August Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 I have a male friend who I am very attracted to. But aside from that, he is my best friend in the world. I love spending time with him, platonically and otherwise. We have had great sex, and other times we have just slept together in the same bed, just laying close and cuddling, without sex. Either way, I am happy to be with him. I usually let him decide what kind of visit we have. My question is, if this continues, and we are both satisfied with letting it continue the way it is, could it eventually become love? I feel like it could, but I was wanting other opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted September 24, 2004 Senior Moderators Share Posted September 24, 2004 I could very well be love already, at least on your part. However, in situations like these it is absolutely necessary to put everything on the table. This guy is getting all the benefits he seems to need at this time. There is absolutely no way of knowing how he may feel in the future. You need to let him know that you would like more. In a lot of these situations, the guy is unable or unwilling to take things to a greater level of committment. However, you'll never know until you state your desires. If you're in the market for love, you had better state your desires and your feelings. If he's not on the same page, or at least on the same chapter, it will be better to split now and save your feelings than to hang in there for a broken heart. Many women equate sex with love while many men don't make that same association. If you the two of you have a great friendship, then you will need to know just where he wants to take things from here. Go straight to the man for that information. Link to post Share on other sites
mighty bop Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 If it was agreed upon from the start that it was only "friends with benefits" then that's what he may ever think it is. If you tell him you want more he might be scared off. Or he may just act like nothing has changed. Friends with benefits rarely ever works, unless it becomes something more, in which case it has to be a mutual thing. I know, I just started a "friends with benefits" thing with a girl (which she wanted). I want more but it will probably end if we don't get together soon. Anyways, she is supposed to come over today and we're gonna talk. Chris Link to post Share on other sites
DJ_Dork Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 I've done FWB once and never again. Just masturbate if you need to get off. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 I agree; it sounds like you're well on your way to love if it's not already there; most of the components you have are the stuff of love. However, in situations like these it is absolutely necessary to put everything on the table Tony, how does one get brave enough to do that? August, are you? If so, how do you convince yourself to do that? To me, that's awful scary! Often, by the time you've realized that a 'friend' has come to mean a great deal to you, you also know you would suffer greatly if you lost that person from your life. And some friends are not comfortable with being loved by someone they don't love back, so they end the friendship. So person who loves the friend loses the friend - the very dreaded thing. How do you get courageous enough to take that risk? It's long been my theory that some people are so worth having in one's life that it's better to have them as 'only' a friend than not at all. But then if they are also harbouring secret hopes and neither of you takes a chance, maybe one will give up... These situations always strike me as 'damned if you do; damned if you don't'. The 'with benefits' stuff would only confuse it all that much more, I think. I'm not saying at all that it's not a good idea - just, to me, scary as hell.. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted September 25, 2004 Senior Moderators Share Posted September 25, 2004 Yes, it's scary as hell because you put your heart right there on the line. But love is not for the meek. There is a great deal of suffering attendant to standing by and doing nothing when you are very interested in somebody and the relationship seems to be stuck in a certain mode. It's far better to know what the possibilities might be than to waste your heart's time hoping for something that may or may not happen. Putting everything on the table is a very difficult thing to do and the risk of rejection is very much there. But I think I'd much better make a correction in the direction of my heart than to waste a lot of time in fantasyland. Link to post Share on other sites
SavesTheDay Posted September 26, 2004 Share Posted September 26, 2004 FWB isn't cool. Too much emo. attachment. Link to post Share on other sites
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