Are women attracted to the Air of a taken man?

[Mrlonelyone]

Though I am not a traditional man I think the title fits.

 

I don't always trust my own instincts. Here are the two scenario's.

 

One female friend I have had for the past four years today, as we are about to be done with our program seemed to come onto me a little. We were sitting and talking about how hard it is to find someone who is not freaking married in our age range to date. Then we looked really deep in each others eyes. It was as if we both had the thought, wait a minute, we are two unmarried people interested in dating with similar views on relationships.

 

That meeting broke off with a hug after we both admitted how much we feel for our respective current relationship partners.

 

 

 

Another female friend I have only known for an academic year so far. She has come on really really strong. Offering up her thighs for me to touch. (Right in front of M who she knows I have a thing going on with....and who she knows is casual about our relationship..)

 

 

My questions are two.

 

Does it sound like these two were coming onto me?

 

The more involved question, could these two women be interested in me, in part, because I have the air of a taken man? I've noticed this before in my life. When I am taken suddenly it seems like other women are interested.

 

Related to this I've noticed that even M seems to be a bit more interested when she sees that other women may be interested to some degree. i.e. when Thing lady is talking to me suddenly M raises her voice to a degree beyond whats needed to be heard by the guy she's talking to.

 

Is it just the nature of women ( and people in general) to want someone that other people want? Is it that "Chicks really dig you when you're the last of something,"?

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Though I am not a traditional man I think the title fits.

 

I don't always trust my own instincts. Here are the two scenario's.

 

One female friend I have had for the past four years today, as we are about to be done with our program seemed to come onto me a little. We were sitting and talking about how hard it is to find someone who is not freaking married in our age range to date. Then we looked really deep in each others eyes. It was as if we both had the thought, wait a minute, we are two unmarried people interested in dating with similar views on relationships.

 

That meeting broke off with a hug after we both admitted how much we feel for our respective current relationship partners.

 

 

 

Another female friend I have only known for an academic year so far. She has come on really really strong. Offering up her thighs for me to touch. (Right in front of M who she knows I have a thing going on with....and who she knows is casual about our relationship..)

 

 

My questions are two.

 

Does it sound like these two were coming onto me?

 

The more involved question, could these two women be interested in me, in part, because I have the air of a taken man? I've noticed this before in my life. When I am taken suddenly it seems like other women are interested.

 

Related to this I've noticed that even M seems to be a bit more interested when she sees that other women may be interested to some degree. i.e. when Thing lady is talking to me suddenly M raises her voice to a degree beyond whats needed to be heard by the guy she's talking to.

 

Is it just the nature of women ( and people in general) to want someone that other people want? Is it that "Chicks really dig you when you're the last of something,"?

 

Women want what they can't have.

 

They will deny it, but that's why many like taken men....and why many fall for PUA tactics (some of which encourage guys to appear unavailable or uninterested).

[fortyninethousand322]

I've heard this story and this theory enough times that I'm seriously considering buying a cheap fake wedding band in the hopes that it will make women fall into my lap.

[Mrlonelyone]

I've heard this story and this theory enough times that I'm seriously considering buying a cheap fake wedding band in the hopes that it will make women fall into my lap.

 

The George Costanza plan huh.

 

 

 

That might work to an extent.

 

In my life it has kicked in even when I was in a place where.... there was no way for the women in question to know I was taken, to any degree.

 

i.e. I would be in another city and suddenly a woman is offering me her number. Haven't mentioned a GF or anything.

 

It is like they can smell another woman on you, or sense you have some kind of swagger like you have one, and they don't like it. They suddenly want it for themselves.

[starla33]

I'm not AT ALL. If I find out the person is taken I lose ALL interest

 

I have respect for other women out there and wouldn't try to steal their man

[Mr_Flay]

I had a period of five years when I was taken, and at no point did I see increased interest from girls, whether they knew it or not.

[tbf]

It's a bit of both.

 

You'll find a subset of women who wish to compete with other women, believing themselves to be better, if they "take away" a previously committed man. The same holds true for men that do the same. It's why there's an OW/OM subforum on LS and might account for the second girl, since she's flirting with you in front of the other woman. In these situations, it's not about you but about the other man/woman they're competing against.

 

A taken man or woman tends to feel and act more confident, since they have the security of a relationship. This might also be part of the attraction since their actions aren't desperate.

[KraftDinner]

Many women are but I most certainly am NOT.

 

There is just something about a taken guy. He's hands-off. One time, a guy was hitting on me at a bar....he was gorgeous and charming and well-dressed.

 

Someone told me he was married and it was as though he turned into a pile of garbage. Just held no attraction.

 

This isn't even a moral thing. I just feel like he has the stink of another woman on him and it turns me right off.

 

As for those who aren't actively hitting on me and just have a "confident air" people are talking about...no. No.

 

I've never been with a taken guy in any way shape or form.

 

Many women tho, yes. I think they're a little insane.

[carhill]

My questions are two.

 

Does it sound like these two were coming onto me?

 

The first one, the long-time friend, likely is blurring the boundaries between platonic and romantic situationally. If it happens consistently, then that's a good sign of 'coming on' to you. I've gotten this so much from female friends that I don't even pay much attention to it anymore. If one gets too 'sexual', I just remind them that we're not 'that way' and to do that to/with their husband or boyfriend.

 

The second one, the short time, appears to be testing you, to see how interested you are. Your transgender status, even if not disclosed, may be leaking out, and she is curious. Again, watch for consistency.

 

The key test with both is displaying overt sexual interest in them, even if as a response to what you perceive as 'coming on'. I've never seen such ladies retreat so fast as when I pull them in close and give them a nice passionate kiss. Bubble popped.

 

 

 

The more involved question, could these two women be interested in me, in part, because I have the air of a taken man?

 

Possible, but largely unknown. I will say I noticed more female attention, while married, when our marriage was difficult and I'm confident I displayed some emotional neediness. It seems the ladies, both strangers I met and those in our social circle, were far more 'forward' than prior. It's notable because those who were forward during that time and with whom I still have contact, have retreated. The power of the ring has departed. That's OK. Like 'fame', it wasn't real anyway. Good luck.

Edited May 8, 2013 by carhill
spelling

[fortyninethousand322]

Many women are but I most certainly am NOT.

 

There is just something about a taken guy. He's hands-off. One time, a guy was hitting on me at a bar....he was gorgeous and charming and well-dressed.

 

Someone told me he was married and it was as though he turned into a pile of garbage. Just held no attraction.

 

This isn't even a moral thing. I just feel like he has the stink of another woman on him and it turns me right off.

 

As for those who aren't actively hitting on me and just have a "confident air" people are talking about...no. No.

 

I've never been with a taken guy in any way shape or form.

 

Many women tho, yes. I think they're a little insane.

 

Beats the kind of women I've been dating...

[Tinie]

I'm with starla and KraftDinner. If I find out the guy I am interested in is taken, I automatically back off. I cannot simply "compete" for another woman's man since it will probably end very badly, and I don't think I'm callous enough to go ahead and hurt other people and have no regrets about it.

[tbf]

I'm with starla and KraftDinner. If I find out the guy I am interested in is taken, I automatically back off. I cannot simply "compete" for another woman's man since it will probably end very badly, and I don't think I'm callous enough to go ahead and hurt other people and have no regrets about it.

Sure, same here but that's not what the OP's asking.

[PogoStick]

It's social proof. Being taken lets them know that at least one woman feels you are valuable and safe, therefore less of a risk. This is why it's good to have a wingwoman helping you meet girls. Scarcity concept also increases a taken man's value.

[ses]

I do my best to maintain a distance with my male friends. I don't want to complicate our friendship by engaging in too much emotional intimacy, and I also have the highest respect for the women in their lives. I talk to them but I always keep in mind their partners. Sure, I've had a crush on a guy who was attached. I had no intention of pursuing anything more because he was off-limits due to his relationship status; he was also a professor at my university. I've also had a MM pursue me, and I remember feeling so disgusted and ashamed by his behavior. I would hope the man in my life would rebuff any advances, as I would do the same.

 

A person who chooses a monogamous, committed relationship should have some boundaries within the framework of opposite-sex friendships.

[Mrlonelyone]

So it isn't just my imagination. This has happened to other people.

 

@ ses Kraft and Tine

 

I am not doing anything to encourage this really. Further me and Mare not in a monogamous committed relationship. We each multidate.

 

@ carhill tbf and others

 

There is probably an element of competition with M for one of them.

[Mrlonelyone]

Yes there is something to the whole "air" of a taken man to approaching and talking to women.

 

Today I spoke to a woman I met at the copy shop and we exchanged info. Based on what's knowable from one conversation she may be pretty a pretty good fit.

 

M and I... what can I say it's hard to tell just what we are or how we feel. I think it can be said there is a deal of passion and intimacy to whatever we have. No commitments and so no one's feelings need be hurt if we look elsewhere.

[MissBee]

Some women are and some like the challenge.

[Mrlonelyone]

IDK miss bee.

 

The woman I spoke to today would have had no way of knowing M exist. Since M isn't a committed exclusive GF there is no reason I should've mentioned her (even though she is quite dear to me).