Chasing, begging and pleading wont lose you your ex

[bornbroken]

Because if you are at the stage where you are having to beg, plead and chase then you have already lost them.

 

Granted, if you accept the break up and move on without doing these things then you have a better chance of hearing from them again. But if somebody truly is in love with you, they wouldn't have walked away in the first place.

 

The truth is every relationship and every situation can be fixed if two people love each other and are committed to fixing it. There are many tools out there to help couples overcome anything. So if one person walks away, then it is because deep down the love isn't there anymore, no matter what excuse they give.

 

If you don't beg and your ex does come back, it's only out of curiosity, an ego boost or because there other relationship didnt work out. And if you do get back together the chances are it would never last anyway.

 

So if you have begged, pleaded or chased....don't be too hard on yourself and take comfort in the fact that if the other person really was right for you, then they would never have let you do that to yourself.

[mtnbiker3000]

Because if you are at the stage where you are having to beg, plead and chase then you have already lost them.

 

Granted, if you accept the break up and move on without doing these things then you have a better chance of hearing from them again. But if somebody truly is in love with you, they wouldn't have walked away in the first place.

 

The truth is every relationship and every situation can be fixed if two people love each other and are committed to fixing it. There are many tools out there to help couples overcome anything. So if one person walks away, then it is because deep down the love isn't there anymore, no matter what excuse they give.

 

If you don't beg and your ex does come back, it's only out of curiosity, an ego boost or because there other relationship didnt work out. And if you do get back together the chances are it would never last anyway.

 

So if you have begged, pleaded or chased....don't be too hard on yourself and take comfort in the fact that if the other person really was right for you, then they would never have let you do that to yourself.

 

Yup. Agreed!!! Now, how do we fall in love with someone who also loves us? That's the million dollar question...

[Compromize]

Do you all think this still applies if they left because they felt they couldn't provide you what you wanted or felt that you were not happy with them?

[travelonic]

... But if somebody truly is in love with you, they wouldn't have walked away in the first place.

 

Call me hyperanalytical, but this seems to me a perfect world oversimplification / generalized statement that, if it doesn't cross treads close to becoming a fallacy.

 

Love is not a constant - it wanes and ebbs - and sometimes enough where stupid decisions beak up a couple - and osmetimes where things really were meant to fall apart.

 

 

As for their exes returning being nothing more than a curiosity, well, posts here, stories here prove that while that happens someof the time, to say that is always the case is inherently false [and IMO kills credibility]

[mbee]

I find your rational to be incorrect, sorry. I wish relationships and breaking up were so black and white. I've seen people break up, get back together and be so happy. Actually a year ago, I met a guy who had started dating his ex a few months before that. They were together for a few years, then broke up for a few years (both did NC). He seemed really happy with her. A few months after that they got engaged, and last week they got married. People leave for all sorts of reasons. Some are good reasons, bad reasons or people just being people and making terrible mistakes.

 

I've broken up with someone because we really were changing and becoming different people. I ended a relationship with a guy I dearly loved, not because I didn't love him (he's still in my heart to some degree) but because he had these issues that were hurting me. My ex and I broke up and he did something terrible and betrayed me, but I still truly believe he undoubtedly loves me. I think he feels he can't make me happy and has some really big problems he needs to work out in his life.

 

There is a whole lot of gray area with people and sometimes simplistic answers makes it easier for us to move on and get over things, but understand that is not the reality. That's the pessimism speaking and like others have said, there are millions of relationships that prove that theory as incorrect.

[may_girl]

Yes, although I agree to a certain extent; begging, pleading... All these needy words. That is likely to push them away further if they, at that time, do not want to hear from you or have someone else waiting.

 

But I think we tend to regret the things we don't do, more than the things we do.

 

If we 'beg' and 'plead', and they still don't want us, at least we know and we can be on our way and move on. I feel people who have been dumped become more doubtful and uncertain about their decisions if they leave immediately without even attempting to get their ex back. I personally think this is when people are more likely to break NC.

 

In other words, begging and pleading is not good. But I personally don't see anything wrong if someone wants to attempt to reconcile without the beg. They can get their straight answers that way and it is easier to move on alone.

[mbee]

I also agree with may_girl. When I want someone, I've always tried to get it after a break up and never once have I regretted it. Clearly begging for weeks is a terrible idea. But spending a day or two telling the person how much you love them and want them, even if they did you wrong can make you feel like you did the best you could and it just wasn't enough for the other person.

 

It also depends on the situation. Begging and pleading may be more suitable for longer term relationships than short term breakups. Either way, I've done it twice and didn't regret it. I did it with my ex and trust me, he knows that I deeply love him. He knows that I'm the girl who would have forgiven him, worked through things and loved him deeply. Yet, he still walked away. It's probably for the best anyway, but at least I leave knowing that and he knows it too.

 

Again, it's really the situation. An ex-roommate of mine told me she would do everything to make a relationship work until it was like beating a dead horse. It may have taken a lot out of her at the time, but in the end, she knew it was the end and she had done everything, and that gives you a kind of peace that you wouldn't have otherwise. Again, I wouldn't recommend it but depending on the kind of person you are and the relationship, I think it's not a bad idea to beg and plead for a few days at the max. And trust me your ex does remember and it's not always a negative experience.

 

I wrote my ex all these love emails/letters and he wrote to me a couple of days ago saying he read them and how meaningful they were to him.

[soccerrprp]

Yes, although I agree to a certain extent; begging, pleading... All these needy words. That is likely to push them away further if they, at that time, do not want to hear from you or have someone else waiting.

 

But I think we tend to regret the things we don't do, more than the things we do.

 

If we 'beg' and 'plead', and they still don't want us, at least we know and we can be on our way and move on. I feel people who have been dumped become more doubtful and uncertain about their decisions if they leave immediately without even attempting to get their ex back. I personally think this is when people are more likely to break NC.

 

In other words, begging and pleading is not good. But I personally don't see anything wrong if someone wants to attempt to reconcile without the beg. They can get their straight answers that way and it is easier to move on alone.

 

I love this!

 

No regrets, baby, no regrets! The worst you can do is NOTHING. But make certain when you do all that groveling, begging, that you are quite aware of the possibility that it won't work out. Be realistic! Then it won't be as bad.

[CompleteFailure]

Do you all think this still applies if they left because they felt they couldn't provide you what you wanted or felt that you were not happy with them?

 

No, probably not in that case. How do you know though if those are the real reasons?

[DontBreakEven]

But I think we tend to regret the things we don't do, more than the things we do.

 

If we 'beg' and 'plead', and they still don't want us, at least we know and we can be on our way and move on. I feel people who have been dumped become more doubtful and uncertain about their decisions if they leave immediately without even attempting to get their ex back. I personally think this is when people are more likely to break NC.

 

In other words, begging and pleading is not good. But I personally don't see anything wrong if someone wants to attempt to reconcile without the beg. They can get their straight answers that way and it is easier to move on alone.

 

exactly. i actually had a "mutual" break up, but i immediately (hours later), took it back. and for the next few weeks i made it blatantly clear that this is not what i wanted (as she has done with me in the past when we've fought).

 

but this time she was ready to be done. it was obvious. it actually helped give me some closure to know that, hey, i fought for it, as hard as i could without being obsessive and annoying, and she still chose to walk away. i at least feel like i gave it my best shot and i have no regrets. maybe she will .. who knows. but at least i don't.

 

and yes i disagree with this post as well. people can get back together and last. i got back with one of my exes after 7 months and we had a great 4 years together after that. and breaking up doesn't mean you're not in love with the person anymore necessarily. i knew my last relationship had to end because unfortunately it was extremely unhealthy, and she wasn't giving me what i needed. i initiated a few mini-breakups throughout the relationship .. even the final one. (yes i did try to keep it going ultimately, but i really think it was fear of the unknown of life without her .. not because i was totally happy). so i accepted the ultimate end, because it's just what had to be done. at the time, we were terrible for each other. doesn't mean i'm not still in love with her as i type ...

Edited May 9, 2013 by DontBreakEven

[Leigh 87]

This may be true.

 

Personally though, I know that I genuinely have too many issues to be in a healthy relationship. I cause issues that even the most IN love man would not stay through.

 

There is only so much a person can take, right?

 

No matter how much a guy is in love, surely he would not go through ..... ANYTHING the girl throws at him?

 

I don't believe any guy, no matter HOW in love they are with me, would have stuck around with me; not until I had time to work alone on my issues.

 

I am moving on and am not going to live on that hope, but I do not believe that all men leave their relationships because they are not in love enough with the girl.

 

I just don't see it.

[Leigh 87]

I think in the end though, they will come back to you if they were truly in love.

 

I also think that with the strongest kind of love, that after a break up, if it IS really the strongest kind of love: the person who left will come back.

 

If it IS really that deep of a love, the person will come back and realise that they cannot stand you being anyone else's.

 

They would be willing to work through the issues in the relationship.

 

They would not truly be able to move on if they really did love you.

[LoveB86]

I begged, cried, pleaded for a little over a month for my ex 2 years ago. We were together for 4 1/2 years when one day, he realized he no longer wanted to be in a relationship w/ me.

 

I never knew exactly if it was stress or GIGS which caused the breakup. However, I moved on after a year and he came back. Yes, a year later he came back and wanted to get married. He said he made the biggest mistake of his life, was depressed for ending our "perfect" relationship, and told me to quit my job as he promised to take care of me and start a family.

 

He came back after a year, and I did everything bad a dumpee shouldn't do, but it made him realize life without me was the biggest mistake. I declined him as it was too late. I gave up a possible new start to a happy life with a past ex, but too late as I moved on.

 

........ Everyone's experience things differently.