He left me.

[KatZee]

If you've read her threads you know she's a walking contradiction. She says one thing then says something completely different to fit the situation. I think she's admitted to being a great liar, and if you point these things out she will either blatantly disregard or fly off the handle and drill her point into you as if you're stupid.

 

Leigh we're all outside perspectives here. I truly see that you have pushed him away. Whether or not he adored you, loved you or didn't love you, slept with hookers...at the end of the day he could not remain with a mentally imbalanced individual. Which you need to accept that you are. That will be your first step to recovery. What happened to therapy?

[Queenie42]

I'm sorry to hear this.

 

Here's something I've learned after a lot of bad relationships (friendships). We are all on a voyage of self-improvement, trying to become the perfect person we want to be. And whether they know it or not, the people in our lives help us there. I had a truly awful friend once, I thought she was a great friend for a long time until we had a falling out and broke up. So after a lot of rage, sadness etc I did this:

 

I drew a line under it. I realised that I was a stronger person from having to deal with her for so many years. I had more respect for myself since getting her out of my life. I told her, "Thanks for your help in getting me to where I am today." And I got on with my journey. And I'm still not perfect, but with every relationship I'm getting better.

 

Do this. You have come so far since meeting Andrew, and he was a great part of you for a long time. Recognise his role in your journey, thank him for it, and keep on going till you're perfect.

[Leigh 87]

Alex - my IQ is above average actually, even if I am not the best speller. I am not of bellow average intelligence when it comes to applying myself to learning material. I got high marks to be accepted into college.

 

I am not a rocket scientist, but I am not profoundly stupid either.

 

STAR - I mean: I am happy in general. Right when he left me, I was not happy; I was mostly felt with dread.

 

I have felt a lot of happiness in the past day, so things are going better.

 

OF course when someone leaves you, you will not feel a great deal of happiness. However, I am back to feeling happy most of the time now. There is just an awful gap in my life that I feel the presence of and hard, from time to time. For the most part I feel very happy and elated to be alive, rather than depressive.

 

I have moments of immense despair, but at this stage I am also feeling happy more than I feel unhappy. The episodes come and go, but I do feel very happy in between the bouts of missing him.

[Leigh 87]

Alex - I am not saying how fabulous I am. Obviously I am not that awesome or my boyfriend would not have left me due to my bad behaviour.

 

I am not a total idiot with no skills and no good traits either.

 

I am a generally very nice person to all people; the only exception when I was NOT kind, was when I took my issues out on the guy I was most in love with.

 

It means I was a mean person, for putting him through so much pain; and I was both mean and not very wise to put him through that pain, instead of breaking it off and seeking therapy first, and then seeing how things went with him after I was a better person.

 

I am not stupid or mean in GENERAL: I am mostly very generous and lovely to all people I come across. Really. And being bad at spelling does not mean I am intellectually fcking disabled. My IQ test came back just fine, and I am an A student when I study hard.

 

Really. Your not going to convince me that I am GENERALLY a very unpealing, stupid, and terrible person for MOST people to be around.

Most people who come across me in real life like me and the main feedback I get is that I am a very nice person to people, even those I have only just met.

[Leigh 87]

Katzee - I defend my stance on hookers, because I believe that a guy CAN be madly in love with a girl and still have the ability to have meaningless sex with hookers.

 

I am sort of sick of strangers assuming that a guy seeing a hookers, that he cannot care AT ALL about his partner. And that Andrew was able to see hookers, and therefore he was out all the time looking for others to hook up with.

 

I find it ridiculous when people assume that their experience and history with men and in observing their friends boyfriends, means that they KNOW how all men works; how MY ex felt.

 

I do not believe he will ever change this about himself, no matter how in love he is. He has a long history with hookers and is very accustomed to using them as human sex toys. On the other hand, with me and one other girl, he realised that he wanted a loving relationship with ONE person, rather than having other bodies to use as toys.

 

Andrew has issues too; his mum died just before meeting me, and he had never had a long term relationship before me; not to mention he saw hookers instead of normal women. He did not necessarily know what was and what was not healthy in a long term relationship.

 

I study relationships fairly intensively: I can see when a guy is not totally crazy about a girl, and I would not have stayed with Andrew if he did not convince me of this on a DAILY basis.

 

People have issues. We had way too many to maintain a long term relationship, clearly. It does not mean he did not like me that much, or that I am some terrible miserable person lol.

 

I know he has left, but I think it could be because we were not in the right place to BE in a relationship; I am unsure if it was because he was not in love enough.

[Leigh 87]

I will not be dating other men who agree to see 2 hookers, like Andrew did, because I discovered through Andrew that I prefer the intense bonding that monogamy brings. I like how close it brings two people when they only have each other sexually. Andrew learnt this way of life suited him better also.

 

I Want to add -

 

ugh.

 

The first day my ex and I are apart, after he broke up with me: this guy randomly texts me from ages ago. He does not have me on facebook either, nor does he know anyone I know. He had no idea I broke up recently.

 

He once fancied me. I deleted him cos I was in love with Andrew and I always cut guys off who alluded to being interested in me sexually. Obviously.

 

He is like " yeah, I make over 100K a year in the army, I have two houses and a few cars.. I could get the best high class hookers, but I want a girl to share my life with"

 

How random. A guy turns up as soon as Andrew leaves me. How annoying too - it is hard to even think about being intimate with other men right now.

[AlexDP]

You're running around in circles. Tell me, why do you think Andrew left you? What was the principal reason?

[Leigh 87]

OH yeah, and thanks for NOT caring how I am going. You know. A person I LIVED with for a couple of years and spend most of my time with just left me.

 

I don;t need to be told I am stupid and ugly and whatever else you falsely believe to be true (from the perspective of everyone who observes me)

 

I want to better myself intellectually, which is precisely why I am attending college. I want a professional job that makes me a, well... more intelligent person along the way.

 

You know I was anorexic and I Cannot Eat right now. You should be concerned about my well being, rather than calling me stupid, telling me my ex never gave a ****e about me, and being 2ssholes. lol!

 

I refuse to weigh myself cos I know once I see I am losing weight, I will likely get addicted to losing more and more and then maintaining some stupid number.

 

So... that is ONE smart thing I am doing. Even though I totally lost my appetite on the first day or two and could not even THINK about food, I am now in the state to force myself to eat. Even though I still am not feeling like eating much. I had hunger pains and I ate a few bites of something to get he pains to stop.

 

This is serious for me; I have ALWAYS eaten more than all my friends, and maintained my weight of 130 lbs. I am a HUGE eater - I NEVER lose my appetite.

 

This is literally the first time in my LIFE that I am not. Hungry. At all.

[Leigh 87]

You're running around in circles. Tell me, why do you think Andrew left you? What was the principal reason?

 

I don't know why I even talk to you; I KNOW I am not a primarily terrible, and unlovable person. Like you paint me to be.

 

He left me because I am a mess in terms of getting my life together. I had anorexia and no friends or people around me for YEARS before him, so only NOW am I creating the life I want for myself - I have started studying to get my degree at college in a couple of years. I am booked in for therapy ASAP.

 

Before Andrew, I had no sense of identity; I was not sore what career I wanted, what I wanted to do with my life, or who I WAS personality wise; I had not interacted with enough people throughout my anorexia to even know who I was as a person.

 

Andrew met me when I was in NO state to be in a relationship. Only, with him I changed. I figured out what I liked, disliked, and who I was as a person a little more.

 

As you mentioned, I have a long way to go, but Andrew stayed so long, even though I had too many issues, because: he felt something for me that he had not felt before about a girl.

 

We were both not in the mental space to have a relationship; he was addicted to hookers before me and his mum freakin died. Whom he was very close to....

 

Me? Well I told you a FRACTION of the story as to why I am messed up.

 

 

.................

 

I am convinced we both fell in love though. Not every one knows the healthy way to express love.

 

I have always had good intuition and gut "feelings" about those around me. I would have known if did not love or adore me, as you seam convinced of.

[Leigh 87]

Principal reason for Andrew leaving: my issues caused me to act in bad ways occasionally, but consistently enough for him to realise that I needed to be on my own in order to grow.

 

He said he has not changed the way he feels about me, but that I really need time on my own; that I was NOT motivated to get he help I needed with HIM.

[TaraMaiden]

Andrew left you, in a nutshell, because you're hard work and you hyper-analyse every situation. You put everything under the microscope and dissect it to its Nth degree.

 

Right now, this is too much effort for him.

Basically, he's telling you: until you're 'fixed' he can't be arsed to stick around.

 

Leigh, you have to come to terms with this. He's not going to wait around, celibate, while you do all the work on yourself. He WILL move on and find someone else. Or more than one 'someone else'.

You DO realise this, don't you?

[AlexDP]

hat makes me a, well... more intelligent person along the way.

. You should be concerned about my well being, rather than calling me stupid, telling me my ex never gave a ****e about me, and being 2ssholes. lol!

 

Why? And I don't take kindly to this kind of threat. You can emotionally blackmail people in real life, but you can't do that to me. See, I don't care. Do what you want to do. I'm not concerned about you at all.

[Leigh 87]

Why? And I don't take kindly to this kind of threat. You can emotionally blackmail people in real life, but you can't do that to me. See, I don't care. Do what you want to do. I'm not concerned about you at all.

 

 

I simply said that I do not see why your in this thread, when you do not care about me or my pain.

 

Why come on here and comment? Your not going to convince me that I am too ugly, stupid, or worthy of anyone.

 

So... why not just leave me alone, if you only feel like pointing out that I suck in all ways, and I have nothing good about me? May I add - what makes you think I would listen to this advice when you do not know me?

[Leigh 87]

Andrew left you, in a nutshell, because you're hard work and you hyper-analyse every situation. You put everything under the microscope and dissect it to its Nth degree.

 

Right now, this is too much effort for him.

Basically, he's telling you: until you're 'fixed' he can't be arsed to stick around.

 

Leigh, you have to come to terms with this. He's not going to wait around, celibate, while you do all the work on yourself. He WILL move on and find someone else. Or more than one 'someone else'.

You DO realise this, don't you?

 

 

He might. But I am not entirely convinced he will do it anytime soon.

 

I am not convinced he will not just get over me; I think there is a chance he will call me up and want to give things another try, if I am in therapy and we do not rush in a live together again; if he sees I am on a direct path to change.

 

I know Andrew. He probably won't be moving on anytime soon. I mean, he took 5 months with his ex who he was only with for about 3 mths. It went a lot deeper with me, and so I am not really concerned with him finding other girls in a hurry.

 

By the time he finds another person, or even hooks up with someone else casually, I will be well on my way to moving on.

 

 

He has made it clear that he still loves me the same way and will contact me to meet up/talk about if therapy will be enough to get back together

 

Although until that day, I will not be meeting him.

 

I do think he was too invested in me to just move on within the next few months. Maybe after 3 or 4 mths.

 

We went through a lot together. His mum had just died and I looked after him; he can also see how much he cared for me.

 

I am not 100% convinced that he will move on and see other people at this stage; there is a chance he loves me too much to move on and will want to re visit things.

[AlexDP]

I simply said that I do not see why your in this thread, when you do not care about me or my pain.

 

Why come on here and comment? Your not going to convince me that I am too ugly, stupid, or worthy of anyone.

 

So... why not just leave me alone, if you only feel like pointing out that I suck in all ways, and I have nothing good about me? May I add - what makes you think I would listen to this advice when you do not know me?

 

 

Why is everything an emotional scheme with you? Now you're trying to manipulate me in feeling sorry for you.

[Leigh 87]

We have only just parted ways of last night, and we are at the no seeing each other phase; although he still texts me.

 

I will go full no contact shortly.

 

I am doing the best thing for our situation. I am not going to listen to you when you say that blocking his phone, facebook, and whatever.

 

There is a window of time when he does not want me to forget about him, because HE is not sure HIMSELF if he wants to let me go for good.

 

I am not seeing him in person though.

 

I need to learn this on my own.

 

I have already gone through the grieving process of breaking down and crying. Now I will learn to live without him by my side, physically. Then if he does not want me badly again, I will just go full no contact.

 

He should know rather shortly if he wants to be with me again, while I get therapy.

 

Which by the way - if he wants to wait around for me and be with me in the process, if he loves me THAT much, I would not be living with him or anything like that; it will be about him getting to know me again, and me living independently.

 

There is a huge chance that after a few weeks he will be happy with just keeping tabs on me through texting, without wanting me to have other guys, yet without HIM wanting all of me badly enough. At THAT stage I will just cut all ties with him.

 

Either way, my trip, I will know if I am able to have fun meeting other guys or not.

 

No one can convince me that Andrew will just stop loving me, apart from Andrew.

[Leigh 87]

Why is everything an emotional scheme with you? Now you're trying to manipulate me in feeling sorry for you.

 

Mate, you really have no idea what my intentions are. You do not seem to have a good grasp of who I am, at all.

 

I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me. No one in real life would look at me, and feel sorry for me; because. I. Am. Happy. I enjoy life a lot, even in this much pain over Andrew.

 

Your the one who comes onto my thread and tells me that I am stupid, a mean person, and not worthy of any decent guy. That is what you ALLUDED to.

 

All I asked was: why come onto a BREAK UP thread, to berate the person?

 

Personally, I only comment on break up threads because I want to SUPPORT the people.

 

You are doing the opposite of supporting me through a difficult time. I will just block you if you keep annoying me in my threads. Your NOT helping.

[AlexDP]

 

Yes I am going no contact. DUH.

 

 

I am GOING NO CONTACT 100%

 

 

I am doing the best thing for our situation. I am not going to listen to you when you say that blocking his phone, facebook, and whatever.

 

You should see a professional.

[Leigh 87]

I also know of people who broke up, and got together later on in life.

 

They actually loved each other like crazy, but both broke each others hearts; first he broke her heart, than she did it to him.

 

People can leave when they are madly in love; many aspects of a person can impact their behaviour. People act in certain ways that render them unsuitable for a relationship.

 

I do not believe that Andrew never was in love with me. I know he was. I also do not believe that he left me because he just did not love me enough to stay with my long term.

 

I believe he left me because of my personal issues, and not due to his lack of love.

 

You cannot convince me otherwise; I know him better than you do. And I read a good deal about men on here, and observe what men who are not in love act like. Andrew surely was, with me.

[xxoo]

I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm sure he's hurting, too.

 

But I think he did the right thing to leave. There was an unhealthy dynamic, and to stay would be to enable--bad for both of you, ultimately.

 

I have a feeling that, one day in the future, you will both look back at this relationship as beautifully passionate but seriously messed up. Fond memories, but glad that you aren't living like that anymore.

[Leigh 87]

I am happy in general. As in, for a large part of the day I feel very happy.

 

Then, for a small part of the day, I mourn the loss of Andrew in my daily life, and cry and feel awful.

 

How hard for is it to understand this principal? I tell my friends at college the same thing and they say it makes sense; that I am a happy person in general, but I am going through some hard times.

 

They are fairly smart people?

[FailedFirstLove]

I am happy in general. As in, for a large part of the day I feel very happy.

 

Then, for a small part of the day, I mourn the loss of Andrew in my daily life, and cry and feel awful.

 

How hard for is it to understand this principal? I tell my friends at college the same thing and they say it makes sense; that I am a happy person in general, but I am going through some hard times.

 

They are fairly smart people?

 

no. It's normal to feel mix emotions. What's not normal is to make indirect instults towards other people. you might not be in your right mind but people here are also hurt and going through pain. It's a little sad you feel like you are superior to everyone else.

I guess it does take "smart" people to understand split personality.

[Leigh 87]

I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm sure he's hurting, too.

 

But I think he did the right thing to leave. There was an unhealthy dynamic, and to stay would be to enable--bad for both of you, ultimately.

 

I have a feeling that, one day in the future, you will both look back at this relationship as beautifully passionate but seriously messed up. Fond memories, but glad that you aren't living like that anymore.

 

 

Thanks.

 

The thing is though; it was not MOSTLY messed up. MOST of the time, we felt very secure and close. We were happy in general.

 

I did not mean to paint a picture of me being unstable on a daily basis.

 

Most of the relationship was healthy - we treated each other very well on a daily basis apart from when I took out my issue on him.

 

You know - when we went out, we never feared anyone would cheat. We knew we only had eyes for each other.

 

We never got bored and we had a lot of fun every single day. As in, we laughed a LOT every single day, even on the days I had a hissy fit or caused an issue.

 

Over all there WAS a healthy component to it that made him very happy, and that I am not CERTAIN we will not re visit.

[xxoo]

Thanks.

 

The thing is though; it was not MOSTLY messed up. MOST of the time, we felt very secure and close. We were happy in general.

 

I did not mean to paint a picture of me being unstable on a daily basis.

 

Most of the relationship was healthy - we treated each other very well on a daily basis apart from when I took out my issue on him.

 

You know - when we went out, we never feared anyone would cheat. We knew we only had eyes for each other.

 

We never got bored and we had a lot of fun every single day. As in, we laughed a LOT every single day, even on the days I had a hissy fit or caused an issue.

 

Over all there WAS a healthy component to it that made him very happy, and that I am not CERTAIN we will not re visit.

 

This is a common reason people stay, even in abusive situations.

 

It doesn't matter if the unacceptable behavior was only a small portion of the time. Unacceptable is unacceptable.

 

Few relationships are ALL bad. Most messed up relationships have lots of bright spots; that's WHY people tolerate the bad stuff too long.

[FailedFirstLove]

your very defensive and if you believe your completely normal then you shouldn't be. From my perspective it wasnt just Alex that sees this as odd. he tried to make sense of you. Then tried to put sense into you. Nothing worked so he gave up.

It's the way you type that makes you seem pompous. For eg: I go to college, I have IQ above average. I believe that people will see this through the way you interact and there is no need to say those things. I go to uni but definitely no need for me to put it all over the forum.

 

And I did not say anything about you not supporting people. Whether you do it more than me or not really has nothing to do with anything. It's merely this post that is odd and contradicting. But I'm sure your hurt and going through mixed emotions. I think the point of people being harsh and giving you the reality is to open your eyes and see things how it is.

It's your choice whether you believe them or not but when you post on this forum for help and they try to help but you don't listen it's difficult for them to continue this way.

 

Everyone wants to hear what they want to hear. But you should know that this forum isn't about that. They will give it to you how it is.