Heather Posted December 8, 2000 Share Posted December 8, 2000 Some of you might remember me from before... I am the young pregnant mother that my fiance got locked up and is out on work release and I still get to see him during the week for a couple hours. Well just an update on that~we are doing good as in getting along, but I am feeling very depressed like there is nothing I can do. I am in my 3rd trimester of my pregnancy and (if that isn't enough to deal with) I am very tired ALL the time. I am having NO luck in finding a place for us to live, and I am running out of time. I don't feel like being here at work anymore! Christmas stress is building up, I am lonely becaus I miss him alot, etc. Well that is what is going on but here is my question. About a year ago, (we have been together for 3 1/2 yrs) Sept of 99, to be exact. We were having alot of problems and he left me for someone else after I caught them in bed together (just sleeping, with clothes on). Well we were broke up for 3 weeks and it really did a number on me! Especially after seeing them together all the time, I was suffering from Post-traumatic stress syndrome. We got back to gether after that and things started going great! Trust was an issue for awhile but we are both past that now, or so I thought. Well I have been thinking about that alot lately and I can't figure out why. why do I keep thinking about these things hurt me so badly? Is it because I am not truly over it? Maybe it is because I am depressed about the other things that are going on and this particular thing keeps getting pushed up in mind. I don't fear that this would ever happen again, because I truly believe that he is past it and is very sorry! When it happened I was in total shock! Maybe because I actually SAW it happen right in front of my face (to an extent) That was the most horrible thing that I have ever been through! And even now over a year after it happened, I can still see it in my mind like it was yesterday! I have been getting better at pushing those thoughts away, but sometimes I can't! I know that he will never do this to me again, so I don't think this is a trust issue anymore. I guess I just need more time to get over it! But then again will it ever go away? I feel sometimes like I should talk about it and let him know that I still think about it sometimes and it still hurts, but I don't want to make him feel bad. But I don't have anyone else to talk to. I asked him the other night if he "loved" me when he did all these things to me, he said... "I don't think I would have done the things I did if I really "loved" you. He also said that time and that situation made him realize what he had all along and he is so in love with me now and prepared to spend the rest of our lives together! I refuse to believe that he didn't love me but I think he was just confused and didn't really think our relationship was going anywhere (we were having alot of problems). Because if he didn't then we wouldn't have gotten back together. I truly believe that this has brought us closer together, and here we are, engaged to be married, and expecting our 2nd child. He is here for me but not totally and that is something that is beyond our control. Maybe I ahve been thinking about these bad things because him not being around all the time is alot like when we were broke up and he was with her. ex.. I am sleeping alone at night, and I am totally alone on the weekends. I don't know! Maybe I just need some help in getting this out of my system, if that is possible! Well I have rambled enough any suggestions as to why I am feeling this way would be appreciated! Sorry this is so long! Thanks Heather Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 8, 2000 Share Posted December 8, 2000 You've got way too much time on your hands. People who sit around with nothing to do who are not inclined to be philosophical about the meaning of life or the theory of relativity often enjoy pondering past hurts and reliving them in their minds. You are the captain of your thoughts. Read some funny books. Go to an Internet search engine and enter "jokes" or "humor" or any other subject of interest. Watch television, especially educational programs. Get your thoughts on more productive and enjoyable subjects. The past is the past. If you have truly forgiven your boyfriend, then drop all this garbage and move beyond it. If you haven't forgiven him, I urge you to reconsider your marriage plans. Link to post Share on other sites
Heather Posted December 8, 2000 Share Posted December 8, 2000 I am really feeling down so anyone that could respond and try to help me, I would appreciate it! P.S. to my post, I do truly forgive him for what happened over a year ago, but I guess it is just the forgetting that is hard! Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Heather Posted December 8, 2000 Share Posted December 8, 2000 Thank you for responding! It is funny that you say I have too much time on my hands, because in reality I don't. Except for at night when I am really missing him! I have been trying to keep myself busy~I have read 2 novels in a week and a half! That is mostly at night and on the weekends! I have truly forgiven him, but I just can't forget it! It has only been since he has been locked up that I have started thinking about again. Am I wrong for these thoughts to keep coming back? Is a year really enough time to actually get over the pain that I went through? When I am with him I don't think about it, its just when he has to go back to jail and I start getting lonely! Well thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it! thanks Heather Link to post Share on other sites
Taressa Posted December 8, 2000 Share Posted December 8, 2000 Hi Heather, You're dealing with a lot. Not only will your pregnancy be throwing some strong emotional outbursts at you, but the holidays are a pretty emotional time right now. Your separation is especially difficult right now. The feelings of seperation may be stirring up the other sad feelings of the past. And that isn't abnormal. Your response to those feelings will make or break your relationship right now. Heather, you've overcome a LOT of adversity, a LOT of problems, so I believe you can come through this as well. If you've forgiven him (sounds like you have) and if you've decided he is trustworthy (sounds like you have), you can put these feelings to rest. It will be a conscious decision you make every time they come to mind. It may be as simple as saying aloud, "I've forgiven him. I know he loves me". Or it may mean grabbing your daughter tonight and doing something to get your mind off your separation. Reading is good but if you're reading romances it may be added to your emotional distress. Perhaps try something with a good sense of humor to it. Perhaps try an inspiring autobiography. Lowell Thomas' old book, "Good Evenin' Everybody" was a fun read and introduces some very interesting situations for example... Your thoughts are controlled by your choice to entertain them. Don't let them defeat you or worry you. Heather, you and your family will be okay. Someday you will live together as a family. Hang in there. Taressa Link to post Share on other sites
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