Anyone LDR prior to meeting?

[LittleTiger]

Well, met up with the girl. Things didn't go as well as I had hoped for.

 

It's much different meeting someone in person. I talked to this girl for about 10 weeks, seemed to really click but in person I just wasn't interested.

 

She was a little immature for me and the physical attraction wasn't there.

 

I can understand that the physical attraction may not have been there but, assuming you talked on webcam, surely you could gauge her level of maturity before you met her?

[kiwildr]

I meet in 9 days my online man for the first time and that is my biggest fear that he won't be physically attracted to me, yes we have exchanged a lot of photos and have chatted every day since we met. I hope that our connection is just as strong in person .

[SweetiePie12]

I'm curious if anyone's ever been in a situation where they've met someone online and talked (not official relationship) for a few months before actually meeting in person?

 

Experience, thoughts?

 

Yes. A mid-September until we finally met that following January. (I traveled to him. I'm on my way and he nearly cancelled! I was on vacation so I intended to carry on; he ended up abbreviating our visit, but that's another story...)

 

But during this phone-only phase, I asked him: "Are you my future boyfriend?", to which he replied: "I feel like I'm already your boyfriend!"

 

Hook. Line. Sinker.

 

So, as for it being an official relationship during that time period, I guess it depends on who you ask

 

But I don't recommend it. Things went south fairly quickly when we finally were face to face: before that summer.

 

Recent reconciliation talks have stalled because: (surprise, surprise) he's moving too slow It's a basic incompatibility between us. I still love him as a Christian, though.

 

So all that to say: I guess it depends on the people Some are OK with spending months on the phone, but I am not one. I enjoy spending time It's the best way to get to know someone

[SweetiePie12]

a fun break from his bitchy girlfriend.

 

My friend who knows my ex told me that's what I may have been So, yes, I find these stalling techniques of avoidance a major red flag.

 

Subsequent to that relationship, I experienced Facebook, phone, and we immediately began to see each other regularly & consistently. We're now in our 14th month and going strong.

 

I say: spend time ASAP if your circumstances allow it. The eyes are the window to the soul

[Pyro]

I'm curious if anyone's ever been in a situation where they've met someone online and talked (not official relationship) for a few months before actually meeting in person?

 

Experience, thoughts?

 

We started "talking" in October (had known of her for years) and we met in March and became official then. During that time we did everything from IM to Skype.

 

IMO you should have some phone and Skype conversations before meeting so that there isn't much room for deception when meeting IRL.

 

LDR's are tough for the most part to maintain. They require much patience, honesty, and trust.

[SweetiePie12]

I would NEVER do the long distance thing again. As someone mentioned earlier..there needs to be a lot of commitment on both sides and there has to be an end date.

 

Exactly. With us, it was working for me because we had a plan that I would move (I had roommates at the time) so that he could spend 3 weeks with me in the city and 1 week at his place further inland. But! We ran into problems before that could happen. The universe intervened.

 

I still consider him a friend. Just...a distant one. Not close.

 

I can't afford to travel all the time and only have so much time I can take off, so in my situation a long distance relationship is not convenient.

 

It was exhausting spending every weekend at his place! I'd get home Sunday night and off and running Monday morning. Sometimes Thursday would roll around and I still hadn't unpacked from the previous weekend, and it was almost time to go again! Whew!

 

I really love the physical part of the relationship, not only the sex...but cuddling, hugs...and when the major form of communication is skype or telephone...where is the touching?

 

I can't live without it. I feel sorry for my ex. He's not very spontaneously affectionate. I wonder why he deprives himself so and stays so far away from -- everyone? Poor thing.

 

Sure you can develop feelings based on talking and emailing. But you have to allow for the fact that your pen pal is a still complete stranger. There is no way to predict chemistry, or how you will feel upon meeting. Did you ever meet someone that was 'on paper' perfect for you, yet there was just something you could not vocalize that felt wrong? How do you judge their social interactions, familial relationships, work ethic or even their smell when you just chat online? There are just too many unknowns for your feelings to be real.

 

This is my take on it.

 

Totally agree.

[RedQueen]

Haven't met my bf of 8 months yet but we're prepared for anything especially considering we're business partners and 'the show must go on!'

 

If we don't work as lovers, we'll always have loads of hot memories from our 'virtual' time, the awesome things we produce together, the fact that we make each other laugh until we can't breathe and the fact that we care about each other will remain.

 

Don't put all your stakes into a vision that you've constructed in your brain. Let the relationship take its own form and exist from there.

[lamaga]

Yes. I met my ex-boyfriend in real life first but we never spent much time together. We were facebook friends and then started talking on there about 8 months after we first met, and then we fell in love. We were LDR for 4 months before we met again, that's when we were physical for the first time.

Unfortunately we broke up a year after getting together, but we are now in each other's lives again so, I am having hope we will get back together at some point...

[Deeds510]

I live on my own, so yes..when I say he was living with me, he was living with me in my apartment. Of course he met my family, and we went back to my parents house almost every weekend to go see them or friends back in Minnesota

[nomadic_butterfly]

Yes! My first love! We met when I was 16 he was 21 and I never ever thought it would materialize but I was always an intrepid gal so we met in a public place and I brought some family members along for my safety. We met in person like 6 months after we met in a chat room. This was 10yrs ago though. I have grown to not like online dating as much though I've made plenty of friends just because too many people are too accessible and people seem to be out of touch with reality with the weight of social media in everyday lives as well.

 

I didn't wait that long the older I've gotten before meeting someone online as I don't like to waste time so I take 3 weeks to a month to talk on the phone and make sure there is a connection there before having an awkward real life date. Many have been eliminated through this "screening" and due diligence.

 

I'm curious if anyone's ever been in a situation where they've met someone online and talked (not official relationship) for a few months before actually meeting in person?

 

Experience, thoughts?

[nomadic_butterfly]

I agree 100%. Might be slightly hypocritical as I have this potential long distance thing going but I have never done it before and it was far from my mind. He was supposed to have been here already but visas/immigration has complicated things and it will be next spring/summer before he is here. There is still hope for this situation as of now but if we end up just friends, I most certainly would not opt for long distance again, ESPECIALLY if there wasn't a firm in-person relationship beforehand.

 

There are just want too many variables and the end date is absolutely crucial or it's the song that doesn't end and you will end up regretting the time invested in a dead-end situation. I am keeping my options open and we both agree to keep the other informed as we go along (we will meet up in a close country that he can visit without a visa in a couple months). I am not actively seeking another romantic situation but I am open to it if something in person in a closer proximity comes along and we hit it off even more than with this guy.

 

I also am not fond of incessant texting/emails and with a 9hr time difference Skyping can be a real big inconvenience on both parts. Life happens! I am also not the most patient person in the world so that doesn't make the situation easier; anyway realism is the key and keeping emotional boundaries until one has committed to be where the other is for sure.

 

 

A relationship is spending time together, seeing each other...getting to know each other in PERSON..not on the phone, text or email. I would NEVER do the long distance thing again. As someone mentioned earlier..there needs to be a lot of commitment on both sides and there has to be an end date.

 

I can't afford to travel all the time and only have so much time I can take off, so in my situation a long distance relationship is not convenient. And someone mentioned 'open relationship'..well, to me..why bother? That's another thing...I really love the physical part of the relationship, not only the sex...but cuddling, hugs...and when the major form of communication is skype or telephone...where is the touching?

 

There's a lot that gets missed on Skype (if you do Skype), and 1 or 2 hours a day of "I'm happy/you're happy" talk is not real life. Only when people live in the vicinity does real life set in, and then you can tell if you're suited to one another. Which is not to say there aren't people who have decided to have a go at a relationship that started long distance. There are, but you have to be very open-minded and patient once you finally are in real time with the person, because you're going to find out things you didn't on the all-sweet-all-the-time talk on Skype and e-mail.

 

Sure you can develop feelings based on talking and emailing. But you have to allow for the fact that your pen pal is a still complete stranger. There is no way to predict chemistry, or how you will feel upon meeting. Did you ever meet someone that was 'on paper' perfect for you, yet there was just something you could not vocalize that felt wrong? How do you judge their social interactions, familial relationships, work ethic or even their smell when you just chat online? There are just too many unknowns for your feelings to be real.

 

This is my take on it.

[Faith13/2]

I met my SO on a virtual game back in 2009, we only finally came to meet in the beginning of this year. Even though we were quite serious about each other through the years nothing really kicked off till we met in person, and now we're engaged to be married.

[Thefeels]

I did not... we used a translator when we were first chatting (laughable translations, but it worked) and I picked up words over the couple of months of chatting before we met face to face.

 

It was REALLY difficult in the beginning, the language barrier. I spoke German and had lived in few other countries before moving to France so I thought it would be fine, but the first few months were really, really hard. I wasn't living in Paris at the time, so I was in a small village 90 minutes away- no one spoke English - it was just a challenge. In retrospect, it was good he didn't speak English because it forced me to learn French, but yeah, NOT easy!

 

I just have to tell you, I am totally amazed by this. I've never heard of anyone talking by using translators like that! Or even dating that way. Gosh. That is so cool. You are now officially my favorite LDR story, just from reading this little bit.