LittleMiss Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 I'm still seeing the MM I posted about before, we just don't see each other as much as we used to. I'm already getting to the point where I don't want to do this anymore. I can't be the OW for much longer. I never saw myself in this kind of situation. I feel like I let my feelings for him get the best of my good judgement. Anyways, I want to tell him that if he doesn't plan on leaving his wife I don't want to see him anymore. Is there a good way to tell him that. I don't want to come off too pushy, but at the same time I feel like I'm letting him off too easy by letting him continue like this. I do love him and all and I know he loves me I just need a good way to tell him how I feel. Can some one tell me how they did it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleMiss Posted September 24, 2004 Author Share Posted September 24, 2004 oh yeah, I don't know if I should bring up anything about his children. I think he feels that if he leaves his wife that he is losing his children as well. Link to post Share on other sites
alicia24 Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 save yourself the embarrassment./ just leave hime alone. they NEVER leave their wives no matter how much he says he will love u./ And why do you want a man that has no respect for his wife./ He will never respect you either Link to post Share on other sites
2Confuzed Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 I am currently in the same situation. I do feel for you. From my experience, it is best to tell him straight up that you can't be "second" because it hurts too much. If he truly loves you, he will do what he has to do so the two of you can be together. If he doesn't, at least you will know that now instead of later. I believe that if it is meant to be, it will be. It hurts to let go, but it's even harder hanging on. Just tell him how you feel. It's a difficult road to travel. I hope things work out for you. And to Alicia, I appreciate your opinion;however, it is unfair to generalize the OW experience as someone who is dealing with a man who will never leave. Every situation is similar, yet unique. We cannot judge because we don't know the details. Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 Sounds like you're not sure whether or not you're entitled to feel the way you feel. Sounds like you're being entirely TOO UNDERSTANDING of this man's situation. Yes, he may be (a) in a bad marriage (b) a lonely marriage © a sexless marraige but he may very well also be in a perfectly OK marriage and just wants his spice on the side! Don't cut him so much slack. You have your needs, you are entitled to want what you want. You don't have to be nasty about it. Just let him know, "Listen, this isn't working for me. You're terrific, but you're unavailable. I'm sorry fate brought us to this point, but it is what it is. Please let me move on. If in the future you find yourself single again, look me up. Until then, be a decent human being and let me have a life" Then institute the NO CONTACT policy and STICK TO IT. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
mudobber Posted September 25, 2004 Share Posted September 25, 2004 I would suggest that you lighten up on the whole thing. You have a friend and lover with no strings. Make that your decision, that you are just along for the ride. You could use that as a cushion on rainy days while you do your real shopping for a good man. That step-mom thing is tough! Add a scorned ex wife to that and you are taking a war that will last longer than Iraq! That guy can’t be that good. I do realize that it can be difficult to find a good man. But if you can pull such a thing off, then hey, you have found your solution. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleMiss Posted September 27, 2004 Author Share Posted September 27, 2004 Originally posted by 2Confuzed From my experience, it is best to tell him straight up that you can't be "second" because it hurts too much. If he truly loves you, he will do what he has to do so the two of you can be together. If he doesn't, at least you will know that now instead of later. I believe that if it is meant to be, it will be. It hurts to let go, but it's even harder hanging on. Just tell him how you feel. It's a difficult road to travel. Thanks for the advice. I've thought about several ways of bringing this up and I finally told him this weekend how much it hurts to think that he's leaving me every night to go home to his wife. He told me he wanted me to be happy, and if that meant us not seeing each other then he would leave me alone. I asked him if he really loved me and he said yes. He told me he still wanted to be with me, but he is having a difficult time figuring out how to go about leaving his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleMiss Posted September 27, 2004 Author Share Posted September 27, 2004 Originally posted by Karlise13 Sounds like you're not sure whether or not you're entitled to feel the way you feel. Sounds like you're being entirely TOO UNDERSTANDING of this man's situation. Yes, he may be (a) in a bad marriage (b) a lonely marriage © a sexless marraige but he may very well also be in a perfectly OK marriage and just wants his spice on the side! Don't cut him so much slack. You have your needs, you are entitled to want what you want. Good luck You are right. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to feel the way I did or if was right since I knew what I was getting myself into when this whole thing started. I'm just glad that we haven't had sex. I think that would have made it even harder to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
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