...And a question on male friend

[Taressa]

It's rather ironic to be asking this question on the loveshack. I arrived at the shack, heartbroken and angry in June '00 when I mis-took a man's physical affection for love. He became very affectionate but when I asked about love he said he could not imagine ever loving me.

 

Long story made shorter: I backed off the relationship, the friendship mended, my feelings for him changed, I fell in love with a wonderful man (my billy), and the friend has renewed his sexual interest...

 

And it seems that the firmer and colder I am in denying the friend's advances, the more attracted he becomes. I've told him that I'm in love with billy, that I have no desire for his sexual attentions, and that I don't care for him the way I once did.

 

BUT, he acts even more attracted. Most recently was our conversation this week in which I told him I was going out of town next weekend. He said he would like to come. I told him I would be spending the night so it wouldn't work. He replied that he has been wanting to spend the night with me.

 

I'm not playing games with him. I've stated rather clearly that I'm not available for him. And although I've enjoyed his company very much for two years now, I'm feeling quite aggravated with his pursuit of sex.

 

He describes his ideal wife as "strong-handed" and "bitchy" so I guess the stronger my "no", the more ideal I seem to him?????

 

I'm puzzled and quite a bit frustrated. Gee, it's not like I'm Pamela Sue Anderson or something... nothing overtly sexual happening in my court that would stir his feelings. What should I do?

[Ed]

You may consider him to be a friend of yours, but he is not acting within the bounds of the friendship that you have laid down.

 

If you must tell him one more time, then do so. He is not respecting your wishes. If you are really serious about this, you need to tell him to leave you alone - don't call and don't come around. What he is doing is sexual harassment and it's not only disrespectful, it's illegal.

 

I am curious. Does Billy know this guy and what he's doing to you?

[Taressa]

Hi Ed,

 

The friend, Rob, proved his friendship through a really tough time 1-1/2 yrs ago. And you're right, he is not acting like a friend right now. He's just wanting to use me.

 

And yes, I've told billy the last two times Rob has tried to make a move but no, billy doesn't know Rob. I suspect that part of the problem is that my relationship with billy is a long-distance (Louisiana-Missouri) relationship; maybe that makes it hard for Rob to respect.

 

The odd thing is that Rob is extremely well behaved and reserved - - almost to a fault. Reserved, that is, until the occasion when we're alone. It has worked somewhat making sure we meet in public but now he's seeking out privacy such as his self-invitation for the trip to the country home next week.

 

Is it all just a game for him? A feed the ego thing? Lost the lady, get her back, use her, dump her?

[sparkle]

Hello Taressa,

 

This sounds like the whole "challenge" issue. When you wanted him and were there for him, he was uninterested. But now that he realizes you don't want him anymore, you've

 

become a challenge. And you know how males (and females alike) love to pursue a challenge.

 

I think you and Billy's friendship is worth a lot, from what I've been reading. I just hope this issue with this other guy doesn't come in between you and Billy.

 

Maybe this guy just now realized what he's missing out on. He may have liked you and was scared to admit his feelings before or denied them to himself. But now he sees that you're slipping away, and I guess he's trying to make an attempt at getting your attention once again. He may sound wonderful now, but who knows...he may end up hurting you once again.

 

Just tell him what's on your mind. That you like Billy, that you don't want to continue a sexual relationship with this guy.

 

Sounds like a tough situation..him being your friend and all, just hang in there! You've got a good head on your shoulders

[Tony T]

1. Give him a gift certificate for the town prostitute.

 

2. Tell him doctors are trying to figure out which of five STD's they will treat you for first.

 

3. Tell him he is way too much of a challenge for you and you are only attracted to men you have to work for to get to bed.

 

4. Advise him you are fixing to get back with your ex, Sadam Hussein, and he is disposed to putting your former lovers before the firing squad.

 

5. Tell him you have been advised by your allergist that you have an incredible allergy to his scent and when you get near him you are unable to have sex.

 

7. Invite him to meet you at the Holiday Inn in Cairo, Egypt for Christmas to make passionate love...and then don't show up.

 

8. Tell him you'll consent to sleeping with him, but only if his mommy can be there, too.

 

9. Inform him that the way to your heart is through persistence but unfortunately for him your heart is a bit higher than what he has in mind.

 

10. Tell him Billy's last name is Gambini, that his brothers Bruno, Bluto, Spike, Mad Dog, and Boney are all mafia hit men and they practice on guys who don't bug off when you tell them to.

 

Well, I tried. These are just some suggestions. This is not something I'm great at. There are so many women after me and no matter what I tell them, they just keep coming. It's a hard life. And all they want me for is my body, that's what makes it so painful. I guess they would want me for my mind...if it wasn't away in the gutter so much.

[sparkle]

hahaha Tony you are hilarious!!

 

Taressa...those are some good tips for you