Why can't I let go????

[HeartWon'tHeal]

It's been almost two years since xMM ended things and I still can't let go and move on. My heart it still broken yet at the same time I miss him. It's like I am hanging on for dear life to a sinking ship. My head knows he is no good for me, but my heart still longs for him.

 

I have been seeing a counselor since last fall and it has been very helpful. The answer is very simple...stop thinking about xMM. Has anyone heard of soul ties and what do you think about it?

 

My life has been very stressful lately and maybe I need a good cry to let things out.

[firstandlast]

It's been almost two years since xMM ended things and I still can't let go and move on. My heart it still broken yet at the same time I miss him. It's like I am hanging on for dear life to a sinking ship. My head knows he is no good for me, but my heart still longs for him.

 

I have been seeing a counselor since last fall and it has been very helpful. The answer is very simple...stop thinking about xMM. Has anyone heard of soul ties and what do you think about it?

 

My life has been very stressful lately and maybe I need a good cry to let things out.

 

It's almost impossible to force yourself to not think of something, because in the very act of "don't think about X," you're thinking about it. Don't think about purple elephants. See? Now you're thinking about purple elephants.

 

It's hard, I know. The only thing I can say is to think about other things. Or remind yourself of all the bad times. Or just accept the fact that he can't offer you what you need. He just doesn't have it in him.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

It's been almost two years since xMM ended things and I still can't let go and move on. My heart it still broken yet at the same time I miss him. It's like I am hanging on for dear life to a sinking ship. My head knows he is no good for me, but my heart still longs for him.

 

I have been seeing a counselor since last fall and it has been very helpful. The answer is very simple...stop thinking about xMM. Has anyone heard of soul ties and what do you think about it?

 

My life has been very stressful lately and maybe I need a good cry to let things out.

 

A couple of questions. How did it end? Was there a D-Day? Does his wife know? Are you married?

 

I read a lot about soul ties. I don't know what to think about that. I do believe that when people have a connection (albeit physical and/or emotional), they are linked for life - good or bad. And believe me, I understand your feelings. It took three years to get where I am and I still have bad days...

[ComingInHot]

I think it has to be a physical action in conjunction with a mental one.

Maybe consider giving yourself an allotted amount of time per day to do your dwelling & pining for exMM. Set the timer even. When time's up, physically walk away and start working on your responsibilities for the day.

Then when exMM "pops" into your head start saying the alphabet but do it backwards* (hey! don't knock it! it's really hard... )

So, every-time exMM thoughts enter physically/out loud or in writing, do the alphabet backwards.

Or Anything that demands focused thought and attention.

Some people say exercise, which of course is always good for the mind and body, but it didn't take the brain capacity that I needed to not dwell on H's exOW.

I needed something complex. (OKAY I GET! the alphabet isn't complex but saying it backwards, for me, was and still is a Huge challenge)

Anyway, you get what I'm saying, right?*

[secretlady76]

It is very important to NOT think about him. If you find yourself doing so then do something, anything else. This works.

 

I would also suggets maybe stop seeing the therapist or, at least, don't talk about him to the therapist.....talking about him simply gives him head space. Don't give him head space.

 

Don't waste time, energy, thought or breath on him. He will soon be removed from your brain.

 

...and don't mention him on here either....doesn't help.

 

Bascially, do nothing at all that has anything to do with him. You almost have to say to yourself "If I think about him then something awful will happen". Sounds nuts, but it works.

[HeartWon'tHeal]

Thank you for your responses and I am feeling much better today! You are all right...I need to stop thinking about him and focus on positive things. Thought stopping is something I need to work on. Purple elephants or the alphabet backwards, whatever it takes.

 

There was no DDay on his end that I am aware of but my husband figured it out. My husband does not want to have anything to do with sex or intimacy and that is what drove me to have an affair. My xMM dumped when he moved away for business and I was unavailable for sex. He used me but I foolishly believed all his lies while we were together.

 

It's VERY DIFFICULT not having any sex or any kind of touch at home but right now divorce is not an option. So I need to figure out how to deal with that.

 

As far as my counselor goes we talk about other things about 95% of the time. I don't want to talk about it too much in counseling. It's done and over with but my heart is still grieving the loss.

[HeartWon'tHeal]

It's been a year since I posted and I want to encourage those of you that are trying to get over an affair. IT GET'S EASIER WITH TIME!!!! I rarely think about xMM and he seems like a stranger to me.

 

I saw him the other day and to my surprise I did not fall apart. My emotions felt a little bit jumbled and after a while there is still a little anger remaining.

 

The only person that can make me happy is ME!! Lot's CBT has helped and positive self talk. I can say I am finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel and am happy again!