DESI Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 I know I have said this so many times before on LS, but I get so sad when my ex never calls me. It makes me feel like my relatiosnhip with him was so insignificant. LIke if I did not mean anything to him at all. We did have a great relationship, I had the kind of relationship that all my girlfriends were jealous about. We were together for 2 years and we have been broken up for a little over 4 months now. He has never tried calling, except once he called on the 4th of the July to crash at my apartment, which I didn't get the call until the next day. I just get so hurt that he doesn't even try to see how I am, or even act like he cares at all. His mom however called me a few weeks ago. I went to the house to return his stuff but he didn't come upstairs. It just makes me so sad, anyone else have similar stories?? Do you think he doesnt call because he doesnt care and he has moved on or do you think maybe he doesnt call because he is not over it. That is what people tell me, but he broke up with me so he should be over it. Let me say that I was his first serious relationship. Before me he was only with someone for max 3 months. Tell me what you think. Link to post Share on other sites
neptoon Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 I had an ex who I lived with for 3 years and went out with for 5. He doesn't call me anymore either. He called me in December (2003), asked how I was -- we talked for 10 minutes and I told him about the guy I'm seeing now and he said he loved me and how he didn't know how he'd find another girl who was so suited for him. We had very similar personalities and interests. I felt the most free I've ever felt in my life with him. He was my very best friend in the world. We had an intensely deep bond -- well, I thought we did, I'm not sure about him. He cried when I told him that I was seeing someone (it was 4 months after we broke up). I've never heard from him again. It really hurt me to hear him cry. I cried for 3 days after the last time I talked to him because it hurt me so much to hear him cry. I miss talking to him sometimes but I can no longer find the courage to call him because: a) it hurts me and b) it hurts him. I put myself in his shoes and think that maybe he doesn't call me because he feels the same way. I think the deeper the hurt, the less you want to call. Sometimes it's just better to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 It seems as though he has let go and you haven't. I haven't contacted my ex of 1-year except through an email telling her about something funny online. Anyways, maybe he met someone else and would feel guilty contacting you while dating someone else. I don't know why he called to see if he could crash at your place on the 4th. He was probably just drunk. Chris Link to post Share on other sites
SMF Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 I wonder the same things... how you can be so very close/united with someone, they break up with you (out of the blue) you thought you were going towards engagement and living together and then... poof! thats it!! Break up. No contact.. have a little contact via email/phone.... Then poof! again- nothing! You just don't even hear or see from that person ever again? It is so hard to let go. Every day is a daily struggle to not contact him. I think more about the act of not contacting him then him himself. And the last time I spoke to him- he was saying that he wanted to call me a bunch of times bc he missed me but he felt that it would be leading me on/giving me false hope. Its such a sad situation... Bc we were really great together but my 29 year old ex just simply flipped out and started over thinking, didn't want to move foward and be in a serious relationship anymore after 9 months. Do you guys have any advice for continuing the no contact and just getting over it? I feel like I just can't get over the hurt. We have been broken up for about 10 weeks. ??? Help please!""" Link to post Share on other sites
DESI Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 I know exactly how you feel, we were great together too. I was so in love with him, and I just thought we would be together forever. I thought he felt the sameway, he would always tell me. The last time we talked he was asking me for more of his stuff back, and we got into an argument. He told me that I was never good for him, and that I am just mad that I lost a great guy. He told me F*** YOU and all these other mean stuff. Told me he burned all my pictures. I just don't understand I didn't do anything to him. It was a clean break and he never called me, and now he just seems to hate me. I have not tried contacting him so its not like he needed to be so mean to keep me away. It hurts a lot. After the break up I found out all these lies he would tell me. It makes me feel like the whole relationship was a fake, he wasn't being real. The person that I feel in love with doesn't even exist. I know I have to move on, but its a lot easier said then done. He is still always on my mind, and the thought of us never talking again really hurts me. I realize however that 2 years in the long run really isn't that long. It just hurts to think that he is over it so fast and is probably dating someone else. In the meantime I am trying to keep myself busy as a full-time student with a full-time job, but I still get sad every now and then. He was my best friend and it definately is a loss, that will take me a while to get over. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Read YX32Nemesis's post about her boyfriend's relationship with his ex doing permanent damage to their relationship. Perhaps that is why he isn't calling you, and I believe its for the best that he does not. Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Everybody handles things differently. Some people go "cold turkey" and end the relationship quickly. Some people let contacts taper off. I have been in both situations and to be honest less contact after a break up is better. You get over it quicker instead of dealing with lingering pain. Link to post Share on other sites
DESI Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 I just read the post and that is really sad, and maybe it is best for him not to call me. It just hurts to think he forgot about me completely, and that he has moved on. And to say everything he said to me, just doesn't make any sense. I thought he was a nice guy but I was wrong. I just wish he would want to know how I was doing, or at least be civil with me. Its not like we do not know eachother. His mom told me he is hurting right now and said things he didnt mean out of hurt. But how can he be hurting when he broke up with me?? I wouldn't want him to do what that other girls boyfriend is doing, but a nice phone call would make me feel like he didn't give a s**t about me. It just hurts because I don't know where I went wrong. One day everything was great and the next it was over. No explanation except for at first he said I need to find myself and then he said he couldn't take the arguing anymore. This is just so hard for me to handle. I used to be so happy, I thought everything was going so well and that the next step was marriage. Now my life feels shattered, and the one that I love doesn't care about me at all. The pain just won't go away. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Hi Desi, I know that it must hurt. I think maybe that your ex boyfriend is trying to do what he thinks is right, which is provide a clean break for the two of you. My "best" breakups have been the clean ones with no contact, when I look back in retrospect. I did that to a boyfriend of 4 years...I broke up with him, he became violent with me that day, and I refused to take his phone calls after that. It was because of the violence, but also because I know that after 4 years of sharing our lives together, we needed complete separation to move on. Your boyfriend may be coming from the same place and I would bet that he hasn't forgotten what you two shared or deemed your relationship worthless. Thats what you're afraid of, isn't it? That all of your time, love, and attention were insignicant? I don't think that is possible. You're just going to have to have faith on this one until someday the two of you talk again. Until then hold your head high and focus on creating happiness and fulfillment in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
SMF Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 That is exactly how I feel.. I feel like my ex has no respect or remorse for what we shared... that he is able to move on way quicker than I. Especially since he was the one to end our relationship. Its seems that it is so easy for him to move on but again this is just my perception. He claimed that he wanted to call several times and reach out to me during our bouts of no contact (we have been broken up for 2 months) but that he was afraid that I would be misled or have false hopes of us getting back together if he called. So instead he just doesn't call doesn't email.. nothing. cold turkey I guess it is better to do that... I told him eventually I hope we can speak - so I guess that is why he isn't calling me.. AND Really the only reason why I would want him to call is if he had a change of heart.. I am not looking to be friends.. What are tips in moving on? Its def. hard to do. Link to post Share on other sites
DESI Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Thank you everyone for your post. Thank you SAVETHEDRAMA, it I guess is the best way. It just sucks though, we went from talking 25+ times a day on the phone to cold turkey, its been 4 months and I still haven't moved on. Yes I know PATHETIC! I really am being pathetic. It just makes me sad, he used to talk to his ex when we were together. I caught him once, we weren't supposed to be talking to our exes. They were only together for about 3 months, his longest relationship before me. I thought maybe he isnt talking to me because he is in a new relationship, but the last time we talked and argued, he told me he was single and didnt want to be with anyone, and even his mom told me he was single. Just hurts that we were so close, and now we are nothing. I have had my heart broken before, but this one is so unbareable!! It is the worst feeling in the world. I feel so hard for me, so much harder then what I ever thought possible. Everything still reminds me of him. Its honestly like an obsession. Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 The way I look at things is probably alot different than I did when i first started posting here. I think now that if a love can end that quickly than it really wasnt love to begin with. The same things go with friendship: "A friendship that stops existing was actually never there." If you disagree with me...please tell me....I'd like to think Im wrong......with the love part at least. Link to post Share on other sites
DESI Posted September 28, 2004 Share Posted September 28, 2004 I totally agree with you. Thats why I get sad to think that I was really in love, head over heels and he never was. Even though he told me he was obviously it wasn't real. Real love lasts forever, which worries me that I will always love him. And to think we would have stupid little arguments about who loved eachother more. :*( Life is never the way anyone planned, or thought it would be. I sometimes no longer believe in love. Link to post Share on other sites
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