legal contract are, in fact, "married" - and have the obligations and responsibilities as well as the benefits, status, and privileges of marriage.

 

While I'm impressed by many of the comments and agree with them I won't single them out here. Let me add an idea that I don't think has been explicitly mentioned:

 

When people marry they give up significant parts of themselves . . . not just to each other, but also to create an "us" personality in addition to the "me" and "you". In many ways the "family" is a tangible form of the "us", especially when a marriage produces children. But I think the "us" aspect is there even before or after children, or if there are never any children.

[daletom]

I view marriage to be much different from just a "relationship." . . . you have an obligation to your partner not to give up on him/her unless the circumstances are dire . . .

The standard Christian wedding service used to include the part about " . . . for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, for better or worse . . . ". While I still hear it fairly often, it's not used universally. As a long-time married guy, it's quite sobering to reflect on how that has played out in our life and consider the future implications.

[daletom]

. . . It's the ultimate commitment ( other than being a parent) that you can make to another human being . . .

I didn't quote your whole post but it's very well said.

[pcplod]

I consider that there are 4 legitimate reasons for divorce: adultery, abuse, addiction, and abandonment. Otherwise, when two people get married, they work through their problems and stay together. If you don't want to make such a commitment, don't get married. It's completely optional. Do you respect marriage as an institution? Why or why not?

 

The short answer is "No". The long answer is still "No". To apply the labels "institution" and "sacred" to marriage is intrinsically preposterous. It's labels like that which give the contractual arrangement of marriage a bad name and make it so impossible to live with.

 

Out of fairy stories come horror stories.

[findingnemo]

I think some marriages are sacred. What makes them sacred isn't the religious belief behind it but the intent of the two people involved. If one party cheats, is abusive or in any way takes away or doesn't contribute to the marriage, then it is not sacred.

 

A marriage being scared, in my mind, is a result of how the two parties involved view their union. Anybody can get married, anybody can say their vows but the union becomes sacred when a couple continually works on keeping those vows.

 

Marriage is definitely an institution in sociological terms. It is a stage in life that promotes life on many levels. First of all, it brings new members of society into the world. It then provides them with a good nurturing environment (role models, financial stability, love from two people, etc) and one important thing it does is enable the acquisition and transfer of property in an orderly fashion. It is a building block for the family and for society. So yes, it really is an institution.

 

Having said that, if any of the parties do not see it as sacred to them or as an important unit that is part of their society, then his/her marriage is neither sacred nor an institution and probably should be dissolved.

[HonestNeurotic]

I think marriage is some obsolete man made institution that is good for tax collectors and the moral majority type folks. I know people that have been together for many years and raised children and never bothered to "get married". Of course, I also "believe" that gay people can be married and such. If you're going to allow for marriage, then why the barriers? One should be able to marry whoever they want to, whoever they love, if it's that important. I also know gay couples that have been together 30+ years.

 

I married my first husband far too young, although I was 20. But after 3 kids, and 17 years - well, I knew I did not love him. I didn't have an affair or anything. I just had to leave him, and he was really hurt, but he has a much more suitable wife now. I did my best to BE that person, but that's because I was doing my best to be what society said was acceptable and that I "should" be. 14 of those years were pretty good. But I never "felt" love really except for my children. I called it my "starter marriage" and vowed to never do that again! He was a good, decent man. Had this been like the "old" days when there weren't so many people or opportunities for women I probably would have just stayed. I was not miserable at all. I just didn't love him and I didn't think it was fair for someone to be married to someone that didn't love them in the way that needed to be loved. When I run into him at my children's weddings (we live 2K miles apart) and have a conversation with him I have to wonder what I ever saw in him. He is this uber rightwing dude and I am so not that.

 

I never intended to get married again. We truly only did it for our family's. His parents kinda find that the thing to do, instead of "shacking up", one must get married???? His family is rampant with multiple marriages! His grandma, 5 times. His mother 3. His brother 3. My brother had died the year before and my parents were really sad. We'd lived together for almost three years, together for five. To me, we had a mortgage, what's more of a commitment than that?

 

So we told everyone that we got married by a witch doctor on Easter Island when we returned. Of course, they believed us, because it's something we would do. And of course, we told them there are no witch doctors on Easter Island, and that wasn't a "legal" marriage. But we went to the county clerks office on April 1st, (April Fools Day) and got our license, and went to this lovely cemetery and my friend that is licensed to marry folks did the deed. I have a picture where I am on this island, on a bench, that reads "Til death do us part". This cemetery is more like a really cool park. So the legal ceremony we did before the "formal" one because I'm CHEAP and my drivers license had to be renewed in May and I didn't want to pay twice because I changed my name.

 

Then we had a huge party and invited our close friends and family and my kids flew out and it was a GREAT party! I wore this lime green satin thing with so many layers of tulle you couldn't sit down. And pink flowered flip flops. We had a Native American prayer type reading - he's an atheist, I'm agnostic. We got married on my brother birthday in June.

 

It changed absolutely nothing between us. It's just a legal contract, nothing more. We'd be together no matter the legality of the situation. We don't even celebrate any of the three times that we did it! We think it's pretty stupid. To us - a marriage license does not mean "I love you".

 

I do think if people are going to have children, they need to think about that long and hard before doing so, as children need a secure home - no matter how many parents they have or if they are gay/straight/ whatever. FindingNemo said that best.

 

But SACRED? No way. It's record keeping. Nothing more. I don't think we are designed to be monogamous creatures. Somehow, we get new labels and "duties" assigned to us by society as HUSBAND and WIFE. Women's lib has come a long way from my grandmother's time on this planet, when a women had to have a husband to take care of her and a wife was just a basically a possession. I think we make ourselves crazy trying to be things we are not. i.e., I still often hear - "Your husband LETS you do?" things that I do. LET'S me? Because I am married, I have to change my personality? Who I am? Certainly living together requires compromise. But almost everyone that I know that got married for "love" and all that jazz is either divorced, or just going through the motions cuz "that's what we're supposed to be". I think we, especially women, place far too much importance on whether we have a partner in life or not. I felt worse when I got laid off, than I did when I ended my marriage.

 

Far too much of a rambling story. I'm sure. Married or not, one needs to be stingy with their promises, and keep them. Too many people stay married just because of that little piece of paper, and I'm not all that sure that's a good thing.

[KathyM]

I definitely respect marriage as an institution. I believe it was created by God for the fulfillment of man. I believe it's honoring to God and pleasing to God to uphold marriage vows. I believe a Christian marriage is not only a promise and covenant made to your spouse, but a covenant and promise made to God, before God.

[Razzic]

I consider it to be both unnatural and untenable...

 

Couldn't of said it better myself, its only society that makes all these rules and you are looked down on if you do not follow them. That being said if someone wants to Marry, can make it work and remain happy (which seems to be the minority) then go for it