Not doing well today

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More of a leerker than a poster.

 

Quick back story point form (This is over 2 years)

- Separated & Divroced from ex wife of 10 years, 15 total together

- 2 beautiful daughter 6 & 3

- The cause was my moods & my ex wife affair with former best friend (got pregnant)

- went through major therapy for depression and anxiety

- discovered my moods where from an long term anxiety disorder and depression through therapy that was unnoticed for well over 10 years. Also came to the realization that i really did not love my ex. I settled in the relationship and just let it go. I wasnt getting what I wanted out of the relationship and I was not giving what she wanted either.

- Met a beautiful women & and got engaged

 

I thought I had recovered and had learned to deal with my anxiety issues, however for the past several months they have been creeping back up on me. I went back to my Dr, who once again put me on anti depressants and anti anxiety meds.

 

I went back to therapy where they are now doing cognitive behavior thearpy. I am hoping that this will atleast get me back to the point where i was feeling better about myself.

 

Of course this is now cauing stress on my relationship as she does not fully understand anxiety or depression. says she does but really does not and does not cope well with it either.

 

She is heading to Flordia with her daughter and a friend and her daughter on Friday (10 - 17). Of course we want to see each other before she leaves, however last night I asked if she started to pack and she said no, she will do it Wed / Thurs night. Well that would mean that there will be very little time for "us". Bascially me coming over after work and sitting on the couch while she packs. Not exactly quality time spent together before leaving your fiance for a week.

 

Anyways, today is a major depressed today for me and i can already feel the anxiety building up within me. I just want to throw my garbge can and walk out of work get in my car and drive. Dont really care where I go or end up. I just have this flight feeling within me right now and hate it.

 

I want to tell my Fiance how I am feeling today, but I just cannot express that to her. I have trouble telling her I am going through these emotions and nned help. Instead, I reach out to other friends or strangers (loveshack) for support. I know that sounds so stupid, but that is the way it is with me.

 

Anyways, hopefully someone will respond and atleast I can have a convo to try and calm my anxiety and uplift my spirits.