I am a physique and underwear model. But I can't get girls...

[cozmo]

I am also 22. I manged to get 2 dates with a girl once (January this year) and I had my first kiss with her (the memory of which is so cringey and I didn't see her again after). And tbh I didn't really fancy her, she asked me out on POF so I thought I might as-well say yea, I'd never had a date before.

 

But really I am unable to meet girls, it got to the point once when I was at a club that I just decided to go home and I ended up kicking a hole in my wall out of anger and the feeling of hopelessness. And that is the only feeling I get when I think about girls: hopelessness.

 

I feel like it will never happen to me. It is not like I don't want a girl but in my head doing anything to get one is as impossible as teleporting (which incidentally is something else I would like to be able to do).

 

I don't have time to take up any extra hobbies -> I train in mixed martial arts 3 evenings a week. I am away training with the army reserves every other weekend and I am also training with the army on a wednesday, on top of running, the gym and uni work. But I go to the uni bar with my friends on a monday.

 

I don't know what to do... I crave the feeling of intimacy I have never had, what is it like to hold someone, whenever I hug my best friend I am left with the feeling "I want someone I can do this with for real".

[will1988]

If you are being truly honest about yourself, your problem sounds like one that a quasi-friend of mine has been having for ages. My friend is a body builder, and competes in shows etc... you could say he is handsome, I guess. He is short though, maybe 5'2" to 5'4". He also is a little flamboyent and insecure... oddly enough. He talks a big game about all the weights and stuff he can lift. Yet, he has a problem talking to girls. I guess, because he is insecure about his hight, I'm not sure. He gets angrey at me because I'm tall, and good looking, but also heavy set (I have been offered plus sized modeling gigs before for a very well known men's suit company... however, modeling is not something I am at all interested in, so I've turned it down), but I manage to get girl friends. He is always saying stuff like "you are fat! I'm built like a greek god! How come you can get all of these attractive women, and I can't get any?". Of course when he makes fun of my weight, I like to point out that he acts like he is a total queen. Now you know why I say quasi-friend. Anyway, he only talks to me when he needs advice. I tell him, A to stop giving off the gay vibe. He prances around to techno music like the fairy god mother when he is working out, and would rather see how much weight a guy can lift then helping women at the gym. I tell him to stop giving off the stereotypical gay vibe (not that there is anything wrong with being gay, but he thuroughly denies it), and to stop being so insecure, and be confident. Also, he has no sense of humor and is a horrible conversationalist, all he can talk about is the gym. He does not take my advice though, and just expects women to land in his lap.

 

wow, sorry for ranting, this is your thread. What I am saying is, do you give off a certain vibe? Are you not good at talking to girls, and moving from small talk to full blown conversations? Are you insecure as hell about something? Those are probably the questions you need to think about, and can answer here so I can help give you better advice. Obviouslly, looks don't seem to be your problem, so something else is.

[cozmo]

My vibe, I guess people *could* think I am gay, but its not the normal opinion. I am fine at talking to people. I lack confidence big time, girls who are friends no problem.

 

My issue is I can never find a time that feels natural to go and talk to said girl I like the look of. And even if she started talking to me instead I wouldn't know how to move the convo past friendly convosation. I wouldn't want to ask for her number because what if she didn't come and talk to me for that reason?

 

I don't trust my own ability to work out if a girl likes me or is just being friendly. And I certainly don't know how to approach. One time I caught the eye of a girl about 5 times or more but I wasn't sure if it meant she was checking me out or not, so I didn't do anything. After I asked my friend and she said yeah, that girl and some of her friends kept checking me out. But even if I had known she was checking me out, I wouldn't know what to do about it... do I go up to her in front of all her friends and say hi? I have no idea.

 

This is all in addition to the fact I find very few girls attractive, I am so judgmental of myself and my body that I am the same with everyone else I can often find flaws or something that puts me off/gives me an excuse or reason to say "nah she isn't that attractive anyway".

[amaysngrace]

What do you think about when you masturbate? What turns you on?

[will1988]

My vibe, I guess people *could* think I am gay, but its not the normal opinion. I am fine at talking to people. I lack confidence big time, girls who are friends no problem.

 

My issue is I can never find a time that feels natural to go and talk to said girl I like the look of. And even if she started talking to me instead I wouldn't know how to move the convo past friendly convosation. I wouldn't want to ask for her number because what if she didn't come and talk to me for that reason?

 

I don't trust my own ability to work out if a girl likes me or is just being friendly. And I certainly don't know how to approach. One time I caught the eye of a girl about 5 times or more but I wasn't sure if it meant she was checking me out or not, so I didn't do anything. After I asked my friend and she said yeah, that girl and some of her friends kept checking me out. But even if I had known she was checking me out, I wouldn't know what to do about it... do I go up to her in front of all her friends and say hi? I have no idea.

 

This is all in addition to the fact I find very few girls attractive, I am so judgmental of myself and my body that I am the same with everyone else I can often find flaws or something that puts me off/gives me an excuse or reason to say "nah she isn't that attractive anyway".

 

You sound exactly like my quasi-friend. He has the same exact issues. Trust me, as someone who is over weight, but is a great conversationalist and is very confident, if I can get attractive girls, you can to. As I tell people this old addage my grandma used to say "Men love the women they are attracted to. Women are attracted to the men they love." You need to get the girls to like you for you. Do you go to bars at all? If you do, next time you see an attractive girl, just walk up to her and start small talk. Just think to yourself, what do you really have to lose? Worse case scenerio is she says "no", best case scenerio is that you get her number or go home with her. In reality, the only thing you lose is a little pride. So I always say, become thick-skinned when it comes to rejection, and be a little shameless when it comes to your pride. Afterall, the rewards out way the negatives. Just keep that in mind. Just start talking to attractive girls when you see them. What to talk about? Just bring up something situational, like if you are on the bus make a joke about the bus and then talk about the trip etc... same with a bar. You may want to say "I see you like _______ mixed drink! Me to!" "Do you want another one?" something like that... girls like confidence, they do not like weakness... so be confident. As I've stated there is nothing to lose if you get rejected, but it is better to try, fail, and chalk it up as experience and lessons learned, then to never try at all!

 

Good luck!

[sweetkiwi]

I couldn't even read all of your second post.

 

Dude. There is NO perfect time to talk to women. You CREATE it!!!

 

I am a "pretty" girl who has gotten every single boyfriend except the last by going up to them and creating conversation, creating a sexual tension, getting numbers. Doesn't always work. But you gotta try!!! The more you try the more successful you'll be.

 

*Smacks ass* Now get out there and just TALK to girls. Most of us are kinda cool. Or at least nice to look at.

[tman666]

 

Dude. There is NO perfect time to talk to women. You CREATE it!!!

 

 

/thread.

 

I swear 95% of the "forever alone male" issues seen on Loveshack could be solved by adhering to this.

 

OP-what are you afraid of? You're an underwear model/MMA fighter. You can make this work, trust me, haha.

 

You also appear to be literate and thoughtful. Brains+good physique are a good combo, but it's obviously not quite enough. You also need charisma, which you probably already have. You just need to learn to express it at all times.

 

Also consider that the club/bar scene might not be the best venue for you to find a match. Girls generally walk into a club with their guard up already, expecting to be hit on, flirted with, etc. In my opinion, just about every other location is better than a club for flirting and finding potential quality dates.

 

Try just making small/flirtatious talk with girls at clothing stores, or grocery stores, pumping gas, etc. My buddy plays in a (are you ready for this?) kickball league and is always finding new dates.

[cozmo]

snip

I just feel like I am intruding or interrupting and I worry they would be thinking "why is this guy talking to me?"

 

What do you think about when you masturbate? What turns you on?

 

Why is that important? Right now I get turned on just by thinking about cuddling and being close to a girl, not sex, just being close, kissing etc.

 

I do go to a bar (the only one near me) with my friends every week. But everyone there is in their little friend groups and to talk to a girl would mean having to do so in front of all her friends, plus the ones I like the look of have loads of guys already buzzing around them.

[cozmo]

/thread.

Also consider that the club/bar scene might not be the best venue for you to find a match. Girls generally walk into a club with their guard up already, expecting to be hit on, flirted with, etc. In my opinion, just about every other location is better than a club for flirting and finding potential quality dates.

 

I kinda get that, but at the store or w/e don't people just want to be left alone to do the task they are doing (shopping etc)?

[sweetkiwi]

I just feel like I am intruding or interrupting and I worry they would be thinking "why is this guy talking to me?"

YEAH. You're right. If you don't think you're interesting then women certainly won't either. Get it??? Most people see me as a silly fool....who can make them laugh. I just open my weird mouth and weird sh it comes out and people laugh or are at least interested.

 

CONFIDENCE is not built by pussing out. Put in the work. Seriously you must have a good work ethic to get those abs. Apply the same mentality.

Why is that important? Right now I get turned on just by thinking about cuddling and being close to a girl, not sex, just being close, kissing etc.

 

I do go to a bar (the only one near me) with my friends every week. But everyone there is in their little friend groups and to talk to a girl would mean having to do so in front of all her friends, plus the ones I like the look of have loads of guys already buzzing around them.

 

If you have the balls to go up to a girl in a gaggle then most likely ONE of them will take notice. You need to try SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

 

Hey. If you get a girl's number this weekend I'll snuggle with you okay?

 

Report back.

[SoleMate]

I kinda get that, but at the store or w/e don't people just want to be left alone to do the task they are doing (shopping etc)?

Some do, like the ones in a big hurry, but some are every bit as open to a conversation as you would be if a cute girl asked you where the kale is. Think about it....women are people too, and mostly want the same things you do, like a loving relationship. They don't want to be slimed by a player, sure......so don't act like an ultra-smooth player.

 

The kickball league sounded like a great idea as it provides more contact and a natural environment to start conversations. Try something like that.

[tuxedo cat]

If you want us to believe that is your in your avatar, there is no way you're being honest.

[tman666]

I kinda get that, but at the store or w/e don't people just want to be left alone to do the task they are doing (shopping etc)?

 

Yeah it's possible, but it's pretty easy to test to waters without being offensive.

 

If a person is open to talking to you, you can slowly bump up the conversation/flirting without being seen as a creep.

 

I think the other thing is establishing commonality, i.e. you need to be able to talk about some sort of common ground.

 

As terribly mundane as it sounds (and is), most of these conversations seem to start on the topics of the weather and work. I think the trick with keeping the conversation from taking an abrupt nose-dive is to tie in the boring conversation starter into more interesting topics-what she does for fun, complimenting her looks, etc.

 

I dunno... it's hard to describe the subtle intricacies of flirting/conversing in text alone. It has been attempted over, and over, and over again on here, so I'm not going to bother. I don't think it can be done.

 

Just get out there and learn to cold start conversations. Even if you're not successful at first, even if it feels wrong and weird, you'll be building confidence in yourself and establishing your own flow or "M.O."

 

Going slightly off-topic-a wingman or wingwoman can help immensely with this, by the way. Your issue is a good part of the reason why people use them. If you have a buddy who is already fairly outgoing, you might be able to find an "in". If your wingman/wingwoman sucks, they'll just dominate the conversation, but a good wingman knows when to take their leave.

[tman666]

I just feel like I am intruding or interrupting and I worry they would be thinking "why is this guy talking to me?"

 

I think sweetkiwi is giving you some great advice here.

 

You can't think like you're thinking. If you're worried about being rejected, or being seen as an irritant, you're going to project that internal feeling outward, no matter how hard you try not to.

[cozmo]

If you want us to believe that is your in your avatar, there is no way you're being honest.

 

Sorry, what?

 

 

I guess you guys are right. Its so difficult and I am so used to just looking from afar, believing I have no chance before I even start.

[tuxedo cat]

My vibe, I guess people *could* think I am gay, but its not the normal opinion. I am fine at talking to people. I lack confidence big time, girls who are friends no problem.

 

My issue is I can never find a time that feels natural to go and talk to said girl I like the look of. And even if she started talking to me instead I wouldn't know how to move the convo past friendly convosation. I wouldn't want to ask for her number because what if she didn't come and talk to me for that reason?

 

I don't trust my own ability to work out if a girl likes me or is just being friendly. And I certainly don't know how to approach. One time I caught the eye of a girl about 5 times or more but I wasn't sure if it meant she was checking me out or not, so I didn't do anything. After I asked my friend and she said yeah, that girl and some of her friends kept checking me out. But even if I had known she was checking me out, I wouldn't know what to do about it... do I go up to her in front of all her friends and say hi? I have no idea.

 

This is all in addition to the fact I find very few girls attractive, I am so judgmental of myself and my body that I am the same with everyone else I can often find flaws or something that puts me off/gives me an excuse or reason to say "nah she isn't that attractive anyway".

 

If you are truly gorgeous girls will approach you all the time. I've seen it in action when I've been around really good looking men. They don't have to put in much effort.

[hppr]

I don't buy this, I wanna see some pics of you as well as your height, weight etc. No guy that is an underwear model, in good shape, looking at going in the Army or whatever will have problems getting girls. Just take your shirt off and smile for ****'s sake you'll be swimming on them. I have known men who were like that, in the modeling biz, tall, well-built, they had women crawling up their asses since they were 12-13 years old.

[hppr]

If you are truly gorgeous girls will approach you all the time. I've seen it in action when I've been around really good looking men. They don't have to put in much effort.

 

Exactly. A guy I went to school with is a model, we used to hang out back in college days and women would practically chase him down the street.

[cozmo]

If you are truly gorgeous girls will approach you all the time. I've seen it in action when I've been around really good looking men. They don't have to put in much effort.

 

I am not saying I am gorgeous. Although my girl friends say I am hot and attractive. I am not america's next top model by any stretch. Those same friends also say they wouldn't want to approach me, they would want to be approached as they like the "alpha" vibe that gives (they all do psychology, lol).

[tman666]

What's up with the notion that just because a guy has a good physique that girls automatically flock to him? This is generally an inaccurate assumption, in my experience.

 

This guy isn't the first good looking guy to experience this. It's not like he's walking around without a shirt all day. He probably looks fairly normal in plain clothes, and without the conversational skills and social confidence that he needs, his physical strengths could be going by completely unnoticed rather easily. Not to mention, depending how many hours per week he spends training/working/studying (basically out of the public eye), the actual amount of exposure he's getting to situations that lend themselves to females approaching HIM could be insufficient to overcome the statistical unlikelihood of that happening.

[hppr]

my girl friends

 

Okay first step in order to get laid is to stop being one of the girls. Unless you are using them to get at their girl friends they aren't worth much. Yeah they'll tell you that you're nice, handsome, whatever, but have they hooked you up with other girls? Of course not. You need guy friends who get laid on a regular basis. They'll show you where to go, what to say, how to go about it and then it'll just start happening. That is the easiest way.

[hppr]

What's up with the notion that just because a guy has a good physique that girls automatically flock to him? This is generally an inaccurate assumption, in my experience.

 

It's been the truth in my experience. Also to be fair this guy is perfectly normal, it's not like he's the only 20-22? year old man on the planet who hasn't gotten laid yet. It's like that college survey where 90% of men said that they thought someone had sex the previous weekend, yet only 10% answered that they had gotten laid. He thinks every guy has a girl except him, that he's abnormal or must be doing something very very wrong when in reality he is perfectly normal and not doing anything wrong (just not trying as hard as he could).

[will1988]

YEAH. You're right. If you don't think you're interesting then women certainly won't either. Get it??? Most people see me as a silly fool....who can make them laugh. I just open my weird mouth and weird sh it comes out and people laugh or are at least interested.

 

CONFIDENCE is not built by pussing out. Put in the work. Seriously you must have a good work ethic to get those abs. Apply the same mentality.

 

 

If you have the balls to go up to a girl in a gaggle then most likely ONE of them will take notice. You need to try SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

 

Hey. If you get a girl's number this weekend I'll snuggle with you okay?

 

Report back.

 

Kiwi is right. As I and others have said, Confidence is key! Have no shame and go for it... you do not have anything to lose!

 

Will you snuggle with me too kiwi

[will1988]

@ HPPR I agree with some of what you are saying. However, if Cozmo gives off a weird vibe, he could be the best looking man on this planet and girls would still shy away from him. As I said, I have a friend who is a body builder type, is considered atractive; but he is short, insecure, and honestly acts like a fruit cake. Girls do approach him, especialy at the gym. They watch him lift weights and ask for help in showing them how to do certain excersizes (obviouslly a major flag that shows they are interested). You know what he does? He says ok, and prances on over to them, shows them how to do the work out, and then walks away. He wonders why he can't get women. They think he is gay. Not just because he unknowingly turns them down, but also as I have said, because he blasts techno on his huge head phones and dances around like the sugar plum fairy while working out. So although he is good looking, if a girl sees him act that way, do you think they would honestly approach him? I think the OP, although might not act gay, might give off a closed off and odd vibe. In turn this causes women to not approach him too often. Or maybe they do, but he is to blinded by insecurities to actually realize that these girls are in to him.

[cozmo]

I am not "one of the girls". There are girls in my friendship group but they are not my sole friends.

 

As for prancing about like a fairy, no way. I ride an 1800cc Suzuki Intruder am in the army and train in mixed martial arts ok ill admit I do the joking around "gay play" because I am secure and able to do that without being like "omg I might be gay"...