How can i stop being so jealous?

[NickS47]

Ok my girlfriend and i have been dating for a year now. We currently attend different colleges that are about an hour and a half apart. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She is one of those people that everyone wants to be around and hang out with because she is so nice and sweet and fun to be around. I can handle that and can handle being away from her like this because we also attended different high schools that were half and hour away so we've done the long distance thing for a while already (we're both freshmen).

 

I just can't help getting extremely jealous everytime she hangs out with a bunch of guys or parties with a bunch of guys (like tonight). Her and her friends at school hang out with the same guys most of the time. I can never make it over to her school because of football right now so ive never got to meet these guys before. She tells me that there is nothing to worry about and that she loves me but i cannot stop getting extremely jealous! I just want to quit this **** because its ruining our relationship! I love my girlfriend and need some tips on what to do so i can stop worrying about her. PLEASE!!!

[GirlDown]

hey nick!

 

obviously you think your relationship is worth it, and that's a start. so why are you worrying you so much?

 

until she does something to make you think you should be jealous, i would just try to calm down. right now she's in a new place, with new people, with new experiences. if you are meant to be together, you will be. and if not, then that's okay too.

 

that's how things work, usually. of course, every situation is different, so don't think i am trying to paint you with one brush.

 

but honestly, think about it. you act jealous, and so far she's been reassuring...eventually, if she really does love you, she's going to get tired of defending herself, and she is going to think the only way she can be with you if is she is alone all the time, and has no friends and no social life except for you...you, who is not always available. and then the resentment will come.

 

i think your intentions are great, and i think she is lucky to have you.

but what if all this jealousy you have in regard to her is going to rub off on her too?

 

if YOU are able to be in a different place with different people with different experiences and not cheat on her and leave her (which is your ultimate fear of her, i assume) why is it so impossible for her to be as loyal?

 

and not only that, what if she starts thinking..."hey, he's in the same situation as me right now...if he doesn't trsut me, maybe i don't have any reason to trust him...maybe he is doing all the things he thinks i am doing, and that's why he thinks i am too"

 

see what i mean?

 

bottom line, if you want this girl to be with you AND to be happy, you have to chill out a bit.

 

be happy she's telling you what she's doing and where she's going...she could be lying to you instead and saying every night is a night with the girls.

 

just trust a little more, without it there's nothing.

 

however, if she breaks that trust, which is very possible given the setting and situation you are both in (new college students, new lives, uncertainty) drop her.

 

but until then, relax.

 

i think you'll be okay.