Christians and having children?

[BetheButterfly]

Hello

 

My hubby and I are so excited!!! No we aren't pregnant yet but we are hoping soon to be if God wills!

 

I have some concerns though. There is so much evil in the world, so much harm. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I want to bring more children into this world?

 

What do you think and why?

 

My husband and I want to have kids, though I also want to foster/adopt someday if God wills.

 

I love what Jesus says about kids (little ones) accounted in Matthew 18 and Matthew 19

 

Matthew 18 NIV - The Greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven - Bible Gateway

"10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. [11] [a]"

 

Matthew 19 NIV - Divorce - When Jesus had finished - Bible Gateway

"13 Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them. 14 Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” 15 When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there."

 

I know it's not good to worry and Jesus even says not to worry, but I do worry. I worry about when/if I become a Mom, how to keep my children safe and yet at the same time, not be overprotective.

 

Any words of wisdom from parents (no matter what belief you have or don't have)? Thanks!

[Eve]

If you really want to have children, have them.

 

I am not sure I would have children if I had my life again though..

 

Children bring a lot of pleasure but can bring a lot of stress too. The early years are too beautiful for words. Teen years.. not so great.

 

I hear Grandchildren are far better so I am holding out for that.

 

The being protective/over protective thing is something you simply have to go through and find balance. I focused on making sure that each of our children kept their own mind first and foremostly. Faith was taught as something belonging to them intrinsically, not really as something aimed for.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[TheFinalWord]

I am with you on that BetheButterfly! This direction the USA is heading makes me wonder if it is fair to bring a child into this mess. I don't know. I'll be interested in the replies in this thread. Great topic.

[Eve]

.. I guess you are probably thinking about Amanda Berry and wondering about the unfairness some children experience too?

 

Fostering or adoption is an honourable idea in this regard.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[TheFinalWord]

.. I guess you are probably thinking about Amanda Berry and wondering about the unfairness some children experience too?

 

Fostering or adoption is an honourable idea in this regard.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

Thanks Eve.

 

That could be a factor, but I have had these thoughts for a long time. Mainly the overall moral decline in America and the economic problems.

 

I intrinsically want to have children, and adoption is one outlet (as I don't actually know if biologically I can have children, though I don't suspect there are any problems lol), but that would have to be decided with a future wife b/c I know foster parents and it requires a lot of money and time to adopt (correct?).

[pie2]

I am not sure I would have children if I had my life again though..

 

Children bring a lot of pleasure but can bring a lot of stress too. The early years are too beautiful for words. Teen years.. not so great.

 

This isn't the first time I've heard mention that, if given the chance to do everything over, parents possibly wouldn't have kids. I wonder if I'm not used to hearing that, because it seems like such a weighted statement. Maybe it's just something that's not commonly discussed...? I don't know, maybe I've been ignorant. Are the teen years really something that can cause irreparable regret?! That's so scary!!!

[Eve]

This isn't the first time I've heard mention that, if given the chance to do everything over, parents possibly wouldn't have kids. I wonder if I'm not used to hearing that, because it seems like such a weighted statement. Maybe it's just something that's not commonly discussed...? I don't know, maybe I've been ignorant. Are the teen years really something that can cause irreparable regret?! That's so scary!!!

 

For me this is not a bitter statement. It is just hard to see ones children experience pain.

 

Not all parents have overly bad experiences of the teen years. I am grateful that none of mine did (hard) drugs or are morally bankrupt and they are all doing well.

 

I had some hard years with my youngest daughter but that ended a while back. If she had been in a less supportive environment I dread to think what could have happened to her. She just always had a leaning to be very very very naughty and we had to work overtime on her to help her take responsiblity for her actions. For me, the issue is the nature of the world and the power imbalances that persist.

 

Up to a certain age it is possible to shield and prepare a child but after that you can only go through all the crap with them - if they will let you in.

 

In my current life review I am not sure how fair ir is to bring an inncoent life into this corrupt world. Still, I adore my children and they are wonderful people. People tell me I am blessed/lucky all the time.

 

Could just be me over thinking again, lol.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Eve]

Thanks Eve.

 

That could be a factor, but I have had these thoughts for a long time. Mainly the overall moral decline in America and the economic problems.

 

I intrinsically want to have children, and adoption is one outlet (as I don't actually know if biologically I can have children, though I don't suspect there are any problems lol), but that would have to be decided with a future wife b/c I know foster parents and it requires a lot of money and time to adopt (correct?).

 

I have heard mainly negative things about adoption - in that the process is too difficult. Someone was telling me that the process now involves interviewing all past partners! This could exclude a lot of people who have had difficult lives but I understand that the safety needs of the child should come first. It just cracks me up that a greater majority of people would really never be cleared to have children if we were all subject to the assessment criteria of adoption panels. Still, I see adopting a child/children as highly honourable and I know a few people who managed to jump through the many hoops and adopted siblings but they have all been the same types - wealthy people. I would argue that children primarily need loving parents. I hear there are more calls to reform the adoption system as there is an excess of children needing homes. If homes are not found then fostering is seen as the lesser option for them.

 

Fostering is something close to my heart because I was in the Care System growing up. I would still caution a person to ensure they are very equipped to deal with the problems they will encounter though and to be astutely aware of genetics. Many times the children will have many problems and may never fully bond with you - no matter what you. It's about loving them so one day they can love themselves and to know that you may not be the recipent of that love. That level of selflessness is rare in an individual. I know one lady who has now adopted her son from initially fostering him. He is a very very damaged boy who I am not sure will ever heal but she is relentless and I admire her greatly.

 

I do think the leaning naturally is to have ones own children though and I hope you get to do this one day!

 

Overall, I do try not to be too negative about issues such as changes in common values within society as there is often good alongside the bad - but I do think the nature of childhood has changed for the worse. Personally I feel that children have deliberately been targeted as a commodity base and are now being sexualised at lower and lower ages.

 

A lot of people are really struggling at the moment and I would say that the financial crisis that seems to be everlasting has the most potential to influence people. For us, passing the ability to trust in God for all needs onto our children has been off paramount importance.

 

Practically speaking I would say that helping to maintain food banks is currently the primary need within many communities as children of working parents are commonly going hungry due to the high cost of bills and many people currently only able to gain part time working hours.

 

.. but the desire to have children is a good thing! I suppose I am all for the formulation of new systems and ideas - as empowered parents tend to parent more effectively. I have been musing on a few ideas in this area and have the beginnings of a master plan, lol as I cannot in all conscience continue in a secular working environment.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[pie2]

For me this is not a bitter statement. It is just hard to see ones children experience pain.

 

Up to a certain age it is possible to shield and prepare a child but after that you can only go through all the crap with them - if they will let you in.

 

In my current life review I am not sure how fair ir is to bring an inncoent life into this corrupt world. Still, I adore my children and they are wonderful people. People tell me I am blessed/lucky all the time.

 

Eve, this sounds much less frightening! Thank goodness !! I'm glad you've raised your kiddos...I love the outlook you've had about letting them take responsibility for their own faith, thoughts etc.

 

And to Beth & TFW...umm...you guys are the ones who should be having kids! Hello!! You're both so sweet . I know there's lots to think about. But your little ones would bring so much joy to the world!!

[TheFinalWord]

And to Beth & TFW...umm...you guys are the ones who should be having kids! Hello!! You're both so sweet . I know there's lots to think about. But your little ones would bring so much joy to the world!!

 

Thanks pie2! Right now, this dissertation is assuming the role of wife, child, and landlord LOL Dissertation is almost 18, and it is going to get kicked right out of the nest

[BetheButterfly]

If you really want to have children, have them.

 

I do really want to be a Mom.

 

I am not sure I would have children if I had my life again though..

 

It is the most difficult position in the world I think: to be a parent. I shudder at the hard times I put my parents through.

Children bring a lot of pleasure but can bring a lot of stress too. The early years are too beautiful for words. Teen years.. not so great.

 

Yeah my childhood was awesome. It was when I became a teen that it seemed life was so difficult. I remember feeling ashamed of my Mom because of her weight gain. I was so into appearances and wanting so desperately to be accepted by my peers and I was so egocentric/selfish that I didn't realize how my rejection of my Mom was hurting her feelings. Now we are best friends but there have been several times when my Mom cried sad tears because of me.

I hear Grandchildren are far better so I am holding out for that.

 

My Mamaw (grandmother) explained to me before she died how with grandchildren, it's so awesome to watch them grow and to "spoil" them because they are not in charge of the discipline and of teaching the children many things. The parents are the ones who are responsible.

 

The being protective/over protective thing is something you simply have to go through and find balance. I focused on making sure that each of our children kept their own mind first and foremostly. Faith was taught as something belonging to them intrinsically, not really as something aimed for.

 

That's awesome! Thanks so much for sharing this advice.

Take care,

Eve

 

You too! Love you!

[BetheButterfly]

.. I guess you are probably thinking about Amanda Berry and wondering about the unfairness some children experience too?

 

You read my mind.

 

Fostering or adoption is an honourable idea in this regard.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

If God wills, I hope someday He plants this idea in my husband's heart, because there are so many children who are in need of loving families!!!

[BetheButterfly]

For me this is not a bitter statement. It is just hard to see ones children experience pain.

 

Not all parents have overly bad experiences of the teen years. I am grateful that none of mine did (hard) drugs or are morally bankrupt and they are all doing well.

 

I had some hard years with my youngest daughter but that ended a while back. If she had been in a less supportive environment I dread to think what could have happened to her. She just always had a leaning to be very very very naughty and we had to work overtime on her to help her take responsiblity for her actions. For me, the issue is the nature of the world and the power imbalances that persist.

 

I am so glad that you and your youngest daughter are doing well now!

 

My 3 sisters and I are all very close to our Mom, though we all weren't always close friends. She is basically the heartbeat of our home. She was close to her mother and when her Mom died, it was very hard for my Mom.

 

She still misses her (and we do too; Mamaw is awesome) but our belief in God and Heaven gives us encouragement since we believe we will see her again! As Jesus said, God is not the God of the dead, but of the living:

 

Matthew 22 NIV - The Parable of the Wedding Banquet - Bible Gateway

 

"31 But about the resurrection of the dead—have you not read what God said to you, 32 ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’[b]? He is not the God of the dead but of the living.”

Up to a certain age it is possible to shield and prepare a child but after that you can only go through all the crap with them - if they will let you in.

Very good point. Praying and letting that person know you care is sometimes all you can do. I went through a time where I didn't listen to anything my Mom said, but I knew she and her women's prayer group were praying hard and diligently for me. God eventually answered her prayers with a yes.

 

In my current life review I am not sure how fair ir is to bring an inncoent life into this corrupt world.

So true!!! This is one of my concerns.

 

Still, I adore my children and they are wonderful people. People tell me I am blessed/lucky all the time.

 

That's awesome!!!

 

Could just be me over thinking again, lol.

 

Take care,

Eve x

I think it's good to think things through. Sometimes I wonder if some people were really not meant to be parents and possibly should have gotten their tubes tied or had a vasectomy. I think people do need to really meditate on if they want to have the responsibility of bringing an innocent little life into this world. It is a huge responsibility, and a lifetime commitment in my opinion. I am very pro-life, but I do think it's important for people to decide and take the necessary preventative measures (instead of abortion) if they feel they are not at the time to have a child and/or do not want the very important responsibility and commitment of being a parent.

[BetheButterfly]

Eve, this sounds much less frightening! Thank goodness !! I'm glad you've raised your kiddos...I love the outlook you've had about letting them take responsibility for their own faith, thoughts etc.

 

I love that too!

 

And to Beth & TFW...umm...you guys are the ones who should be having kids! Hello!! You're both so sweet . I know there's lots to think about. But your little ones would bring so much joy to the world!!

 

Thanks Pie. Well my husband and I do want to have children and very much hope we bring them joy!!!

 

The Final Word, my hubby and I will pray for you that God blesses you with a wonderful lady who loves God like you do!

 

[Eve]

I think people do need to really meditate on if they want to have the responsibility of bringing an innocent little life into this world. It is a huge responsibility, and a lifetime commitment in my opinion. I am very pro-life, but I do think it's important for people to decide and take the necessary preventative measures (instead of abortion) if they feel they are not at the time to have a child and/or do not want the very important responsibility and commitment of being a parent.

 

Could not agree more. Some do not consider any of this until they are right at the door of the theatre going in for the abortion or going through the motions of making plans to have a baby, often without support. so, I am pro life, for myself. We cannot ban abortion because not all people are Christians, or actually care even one little bit. So I don't think about it much. I concentrate on what I can do. There is a lot of preventative work going on where young women who are at risk get help. I focus on that. But yes, parenting is a big reponsibility and you considering carefully the implications of such a decision is evidence of a very caring nature.

 

I would say that in following the Christian faith it is important primarily to pray with ones children as a family. We have done this at various times as well as my teaching them individually how to pray and say Grace. I just explained that one day they may need to pray and it was my job to make sure they know who God is and how to pray to Him. When children are very young they will ask questions anyway and as long as you give both sides to things in an age appropriate way they will work things out for themselves. I believe it is not possible to make a child believe in ones faith and instead we should concentrate on what God has placed in them and help them connect with that life essence. You will see it when you have your babies. God will show you and guide alongside your mum and loved ones. Practically though, praying together really has been the clincher in my experience. Our children themselves have seen The Holy Spirit move in our lives and their lives and that is what is is all about methinks. Jesus is the one who saves. I don't believe in an abstract God. He is either there or He isn't.

 

Concentrate on making the home environment a fun but thoughtful place. I always said to my girls that it was ok to say how they were feeling if it was good or bad. I think this has helped them to be really good friends to others as they are unafraid of fully expressing themselves. Our home is primarily filled with laughter! They are too funny for words!

 

Only other bit off advice I would share is to try not to call a child naughty. We called our youngest a 'free spirit' and allowed her to make mistakes but helped her to understand the importance of taking responsibility for her choices. Now she tells me everything because she truly knows that I love her. Glad that you and your mum are close too and that you got through the teen years in one piece! It can be a difficult transition.

 

Sorry that your mum has suffered the loss of her mother but I am happy that you can share in the confidence of Christ that we shall all be reunited in Him and we are a family in Christ, no matter what the world says to the contrary.

 

Thanks for such thoughtful responses to my musings. I have no idea how to multi quote so hope I have summarised the main points raised sufficiently.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[pureinheart]

Bethy- go for it, think of it as another person going to heaven!

 

It was harder with my kids because I had to work ...but let's talk about grandkids- grandkids are the fruit of your labor with your kids. Experiencing (kids and grandkids) those little arms wrapped around your neck- well there's nothing like it. Watching them grow...wow.

 

If God wants you pregnant it will happen even with BC.

 

Good luck with your decision, I think you'd make a GREAT mother BTW:love::love: I love ya girl!

[pureinheart]

Thanks Eve.

 

That could be a factor, but I have had these thoughts for a long time. Mainly the overall moral decline in America and the economic problems.

 

I intrinsically want to have children, and adoption is one outlet (as I don't actually know if biologically I can have children, though I don't suspect there are any problems lol), but that would have to be decided with a future wife b/c I know foster parents and it requires a lot of money and time to adopt (correct?).

 

It depends on the direction you go. If you go through an agency, then that can be long and taxing (I was adopted).

 

It is my understanding and let me give an example: Let's say you have a friend that wants to give her baby up for adoption, I believe she has the power to sign the baby directly over to you. The next step would be to go through the courts to make it legal and permanent. There's always ways around the red tape:D

 

This is how it used to be, things might have changed.

 

Remember though, when God is in it, nothing can touch it.

[KathyM]

The way I look at it, children are a blessing. If they are raised right, they can be a blessing to others and an asset to the world. I'm sure you and your husband would be great parents. If children are raised with love and care, they usually turn out to be great kids.

[pureinheart]

Fostering is something close to my heart because I was in the Care System growing up. I would still caution a person to ensure they are very equipped to deal with the problems they will encounter though and to be astutely aware of genetics. Many times the children will have many problems and may never fully bond with you - no matter what you. It's about loving them so one day they can love themselves and to know that you may not be the recipent of that love. That level of selflessness is rare in an individual. I know one lady who has now adopted her son from initially fostering him. He is a very very damaged boy who I am not sure will ever heal but she is relentless and I admire her greatly.

 

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

Eve love, I have always wanted to foster teens! Teens love me for some reason and I don't get it. I just love dealing with teens for some reason and just loved all of my kids friends. Hanging with them is fun (maybe because I never really grew up?) and there never has been a generation gap.

 

Teens are so open and real and if one really sits and listens, so much wisdom comes from them.

 

You know what saddened me, one time, when my daughter was a teen, she was with a bunch of kids at the park...so me being the nosey mother I am, went to check the scene out. Most of the kids she had talked about prior, they were all headed towards gangs and had grown up priddy hard core- well, having a similar background it's easy for me not to trip on that fact. Oh Lord, they were all so cool! I told my daughter to tell them that I loved meeting them and that they were all wonderful people....Eve, typing this puts me in tears....my daughter told me that they loved me and that NOONE had EVER told them they were good people ....can you imagine that...it breaks my heart to this day...

[pureinheart]

For me this is not a bitter statement. It is just hard to see ones children experience pain.

 

Not all parents have overly bad experiences of the teen years. I am grateful that none of mine did (hard) drugs or are morally bankrupt and they are all doing well.

 

I had some hard years with my youngest daughter but that ended a while back. If she had been in a less supportive environment I dread to think what could have happened to her. She just always had a leaning to be very very very naughty and we had to work overtime on her to help her take responsiblity for her actions. For me, the issue is the nature of the world and the power imbalances that persist.

 

Up to a certain age it is possible to shield and prepare a child but after that you can only go through all the crap with them - if they will let you in.

 

In my current life review I am not sure how fair ir is to bring an inncoent life into this corrupt world. Still, I adore my children and they are wonderful people. People tell me I am blessed/lucky all the time.

 

Could just be me over thinking again, lol.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

Sorry love, I had to crack up a little when reading the bold- my son knew how to not get caught- my daugher, well that's a different story. Many, many lectures starting at 8pm and lasting till 2am. Also there were a couple of dealings with the po-lice...I scared the po-lice even.

[venusianx13]

I am all for two wonderful people bringing into the world and raising a good human being. The world needs more goodness. For those who hear it, I believe it is a divine calling. Not just to become parents for the sake of the experience, or because that's what most other couples do, but because you want to surround your child with and guide him/her with your own good values, your own good hearts, to raise another goodhearted individual. Love is the only thing that can stamp out all of the hate/violence/ugliness in the world today.

 

[BetheButterfly]

I am all for two wonderful people bringing into the world and raising a good human being. The world needs more goodness. For those who hear it, I believe it is a divine calling. Not just to become parents for the sake of the experience, or because that's what most other couples do, but because you want to surround your child with and guide him/her with your own good values, your own good hearts, to raise another goodhearted individual. Love is the only thing that can stamp out all of the hate/violence/ugliness in the world today.

 

 

Wow! I love your quote:

 

"The world needs more goodness... Love is the only thing that can stamp out all of the hate/violence/ugliness in the world today. " - venusianx13

 

Can I please put it in my signature?

 

I agree. The world desperately needs more goodness and Love.

Edited May 14, 2013 by BetheButterfly

[venusianx13]

Of course you can use it in your signature! As for those words, I've been blessed with good teachers.

[Eve]

Sorry love, I had to crack up a little when reading the bold- my son knew how to not get caught- my daugher, well that's a different story. Many, many lectures starting at 8pm and lasting till 2am. Also there were a couple of dealings with the po-lice...I scared the po-lice even.

 

Lol, my daughter is so not street wise and terrible at telling lies. Thankfully she did reach out when things got too tough for her. The amount of times I sat pushing notes under her door to get her to talk instead of acting out.

 

Now she is one year away from Uni - she is going to be a Nurse. She has great friends and her faith is very natural and strong. She has the same sense of spirit as me but doesn't give it away foolishly now. She is strong.

 

You touched me in what you said about the young people who did not have anyone to care for them. I won my daughter around by including her friends into our family. Their parents should be ashamed of themselves for their lack of focus. We took them to concerts, fed them and spoke to them as parents should. They respected us for it and eventually when they let my daughter down (as was obviously going to happen) she moved away from that group.

 

I did want to foster but in all honesty we are still enjoying the peace after all the troubles. Six + years of it. - so will revisit that idea in the next 5-10 years or so. All being well.

 

.. but I may have me some Grand babies within that time

 

Take care,

Eve x

[BetheButterfly]

Of course you can use it in your signature!

 

Thanks!!!

 

As for those words, I've been blessed with good teachers.

 

 

Good teachers are a great blessing!!!