He left me.

[Leigh 87]

I am shaking.

 

My body is in complete shock.

 

I am in FAR more pain than when a close family member DIED.

 

Just

 

My ex left me.

 

He has lost some of his feelings for me, and realises that we are not right together because I have issues that he gave me two years to resolve. He gave me plenty of warning that he was crazily in love with me, but I had to change in the way that I dealt with things - I dealt with some things badly. He warned me. For months. For a year even. Or longer.

 

He said he would not be able to go on.

 

 

 

.......................................

 

In spite of what every one thinks based on our shaky start together, he was MADLY in love with me, for a period of time. This was a true love, very deep relationship.

 

We both lived together, and were each others universe. We had our own life plans and we have a strong will to have friends and our own hobbies and sense of identity, however; we were everything to each other. His words too. I remember him saying " I want to be everything to you, and you to me"

 

I have ..... Seriously, I shake non stop. I am in disbelief. We had a LIFE together, with the dogs, which became MY dogs:(:(:(:(:(

 

Like.... I cannot process it yet.

 

This is LITERALLY exactly the same as being in a nightmare that I cannot wake up from.

 

 

REALLY. This IS a nightmare - in every sense of the word.

 

............................

 

 

He said that over time, I was not the best version of myself, and my own annoyance on this matter worn him down - basically, I could be a bitch because I was not happy within myself.

 

For the most part - we had an extremely secure and loving relationship - I got over my eating disorder, I became who I am today. He was the catalyst for my life changing completely.

 

Yes I am going no contact. DUH.

 

He only just left me though, and my father gets home from overseas on Wednesday, so Andrew refused to leave me in the state that I am in - he is far too concerned to leave. And he wants to help me get my flat nice and clean for my dad, as he knows I cannot move or ... just fcking do anything.

 

He talked about marrying me. A year ago. I don't know how feelings just disappear.

 

I am GOING NO CONTACT 100%

 

I am not counting on a second chance.

 

All he has said on the matter is: I still love you, I still have the feelings I once had, but we cannot go on. One day we can get back together maybe.

 

 

I am obviously treating this like a loss.

[xpaperxcutx]

What had he wanted you to change? It just seems like a cop-out that he's taking the dumper's way out especially since i have read of your posts about him and his particular behaviors. It seemed almost unfair that he's expecting changes from you but you haven't expected any changes from him.

[Leigh 87]

We had a life together.

 

 

I felt so adored and loved for most of the relationship.

 

 

I am going to miss picking him up at 3 am on Friday or Saturday nights frm his friends poker nights.. He was always SO.. happy to see me, telling me how much he loved me and how in love and happy he was to have me.

 

This is serious sh*t.

 

............................................

 

 

 

I thought I was going to marry this man.

 

 

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

 

 

 

 

I used to come on LOVESHACK, to look at other peoples issues and break ups, and I would think OMG I AM SO HAPPY that I can go and crawl into bed with my gorgeous boy.

 

Seriously - I only came on here late at night, and I would ALWAYS look SO forward to .,.... going to bed with him.

 

I am at a total loss.

 

I know what I am going to do - no contact - but I am in shock, my body is in shock, my body is reacting in the same way as when someone close to me died.

 

Only I feel a whole lot worse.

[Leigh 87]

What had he wanted you to change? It just seems like a cop-out that he's taking the dumper's way out especially since i have read of your posts about him and his particular behaviors. It seemed almost unfair that he's expecting changes from you but you haven't expected any changes from him.

 

 

no no no.

 

 

He was loyal and monogamous. Completely. He changed.

 

The fact he had hookers at the beginning does not mean he was not into me - he had one after a year together. That is all.

 

Look, there is no evidence that this meant he was not in love with me.

 

Sorry - but some guys can be crazily in love, and be able to use a hooker as a sex toy.

 

It does not mean he had eyes for other women in general. I have proof and my intuition serves me well.

 

Andrew absolutely could not just go and hook up with any girl besides that.... arrangement.

 

And of course, he stopped doing it. There were no issues in that regard. He was a typical type of man who thought it was cool to have threesomes and hookers.

 

With me he changed, and he showed no sign of wanting anyone else.

 

Before me he was addicted to hookers and hated going down on girls.

 

He changed with me. Not ALL men change their ways immediately when they fall In love. He took getting to know me for who I am, and then BAM - he loved going down on me and did not want the hooker idea.

 

Look I know this man - it was not a cop out.

 

He WAS truly in love with me.

 

He was out all the time among hot girls, and he only had eyes for me.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm sorry. I have been thinking about how far you seem to have come, at least as far as we can tell from your posts here.

 

Did this result from a big blow up, or just out of the blue when you thought things were going well?

[Leigh 87]

What did he want me to change?

 

NOT who I am - that is for sure. He really loves the fact I am... totally.. different from anyone he has met; that I am strange and quirky and just... myself.

 

I am a bitch at times. I am a lovely person, but I am not happy within myself in some ways, and when I was not happy with something in life, I got very abrasive and bitchy towards him.

 

He told me for months how much it hurt him.

 

Look - I have issues. He knew that. He waited two years for me to change some of my ways.

 

 

...................

 

 

 

DO NOT turn this thread into a " but he never loved you" one. have some respect for me plz.

 

I know the man, and I know when a man is madly in love with me.

 

And there is no science to say that hooker incident says otherwise.

 

Not every man in love is wired the same way.

 

Remember - we were always together, by HIS choosing, and he never had eyed for other women.

[xpaperxcutx]

no no no.

 

 

He was loyal and monogamous. Completely. He changed.

 

The fact he had hookers at the beginning does not mean he was not into me - he had one after a year together. That is all.

 

Look, there is no evidence that this meant he was not in love with me.

 

Sorry - but some guys can be crazily in love, and be able to use a hooker as a sex toy.

 

It does not mean he had eyes for other women in general. I have proof and my intuition serves me well.

 

Andrew absolutely could not just go and hook up with any girl besides that.... arrangement.

 

And of course, he stopped doing it. There were no issues in that regard. He was a typical type of man who thought it was cool to have threesomes and hookers.

 

With me he changed, and he showed no sign of wanting anyone else.

 

Before me he was addicted to hookers and hated going down on girls.

 

He changed with me. Not ALL men change their ways immediately when they fall In love. He took getting to know me for who I am, and then BAM - he loved going down on me and did not want the hooker idea.

 

Look I know this man - it was not a cop out.

 

He WAS truly in love with me.

 

He was out all the time among hot girls, and he only had eyes for me.

 

We are obviously completely different people because some of the things you tolerate of your ex, I would never tolerate in an SO. And maybe from what you're saying is a typical version of a man, but I also learned that some men actually do refrain from hookers and prostitutes.

 

I wasn't questioning his love for you.

[Leigh 87]

I'm sorry. I have been thinking about how far you seem to have come, at least as far as we can tell from your posts here.

 

Did this result from a big blow up, or just out of the blue when you thought things were going well?

 

 

 

I have changed entirely since meeting Andrew.

 

I had no friends and no LIFE outside of my eating disorder when I first met him.

 

Even though I was a total freak to him - he just "felt" a special force towards me. Not some crazy chemistry or fairy take notion of " wow the guy is enamoured by her beauty" type thing.

 

He just "felt" driven to me. He could not stop thinking about me, despite me being a person he did NOT think would be suitable for a relationship.

 

He DID NOT have relationships before me, only with one girl for a few months.

 

Nothing like this.

 

I have come SUCH a long way, largely thanks to him. HE was the catalyst.

 

I have overcome and learnt SO MUCH about relationships thanks to him. Really - I leant enough to write a book.

 

I am far beyond heartbroken. So is he.

 

He cried too. Which is seldom ever does, not even about his dead moth (which he has only done... less than a hand full of times since we met)

[Leigh 87]

We are obviously completely different people because some of the things you tolerate of your ex, I would never tolerate in an SO. And maybe from what you're saying is a typical version of a man, but I also learned that some men actually do refrain from hookers and prostitutes.

 

I wasn't questioning his love for you.

 

 

 

OOOOOOOOOOOOH...

 

Dude - I told him that there are plenty of men who would be utterly thrilled with just having me by their side, with no one else. That if he needed other women do be satisfied, goodbye.

 

And so he did. There was no sense of a struggle on his part.

 

Before this stage though - I was different... Now I would not tolerate it, but in the start, I honestly did not care - I genuinely thought he was a man who needed to get that out of his system before settling down.

 

Andrew, and myself for that matter, are people who can separate sex and emotions. To him, the hooker was a human sex toy, purely for variety in womens bodies.

 

He could NOT hook up with a regular women - I know that to be a fact. He could not kiss or touch or do that sort of thing - the human sex toy value of a hooker was as far as I know, in my heart, that he could go.

 

I was cool with it, but once we got serious, I told him that since he mentioned marrying me, that no, the hooker stage of our relationship was not conductive to a monogamous relationship.

 

I know Andrew. No matter how in love he IS, he will always have it in him to accept the offer of a hooker if the girl offers; while NOT being able to hook up with as non hooker.

 

People are strange. This is who he is.

[Leigh 87]

Besides the hooker thing that very briefly went on, I tried a threesome witjh him when we FIRST got together, as it was on my bucket list.

 

Besides those unconventional things, he was a beautiful boyfriend.

 

:(:(

 

He always called, he was always interested in what I had done every day, he never went a day without calling me - because he WANTED to hear from me.

 

He spent all his time with me - I was his best friend.

 

He was honestly a very lovely person and boyfriend. AND he changed a lot for the better thanks to me - regarding his immaturity when we first met, that caused him to come off as well... a jerk at one stage.

 

I made him handle things better.

 

Everything he did in the last 2 years have been nothing but wonderful. You could TELL he was crazy about me, and it never waxed and waned. Not until now.

[Leigh 87]

This still feels like a bad dream.

 

 

I refuse to sleep, cos I am TERRIFIED of the feeling of.. Waking up.

 

Waking up eat day, knowing I had him - it was a wonderful feeling that I NEVER took for granted.

 

I am still very much in love with him.

[Art_Critic]

I'm so sorry.. breakups suck...

 

Try and remember that people are in our lives for a reason and when they leave we sometimes foregt to look back and see why we had them in out lives..

For the most part - we had an extremely secure and loving relationship - I got over my eating disorder, I became who I am today. He was the catalyst for my life changing completely.

 

HUGE......

 

When I quit drinking there was a girl in my life.. she was in my life for a reason...

 

**hugz**

 

I know it raw and will be for a while but there will be another guy around the corner who will trip your trigger even more than this last one.. and you get to give him the new and improved version..

 

~Art

[Leigh 87]

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

 

I go through waves where I alternate from being numb, and then hysterically crying in disbelief.

[AlexDP]

Besides the hooker thing that very briefly went on, I tried a threesome witjh him when we FIRST got together, as it was on my bucket list.

 

Besides those unconventional things, he was a beautiful boyfriend.

 

:(:(

 

He always called, he was always interested in what I had done every day, he never went a day without calling me - because he WANTED to hear from me.

 

He spent all his time with me - I was his best friend.

 

He was honestly a very lovely person and boyfriend. AND he changed a lot for the better thanks to me - regarding his immaturity when we first met, that caused him to come off as well... a jerk at one stage.

 

I made him handle things better.

 

Everything he did in the last 2 years have been nothing but wonderful. You could TELL he was crazy about me, and it never waxed and waned. Not until now.

 

 

 

There's a 1% chance that he is still crazy about you.

 

There's also a 99% chance that he really does not want to be with you. Not now, not ever.

 

The sooner you come to terms with the reality, meaning he does not want you, the better.

 

I'm sorry that you hurt so much. These things always suck.

[CarrieT]

He has lost some of his feelings for me, and realises that we are not right together because I have issues that he gave me two years to resolve. He gave me plenty of warning that he was crazily in love with me, but I had to change in the way that I dealt with things - I dealt with some things badly. He warned me. For months. For a year even. Or longer.

 

I am very, very sorry for you, but what I highlighted above is what stuck out to me.

 

Even if it is something that you should change, being given an ultimatum in a relationship is NEVER a good thing. And you cannot and should not change for another- ever.

 

Again, even if it is something you SHOULD change, unless you want to make this change of your own accord - for YOU - than it is a meaningless change and he was wrong to "warn you" and threaten your relationship with this type of ultimatum.

 

In this regard, it was not "true love" because if it were, he would have accepted you - 100% - for what you are and who you are and not made the relationship a leveraging point for facilitating that change.

 

 

I know you won't believe this right now, but you have made huge strides over the past few years and I believe this will be a good thing for you in the long run.

[anne1707]

Oh Leigh I am so sorry about this.

 

But as others have said - and I was only thinking it the other day when reading a post of yours - you have come so far in the past year. You have grown and learnt so much it seems. You have so much to offer someone. You can get through this and you will be happy again.

[Star Gazer]

He changed with me.

 

...

 

He WAS truly in love with me.

 

Leigh, I know you're hurting, but I don't believe this to be true.

 

You and he had an OPEN relationship. He used hookers while in his relationship with you. That's not love. That's sexual convenience.

[KatZee]

So, I'm not going to say he wasn't in love with you but I think he loved you the only way he knew how. You've spent two years with him and I think he was patient for those two years hoping you would resolve your issues. You obviously haven't and from reading this it almost sounds as if you took him for granted. You had this person who was so good with you and you allowed your issues to affect the relationship to the point you're abusing him and hurting him emotionally. A person is only going to take so much hurt before they leave for their own good.

 

From his POV it doesn't matter that you've been together two years or that you lived with him or gone through do much. At the end of the day he's hurting and he's not happy being with you. So despite loving you, he needs to leave for his own mental and emotional health.

 

I'm going to say that you DO have to change in this aspect. No one on this planet is going to accept abuse like that. No one is going to embrace and be madly in love with that aspect of you. So YES, you do need to change. It's almost as if you were so naive in thinking he'd never leave you at all and kept insisting he'd never leave you and that he was too in love with you to ever leave that you didn't really bother trying to change at all.

 

Never assume someone wont leave you. Never assume you have someone forever because things change with the snap of a finger.

 

I also remember reading your past posts and how you would say you weren't going to be with him forever and that you were going to dump him eventually. So what hurts? The fact that you're single and have lost him, or your ego?

[Els]

Leigh... calm down. I'm sorry to hear this, and I hope you have an RL support network to help you get through this. Therapist, or friends, or family.

 

How did this come about? Were you arguing about something before he said it? Describe the past few weeks leading up to this, as objectively as you can?

[Leigh 87]

There's a 1% chance that he is still crazy about you.

 

There's also a 99% chance that he really does not want to be with you. Not now, not ever.

 

The sooner you come to terms with the reality, meaning he does not want you, the better.

 

I'm sorry that you hurt so much. These things always suck.

 

He did not leave because he stopped being crazy about me. He left because whatbhe put up with was too much for him.

 

He stilk thinks a lot of me.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, I know you're hurting, but I don't believe this to be true.

 

You and he had an OPEN relationship. He used hookers while in his relationship with you. That's not love. That's sexual convenience.

 

 

 

I have wondered about this. Honestly though, you allude to Andrew not even giving much of a crap. About me. Whether it was him being in love or not, he did LOVE me. I was far more than just a girl he lived with. He was crazy about me- it was blatantly obvious too all who saw us. He made me feel adored every day.

 

 

Star- sadly, I have always wondered about his capacity to fck hookers. He acted and HE believed that he was as in love with me as he COULD be. With a women.

 

At the very least, I was one of two only girls he has ever been into.

 

This was more than a relationship of convenience.

 

I was everything to him, and in spite of the hooker thing: he did not go out and want other women. I hav3 intuition. He only had eyes for me.

 

We were really everything to each other.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh... calm down. I'm sorry to hear this, and I hope you have an RL support network to help you get through this. Therapist, or friends, or family.

 

How did this come about? Were you arguing about something before he said it? Describe the past few weeks leading up to this, as objectively as you can?

 

 

 

My father is coming to live with me. Both my parents are devastated about Andrew...... I cantalkt to my mum anytime I want. We are close. Although dad and I have had our differe nces, he iw very concerned about me and wants to be there to support me.

 

Andrew was my best friend. I do not have that many close friends, but Ibam generally a veryfriendly person, and the new people I have met at colleges are very upset for my loss. They have offered to be there for me to talk.

 

I have a few people here who I can spend time with. Take my mind off of things.

 

As for the demise of our R- look, I was a very messed up individual when Andrew and I met. He was the first person I became close to in my adult life.

 

While we had a very secure and loving relationship, I regularly caused drama. I would bring an issue up every night.

 

I put Andrew through a lot.

 

To the ppl who allude to him not really giving much of a crap about me- TRUST ME. He would have had to have cared about me pretty deeply, for him to have stuck around.

 

At first, he wanted to just give me time to change, after which we would get back together. He could not fathom life without me. Then, it all came to a head once he saw how heartbroken and scared I was at tho notion of losing him.

 

Once he saw me collapse and cry and scream he decided this was all too much. He would not leave my side though, as he still cares too much too leave me in this state.

[Leigh 87]

It has sunken in now. I do genuinely look forward to the future. I am not disfigured. I am no5 in a wheelchair.

 

Irrespective of what some ppl think on here, Andrew and I loved and still do love each other enough to take care of one another should a terrible tragedy occur.

 

I would look at him and dead set.... know that I would be with him, for better or for worse. He felt the same.

 

I have intuition- I know he did love me that much, in spite of whether he was in love versus just deeply loving me.

 

I really loved him that much.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh... calm down. I'm sorry to hear this, and I hope you have an RL support network to help you get through this. Therapist, or friends, or family.

 

How did this come about? Were you arguing about something before he said it? Describe the past few weeks leading up to this, as objectively as you can?

 

 

 

My father is coming to live with me. Both my parents are devastated about Andrew...... I cantalkt to my mum anytime I want. We are close. Although dad and I have had our differe nces, he iw very concerned about me and wants to be there to support me.

 

Andrew was my best friend. I do not have that many close friends, but Ibam generally a veryfriendly person, and the new people I have met at colleges are very upset for my loss. They have offered to be there for me to talk.

 

I have a few people here who I can spend time with. Take my mind off of things.

 

As for the demise of our R- look, I was a very messed up individual when Andrew and I met. He was the first person I became close to in my adult life.

 

While we had a very secure and loving relationship, I regularly caused drama. I would bring an issue up every night.

 

I put Andrew through a lot.

 

To the ppl who allude to him not really giving much of a crap about me- TRUST ME. He would have had to have cared about me pretty deeply, for him to have stuck around.

 

At first, he wanted to just give me time to change, after which we would get back together. He could not fathom life without me. Then, it all came to a head once he saw how heartbroken and scared I was at tho notion of losing him.

 

Once he saw me collapse and cry and scream he decided this was all too much. He would not leave my side though, as he still cares too much too leave me in this state.

[Keenly]

being given an ultimatum in a relationship is NEVER a good thing. And you cannot and should not change for another- ever.

 

 

 

'I have to completely disagree with this. Sometimes being given an ultimatum is the ONLY choice

 

I told my ex that She had two choices, She could either stop treating me like a human pile of trash, or I would leave her. This is not what I would call an unhealthy ultimatum. This was a you either want me or you don't. So I left her.

 

 

OP I truly am sorry about this, were all here because we have dealt with this before, and we are here to listen to your grievances.