I gave him until July 2nd... 9days post DDAY

[Gagirl]

Did the wife drink while she was pregnant? If she is a crazy drunk (like he is telling you), then why is she raising the children? Is she breast feeding the baby after her drunken binges? Sorry, something doesn't add up here. Married men will make up whatever they need to to get a woman in bed. I'd tell him he is full of ****. For all you know, he was planning on dumping her when 12 year old turned 18 and she messed up his plans by getting pregnant again. How often does he go and spend time with his kids? Oh, I bet he tells you that crazy drunk won't allow that. Also notice, that this guy had no problem trashing the reputation of the mother of his children. Who knows what he's telling others about you. Just some food for thought here.

[So happy together]

No - they cheat because they are cowardly. So much so - that they can't be honest enough to end one R before starting the next!

 

It's not that the R may be broken or something is missing - it's that they simply won't face the truth and be honest about ending it FIRST.

 

Most are afraid to be alone - so they find someone while they end the M. That's just added dishonesty.

 

This is your opinion. My bf is a very strong man. He is also not afraid to be alone. Again, you don't know anything about us, or him. Just as an aside, he never, ever responds to her texts, and has told her to stop sending him any sort of text after 8pm or so, because she is usually drunk, and has told her any other texts should relate directly to their daughter or official business.

 

We're happy. We're doing well. I don't care about anything else.

[So happy together]

Did the wife drink while she was pregnant? If she is a crazy drunk (like he is telling you), then why is she raising the children? Is she breast feeding the baby after her drunken binges? Sorry, something doesn't add up here. Married men will make up whatever they need to to get a woman in bed. I'd tell him he is full of ****. For all you know, he was planning on dumping her when 12 year old turned 18 and she messed up his plans by getting pregnant again. How often does he go and spend time with his kids? Oh, I bet he tells you that crazy drunk won't allow that. Also notice, that this guy had no problem trashing the reputation of the mother of his children. Who knows what he's telling others about you. Just some food for thought here.

 

Is this question for me?

[ThatJustHappened]

It's Mee..you ok?

[Gagirl]

You are correct!! I do have a married man!!! We have sex three or four times a week, he keeps me and our kids up, buys me gifts, hangs out with my family, always there for me on the holidays, dates only me, calls me and texts me and doesn't hide me away like garbage. He's called my husband of the last twenty years. Sorry to disappoint you but I'm not some married man's nasty seconds. I think more of myself than to degrade my family like that.. Got that lady?? Stop acting all high and mighty and comparing me to you. Like I just said I don't have the need or desire to go get used and screwed over by somebody else's husband. You need think twice about of accusing

me of that.

[Gagirl]

You got my post confused. I was talking about her situation. Not that here but, hey, if you want to make yourself feel better and justified by accusing me of being like you than go ahead and knock yourself out. I find it funny really. You're just jealous because you want the relationship I have instead of having to be hidden away and spending nights, weekends and holidays by yourself.

[So happy together]

You got my post confused. I was talking about her situation. Not that here but, hey, if you want to make yourself feel better and justified by accusing me of being like you than go ahead and knock yourself out. I find it funny really. You're just jealous because you want the relationship I have instead of having to be hidden away and spending nights, weekends and holidays by yourself.

 

I don't spend my time being hidden away. I don't spend my nights weekends, or holidays by myself. But, I'm not here to beat up on OW either. I realize that I tend to be a little crappy sometimes because some BS's feel they are helping when, in the eyes of the OW, it's not help but criticism, and I'm even learning that I'm wrong in that. I was super judgemental and defensive when I first got here too. I see myself slowly getting better at acceptance... but you? You're a horse of a different color. I don't even know your story GA, I'm assuming you are a BS, since you say you're not an OW, but you are in the infidelity section. I would suggest you calm down, have a look around and try not to take things too personally. This coming from me. Man, what is the world coming to!

[Its_MEE]

I haven't updated but I've been reading.... All the TJ... Whatevs...

 

I'm weak... I didn't want to come back because I'm ashamed and pathetic.... Of course I broke NC. He broke it.. Called me twice after I sent that letter.. I told him to not call me anymore but he did. He said that he is so sorry for putting me through all this pain. I told him that sorry isn't good enough.

 

The next day... We met for lunch at a little deli... He brought the baby.. As wrong as this is... I was so happy.. The baby is absolutely beautiful. He is so unaware and just played and played with me.. Not knowing what was happening around him.. Hugging me and kissing me.. I felt crazy..

"What are we doing here?! I told you I wanted nothing to do with you and you need space.. Look at this..."

"I don't know what's happening but I know that I'm still cheating... I can't cheat anymore... but I can't live without you"

 

Yesterday.... She texted him and told him she was done, that she can't forgive him or trust him ever again.. He told me all of this and I saw how sad he was about it.. He admitted to me that if she was willing to completely forgive and forget, he would try to make it work at home.. But there would be no way to move on with my name just pipping up all day... that there are many more issues than just this A. Something I already knew but hearing it was all I needed. I told him ok... That he needs to work on that but that I am moving on.. Later that day.. He tells me... "I know what I said earlier, and it is the truth because we have a lifetime of history... But I can't get you out of here (heart)... He tells me that yes.. He has been trying his hardest to minimize these feelings even in his own mind, but that I'm stuck in there.. He tells me that he really doesn't know if he wants to fight for his marriage, he loves her.. Yes... But he doesn't know if he loves her enough to continue to be married to her and fix things.. He does not want to stay in this marriage for the kids only. It would not be fair to them...

I went out last night and bad one too many.. I texted him.. Told him that I miss him. He just says I miss you too, you put the biggest smile on my face just now...

We haven't talked since.. I feel powerless.. You all have been so supportive of this NC I said I would imply. But I've failed... Again. Pathetic...

I blocked gagirl... She was rude.

So happy... I'm so happy you got everything you wanted.. But I understand how others may see your posts as arrogant. Just understand.. Not everyone got what you got.. But.. I'm happy for you.

 

Thanks to everyone else.. You may now proceed to tell me how silly I am being. Just keep in mind...

He is not bad mouthing me, he's not a monster.

Also... I am sticking to the "I'm moving on" fake... I'm ok.. Maybe denial right now.. But this denial is keeping me functional.. <3 you all!!!

[Its_MEE]

She called him while we were in the car.... I looked at his phone and I now have her phone number.... I don't think I'll be doing anything with it... But I have it... I'm so glad I wasn't too drunk last night... I might've done something stupid... I wanted her number so bad... Now that I have it... What? I don't want to make contact because.. He might resent me for it..

[So happy together]

Don't feel bad for breaking the NC. It works for some, some not so much. It all just depends on what you want, and you have to be in a place to get it FOR YOURSELF. If you're not ready to give it up, you're just not. DO what makes you happy.

 

Lots of love to you, and sorry for the earlier T/J. I know I sound arrogant. I don't care. Lol!

[So happy together]

She called him while we were in the car.... I looked at his phone and I now have her phone number.... I don't think I'll be doing anything with it... But I have it... I'm so glad I wasn't too drunk last night... I might've done something stupid... I wanted her number so bad... Now that I have it... What? I don't want to make contact because.. He might resent me for it..

 

Oh my god, don't contact her! I promise you this: He will be pissed. Let him deal with her. Have as little to do with her as possible. Seriously. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it is true. Someone I know always says "That's his baby to rock". Let him do it. If things ever did work out between you, you would want it to be because he loves and wants you, not because you forced it. Hang in there.

[truthbetold]

I haven't updated but I've been reading.... All the TJ... Whatevs...

 

I'm weak... I didn't want to come back because I'm ashamed and pathetic.... Of course I broke NC. He broke it.. Called me twice after I sent that letter.. I told him to not call me anymore but he did. He said that he is so sorry for putting me through all this pain. I told him that sorry isn't good enough.

 

The next day... We met for lunch at a little deli... He brought the baby.. As wrong as this is... I was so happy.. The baby is absolutely beautiful. He is so unaware and just played and played with me.. Not knowing what was happening around him.. Hugging me and kissing me.. I felt crazy..

"What are we doing here?! I told you I wanted nothing to do with you and you need space.. Look at this..."

"I don't know what's happening but I know that I'm still cheating... I can't cheat anymore... but I can't live without you"

 

Yesterday.... She texted him and told him she was done, that she can't forgive him or trust him ever again.. He told me all of this and I saw how sad he was about it.. He admitted to me that if she was willing to completely forgive and forget, he would try to make it work at home.. But there would be no way to move on with my name just pipping up all day... that there are many more issues than just this A. Something I already knew but hearing it was all I needed. I told him ok... That he needs to work on that but that I am moving on.. Later that day.. He tells me... "I know what I said earlier, and it is the truth because we have a lifetime of history... But I can't get you out of here (heart)... He tells me that yes.. He has been trying his hardest to minimize these feelings even in his own mind, but that I'm stuck in there.. He tells me that he really doesn't know if he wants to fight for his marriage, he loves her.. Yes... But he doesn't know if he loves her enough to continue to be married to her and fix things.. He does not want to stay in this marriage for the kids only. It would not be fair to them...

I went out last night and bad one too many.. I texted him.. Told him that I miss him. He just says I miss you too, you put the biggest smile on my face just now...

We haven't talked since.. I feel powerless.. You all have been so supportive of this NC I said I would imply. But I've failed... Again. Pathetic...

I blocked gagirl... She was rude.

So happy... I'm so happy you got everything you wanted.. But I understand how others may see your posts as arrogant. Just understand.. Not everyone got what you got.. But.. I'm happy for you.

 

Thanks to everyone else.. You may now proceed to tell me how silly I am being. Just keep in mind...

He is not bad mouthing me, he's not a monster.

Also... I am sticking to the "I'm moving on" fake... I'm ok.. Maybe denial right now.. But this denial is keeping me functional.. <3 you all!!!

 

That's because it IS crazy!!! He is SCUM. SCUM to her and SCUM to you. SCUM :sick:

 

Do you have ANY clue just what kind of CRAZY YOU are inviting to your life by interacting with THEIR child? People have killed for less and I'm not trying to scare you but maybe shake some sense into you! How would you feel if someone shared intimate moments like that with YOUR child? You are a mother yourself so stop acting like a little girl you need to step up and be a role model and put your hormones in check. This guy loves no one but himself and the ego feed you give him period. You guys haven't been tested in a real life scenario and he admitted he loves his wife but it's clouded with you.

 

I know you think it should be all about you right now, but I agree with the poster that told you it's BEEN all about you for the entire time of this affair. You should put yourself in her position if you're to learn anything at all from this mess and move onto a healthier future. But I suspect you won't. I suspect you will think I'm being harsh because of the truth that is there that you don't want to deal with.

 

And no, I'm not a BS. I am in fact happily married but have dated losers not quite to this caliber in my past.

[So happy together]

I have to admit, I was a little off-put by the interaction with the baby as well. Not a good thing to do. The last thing you need is a mama bear defending her cub, and doing something dangerous.

[truthbetold]

mee.............this isn't going to end well for anyone. Your mm is a mess, he can't decide what he wants, he wants his wife to do it for him. If she means what she says and is done with him, you are going to have an even bigger mess. He will be with you if she kicks him off the fence, but he is already telling you quite clearly, that he isn't sure about who he wants. What he wants, is to keep his wife and you too.

 

If you think it's hard now, it will be a hundred times harder if you inherit the mess he has created.

 

Your mm did a really stupid thing, bringing the baby with him to see you. If she finds out about that, she might go batshyte crazy on both of you.

 

I don't know if you can do it, but for your own safety and your mental health, you should remove yourself. Real love is not selfish nor does it inflict pain on those we profess to love. You and mm are inflicting pain on his bs, his kids, and each other. You really need to walk away.

 

This ^^^ a thousand times!

 

Love doesn't look like this. Not even close Mee. What you too have is amped up lust and infatuation love doesn't do this. You described all the stolen moments in your other posts of lingering looks, urgent kisses all that heady stuff. THAT is lust. It's fueled by the secrecy.

 

I'm seriously floored that you think it's okay to be around their baby though and are flattered. I really hope you wake up to the looming disaster soon.

[anna121]

I'm sorry, I know you're hurting but...

 

your MM sounds certifiable (and not in the wayward fog sense)

 

Truly.

 

I know you are not ready for this, but you would be SO much better off disengaging from the entire thing. I'm sympathetic to the job angle but in your shoes I'd be seriously looking.

[waterwoman]

Omg!!! Keep away from that baby! That is vile. MM must be a truly selfish man

[Its_MEE]

I do agree with the act that maybe my inexperience in this has made me act like a baby crying over not getting his toy... But... I never said it was honorable to be around the baby... This situation is not my shining moment. I know it is despicable. But i am simply expressing that I had a goo time playing with his son. I know I am playing with fire. I know that if it were me I'd probably want to do some serious bodily harm to the B who is stealing my husband and now probably wants to steal my baby... Not the case. I love this man. He loves me. Scum as he may be for bringing his and her child near me... How could i not enjoy that piece of him? Yes we list for each other everyday... We have not been out In a day to day senario but. We love.. The good and the bad.. We have gone long whiles with no physical touching... We have been mostly emotional.. Although the sex is mind blowing. And almost spiritual. We have discussed the possibility of something tragic happening to him and the fact that at this point I have zero rights to anything in regards to hospital visitations etc. he feels deeply but his major flaw is that he is a go with the flow kinda person.. Something he is is covering and working on. I have not taken offense to your comments.. On the contrary... I love all of it.

[So happy together]

I do agree with the act that maybe my inexperience in this has made me act like a baby crying over not getting his toy... But... I never said it was honorable to be around the baby... This situation is not my shining moment. I know it is despicable. But i am simply expressing that I had a goo time playing with his son. I know I am playing with fire. I know that if it were me I'd probably want to do some serious bodily harm to the B who is stealing my husband and now probably wants to steal my baby... Not the case. I love this man. He loves me. Scum as he may be for bringing his and her child near me... How could i not enjoy that piece of him? Yes we list for each other everyday... We have not been out In a day to day senario but. We love.. The good and the bad.. We have gone long whiles with no physical touching... We have been mostly emotional.. Although the sex is mind blowing. And almost spiritual. We have discussed the possibility of something tragic happening to him and the fact that at this point I have zero rights to anything in regards to hospital visitations etc. he feels deeply but his major flaw is that he is a go with the flow kinda person.. Something he is is covering and working on. I have not taken offense to your comments.. On the contrary... I love all of it.

 

 

I'm not judging you for the baby incident. I'm just saying, be careful.

[sunflower5]

It's mee, you are really playing with fire here. As a BS who has been on the other end of this...let me tell you what is going to happen if she finds out you were anywhere near her child.....she is going to loose it. Seeing RED, going nuclear loose it. Hunt you down and hurt you loose it. Hurt him loose it. It's bad enough that the two of you are having an A. But this takes it to a whole new level. It's one thing to mess with the H, its another to mess with her child. She will turn momma bear on both of you. Don't get near their baby again. Not unless he gets a D and you two are a real out in the real world couple.

 

Seriously people....who involves a child in an affair? I mean really!!!! This MM has some Very big judgement issues and absolutely no boundaries. He is NOT being a good father to this child by bringing it around you.

[ComingInHot]

it's MEE,

I'm glad you are physically okay. With your thread continuing w/out you, I started getting worried.

 

MEE, I know that there is not a single thing I can do or say to convince you to step off til they are D'd.

I just pray you protect yourself both emotionally and legally as things progress.

Thanks for checking in and wishing you well*

[Praying4Peace]

I don't understand why you wont KINDLY go NC with him and give him a realistic date...lets say a year.

 

If you don't stick to NC then he won't take any of your other 'stands' seriously either...ie datess.

 

If you love him so much why can't you take the risk and just do it? If he forgets you then he never loved you. I think you think if you leave the picture he will forget you. But that would show something, no?

 

Let him see what its like to live without you otherwise you'll be on this hamsterwheel forever. It's going to end badly the way its going.

 

He's NEVER going to decide unless you make a move. Someone in this story needs to grow a spine/balls/whatever.

 

Please realize this advice is the best for you whether you are together or apart in the future.

[sunflower5]

it's me...i dont really think you realize how much you really have at risk here. I really hope you take a realistic look at your situation. How much you have to loose. His W could get real evil on you two fast. she could out you two at work ( I did, contacted the CEO, human resources and their manager). She could inform your whole families (i did that too...from immediate family all the way down to 2nd cousins,etc his family AND hers). She could run an ad in the paper or rent a billboard (I really wanted to rent that billboard but couldnt afford it). She could sue you if you live in a state with alienation of affection laws, or she could sue you both in civil court for emotional damage for all the humiliation, shame and degradation she has gone through because of the A (I know a couple of BS that did it and won). She could fault divorce him with your name all over the thing as the reason. And she can use the fact that he brought the child around you while the affair was going on to show poor parenting skills on his part and effect his visitation with the child.

Now all of this is if she just gets mad. If she really gets psycho about you being around her kid while having an A with her H, the two of you could end up getting really hurt...as in physically. Have you really thought about that? It has little to do with you trying to "steal her child", it has to do with you being her H's mistress and being near her child. It is a HUGE slap in the face to her and the child. Very disrespectful on BOTH on your parts. I personally think you two are not even treating his W like she is a human being with feelings and emotions. I also dont think you two are showing much respect for yourselves either.

[emva07]

it's me...i dont really think you realize how much you really have at risk here. I really hope you take a realistic look at your situation. How much you have to loose. His W could get real evil on you two fast. she could out you two at work ( I did, contacted the CEO, human resources and their manager). She could inform your whole families (i did that too...from immediate family all the way down to 2nd cousins,etc his family AND hers). She could run an ad in the paper or rent a billboard (I really wanted to rent that billboard but couldnt afford it). She could sue you if you live in a state with alienation of affection laws, or she could sue you both in civil court for emotional damage for all the humiliation, shame and degradation she has gone through because of the A (I know a couple of BS that did it and won). She could fault divorce him with your name all over the thing as the reason. And she can use the fact that he brought the child around you while the affair was going on to show poor parenting skills on his part and effect his visitation with the child.

Now all of this is if she just gets mad. If she really gets psycho about you being around her kid while having an A with her H, the two of you could end up getting really hurt...as in physically. Have you really thought about that? It has little to do with you trying to "steal her child", it has to do with you being her H's mistress and being near her child. It is a HUGE slap in the face to her and the child. Very disrespectful on BOTH on your parts. I personally think you two are not even treating his W like she is a human being with feelings and emotions. I also dont think you two are showing much respect for yourselves either.

 

I know in my state if an affair is taken to court the wife automatically gets to stay in the house with the kids even if it's his or both of theirs.

[stillafool]

LIsten to Hockeyfan MEE, this man does not love you or he would prove it because there probably won't be a better opportunity for him to leave than now and he chooses not to. Yes he is begging, pleading and making all sorts of promises to his wife to get her back. Not the other way around.

 

Your best bet at this point is to find another job.

[ThatJustHappened]

I do agree with the act that maybe my inexperience in this has made me act like a baby crying over not getting his toy... But... I never said it was honorable to be around the baby... This situation is not my shining moment. I know it is despicable. But i am simply expressing that I had a goo time playing with his son. I know I am playing with fire. I know that if it were me I'd probably want to do some serious bodily harm to the B who is stealing my husband and now probably wants to steal my baby... Not the case. I love this man. He loves me. Scum as he may be for bringing his and her child near me... How could i not enjoy that piece of him? Yes we list for each other everyday... We have not been out In a day to day senario but. We love.. The good and the bad.. We have gone long whiles with no physical touching... We have been mostly emotional.. Although the sex is mind blowing. And almost spiritual. We have discussed the possibility of something tragic happening to him and the fact that at this point I have zero rights to anything in regards to hospital visitations etc. he feels deeply but his major flaw is that he is a go with the flow kinda person.. Something he is is covering and working on. I have not taken offense to your comments.. On the contrary... I love all of it.

 

This reads like a bad Harlequin romance novel. None of it sounds real. The fact of the matter is, if he wanted to be with you, he would leave and be with you. Listen to his actions, not his words. His actions are telling you that you are not important to him. That he wants to be with his wife and family and not you.

 

And shame on both of you for exposing his child to his father's sordid secrets. Luckily he's young enough not to understand who you are, but it's still twisted and sick that you played pretend with his wife's child. I hope you have the sense not to do it again.

 

I agree with the others who say this will not end well.