How to get Parents to Understand??????

[~Mike~]

Hi, I have a problem and my problem is that my parents are Too darn strict. Oh, by the way I am 19, almost 20 and I am in my sophmore year at college. Well, I was just thinking about this lately because I have an Awesome Girlfriend and we are trying to make plans for New Years Eve. Well, typically my parents like to hang out as a family (and it is ok) and then they are like in bed by 12:15 (Oh yeah, What fun). Plus, I know my parents woln't want me driving late when there are drunks all over the roads, meaning if I go to my gf's house that night to hang out.

 

But, the thing is that my parents are SO Strict that it is bad for me. Here at college I get to go where I want when I want and I can come home at 2,3,4 in the morning and it doesn't matter. And they know they have almost no control over me here at school. But, the problem is when I am at home. They, I feel are "trying" (somewhat) to consider me a "young adult". Well, on my own I take care of my self and everything...I mean yes I do live in a dorm, but I am obviously responsible for my own actions. Well, once I am back home they are VERY strict about my going out. And the thing is that I don't go out that often. I mean, during the summer I go out probably 1-2 times a week. (depending). Aside from just going to the mall and running here and there sometimes. But, I Love My parents and I know they care about me a Lot, but they need to cut the rope. When I am at home they say that I am under their room and everything, which I understand...but they should give me at least a fair amount of freedom.

 

What time do you think is a proper time for a almost 20 yr. old to be home by? I would say probably 2am. My parents flipped the last time I was on a date with a girl and I came back at 1:45 in the morning. But, the thing is they didn't wait up for me I told them in the morning..because that is how I am...truthful. I told them after they bitched that they should be proud of me...most any other kid would've lied and not had to hear it. But then, that day when we talked about it they wanted to make me be home by 11pm; I mean what the Hell..sometimes I don't go out till after 10:30. Plus, the mall and a number of friends houses are a good 20 mins away. Ugh....I think my parents just want me to always be their little boy. Btw, that night she did let me stay out till 12(after I semi pushed the issue that 11 is WAY to early).

 

I know that a good bit of it is that my parents are afraid I am going to have sex and possibly mess up my life with a baby or something like that but I have told them many times how I feel...and that is that I AM Waiting till I am married. Why can't they Trust me?

 

Also, they say stuff about in the heat of the moment...blah..blah... and such...but I just tell them well, I have my convictions and I am sticking to them. Just like, with my girlfriend whom I Love SO Much, I slept over at her apartment a few times....my parents would more than ##### a brick over this. But, of course we Did NOT have sex. Please help....I just want my parents to trust me.

 

~Mike~

[sparkle]

Hi Mike,

 

I don't have too much advice to give you, but I just wanted

 

to say that my favorite line of your whole post was:

But, of course we Did NOT have sex.

hehehe

 

Your post shows that you're pretty mature, and YES you can take care of yourself. You are a mature, responsible, young adult. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

 

I think you've got a pretty good head on your shoulders.

 

The fact that you even took out the time to write this post and get advice on a topic that many people don't care about, tells me a lot about you. I know many 19yo's that could care less what their parents think, and are very irresponsible. You care about them, and you're concerned about them and what they think. That's really great.

 

Anyway, sit down and talk to them about everything you wrote here. Be calm and ask them to be able to trust you.

 

They're your parents so the main reason they don't want you out late is because they're worried about you. They don't want anything to happen to you. But you are 18, and are capable of making your own decisions.

 

Maybe you could make a compromise with them. Tell them that

 

you want to stay out late but will come home quietly so as not to disturb them. Maybe you could tell them that if you go out and won't be home till late, that you'll call them by 11 (or before they goto bed) and tell them that you won't be home until a certain time so not to wait up for you. That way they won't be worried and think that something happened to you.

 

I'm not really sure, it depends on your relationship with your parents. I'll think about it and post later.

[Tony T]

First, tell your parents that, in case they didn't know, you are capable of having sex almost anytime of day or night.

 

Second, I think your parents probably feel some emptiness that you will soon be away for good and seeing that great loss come so quickly, they assert their last vestage of authority over you.

 

I'm sure your parents trust you and know you are capable of taking care of yourself. But they are old fashioned and, frankly, if more parents were like yours there wouldn't be nearly as many of the inconsiderate, lowlife, scumbag, classless sub human specimens that we see so often these days. It looks like they did an excellent job raising you.

 

I happen to think your parents are pretty decent. And I also think you should be home no later than midnight.

[jaime]

i think that you coming home when they ask shows alot of respect for your parents and i respect that in you. i think since it is only temporarily until you go back to school that it is the least you can do to respect their wishes.

 

as a mother of three, my younges is 19, i can relate to the worry of what they may feel and also as tony says about holding on to you, i do that also to my youngest because i fear her leaving and i already know how much i will miss her and i want to hang on to her as long as i can, but regardless she will spread her wings and fly and so will you, so enjoy it for now for one day then will be gone as is my mom and you will miss it so very much!

Hi, I have a problem and my problem is that my parents are Too darn strict. Oh, by the way I am 19, almost 20 and I am in my sophmore year at college. Well, I was just thinking about this lately because I have an Awesome Girlfriend and we are trying to make plans for New Years Eve. Well, typically my parents like to hang out as a family (and it is ok) and then they are like in bed by 12:15 (Oh yeah, What fun). Plus, I know my parents woln't want me driving late when there are drunks all over the roads, meaning if I go to my gf's house that night to hang out. But, the thing is that my parents are SO Strict that it is bad for me. Here at college I get to go where I want when I want and I can come home at 2,3,4 in the morning and it doesn't matter. And they know they have almost no control over me here at school. But, the problem is when I am at home. They, I feel are "trying" (somewhat) to consider me a "young adult". Well, on my own I take care of my self and everything...I mean yes I do live in a dorm, but I am obviously responsible for my own actions. Well, once I am back home they are VERY strict about my going out. And the thing is that I don't go out that often. I mean, during the summer I go out probably 1-2 times a week. (depending). Aside from just going to the mall and running here and there sometimes. But, I Love My parents and I know they care about me a Lot, but they need to cut the rope. When I am at home they say that I am under their room and everything, which I understand...but they should give me at least a fair amount of freedom.

 

What time do you think is a proper time for a almost 20 yr. old to be home by? I would say probably 2am. My parents flipped the last time I was on a date with a girl and I came back at 1:45 in the morning. But, the thing is they didn't wait up for me I told them in the morning..because that is how I am...truthful. I told them after they bitched that they should be proud of me...most any other kid would've lied and not had to hear it. But then, that day when we talked about it they wanted to make me be home by 11pm; I mean what the Hell..sometimes I don't go out till after 10:30. Plus, the mall and a number of friends houses are a good 20 mins away. Ugh....I think my parents just want me to always be their little boy. Btw, that night she did let me stay out till 12(after I semi pushed the issue that 11 is WAY to early). I know that a good bit of it is that my parents are afraid I am going to have sex and possibly mess up my life with a baby or something like that but I have told them many times how I feel...and that is that I AM Waiting till I am married. Why can't they Trust me? Also, they say stuff about in the heat of the moment...blah..blah... and such...but I just tell them well, I have my convictions and I am sticking to them. Just like, with my girlfriend whom I Love SO Much, I slept over at her apartment a few times....my parents would more than ##### a brick over this. But, of course we Did NOT have sex. Please help....I just want my parents to trust me. ~Mike~

[~Mike~]

Thanks everyone for your feeling thoughts and opinions on my topic. And, thank you for the complements and everything. Hopefully I will be able to work things out a little better with my parents. We always are pretty open about communication so I am going to try to be. Though, I am unsure about the saying that I stayed at my gf.'s because I am afraid they would flip and I don't want them to think poorly of my girlfriend. I mean my parents are the VERY old fashioned type which I really respect and I agree with Tony that I think more parents like mine or similar would prevent a good number of problems that we have in the world today. But also, not just on the dating end...but I do not have the chance to foster relationships nearly as much as I would like to with friends beacuse I cannot hang out with them that much. Also, the other thing is that well, all of my family are catholic and my mom is a Very strong catholic and so are/were her parents. I am a pretty strong catholic, but one catholic idea is that you should always avoid temptation.

 

You know, so that you don't put your self in a situation where you are tempted to sin. Well, I understand this but both agree and disagree in a way. Well, life is life and the real world is different and I may be pushing/tempting myself if I would stay at my girlfriends...but if you have strong values and such you will not cave into temptation. Grant it some may look at it as playing with fire...but I myself know what I will and will not do...no matter how much temptation or whatever. If need be I would just walk away or leave. What do you think about this idea? I mean also in the real world people aren't going to censor themselves and/or life because you don't want to be tempted. Temptation is a test and it can lead you astray..but also when you keep choosing the "right way" and doing the right thing, doesn't that make you a stronger individual? What does everyone think about this?

 

Well, I think I might try to talk to my parents about the strictness issue after I go home in a week or two. Also, she is the first and obviously only girl that I have ever stayed over night at her house and I Really do Love and care about her. I think we have a Special thing going; otherwise there is NO way I would have acted the way I do around her and I wouldn't have stayed at her house if I didn't Love her. Relationship are So very important to me. But, do you think my doing this is foolish? Just wanting some other opinions. Thanks everyone for all of their help.

 

~Mike~

[Deejette]

The problem is that as long as you are living under their roof and being supported financially by them, you have to kinda abide by their rules. Once you have a place of your own and are on your own in other ways too, then you will be able to determine how, where, with whom, etc., you will spend your time.

 

Respect your parents for now and you will gain their trust for later.

Thanks everyone for your feeling thoughts and opinions on my topic. And, thank you for the complements and everything. Hopefully I will be able to work things out a little better with my parents. We always are pretty open about communication so I am going to try to be. Though, I am unsure about the saying that I stayed at my gf.'s because I am afraid they would flip and I don't want them to think poorly of my girlfriend. I mean my parents are the VERY old fashioned type which I really respect and I agree with Tony that I think more parents like mine or similar would prevent a good number of problems that we have in the world today. But also, not just on the dating end...but I do not have the chance to foster relationships nearly as much as I would like to with friends beacuse I cannot hang out with them that much. Also, the other thing is that well, all of my family are catholic and my mom is a Very strong catholic and so are/were her parents. I am a pretty strong catholic, but one catholic idea is that you should always avoid temptation. You know, so that you don't put your self in a situation where you are tempted to sin. Well, I understand this but both agree and disagree in a way. Well, life is life and the real world is different and I may be pushing/tempting myself if I would stay at my girlfriends...but if you have strong values and such you will not cave into temptation. Grant it some may look at it as playing with fire...but I myself know what I will and will not do...no matter how much temptation or whatever. If need be I would just walk away or leave. What do you think about this idea? I mean also in the real world people aren't going to censor themselves and/or life because you don't want to be tempted. Temptation is a test and it can lead you astray..but also when you keep choosing the "right way" and doing the right thing, doesn't that make you a stronger individual? What does everyone think about this? Well, I think I might try to talk to my parents about the strictness issue after I go home in a week or two. Also, she is the first and obviously only girl that I have ever stayed over night at her house and I Really do Love and care about her. I think we have a Special thing going; otherwise there is NO way I would have acted the way I do around her and I wouldn't have stayed at her house if I didn't Love her. Relationship are So very important to me. But, do you think my doing this is foolish? Just wanting some other opinions. Thanks everyone for all of their help. ~Mike~