He left me.

[mishy]

I don't know why leigh, but i had a feeling this would happen. I am so sorry to hear it thoughm you are such a beautiful girl inside and out.

 

I just always had this feeling about you. You were here in the break up section and i always wondered why since you seemed so happy in your own relationship. Perhaps deep down you knew this would happen and you were subconsciously preparing? I dont know, i just had a feeling

[Leigh 87]

I don't know why leigh, but i had a feeling this would happen. I am so sorry to hear it thoughm you are such a beautiful girl inside and out.

 

I just always had this feeling about you. You were here in the break up section and i always wondered why since you seemed so happy in your own relationship. Perhaps deep down you knew this would happen and you were subconsciously preparing? I dont know, i just had a feeling

 

I am happy to hear from you!

 

Dare I ask......? Have you kicked that idiot out of your life for good?

 

And to the contrary of what you theorized about Andrew: I actually felt so secure with his love for me, that I spent time on the breakup forum because I felt so had for people who had lost someone.

 

To get a picture of why I felt so loved by him: even after a year and more, when he went away, he would call and text every day: he was still crazy about me as time passed. It was clear he genuinely wanted to talk to me or be with me more than anyone else.

 

Be did make me feel so loved, in spite of the fact that there were issues.

 

I felt very lucky to have him to come to bed to- that's when I went on the breakup section. I was so elated to be able come to bed to a guy who told me daily how much he loved me. We were very attached and loving towards one another: he had trouble sleeping without me hugging him, and would always wake up when I came to bed, irrespective of how deeply he was asleep. It felt like his body sensed that I was in bed and he clung onto me.

 

His best friends and I could see that when he went out, he only had eyes for me. He was like man, there are all these hot chicks around yet I can only think about Leigh. He was like this right until we broke up.

 

I don't care that people on here seem to think that this is all in my imagination: since he saw a couple of hookers and therefore must not have liked me much at all.

 

So no. I came here to comfort people, because I felt so happy with Andrew.

 

You know- people can be happy in a relationship in spite of the fact that there are personal issues with on or both parties.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Why don't you have the two dogs that are yours?

[Leigh 87]

Why don't you have the two dogs that are yours?

 

I can't have my two because I live in a dog free flat.

 

My parents own it. It's really nice, and it is just me for most of the year, as they live overseas and only visit for 1 to 2 months per year.

 

I will sneek my dogs in once dad goes back in August.

 

Until, it is probably best if I don't go around to Andrews. To maintain no contact.

 

He has agreed to let me go over to see my 2 dogs and his 2 dogs while he is at soccer.

[emva07]

sometimes love isn't enough to keep two people together.

I pleaded, begged my bf to change something about the way he was, he didn't.

 

I can't say he did or didn't love me because of this.

 

All I know is that I didn't want that for ME anymore.

 

That being said, yes he might love you. But that doesn't change the fact that in your state, he can't be with you. There's nothing wrong with not being able to be with a mean person even though you don't do it intentionally. It's not fair to him.

 

It's not his fault, it's not your fault. It's no one's fault.

Edited May 12, 2013 by emva07

[Leigh 87]

sometimes love isn't enough to keep two people together.

I pleaded, begged my bf to change something about the way he was, he didn't.

 

I can't say he did or didn't love me because of this.

 

All I know is that I didn't want that for ME anymore.

 

That being said, yes he might love you. But that doesn't change the fact that in your state, he can't be with you. There's nothing wrong with not being able to be with a mean person even though you don't do it intentionally. It's not fair to him.

 

It's not his fault, it's not your fault. It's no one's fault.

 

 

 

 

 

He believes himself when he says: he is still in love with me.

 

I mean... I saw his friends who got married and are getting married, who have children or are about to have kids... Andrew and I would joke that we are so in love, as much so as they are, surely.

 

I mean. I thought he loved me as much as he COULD love a women, basically. After well over a year, when we were apart, he would miss me, and tell me how much he loved me and couldn't wait to see me.

 

I can't even talk to people on here about this anyways - he saw hookers while he was with me, and most people do not believe he ever gave a crap about me because of that fact; when his daily actions showed that he loved me as much as his married friends loved one another.

 

So I don't tend to get much support on here. No one realises how in love we WERE. And probably still have that love there, but are just burring it.

 

I wish love was enough.

[emva07]

Like I said, I'm not saying he didn't love you.

 

But like you said "i wish love were enough"

 

unfortunately it isn't always enough.

[skydiveaddict]

He believes himself when he says: he is still in love with me.

 

You do realize that you're not making any sense at all, right?

[emva07]

the issue here is not whether he loves you or not because the fact of the matter is you are not together.

The issue here is how are YOU going to cope with it.

You can't change the past. Now you gotta do you and move on to the best of YOUR ability.

[Sheilalou008]

I feel for you, I really do. I was in a very similar situation. Living with, plans with for the future, in love...the whole nine. The bottom dropped out from under me and I was crushed to my very core.

 

Please, do not pretend this doesn't hurt. It is ok, it is supposed to. You obviously are very much in love with this man. It is going to devastate you, as it should. You don't spend a considerable amount of time with someone and when it ends everything is all good in the world.

 

In my case, I let it hurt for a few weeks and picked myself up and did all the the things I put off during the relationship. Therapy, school, bettering myself...

 

Now forgive me, but I am a totally different person than you...I could not EVER allow any man I deeply loved to have sex with anyone, let alone a hooker! Hello, STDs! There isn't enough latex in the world to protect against herpes, warts, ect. I know you are going to say I am close minded or what have you, but no freakin' way in hell would I allow it or go along with it.

 

I am very sorry that you have to go through this cus it is truly awful.

[emva07]

no one ever *allows* a man to sleep with anyone, they do it if the want, lol.

 

She loved him and forgave him. simple as that. who are we to say we would never forgive something like that until we are in that situation with a man we love.

[Sheilalou008]

no one ever *allows* a man to sleep with anyone, they do it if the want, lol.

 

She loved him and forgave him. simple as that. who are we to say we would never forgive something like that until we are in that situation with a man we love.

 

Unless I am reading incorrectly in previous threads, she said that she thought it was cool to allow him to be with hookers and sleep with others as long as it was a one night type of thing.

 

I respectfully disagree. I have been in a situation where I have been cheated on and know what? I kicked his hiney straight out the door and ran to get checked for stds. I am sorry, but that is a big no-no in my love life. Others may forgive and move past it. I, on the other hand, didn't and wouldn't. I may not be the moral standard for self-esteem but I do not tolerate it in any capacity.

[emva07]

Unless I am reading incorrectly in previous threads, she said that she thought it was cool to allow him to be with hookers and sleep with others as long as it was a one night type of thing.

 

I respectfully disagree. I have been in a situation where I have been cheated on and know what? I kicked his hiney straight out the door and ran to get checked for stds. I am sorry, but that is a big no-no in my love life. Others may forgive and move past it. I, on the other hand, didn't and wouldn't. I may not be the moral standard for self-esteem but I do not tolerate it in any capacity.

 

Oh ok I must've forgotten where she said it was cool. oops.

 

By "us" i didn't mean you and me, i meant people in general, yes you said "others"....she is categorized under "others"

[Sheilalou008]

Oh ok I must've forgotten where she said it was cool. oops.

 

By "us" i didn't mean you and me, i meant people in general, yes you said "others"....she is categorized under "others"

 

No harm done I was just picking through some old threads cus obviously it has been a topic of discussion.

 

Yes, I have known some people who have forgiven but they never forget and that seems to make a bad situation worse. When trust is broken it is so hard to get back after a betrayal like that. I was so hurt when I found out months later but I had to end it(back about 5 years ago) and never once looked back. I used that anger to fuel my recovery from the hurt of being cheated on and losing him all in 10 seconds. It was brutal. I have no respect for people who cheat. Just leave and go sleep with who you like. I am a one person type of woman.

 

I am feeling very chatty this freezing sunday morning....

[Leigh 87]

I should not let him have get away with it but the context in which he did it didn't bother me at he time; I knew he loved me as much as he COULD love a women, and he would have had the ability to have sex with a hooker with any girl he was in love with.

 

He had a problem with hookers before me, and saw them a lot instead of non hookers. He would rather not bother chatting girls up all night in a club, and would rather have with his mates, than try to talk to some girl who was not that great anyway.

 

He had enough non hookers too.

 

Anyway. I know for a fact he did not have the desire to just go and hook up with a non hooker. To me this made the hookers okay; he used them as a human sex toy that he did not want to kiss.

 

He went out many a time, and only wanted me while out. I read his diary. I know. He only had eyes for me, although ye she did notice hot girls. He just never had urges to physically cheat.

 

I honestly, in my heart of hearts, "feel" that Andrew will be this way no matter HOW in love he is.

 

I believe that not all men are totally monogamous in their preferences.

 

If he wanted to kiss, rub and please other women, I would have known he was not in love with me. Andrew cannot do that with others, once he is in love I learnt. Hookers? Meh. He would do it with any girl he was with.

 

..................

 

 

I have learnt that I would rather have a man who does not have a big history with hookers, as Andrew did, the next time.

[Leigh 87]

I feel for you, I really do. I was in a very similar situation. Living with, plans with for the future, in love...the whole nine. The bottom dropped out from under me and I was crushed to my very core.

 

Please, do not pretend this doesn't hurt. It is ok, it is supposed to. You obviously are very much in love with this man. It is going to devastate you, as it should. You don't spend a considerable amount of time with someone and when it ends everything is all good in the world.

 

In my case, I let it hurt for a few weeks and picked myself up and did all the the things I put off during the relationship. Therapy, school, bettering myself...

 

Now forgive me, but I am a totally different person than you...I could not EVER allow any man I deeply loved to have sex with anyone, let alone a hooker! Hello, STDs! There isn't enough latex in the world to protect against herpes, warts, ect. I know you are going to say I am close minded or what have you, but no freakin' way in hell would I allow it or go along with it.

 

I am very sorry that you have to go through this cus it is truly awful.

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah. I was in love with him, yet I did not care about the hookers; I knew deep down, my gut feeling and intuition told me that he would have been able to do the hookers with any girl. I could tell he would not go on to fall more in love and lose the capacity to do it if she was okay with it.

 

Still. Next time around I will seek guys who are not so accustomed to hookers!

 

And yes I Am hurting. I held him in my arms in bed every night, in "our" position". We have our whole own way of talking with each other, silly voices and everything. We were everything to each other.

 

I am mourning the loss of a life I once had, yet you know, I AM genuinely happy and excited more often than I feel sad at this stage.

 

Like.. I know I have falling in love with another man to look so forward to, and I get o go through the exciting early stages again lol, and you know, I have learnt a lot about myself through the two long term partners that I have had.

 

I am SO sorry that your hurting too. I go away in a month and a bit, I know I will be okay enough to have fun and casually fool around with other men by then.

 

he broke my heart, so even if he did want me back, which he probably won't (genuinely second chances are rare as hell), then I will probably have moved on sufficiently to not want to look back. He would have to beg me pretty hard.

 

Tell me about your relationship? Your ex.?

[Sheilalou008]

I should not let him have get away with it but the context in which he did it didn't bother me at he time; I knew he loved me as much as he COULD love a women, and he would have had the ability to have sex with a hooker with any girl he was in love with.

 

He had a problem with hookers before me, and saw them a lot instead of non hookers. He would rather not bother chatting girls up all night in a club, and would rather have with his mates, than try to talk to some girl who was not that great anyway.

 

He had enough non hookers too.

 

Anyway. I know for a fact he did not have the desire to just go and hook up with a non hooker. To me this made the hookers okay; he used them as a human sex toy that he did not want to kiss.

 

He went out many a time, and only wanted me while out. I read his diary. I know. He only had eyes for me, although ye she did notice hot girls. He just never had urges to physically cheat.

 

I honestly, in my heart of hearts, "feel" that Andrew will be this way no matter HOW in love he is.

 

I believe that not all men are totally monogamous in their preferences.

 

If he wanted to kiss, rub and please other women, I would have known he was not in love with me. Andrew cannot do that with others, once he is in love I learnt. Hookers? Meh. He would do it with any girl he was with.

 

..................

 

 

I have learnt that I would rather have a man who does not have a big history with hookers, as Andrew did, the next time.

 

Live and learn, I guess. In my older age(37) I just cannot get on board with any of it. I know men love to look and more often than not have a fantasy of being with someone else, but if they are head over heels in love they more than likely will not act on it or even want to. I am also not a man, but I am a sexual being. In my early-mid 20's I was all about the hot guy, no matter who I loved but I have grown up and seen that there is more beyond a quick roll with some "hot" guy. I love being in love and having sex with the one I love. All the awkwardness is gone and the real fun begins.

 

Personally for me, 3 somes and hookers and non hookers are so far beyond anything I could even imagine for a real relationship with real feelings. I would be incredibly hurt if the one I loved even suggested being with another woman. I want to be the one they crave all the time. Hey, different people, different ways of thinking. This just applies to me and my way of thinking. I am by far the least prude person and will do just about anything sexually, but adding another person into the mix just would create problems. Relationships are hard enough as it is with 2 people. No thanks.

 

In any event, how are you feeling today?

[Leigh 87]

Well I can guarantee there were serious feelings involved, and yet there were other people involved.

 

I also would have been devastated if he had wanted to kiss, touch, and want to please other girls sexually; the fact I knew deep down that he only wanted to use hookers for a human sex toy did not phase me.

 

I still maintain that no matter how head of heals he is over a girl, he will have the ability to have a threesome that involves no going down or kissing or pleasing the other party, and also use hookers. No matter how in love he is.

 

To me, I want a man who cannot do what he was able to do.

 

I was always single before Andrew, as was he: neither of us bother getting into relationships unless we are crazy about the person.

 

We both had plans to stay single for a good while before settling down, so trust me. I was not a girlfriend he had for thrills. Who he did not have very deep feelings for.

 

Otherwise an attractive, tall, cool guy like him, who has always been popular and around a lot of girls his adult life, would have found love by now. He had girls who loved him. He didn't feel the same.

 

.............................

 

I am fine thanks, I am really excited and happy about my future. Yes it will suck at moments, I will cry a few more times, but when I walk past out memories now, which is basically everywhere I turn, I do not feel sadness or despair; I feel hope for the future, and a mourning feeling that you feel when you lose something. I do not... you know, feel overcome with emotion as much as I was initially.

[Sheilalou008]

Well I can guarantee there were serious feelings involved, and yet there were other people involved.

 

I also would have been devastated if he had wanted to kiss, touch, and want to please other girls sexually; the fact I knew deep down that he only wanted to use hookers for a human sex toy did not phase me.

 

I still maintain that no matter how head of heals he is over a girl, he will have the ability to have a threesome that involves no going down or kissing or pleasing the other party, and also use hookers. No matter how in love he is.

 

To me, I want a man who cannot do what he was able to do.

 

I was always single before Andrew, as was he: neither of us bother getting into relationships unless we are crazy about the person.

 

We both had plans to stay single for a good while before settling down, so trust me. I was not a girlfriend he had for thrills. Who he did not have very deep feelings for.

 

Otherwise an attractive, tall, cool guy like him, who has always been popular and around a lot of girls his adult life, would have found love by now. He had girls who loved him. He didn't feel the same.

 

.............................

 

I am fine thanks, I am really excited and happy about my future. Yes it will suck at moments, I will cry a few more times, but when I walk past out memories now, which is basically everywhere I turn, I do not feel sadness or despair; I feel hope for the future, and a mourning feeling that you feel when you lose something. I do not... you know, feel overcome with emotion as much as I was initially.

 

I just was speaking from my point of view and my moral compass. I am aware that people have different lifestyles and ways of doing things. I just couldn't do it myself.

 

I wish you luck and that you find someone who works for you. Take care.

[Leigh 87]

Thanks. Just know that he loved me in the best way that he could love a person.

 

he left cos he couldn't take my issues.

 

Did you guy come back to you?

 

It would be an ego boost I guess if this guy comes back after I move on.

[Sheilalou008]

Thanks. Just know that he loved me in the best way that he could love a person.

 

he left cos he couldn't take my issues.

 

Did you guy come back to you?

 

It would be an ego boost I guess if this guy comes back after I move on.

 

He did. It wasn't an ego boost though. I am not sure what to even call it. We still talk and see each other. I am mostly worried about me and my life and not him as much. I care about him, of course.

[Leigh 87]

He did come back?

 

Do you mind giving me your background story? Why did he leave you, and how long until he wanted you back, and how did he ask for you back?

 

Andrew left me because I have issues no guy would tolerate.

 

A week ago since he left.

 

We were otherwise very much in love and very close.

 

..........

 

The thing is, I need to get to the stage where I am moving on and I am not waiting around for him.

 

And he did leave me, so there is a high chance he will not come back, even though he was still calling me his darling and talking to me like usual the last time we spoke.

 

He does not want to go no contact and texts me still, so I have yet to impose full no contact.

 

I feel like we were the loves of each others lives, and he will be back.

 

BUt logically, I know there is only a very very small chance that second chances occur.

[Leigh 87]

I was feeling happy most of the time the past couple of days since I last saw him, actually excited about what the future holds with me, dating and relationships.

 

I actually felt fairly confident about moving on, until......

 

 

I re read our facebook convos

 

.... Him saying:

 

" when I was so sick (In Thailand) all I thought about was you, your all I think about when I am feeling the worst you get me through it your all I think about"

 

 

" Leigh will you be with me no matter what"

 

" you know I would do anything for you"

 

" your so important to me"

 

" I want to marry you soon when you work through your issues, we are so happy"

 

" every night that I sleep alone is awful and I miss you so much every single night"

 

And just him generally telling me how much he loved me and loved having me every day.

 

As well as our own cute talk.

 

As well as sexual talk, him talking to me about things he wants to do to me, which he never wanted to do to any girl before me, as he never felt that strong about a girl enough to perform certain sexual acts.

 

 

 

 

Now I am crying my eyes out.

 

The worst part about moving on is: he said he never stopped loving me that way, that it is me who drove him away; that his love did not change, it was the relationship that would not be healthy until I stopped going crazy and stupid on him.

 

He sais he loves me but he left because of how I could act; that the Leigh without the issues, he wanted to marry.

 

...................................................................

 

 

The awful thing is: with an ending like this, yes I will move on and by my trip late June I will likely be ready for a casual holiday fling.

 

But if he wanted me back, I would go back in a heartbeat.

 

I would be in the process of enjoying life and moving on, but not at the stage of losing my love for him.

 

.........................................................................

 

 

I guess I need to move on with the mindset that yes I pushed him away with acting stupid and crazy. Most of the time we were fine, but over time the small things I did, like burn up his phone if he was late home one day, accusing him of doing this or that....

 

Taking my anger out on him occasionally....

 

I guess it pushed a guy that really, truly did love me, away.

 

.............................................................................

 

I am not sure if a guy can fall out of love for good; I think it is more that Andrew sees the relationship not working right now. NOt due to his last of capacity to love me.

[Leigh 87]

I have a set date I have planned no contact, he just has some things here. And we have already reduced contact.

 

I do realise I need no contact ASAP as I can handle it. As soon as he can handle it.

 

I DO realise I will need to move on.

 

I do wonder, will he come back?

 

In spite of what everyone else says, he was a great love of my life, and I know that I was to him. He does not meet many girls like me where he comes from and associates with, just me and his ex, we were the best girls he met to be honest. More educated, interested, and emotionally open to him.

 

..........................................................

 

 

I want him to want me back, I can see us growing old together.

 

.............................................................

 

But Okay I need to move on after I impose no contact, and if he comes back I will be moving on.

 

........................................................

 

To be honest? Unless I find someone knew, I will always take him back. We REALLY loved each other and.. still do. It is just put on hold.

[Sheilalou008]

He did come back?

 

Do you mind giving me your background story? Why did he leave you, and how long until he wanted you back, and how did he ask for you back?

 

Andrew left me because I have issues no guy would tolerate.

 

A week ago since he left.

 

We were otherwise very much in love and very close.

 

..........

 

The thing is, I need to get to the stage where I am moving on and I am not waiting around for him.

 

And he did leave me, so there is a high chance he will not come back, even though he was still calling me his darling and talking to me like usual the last time we spoke.

 

He does not want to go no contact and texts me still, so I have yet to impose full no contact.

 

I feel like we were the loves of each others lives, and he will be back.

 

BUt logically, I know there is only a very very small chance that second chances occur.

 

If you search my user name, there is a thread all about what happened and how I made myself a priority and not him. I cut him off completely and he came back...I never really moved onto anyone else. I just took care of myself first. Men are very attracted to self confidence and not having to coddle someone constantly. Our issues were with my not working and kind of being stagnant with my life. I have since changed a lot but none of it was for him. It was about me.

 

I urge you to read my thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/374287-new-here-need-s-support