My boyfriend is sending me some pretty mixed signals. . .

[khristal23]

Why doesn’t he understand that all I want is to marry him? Of course I would like to go to school. Of course I know I have a lot of money right now. But that money is for us. Not me. Us. And he knows that. And yet he’s trying to get me to use it for me. One might wonder if subconsciously he doesn’t want to marry me after all. Maybe the only thing that would make him happier is if I had no money left for us to get married on? That way he wouldn’t have to do it? I’ve been waiting for this for 3 yrs. And for what? Just to realize that my boyfriend doesn’t want that? After all he’s the one who started it all and now he doesn’t even want it? I’m sorry he drives a truck. I know he hates it. But I am 26 year s old. I am ready to settle down if I’m going to. And yeah, I’m working for my mom. But at least she pays me. That may not be much of a job, and no, I’m sure I’m not content to do it forever, I don’t think. But it’s working for right now. I left a job that I had been at for almost 8 years. That was hard. That was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. And he was behind me 100% of the way. And now he tells me I need to be going to school. Well, maybe I do. But maybe I also want to have kids before I’m 30 and maybe I want to get out of debt, and get married, and get my wisdom teeth pulled before I’m 30. How much time does that leave for going to school, and how much money?? Not a lot. But if I can work it in, I will. He just wants to slam on me for not doing it just because he would like to be doing it. Well, I have long term and short term goals. And right now, I don’t even have all my ducks in a row. I want children, I want marriage. He told me he does, too. But if I have kids, how much time is that going to leave for me to go to school? I don’t know how it will leave any time. And it just makes me question if all this love and marriage stuff he’s been spouting for all these years isn’t just crap? He said he wanted kids, he wanted marriage. But how can he have all that if both of us are trying to get an education? I don’t want to try to do too many thing at once. Why can’t he understand that? Any advice would be appreciated from anyone. I'm just sitting here all alone, and kind of confused.

[mighty bop]

First of all, you need to do what YOU want to do. This guy wants you to do all this stuff and you are not ready. Why does he want you to go to school so bad? He might feel like he will have to be the person who brings home the bacon and he doesn't want to be the only one. But you said you already have a job. So I don't know. Does he want you to get a master's degree or what? Do what YOU wanna do. Seems like this guy is putting too much unneeded pressure on you and needs to stop.

 

Chris

[jmargel]

Could be that your bf wants the best of you, and he thinks this is the best way by going to school. However he fails to realize that it's not his choice. It's upto you if you want to goto school. How are things otherwise in the relationship?

 

Don't get married just to 'get married', and cross one of the things you wanted to do in your life off your list. You know the right reasons to get married. I still don't see how marriage plays a role in you going to school or not. Ask him that. Are you two living together now? If so, how are the finances? Perhaps he's leery of that as well, which is a logical point.

[fredrolin]

first you say:

 

 

Originally posted by khristal23

Of course I know I have a lot of money right now. But that money is for us. Not me. Us. And he knows that.

 

 

they you say:

 

 

 

before I’m 30 and maybe I want to get out of debt,

 

 

 

You have alot of money but you are in debt?

[katie79]

Everyone is in debt. This is "Credit America".

Like the other guy said, do what you want to do.

I don't know you, but maybe he feels you have issues with your career/work life and he wants you to fix those up before getting married. Communicate with his about this. But you are working, you are able to carry out a steady career (from past behavior), so I don't see the problem. You have some money saved, that's good. A little debt, well you can work on that, but that shouldn't effect your marriage. It seems to many people feel everything has to be perfect before they walk down the aisle. What they don't realize is marriage is filled with ups and downs---work, money, school, family, and friend issues with always be complex. Getting through it together is what marriage is about, not waiting for it to be fixed and hopefully never come back.

 

It could also be...he is using this as an excuse to not marry you but to keep you around until he meets someone else. In which case, he's not worth seeing anymore. I hate to tell the cold-blooded truth, but when men use work/money issues, that's just an excuse not to marry you. He'll string you, until he finds a woman he's crazy about whom he wants to wed. I feel when a man's in love, he doesn't find excuses NOT to marry you, instead, he finds reasons TO marry you.

 

Talk to him about what he wants from you. If you agree with him, how long will this take you? You're young still, but you want kids by 30, and that's 4 years away. Sounds like a long way, but it really isn't. If you get engaged now, it takes a year to plan out a wedding/marriage, then you'd want to be a married couple living alone (no kids) for a few years (by this point, you'll be 29!), and then have a baby. Get moving on talking to him!