Mortgage Crazy - When one thinks than buying a house was a bad desicion

[Anxious Girl]

Recently, my husband and I bought a home. He wanted us to own real estate because of the so-called tax benefits. I went along with him, because he's kind of the financial planner in our marriage. We both make about the same income, and share our financial obligations 50-50, have separate accounts and got married with a pre-nup.

We moved into this huge-spankin' new custom-made house 50 miles away from my workplace. I started feeling uneasy about buying the home right after we signed the contract (the mortgage meant giving away 50% of our combined monthly income). Still, I reassured myself by trusting my husband's desicion. Months went by and I felt (still feel) more and more anxious.

Finally, one month before the BIG move, I couldn't take the pressure anymore and broke down while taking a shower. I couldn't think straight, I felt like this huge future debt was asphyxiating me. I told him, and he agreed to sell the house and to soothe me told me about the tax return, and how we would be able to recover some of the invested money after filing our taxes.

Ok, so we moved into this house whose only purpose was to provide me with a generous tax return. I never warmed up to the house. Was too big, too expensive and too far away. So day by day this feeling of having made the wrong desicion about buying this house grew bigger and more intense. I decided to make some calculations to predict our tax return and found out that we will make only 1000 extra dollars!! I felt cheated, I felt as if the only reason that attached to this HUGE debt was a mirage!

I told my husband that I wanted to put the house in the market right away, he agreed...the problem is: he wants to buy a house RIGHT after we sell this one. With all the anxiety and stress that home-ownership has given me over the past few months, I will really like to wait at least 2-3 years -and think ALOT- before committing again to such a responsability.

We are having a lot of conflicting views about this. He wants to own property, NOW! He even told that he's going to buy something on his own. The thing is, I'm not offended by the fact he's willing to do that in order to own a house.

Now my question is: Will I'll be liable for this new house mortgage even if I don't sign a paper?

[Merin]

Isn't there a way to compromise here? How about buying a patio home, or a condo?

 

Smaller home to take care of, smaller payment and still a tax benefit.

[johan]

You'll be better off in the long run if you can get your anxiety level down over this. Buying a house is a good decision, especially when there are two of you. There is some risk, but you can do a lot to minimize it by planning a little bit. I suggest trusting his judgment on this, because it's been proven.

 

I agree with you that the commute is excessive. And a large house is kind of a waste if you don't have a use for all the space or if it stretches your budget. I have a four bedroom house all to myself. Two bedrooms and one of the bathrooms hardly get used at all.

[Anxious Girl]

Originally posted by johan

I suggest trusting his judgment on this, because it's been proven.

 

Proven what?

That I'm going nuts over a huge mortgage payment that is not even the great tax write-off he thought it was? Now, I have been informing myself, and the only equity we're gonna build on this house over the next 10-15 years is based on the rising values of real estate. A big chunk of our mortgage payments is going towards interest. What if the real estate prices plummet?

I'm beginning to think that home ownership is just some incredible hype created to brainwash the collective mind of middle class people...

[Matilda]

Why did the two of you buy a house that is so expensive? Is all real estate that expensive in your area?

 

I agree with merin2. Why not buy a smaller home? Something where the mortgage payment is closer to what you would pay in rent. That to me is the benefit of owning instead of renting. That you are spending money to buy something, instead of spending money just to use something. Maybe something closer to your work?

 

Can you and your husband compromise?

[faux]

There are legal, patented, tried and true methods to completely eliminate your mortgage using a lawyer. Pity that nobody believes any of it is true, and keeps paying their mortgages. ::shrug:: If you were in the NJ area I could help you out with that.

 

Your question would be best answered by an attorney.

[Anxious Girl]

Originally posted by Matilda

Why did the two of you buy a house that is so expensive? Is all real estate that expensive in your area?

 

My husband didn't want to get into a semi-attached home re-sell home. The mortgage on this single home ended up close to half a million.

 

 

I agree with merin2. Why not buy a smaller home? Something where the mortgage payment is closer to what you would pay in rent. That to me is the benefit of owning instead of renting. That you are spending money to buy something, instead of spending money just to use something. Maybe something closer to your work?

 

Can you and your husband compromise?

 

That's what we been talking about but after this sour experience I do prefer to take my time before commiting to a mortgage again.

My only condition for him is to WAIT, he wants to rush into buying another house.

[tiki]

A house IS a great investement. But you must buy one that fits your needs and your budget! I'd check out http://www.daveramsey.com/. He's nationally syndicated, you may have heard of him.

 

A house is such a better investment than a new car, as you probably know. A house and it's value does nothing but increase! --Just find one within your means...he's gotta understand that?

[shortbus74]

tiki... I know how you feel about buying a house!! I felt the same way when I bought my house. I do agree that it is a good investment, but if you feel tht this is not the house for you then sell and look for what YOU want!

The first house I was going to buy freaked me out so bad I ran faster than Forrest Gump when I heard the monthly payment....

 

Good luck!

[brashgal]

I am having trouble believing that all you are netting is $1000. You can't just look at your tax return. What about the fact that rent just flows down the drain every month, never to be seen again? At least you are building equity. I do see your point about housing prices possibly falling if you live in a volatile (overpriced) area. Just because you qualified for a big mortgage doesn't mean you should take it on either - you don't want to be "house poor".

 

$500k mortgage - yes, I can see why you are hyperventilating - that is steep. Combine it with the commute where all you probably do is think about your mortgage and it would be enough to drive anyone crazy. You are probably spending a boatload on gas too.

 

I think you should talk with a financial planner or someone you know who has bought and sold a number of houses to figure out what kind of tax implications will arise from the sale of the house. Figure out where you want to live and where you can afford to live, how much house and yard is enough (will you have kids, what are upkeep expenses?), how long you plan to live in the area, where your friends and family are and how far they're willing to drive to see you - lots and lots of stuff to consider. I don't know if I'd wait two or three years to buy another house but I would definitely rent for awhile if you can't agree with your husband on all the factors above.

 

The fact that he says he'll go off and buy something on his own does not bode well, that certainly is not the way to help you reach your comfort level with this topic.