Moose Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Originally posted by faux If by "a guy" you mean "all men", then the answer to your question is: No. Men can have truly platonic relationships with women. If by "a guy" you mean "one man out of all men on the planet", then the answer is: I do not have enough information about this one man to answer your question. Also take into consideration that individual men may or may not think about getting into the pants of individual women friends. I do not believe there is enough sound evidence to conclude that men hope to become intimate with their female friends. I got absolutley nothing from this post faux. You didn't state anything that we didn't already know. You're a real man aren't you? Can you honestly say that you never, ever had imagined or even questioned yourself what sex would be like with your female co-workers or friends? And I mean every one of them.....even if the women who are far less than desirable, you must of at least thought, "There is no way I'd lay down with that", be honest. If you answer the way I believe you will, then that's all the proof you need. If you answer the other way, I'm going to have to question your thought processes. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted September 27, 2004 Share Posted September 27, 2004 Ahhhh, the age old question! I think the real question is, "Are the male friends of a female truly friends, or are they just cynically pretending to be friends with the hope of getting sex?" Right? Well, in that case, I can say with 100% confidence that a woman can have true, male friends who value her companionship and who are NOT cynical plotters. However, the reality is that sexual thoughts will cross their mind on occasion. That does not negate the friendship. The above applies to some men. Yes, there are also men whose every action is aimed at performing the procreative act, or a facsimile thereof. This latter type cannot have a sincere friendship with a woman, or maybe with anybody. This whole thread is kind of funny - do you all think that women never have sexual thoughts about their platonic male friends? Or if they did, would that negate the value of the friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
kowalchicky Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Well all, I am new to these forums. I stumbled across them after a recent 'discussion' with my husband. I have been married for going on 3 years and I am deeply in love with my husband and I love my children equally as such. I have had a friend since 1999 that is a guy who we have a lot more in common together. IE.. I am into Sprint Car racing and so is my friend as we were both brought up in a racing atmosphere. My husband is more or less a homebody and we do not get a lot of opportunities to do stuff together and my friend is the only one whom I have any real 'fun' with and can talk to about anything and not be afraid of being judged. He was friends with my dad first and one day i said to dad "if you tell steven to call me, i would be very much happy" SO he did and we dated for like 3-4 weeks <no enough to count> I had just gotten out of the relationship from hell and could not and did not foresee me developing any feelings other than, "This is my racing and grab a beer or 2 and vent about everyday issues buddy" We have done this for a long time. My hubby now mentions after 3 years "I am not comfortable with you and Steve hanging out" I asked, "Why?" He said to me "He is another guy and I am jealous of it" I said "Why, cuz we do not get to go out very often without the kids being it is hard to find a sitter?" He said, "Maybe, I dunno" I have emailed my friend of 5 years and told him we could not hang out anymore, and I cried the whole time in doing such. I was supposed to make a road trip this weekend, see a sprint race and head home" No big deal, at least to me and my friend, we had done this trip many many times. Now the only diff. is that I am married. Maybe if dad still lived in this state, and dad went with us as a chaperone, it may be easier to swallow? Shrug?? Anyone who has or been in a similar situation please reply or if not, please tell me what to do. I miss my friend and I love my husband and I want to find some balance to not lose either of them. My friend kept me from suicide a long time ago and now I have to write the person who saved my life off?? This sucks. Robin Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 kowalchicky - please start a new thread with a descriptive title. That will help you get the best response. I will respond to you as soon as I see the new thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 kOWL, Hey There!!! How's my hometown of Dover, Del????? I used to live on 607 Ross Street.......I miss that place!!! We were in walking distance to Silver Lake. I had a lot of friends who were girls then....of course, I was just a little punk kid! Link to post Share on other sites
GlamourGal Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 I hope you dont mind me jumping right on in here; but I find this topic very interesting as my boyfriend (who was also my close friend since he was in third grade and I was in fourth..we are now 21 and 22) has 2 very close female friends. I have a big problem with this simply because I don not think that guys and girls cannot be just friends with out the toughts of becomming more crossing minds or other feelings developing. He and I have been friends almost our whole lives; and now we are dating. Before we started dating; there was a time when I was attracted to him and told him so; he didnt think being more than friends was a great idea. So I pushed my feelings aside...about a year later; he came to me saying that he wanted us to be more than friends...I had just started dating someone else...and by that time my feelings for him had cooled down...and 3 years later we're together...and I couldn't be happier... ...but his two 'chick' friends I cannot stand. They used to be my friends too until he and I started dating...now they are mean to me and rude; they do not talk to me and if he and I go somewhere and we run into them; they completely ignore me. I know that the one of them has had a crush on him for a long time...and I know the other one he had feelings for other than friendship... I just dont think guys and girls being friends is a great idea; I think that other feelings get in the way. But of course; that is just my opinion based on my personal experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthropologist Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 After the sex, you find out if you really are friends. I have a few male friends whom I have slept with in the past. Like Jerry and Eliane on Seinfeld. I agree with the "break glass" person. Link to post Share on other sites
sonleme Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 i've heard it said and somwhat agree that for a male and female to be exclusive friends (ie not just through a partner) paradoxically there has to be some sexual attraction, think about friends of this kind that you know, maybe it's true, maybe it ain't! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreaming4ever Posted October 29, 2004 Author Share Posted October 29, 2004 I've honestly never heard of that! But wouldn't they just end up together then? Link to post Share on other sites
Anthropologist Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Not necessarily because sometimes you find that you are better friends than lovers.[font=courier new][/font][color=darkblue][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreaming4ever Posted October 29, 2004 Author Share Posted October 29, 2004 True....but even so, it's hard to not lose control if these supposed "friends" hang out a lot and know each other VERY well. Look at Harry and Sally! Link to post Share on other sites
mali Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 Cant you perhaps invite your friend over to meet or hang out with you and your huband? Link to post Share on other sites
Bob47 Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 My best friend is a girl, and as I've said before, my intention is not to get in her pants. I really admire her, and do have feelings for her that will surface every now and then. I think that is a reason why many guys get into friendships with girls, because they honestly like them, maybe even love them. Think about it, many guys who have best girl friends are "nice" guys--they do everything for the girl they like, hang on their every wish, are there whenever they need a shoulder to cry on. Unfortunatly this doesn't get them the girl. But it does have a way of making the friendship drag on. Take it from a guy who's been there...or is there right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 My opinion is that it depends on the circumstances of how they meet. Mutual friends or acquaintances, same social circle and what not, they could probably get to know you as a friend without wanting to get you in bed. On the other hand, some guy at work who is in a different department or some guy from a class you are in kind of thing..... well, let me just say I have never heard a guy see a girl for the first time and say "dang, I want to be good friends who can be there for each other with no sex involved whatsoever!" Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 watch the movie when harry met sally that will answer your question. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 18, 2004 Share Posted December 18, 2004 A lot of guys can be friends with girls without sexual motives. I imagine, though, it would be hard for anyone to be alphamale's friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Angelus666 Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 In reply to the original poster. Yeah, I can honestly say that it is possible for a guy to just be friends with a girl. I have a lot of friends who are girls, most of them happen to be very attractive, and obviously the thought of sleeping with them did cross my mind. But for me, its not the first thing that I think about. By the way, my best friend is my girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
K3RRY Posted January 1, 2005 Share Posted January 1, 2005 YES!!!!! u can b friends with opposite sex ppl but b warned majority of MEN do like to take it just a litttle bit further and have a sexual relationship out of it Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Once you get past the sexual tension if there is any, just accept that a guy will always just think of you in a sexual way now and then. Do NOT discuss that ever...Don't cross that line. But being friends with men is great! No games either. Probably easier to be friends with a guy than a girl just cuz there is no fighting, taking s*** the wrong way or competiveness or bitchyness. Link to post Share on other sites
VirginiaBob Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Guys and girls can be "just friends" as long as: 1. The girl is fugly and not sex material. or 2. She can be used to make other girls jealous. Link to post Share on other sites
Althalus Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Yes one can be just friends with a girl Link to post Share on other sites
7on Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Yeah, I just wanted to say that personally I cannot just be friends with a girl. Unless I'm connected to them through male friends, but I wouldn't hang out with a girl for friendship between us. It's not that I'm mean or anything, it's because I think love has less to do with sex and more with feelings. If I become best friends with a girl - I want to be with her. It's sorta like what's going on now with me and this girl. We started hanging out, talking, etc. Before you knew it I felt like a piece of me was missing when we weren't hanging out. I developed an intense desire to just be near her. So yeah... I definitely can't be just friends with a girl, but I've seen other guys be just friends. What can I say? I'm just weird. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 It depends if shes your type. As long as you dont fall in love with her, ya you can be only friends. I have lots of attractive female friends that i would love to get into thier pants. But i dont let it go beyond that. Once emotions get involved you are screwed. But if you can put up a mental barrier, you can totally be friends and have a blast. And as a bonus, you can have fun sexually charged energy zipping about. Personally i like female friends because you can relax and have much more feeling oriented conversations. Theres no testosterone or chest beating needed(heh you know.....anways). Guys are about machimso. And its fun, but you need that estrogen break every once in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
matt10020 Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 Yeah i do believe that men and women can be mates. I find women easier to talk some times and some of my best mates are women. But from bitter experience i no what its like when u get to close and sex gets involved. Someone will get hurt and the friendship will end. Be careful thats all i can say. It really hurts when everything goes pear shaped! Link to post Share on other sites
crafty*fox Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 Cut a long story short... I really like a guy.. he has done all the chasing... been getting on really well, have lots in common, then he says... I just want to stay friends [color=red]What does this mean?... [/color] Do I be his friend, hope it turns into something more????... Link to post Share on other sites
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