Moving in with exboyfriend-good or bad idea in my situation?

[Brooklyn8503]

I need soem advice. I was in a relationship witha co-worker and everything was going great. Seeing as we're both only 19 though, we both live at home with our parents. My now ex-boyfriend was having some problems with his living situation and he was also dealing with depression and so we mutually broke up. We stopped talking for about a month until I finally broke down and told him I needed to talk.

 

I was still having feelings for him because he was the first person I ever let myself get intimate with and we discussed the fact that we are both in the same boat-emotionally. We both have feelings for each other. He also told me that he hooked up with another girl right after we broke up but that they have since broken up because he doesn't know what he wants. I told him one thing I want is to keep him as a friend because we were friends before seeing each other and I value his friendship.

 

So last week, things came to a boiling point in his house. He was kicked out and asked if I would want to move an hour away, get an apartment, and enroll in College with him. I need to get away from my household situation for a while and do something for myself rather than please everyone else so I told him yes. We have been looking at apartments together and have pretty much agreed on one in particular.

 

I went to look at the apartment yesterday and he was supposed to come with me but he ended up staying at work later than expected so I left without him and I told him I would give him a call afterwords and tell him what I thought. On my way down to the apartment complex, my sister called me (she also works with us) and told me my ex was making out with the chick he hooked up with after we broke up.

 

I called him after I checked out the place and the first thing I did was explain why she was at work if he's not with her anymore. I can understand if he is still friends with her but when i hear that her tongue is down his throat, I feel insecure. He told me that she's been hanging around trying to get back with him. He told me though that he doesn't want to be back with her and that he doesn't want a relationship right now because he's so depressed and doesn't want to bring anyone down with him. Yet, he told our co-workers that he's back with her.

 

So now we've both put in our transfer and deposit on the apartment but everyone's telling me to back out. I trust what he tells me because he's my best friend and we've talked about us both getting into other relationships while living together and we both agreed that if we talk about it with each other it will be easier to deal with. I've also been going out with other guys since we broke up but I don't know if I should trust what he's telling me this time or beleive the people who have been driving me crazy.

 

I NEED ADVICE PLEASE-thanx to anyone who read and will respond.

[Fayebelle]

Do not move in w/him. You seem more interested in him than he is w/you. Sorry- but he may have just thought you and he could move in as friends since you said that was what you wanted. I think if you move in you will be miserable.

[Brooklyn8503]

Thanx for the advice.

 

I'd still ike some other advice though because he is my best friend and I spend almost everyday with him. We're very open and honest with each other and i've never had a problem with him lying to me. I don't care if he hooks up with other people because I'm already dating another but it's just the way that I found out about this that is really bugging me. When I confronted him, he was honest with me. It's what other people are saying that is getting to me-I don't know who to beleive and I think in a way I'm insecure in my thought process. I've always been one to go with my instincts because they haven't failed me yet and they're still saying go with him. They're also telling me that a lot of good can come from living together with him in the way that our friendship might become stronger because we'll be taking the same classes (both theatre majors), we'll be working together, and we'll be living together. Some people may find that much time together a bad thing but we also understand that we both need our own space.

[JoL]

Okay, im going to be totally honest with you here and it may not be the advice you want but anyway....

 

I know you say he is your best friend and that you trust him and want to spend time with him. Its good you can get along so well with an ex. But living together? In my opinion it would be a total disaster.

Why.....?

 

Well firstly- you are upset at him dating/making out with other girls. This in itself should be a warning sign to you about how you feel about him. If you look deeeeep inside yourself, can you honestly say you are over this person and don't care if he brings other girls home, walks past you and takes them into his room and spends the night with them? Because ultimately- he will bring girls home and he will date other people since you are broken up..and frankly, you cant stop him. If you are living with him this will be in your face everyday and night. can you deal with that?

 

Next issue which is even more important- Will guys YOU date be ok knowing that you live with your ex-boyfriend? Believe me, they may be ok with it in the early stages of the relationship but if things progress to a serious level with a new guy, he will ALWAYS be uncomfortable with the idea of you living with your ex.

 

How do i know this? When i met my boyfriend he was living with his ex-girlfriend. he told me this on our first date, and i knew that things were over between them. they werent living together because he wanted to, but because they had signed a lease together and then a few months after moving in, they broke up. Even though they weren't sharing a room anymore (seperate beds) and he spent a lot of time at his parents place so they were hardly ever home at the same time (so he tells me), it REALLY bugs me in retrospect. once the lease ran out and they had to move out, she even suggested them continue to live together, as friends- but it was more because she didnt want him doing what he wanted.

 

Basically im just saying you will make it VERY hard for any guy you get involved with in the future- trust me, when i look back at the situation at the start with my bf, i was ok with it at the time (him living there), i used to go over when his ex wasnt around, but god it SO BUGS ME now when i think about it...once you fall in love with someone, you DONT want to think about them having closeness with anyone else.

 

Any guy you do eventually get serious with is going to be upset at this situation. And same goes for your ex- his future girlfriends will also feel this way, even if he says he doesnt want one for now.

 

You need to figure out WHY you really want to live with him.

[morrigan]

It's not a good idea--you seem to still have feelings for this guy that go beyond friendship, and he hasn't always been fully honest with you in the past. I think it would be hard for a lot of people to share a residence with an ex. Roommates can get on eachother's nerves at times, and there's been enough history between you two that won't make it any easier.

 

Get out of the rental agreement by calling the landlord. If you really want to move out on your own, save up your money and plan to live with a female friend or a platonic male friend you have never dated and have no interest in having a relationship with. I personally would be uncomfortable dating anyone who shared a residence with an ex.

[Brooklyn8503]

thank you everyone for your input. those weren't the things i wanted to hear but i do have to face this issue. we've both admitted we are still in love with each other and he told me about the ex of his right after we broke up. he sat me down and told me everything and that he still has these strong feelings that aren't going away and he wants to start over and he knows it's going to take time to rebuild my trust but he loves me and i'm still in love with him. we spent the afternoon at a clam bake today and on our way back to my house he told me he's scared about us living together. i've told him i'm scared before and he has the same feelings i do. and then i found myself being kissed by him-in a way we haven't kissed since were together. i cried and told him that that mad eme worry even more. he told me he doesn't ever want to hurt me again and that he wants to be with me forever. i'm thinking that this may make the siutation between us a hell of a lot better or a complete disaster and i'm taking some time to evaluate the situtation. nothing went wrong in the first place-it was a mutal split. he dated the other girl while we went through our NC period and she came up to me the other day at my work and told me that i won and she'll leave me and my ex alone because he still has strong feeling for me and she doesn't want to be involved with him if that's the case.

 

thank you again for all your advice and i'll post back when things are underway with our move and how it turns out for us.

 

i'm just praying things work out because i don't want to be with anyone else but him.

[9Lives]

I am from Brooklyn. But I dont live there anymore.

 

Anyway, I had to help you out since we from the same place.

 

The relationship is not stable enough for you to move in with

him. You are risking a broken heart, bills that you may have to

pay, a cheating man, and all kinds of emotional unhealthy bull crap.

 

Just chill. Dont move. Dont chase him. You need to find out how much he values your relationship. It is testing time before you commit to a move in. He may be using you since he is in a tight situation. Find out now rather than later.